Heart Made Of Glass, Mind Of Stone (Top Gun, Iceman)

[Wolfwings22]

This idea randomly came to me while I was at work and just knew that I have to get it written down. I did write it in one sitting so I there are any errors I apologize. I’ve been on such a Top Gun kick and I can’t get enough of Ice and Maverick no matter how hard I try. This one is going to have a lot of coughing and mentions of cancer, so if that isn’t your thing you may want to skip this one. There is talk of cancer as well as well as cancer treatments so please be aware of that.The angst is definitely dialed up to 11 in this fic. I hope you all enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    The second that Maverick awoke to find the space beside him on the bed empty, he was awake and sitting up in a moment.

 

    “Ice,” he called, rubbing at his eyes furiously. “Ice?”

 

    Heavy coughing answered him from the bathroom attached to their master bedroom.

 

    Maverick was on his feet immediately as a knot grew deep in his stomach. ‘No, no, no,’ Maverick thought as he attempted to keep his heart from racing. ‘It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.’

 

    He stopped at the door and gave it a firm knock only to find that it was slightly ajar. “Ice?” He pushed it and stepped in to find the man in question standing in front of the sink, attempting to breathe through a horrible coughing fit that had his entire body shaking from the force of it. Tears collected in the corners of his eyes as he fought to stand upright, leaning so heavily on the sink that Maverick wondered if perhaps it could become unattached from the wall.

 

    ‘Ice is so much weaker than he used to be,’ Maverick immediately chastised himself. ‘He doesn’t have the strength to pull anything down with him, not even me anymore.’

 

    Those thoughts were immediately chased from Maverick’s mind as he continued forward, the worry forced from his voice when he finally found the strength to speak. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on,” he breathed as he rushed forward, wrapping his arms around Ice not only to soothe him, but also there in case he lost his balance. “What’s got your throat so bothered all of a sudden?”

 

    Ice shook his head gravely, throat convulsing painfully as he tried to swallow the coughs that threatened to bubble from his lips.

 

    “Shhh, shhh,” Maverick whispered against the side of his head as he snaked his right arm upwards and rested a steadying hand on Ice’s chest. He could feel his lungs quaking and Maverick longed to take all the pain from Ice in a moment. “It’s alright to cough.”

 

    “Hu.....rts.” Ice clenched his jaw desperately as he sniffled. “Hurts, Mav.”

 

    What was left of Maverick’s heart shattered into a million pieces. Ice wasn’t one to complain, even through the entire bout of throat cancer treatments that he had been going through for almost a year now. He was never one to utter a single dark work, and constantly took on Maverick’s own fears and reassured him instead of the other way around. He went through chemo and radiation willingly, and had even tolerated going on vocal rest so not to cause anymore damage after surgery. They were still anxiously waiting until the final round of chemo to see if it had worked, but the damage had already been done. The doctors were constantly telling both of them that Ice’s voice would be forever changed, if he found he was able to use it at all. The scarring was deep, especially from where he had a trach inserted for longer than either he or Maverick had wanted. But, it was all for the possibility that he would get better, which is what they had been fighting so hard for.

 

    “Does it hurt when you talk or just when you cough?”

 

    Ice winced as he swallowed. “Both.”

 

    “Okay, both. Let’s see if I can help with one of those and just tell you not to talk for a little bit.” It was hardly practical advice, though it was all that Maverick’s sleep filled brain could come up with. “As for the coughing, they said you need to let your body get any of that gunk out, remember? Holding it back is going to make it a lot worse.”

 

    Ice shook his head as tears began to roll down his cheeks. His head shook, top lip quivering.

 

    “Oh, Ice.” Maverick turned him to the best of his ability and pulled him down so that his head was pressed against Maverick’s chest. He could feel Ice’s tears soaking through his thin t-shirt as he continued to rub at his back while Ice cried, coughs still suppressed so that only a few shaky exhales could be heard.

 

    Maverick kissed the top of his head, recalling the full head of hair that Ice had not all that long ago. It was majorly thinning now, but he refused to shave it and Maverick hadn’t wanted to force the issue. That would have to be a conversation they had sooner rather than later at this rate.

 

    “Honey, I know that it hurts. But the doctor said that if you want to stay out of the hospital during this sickness that you have to cough to get this shit out of your lungs.” Maverick kept his voice light as he rubbed on Ice’s back between light pats, hoping he could provoke Ice’s body into doing what needed to be done.

