Very emotional (F, crying)

[Masking]

Not sure if this needs a warning about psych medication, but just in case...? I do talk about it.

About five years ago, I tapered off the SSRI I'd been on since I was a preteen. I didn't like the side effects and even though I had a fairly normal emotional range, I felt like everything was held back a little, and in my mid-teens I didn't like that I had a hard time crying even when I really needed to. This was with the help of my doc, so you know, so I wasn't flying blind. I tapered off and went on a gentler medication, and oh boy. I knew those meds rewired your brain long-term, but the rebound has been intense. I'm feeling the full intensity of emotions that I spent half my life having a safety net for. I'm neurodivergent, so there's a lot of emotion in there. And it turns out I cry a lot more easily than I used to. Not all the time, but things do set me off. Something sad online, someone's bad news or world news, my own sadness or fear.

I started a very mentally demanding, but rewarding new job two years ago. I love it and I'm not leaving, especially since it's gotten much easier as I've gotten more competent. I still can't even remember the number of times I cried at work in the first few months to a year. I'd lock myself in the bathroom sometimes and just let go, but I've also cried in front of other people and it's really embarrassing. It turns out I'm an angry crier too, like Arizona in Grey's Anatomy.

Usually I can cry silently, but once during one of the times I was talking through it, my breath was hitching so hard that it came in gulps and I had a hard time breathing. I'm asthmatic and didn't end up needing my inhaler since it wasn't a full-on attack, but I sounded all high and whistly. I'll look in the mirror when I've just finished or even when it's happening, and I'll have really glassy, sad eyes, clumped eyelashes, and a flushed face. My eyelids and cheeks get very wet from tears, and it's a very ugly-crier look. If it's been going on a while and I've been wiping tears a lot, sometimes the skin under my eyes and on my cheekbones goes sort of dark pink and bruised or scraped-looking. I'm relatively quite light-skinned but not white and have an olive color, so sometimes things that would look blushy and splotchy on other people just look very strange on me. Another example is darkened and scraped nostril edges instead of light pink, and a pink/swollen upper lip when I have a really bad cold, since the skin there is thin enough you can see the effects.

Just thought I'd share. It's cathartic, and I hope someone gets some enjoyment out of my roller-coaster ride. 😢🤪

Edited June 30 by Masking
Adding a conclusion

[luvsfemalehonks]

Wow I do enjoy this! I love a hard female crier having all her inhibitions just go out the window. The best nose blows seem to always happen during those times, which I love