Public Transport Obs (M)

[YuriY7890]

So I rarely take public transport, but today I had to because my car decided to freak out on me... 🥲

Anyway, I was taking the train in peak time. I was sitting down and a pretty cute looking guy sits down next to me, granted basically all seats are taken at this point.

After a few minutes he starts sniffing and rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. I tried to subtly glance his way, and am I glad I did! His nose was like a light pink, and he was holding some tissues in his hand. I was really wanting him to sneeze at this point. The gods obviously listened to me because not even 10 seconds later his breath starts hitching. He tries to lean as far away from me as he can and brings the tissue up to his face to catch his sneezes.

They sounded kinda like this: "heh-hheh-heshoo", "hii-heesshhoo".

In the span of my 20-minute train ride, he sneezed 25 times (definitely wasn't counting 🤭).

He blew his nose a few times, and it only sounded like light congestion. He would excuse himself and apologise every time. I love when people do that!! He even assured me they were due to allergies and that he wasn't sick. Precious.

So this is where the awkward part comes in. I find blessing people to be really hard. Like I have a fear that if I say "bless you", everyone will just automatically know I have thing for sneezing. Stupid logic I know. So whenever he would apologise or excuse himself, I would look to him and smile, replying with a "no worries" or whatever. I never once said "bless you".

I'm then about to get off the train as my stop comes up. Before I stand up though, the man says to me: "you know it's only polite to bless people. Maybe you should try it sometime". And he said it in a kinda nasty tone. I was so taken aback and shocked, I felt so embarrassed...

So question, am I a horrible person for not blessing people? Does anyone else have this fear? Or was that man right and I should try and be more polite?

[snottysnz]

i don't think you're a bad person, no! hopefully he feels better soon but his snarky comment seems a bit unnecessary in my opinion! great obs btw!

[treehouse]

Great obs, thanks so much for sharing! Sneezing on a bus is a scenario I happen to love, though it's my nightmare in terms of happening to me personally lol. Also, so sorry about your car. Mine also decided this would be a great week to freak out, and car stuff is always such a pain to deal with. 

In terms of what that guy said: I definitely don't think you're a horrible person because you don't bless people! Some people say bless you and some don't, and it's for all kinds of reasons. I know I struggle with it -- I can usually bless someone if they sneeze like, right in front of me while we're actively talking? But if they're, say, a few people down from me at a table, or standing right next to me but a stranger I haven't spoken to yet, I worry that it's going to make me look too aware of any sneezes happening around me lol, so I mostly don't. But like, I know/have known a number of strict atheists with childhood religious trauma who NEVER say "Bless you," because they don't want to imply in even the most oblique way that they believe in God? And I've also known some strict religious people who don't say it because they feel it conflicts with their practice in whatever way. Some people just weren't raised to say it. Some people are just socially anxious/awkward! And that is all fine. A "Bless you," is a courtesy, but it's not an obligation. IMO, not saying it in this situation is roughly akin to replying to a stranger saying, "Hi, how are you?" with, "I'm doing well, thanks!" instead of with "I'm doing well, how about you?" Like, is it the absolute friendliest/warmest/most conversation-inviting option on the table? No, maybe not, but it's perfectly normal and polite, and you certainly don't owe some random stranger you happened to encounter anything more. 

My point being: I think it's a lot ruder to snap something condescending and judgemental at a stranger for not behaving as you imagined they would than it is to, uh... sit quietly and respectful next to someone struggling with an allergy attack, without drawing too much attention to it, and assure them it's fine when they apologize? I think there are a lot of people, myself included, who would deeeeeeeeply prefer your approach to having a stranger bless them in the middle of an allergy fit in a public place. The last thing I want to do in those moments where I can't help sneezing in front of people is to then have to discuss it with someone I don't know. Hope he has a better day and grapples with whatever's got him so reactive, but I would not take this to heart! By the rules of politeness as I understand them, your behavior was well with the realm of fine/normal, and his behavior was rude and boorish. 

[sniffles_lurking]

cute obs!! and yeah I totally get the dislike around saying bless you, I feel like his comment was pretty passive aggressive imo, probably stemmed from embarrassment. (though ofc I'm not saying it was right. It was definitely unnecessary). But hey, at least u got to enjoy his sneezes lol🤭

[aceblues]

Wow, that's actually really weird of him in my opinion!!