 

    Ice stiffened when he realized what Maverick was trying to do as he struggled to stand. His cheeks were stained with tears as he faced Maverick with pure terror in his eyes. His jaw set firmly, entire body momentarily rigid as he continued to fight the pain he was experiencing.

    

    Just when Maverick feared he may need to try even harder to help his husband, Ice’s body made the decision for him. A sharp cough tore through him, and once it started, there was no stopping it.

 

    Ice lifted his elbow around his face as he continued coughing, entire body trembling. He used his right hand to steady himself on the sink as he coughed painfully, congestion filled hacks that told Maverick all he needed to know about what Ice was slogging through.

 

    While Ice coughed and whimpered after each cough with no sign of end in sight, Maverick reached behind the toilet and grabbed a box of tissues that they always kept on the back of the toilet seat. He pulled out a handful of them before gingerly pulling Ice’s arm from his face while Ice tried to turn to cough over his shoulder so that he wouldn’t cough on Maverick.

 

    “Here, here, right here,” Maverick urged as he lifted the tissues up to Ice’s face and urged him to look straight ahead. “Get it all out. Cough up as much as you can.”

 

    Ice fought it tooth and nail until a sudden cough turned productive and he nearly gagged as he brought up lungfuls of phlegm that left an odd taste in his mouth and set his throat on fire. He was practically sobbing, begging for the fit to pass. Tears were still freely falling down his face while Maverick held the tissues to his face with one hand and thumbed the tears away with the other.

 

    When the coughing finally died down, Maverick dropped the tissues into the sink and came back with another handful. This time he gingerly folded it over Ice’s nose, noticing how much it was running during the duration of the fit.

 

    “Take a deep breath and blow for me,” Maverick encouraged as he planted a small kiss on Ice’s cheek. “Just once, sweetheart, then I promise I’ll help you back to bed.”

 

    Ice was still reluctant, but his own stubbornness didn’t match that of his husband’s, and he knew it. He heaved a massive breath and blew through his nose, allowing Maverick to stop halfway through and fold them again until Ice was finally able to take in a small breath through his nose without it immediately becoming blocked again.

 

    “There we go,” Maverick praised as he gently wiped the final wet spots with the same tissue before looping his arm around Ice’s and giving him a small tug. “Let’s get you back in bed, okay? Where I can look after you properly.”

 

    Ice didn’t protest, muscles finally relaxing as he leaned against Maverick, who had to compensate for their height different by placing Ice’s head on his shoulder while also wrapping his warms around his waist and gingerly leading him forward.

 

    “You don’t have to go to the bathroom or anything while we’re in here, right?”

 

    Ice made a face and buried his head deeper into Maverick’s shoulder, swallowing another couple coughs defiantly.

 

    Maverick hated to ask, and knew that Ice hated to be asked. However, there had been numerous times where Ice had needed a catheter placed or had been too weak and unsteady to make it to the bathroom on his own. Those were times seldom talked about between the two, and although Maverick had made sure to reassure Ice every time that he didn’t mind and there was no shame in needing some extra help. Still, Ice had broke down nearly every time that Maverick had to help him with things like that, so now anytime Maverick even suggested certain things, it would trigger all those memories that would leave Ice defeated.

 

    “Okay, okay, it’s okay,” Maverick soothed as he pressed his lips to Ice’s forehead. It was warm, but not overly so. It would be a low grade fever if nothing else. So long as they could keep it that way, it would be fine.

 

    The two shuffled forward, Maverick taking Ice’s weight as much as the taller man could tolerate. Ice’s head was still tucked against Maverick’s neck, and he momentarily felt a rush of hot air as Ice coughed, unable to turn away as he was relying so heavily on Maverick to keep him walking.

 

    “You’re doing great. It’s alright.” Maverick tried to keep his voice light and airy so not to embarrass Ice. Even though there was no one around, Ice still had a hard time giving up this much control.

 

    When they finally made it back to their bed, Maverick rested his hands on Ice’s shoulders and helped him into a sitting position on the bed. Once Ice was sitting, Maverick reached down and gingerly grabbed both of his legs and brought them up onto the bed. Ice winced in pain before raising his arms and grimacing.

