Death by Sneezing (SPN, Dean)

[MissBayliss]

Sam and Dean walked into the small-town sheriff’s office, a wave of cat dander hitting Dean like a truck the second they stepped through the door. His eyes immediately began to water, his nose itched, and he could feel the sneezes coming on before Sam even had a chance to speak.

“Dean, you good?” Sam asked, glancing at his brother with a mix of concern and thinly veiled amusement.

Dean sniffled, rubbing at his nose. “Yeah, fuhh-fine,” he muttered, though his voice was heavy with sarcasm and already congested. “Just peachy.”

He shot a glare at the sheriff's desk, where a large orange tabby cat lounged, staring back at Dean with an almost smug expression.

It wasn’t just that cat, either. The case they’d picked up had a feline connection from the get go. Reports of strange deaths in town—all of them tied to people who had been involved in, of all things, a local cat rescue group. Each victim had been found with no clear cause of death, just a single scratch on their skin and the presence of one or more cats nearby.

Sam, of course, thought it was an interesting mystery. Dean, on the other hand, was far less enthusiastic.

“Couldn’t be a case involving dogs?” Dean muttered under his breath as Sam talked to the sheriff about the case details. He sniffled again, blinking rapidly as his eyes started to prickle. “Cats, seriously?”

Sam hid a smirk. “I didn’t choose the case, Dean.”

Dean scrubbed his nose, feeling a sneeze building but trying to hold it back, but just being in this room was enough to set off his allergies. He glanced at the cat on the sheriff’s desk again, and it stared back, its tail swishing slowly as if it knew.

“Listen,” the sheriff said, standing from his desk. “I’ll show you the place where the latest victim was found. But, uh… there are more cats there. Seems like every time one of these deaths happens, more of ‘em show up.”

Dean groaned. “Great. This just keeps getting better.”

As they made their way to the car, Dean’s sneezes finally caught up with him. “Huh‘ETSCkchoo! Hhh… heh’KKTSSCHUuh!” He sneezed into his elbow, his nose quivering and inflamed.

“Bless you,” Sam said, trying to hold back a grin.

Dean glared at him through watery eyes. “Shut up, Sam.”

When they arrived at the victim’s house, they were greeted by an overwhelming number of cats. They lounged on the porch, prowled through the garden, and some even watched from the windowsills inside. Dean visibly recoiled as they approached, his sneezing starting up again almost immediately.

“Hehh… Hhh’uh’EEHTSCHUuooh! Whaa-Why are there sah… so many cats? AH’KSTCHUuhh!” Dean muttered between sniffles.

“Looks like they’re attracted to something,” Sam mused. “Maybe whatever’s causing these deaths?”

Dean sneezed again, this one harder than before. “Huh’AHhETCHUuuh! Maybe I’m gonna be the next victim. Death by sneezing.”

They entered the house, the smell of cat fur and litter boxes thick in the air. Dean’s allergies kicked into overdrive. His nose ran, his eyes watered, and his sneezes came in rapid succession. “Huh… huhh'EKSTCHUuh! Hh'EXKSCHUu! Damb it!” He fumbled for a hastily shoved tissue in his jacket pocket, blowing his nose loudly, already full of congestion without the time or means to shift it all. 

Sam looked around the room, scanning for anything unusual. “I think the cats are drawn to something supernatural,” he said, frowning. “Look at this.” He pointed to a strange symbol scratched into the wooden floor, partially hidden beneath a cat bed.

Dean sniffled again, his voice thick and muffled under the tissue. “You thigk sombeonde’s usig bagic to condtrol the cats?”

“Could be,” Sam said. “Maybe a witch or some kind of cursed object. Either way, we need to figure it out before you—” 

“Hheh’KTSCHUuhhh!”

“Well...”

“Hh’EKTSCHUuh!” Dean glared at him through watery eyes. “Shud up, Sam.”

After a thorough search, they found an old talisman buried in the attic, hidden in a box of cat toys. The object was radiating dark energy, and Sam quickly deduced that it was some kind of charm used to summon cats and manipulate their behaviour—likely tied to the deaths.

“Well, thad egsplains the furball armby,” Dean muttered, sneezing again. “Hah'TSCHUuhh! Cad we get rid of this thig and get the hhuh- hell out of here before I suffocate on ku-cat hair? EKTSHCUuuhh!”

Sam smirked but nodded, setting the talisman on the ground and preparing a ritual to break the curse. Dean stayed near the door, keeping as much distance as he could from the ever-curious cats that circled around.

As the ritual was completed and the talisman shattered, the strange pull on the cats seemed to fade. They began to disperse, leaving the house in search of new haunts.

Dean swiped a tissue box off the counter on their way out of the house and wiped his nose, his eyes still puffy. “Thangk God,” he muttered. “Next time we get a call about a case involvig cats, we’re passig it off to sombeonde else. I can’t handle this.”

Sam chuckled, clapping his brother on the shoulder. “You did great, Dean. Maybe you’ve even made a few new feline friends.”

Dean shot him a withering look, behind a cloud of tissues, “If I dever see a cat again, it’ll be too soon.” He honked for all he was worth. “Hhuh’ATCKSHUuhh!” 

Dean directed an itchy cough into his shoulder, “I’b godda need allergy bmeds for a whole week.” 

Sam grinned as he started the engine. “Next stop, the drugstore.”

 

End.

[anna]

!!!! Amazing!!