I don't think I've ever once blessed *anyone* when they sneezed (i have the same lack of logic and fetish embarrassment) much less a random stranger, and no one has ever commented on my lack of acknowledging their sneezes that I can remember... I can't imagine why someone would even care considering it's a super random and inconsistent social norm in the first place... 

Just imagining myself in your shoes, I would have been so rapidly turned off by such a rude comment!

Maybe he thought you were annoyed or something and so he said what he did out of self consciousness but.. LOL if only he knew!!!! 

[Lavender]

8 minutes ago, aceblues said:

Wow, that's actually really weird of him in my opinion!!

I don't think I've ever once blessed *anyone* when they sneezed (i have the same lack of logic and fetish embarrassment) much less a random stranger, and no one has ever commented on my lack of acknowledging their sneezes that I can remember... I can't imagine why someone would even care considering it's a super random and inconsistent social norm in the first place... 

Just imagining myself in your shoes, I would have been so rapidly turned off by such a rude comment!

Maybe he thought you were annoyed or something and so he said what he did out of self consciousness but.. LOL if only he knew!!!! 

Totally agree with everything you just said. 

I've never been called out for not saying "bless you," and I often don't bless others unless I'm like actively flirting with them, because that's just how intimate and sensual it is in my brain. Also, I'm terrified that if I did say it, everyone would be able to hear the arousal in my voice, just from saying those words. Or I'd say them weirdly somehow, too much emphasis or something. I know I'm overthinking it, but it's just easier to stay quiet than having to try to meticulously plan and execute the exact right way to say it "normally." 😅

ANYWAY. My first thought was that he was feeling embarrassed about sneezing so much, and maybe he thought you were upset about it for some reason, and that's why he was so defensive? It was still a huge assumption on his part and his snapping rudeness would have totally turned me off too. 

I'd imagine wanting to have a great comeback ready! Anyone got anything? Best I can come up with is something that would catch him completely off guard, like, "I'm sorry, I was too busy counting your sneezes because I actually think they're adorable and a little sexy. Too bad you just ruined it with your snarky comments. Have a nice day!" And then flounce off the train never to be seen again, except rent free in his mind for the rest of his life! 

ANYWAY (again.) Great obs, and no, obviously you're not the rude one in this situation! Plenty of people don't acknowledge others' sneezes for a hundred different reasons. You don't owe him anything, and his response was 100% about whatever's going on with him, nothing to do with you. 🩷

[aceblues]

5 minutes ago, Lavender said:

Totally agree with everything you just said. 

I've never been called out for not saying "bless you," and I often don't bless others unless I'm like actively flirting with them, because that's just how intimate and sensual it is in my brain. Also, I'm terrified that if I did say it, everyone would be able to hear the arousal in my voice, just from saying those words. Or I'd say them weirdly somehow, too much emphasis or something. I know I'm overthinking it, but it's just easier to stay quiet than having to try to meticulously plan and execute the exact right way to say it "normally." 😅

ANYWAY. My first thought was that he was feeling embarrassed about sneezing so much, and maybe he thought you were upset about it for some reason, and that's why he was so defensive? It was still a huge assumption on his part and his snapping rudeness would have totally turned me off too. 

I'd imagine wanting to have a great comeback ready! Anyone got anything? Best I can come up with is something that would catch him completely off guard, like, "I'm sorry, I was too busy counting your sneezes because I actually think they're adorable and a little sexy. Too bad you just ruined it with your snarky comments. Have a nice day!" And then flounce off the train never to be seen again, except rent free in his mind for the rest of his life! 

ANYWAY (again.) Great obs, and no, obviously you're not the rude one in this situation! Plenty of people don't acknowledge others' sneezes for a hundred different reasons. You don't owe him anything, and his response was 100% about whatever's going on with him, nothing to do with you. 🩷

HA, yep! It's like when other people say it, it comes off normal and casual because most of the time they're not even thinking twice about it - and if they are, it's usually with regular old sympathy or maybe annoyance or humor. But for *me*???? I would have to focus on hiding the fact that I am not only specifically thinking about them sneezing, but I'm also endeared and emotionally pre-occupied with the whole thing... It's just so much easier not to try in the first place, and so I'm frankly more than willing to be seen as rude by people who care about such trivialities. 

I do think that if I managed to bless someone, I would feel proud of myself afterwards though LOL!