 

    Maverick got the hint almost immediately and grasped Ice’s waist from the front and helped scoot him back so that he was in a more comfortable position sitting up at an 90 degree angle. Ice looked partially relieved even as he lifted a fist and coughed through closed lips, the pain visible in every sharp wince and twitch of his legs.

 

    “Oh, sweetheart.” Maverick raised his hand and brushed his pointer finger against Ice’s cheek softly.

 

    Suddenly, Ice raised his hand and grabbed Maverick’s, giving it a desperate squeeze as he coughed harshly, unable to hold it back anymore.

 

    Maverick grasped Ice’s hand tightly before bringing his other than to join, holding Ice’s too cold hand in both of his own. “That’s it. You just squeeze whenever it hurts, okay? I promise I can handle it.”

 

    Whatever response Ice wanted to give was lost as he began coughing again, this time almost falling forward as he was forced to lean toward his knees, lungs practically screaming in protest. The fit passed mercifully quickly, but it still left Ice gasping and wheezing, his free hand coming up to lunge for his throat.

 

    With lightning fast reflexes that Maverick would claim came from his pilot training, he reached over and caught Ice’s hand before he could touch his throat. Ice fought him momentarily until Maverick brought his  clenched down and planted a small kiss on each knuckle until Ice’s fingers went limp.

 

    “Mav,” Ice gasped.

 

    “It’ll only make it worse if you touch it.”

 

    Ice shook his head as he ducked his head down once more until it butted against Maverick’s.

 

    “I’m so sorry,” Maverick found himself confessing as he pressed lightly back against Ice’s head to give him that steady pressure he often craved. “If I could take this from you, you know that I would in a second, no questions asked. You don’t deserve to suffer like this.”

 

    Ice’s breath suddenly began to hitch, and at first Maverick was certain that Ice was going to break into another sob. However, it was to Maverick’s surprise that Ice wretched himself away at the last moment to crush inwards into his shoulder, nose twitching until he finally ducked down, nearly losing his balance in the first place.

 

    “ItchsSHew! ItchShew! ItchsShew! ItchShew! Shiew! Shiew! EshShiew! Shiew! Shiew! Hih.....ItchShew!”

 

    “Geez, bless you,” Maverick exclaimed. He was more than used to Ice’s fits whenever he sneezed as the man would never be satisfied with one and would often fall into itchy fits more often than not. Ice wasn’t a huge fan of them, but Maverick found them downright adorable that an Admiral such as Ice would have the softest kitten sneezes around. Ice, however, did not share Maverick’s sentiment.

 

    Ice yelped in pain when he finished and brought his wrist up to his nose, attempting to hide the evidence from Maverick.

 

    Understanding exactly what happened, Maverick was speeding toward the bathroom in no time flat. Ice barely had time to process Maverick leaving before he was back again at his side with the whole box of tissues.

 

    Maverick climbed onto the bed to his side while pulling a handful of tissues from the box. “It’s okay.” He lifted the tissues, ready to come toward Ice’s nose when Ice snatched them from him and brought it up to his nose, hand shaking uncontrollably.

 

    Although he desperately wanted to, Maverick stayed quiet as Ice struggled, coughs jarring his body and tears freely falling down his face once again.

 

    Deciding that enough was enough, Maverick reached out and took the tissues away from Ice gently and took matters in his own hands as he dabbed under Ice’s nose to wipe it dry. He kissed Ice’s cheek as he did so, wishing that Ice wouldn’t be embarrassed.

 

    Once Maverick finished he set the tissues aside only to find that Ice was still very sniffly. He gabbed another handful and cupped them over Ice’s nose once more. “Give me a good blow so you can clear yourself out,” Maverick encouraged when Ice stared at him blankly.

 

    Ice motioned to his throat once more, eyes round.

 

    “I know those sneezes probably hurt, but we gotta make sure you can breathe.” Maverick stretched out his legs and started to rub his feet against Ice’s shin’s in an effort to distract him. “Please, for me?”

 

    Ice shot him a glare, wrinkles appearing from his brow to the bridge of his nose.

 

    Maverick knew how those two words could get Ice to do just about anything. Abusing that power was something Maverick did on the daily, but occasionally he would use his power for good.

 

    Heaving a titanic breath, Ice forcefully blew his nose, allowing Maverick to adjust to get a better grip after folding the tissues so that he could try again. When Maverick had wiped his nose clean once more, he leaned over and kissed Ice’s lips.

 

    “That’s the Iceman I know,” Maverick whispered as he drew back. “Can I get you anything? Soup? Tea? Another blanket?”

 

    Ice shook his head as it hung forward.

 

    Maverick frowned and reached out to take Ice’s hand again. He gave it two firm squeezes until Ice finally turned his attention back on the shorter man beside him. “Hey, talk to me. What’s going on?”

 

    Ice pointed to his own chest before taking his hand from Maverick’s and flipping it over. His opposite hand came down with fingers sprawled on top of his palm. He flexed his fingers up and down twice, lips parted as he prayed that Maverick would understand.

 

    “Weak? You think that you’re weak?” Maverick’s voice rose in pitch, shock coursing through his system. “You have better not use that fucking word to describe yourself!”

 

    Ice instantly flinched and brought both hands to cover his ears before suddenly starting to cough once more, a single fist reaching down in an effort to cover. His shoulders shook as the deep and phlegm filled coughs burned all the way from his lungs to his throat.

 

    “Shit,” Maverick hissed as he reached around Ice and pulled him even more in an upright position and began to rub at his back, peppering light kisses to his cheeks and temple until the fit inevitably ended.

 

    Exhausted, Ice slumped against Maverick like dead weight, eyes closed tightly as he buried his face into Maverick’s neck, quiet sobs shaking him.

 

    There wasn’t much that Maverick knew that he could do to make this situation better. Illnesses always struck Ice hard, and now having one on top of all the other medical shit going on was like double punishment. Ice didn’t deserve it and Maverick wished more than anything that he could take it from him.

 

    “It’s going to be okay. I’m here, and if I could take this from you, you know that I would. I love you.” Maverick rested his cheek atop Ice’s head, feeling Ice’s soft hair tickle his skin.

 

    Ice stifled a groan before taking Maverick’s right hand and pushing his middle and ring finger down before making sure that the rest were up. He gave it a small shake and Maverick couldn’t help but smile.

 

    The two stayed wrapped up together with one another for what felt like hours until Ice began to squirm, suddenly bringing Maverick out from his momentary dose to realize that something was going on with the man beside him.

 

    “Ice,” Maverick yawned as he felt him attempting to sit up but not having the strength to do. “Where are you trying to go?”

 

    Before Ice could answer, he instinctively lifted a fist and pressed it hard against his nose as he tipped his head away from Maverick’s neck and shoulder as much as possible while still relying on him to keep him upright. His head ended up almost pressed against Maverick’s chest with Ice’s head being a small barricade between his nose and Maverick.

 

    Maverick’s hand came up to rub Ice’s back as he took in a shaky breath and bobbed forward almost silently. “Itchxxxxh! Ithxxxxxh! Itcxxxxxh! Itchxxxxh! Itxxxxxxh! Itxxxxsh! Itchxxxxsh! Ugh, ouch!”

 

    “Bless you.” Maverick didn’t say anything about Ice’s clearly painful stifles as he found the tissue box crammed between both of them and brought out a whole handful. He folded them one after the other before coming up and holding them in front of Ice’s face as his breathing grew shallow and his eyes screwed up in ticklish misery.

 

    “Stifling only makes this part worse,” Maverick explained even though he knew Ice was well aware of that fact. “You don’t have to be worried about grossing me out. I want to help, and nothing you do is going to chase me away. You know that, right?”

 

    Ice said nothing, still fighting the incessant itch with a much needed shake of his head.

 

    Against his better judgement, Maverick lifted he tissues just enough that they brushed against the extra sensitive skin on the undersides of Ice’s nostrils. That was enough to have him forcibly ducking forward into the tissues that Maverick had waiting for him.

 

    “ItchsShew! ItchShew! ItchsShew! ItchShew! Shiew! Shiew! Shiew! Shiew! Shiew! Shiew! Hih....ItchSHIEW!” The final sneeze tore through him more violently than either him or Maverick saw coming and Maverick had to quickly make up for that, changing his hold and waiting until Ice had blown his nose thoroughly before lowering the damp tissues.

 

    The pain was clear on Ice’s face as he refused to move, Adam’s apple bobbing as he attempted to compose himself. It was as though he feared that any breath would be enough to tip him over the edge.

 

    Maverick lifted Ice back up easily and allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder and in the crook of his neck while he took Ice’s hand in both of his and began to give it small squeezes. “If you feel pain, any pain whatsoever, just grab my hand and squeeze it as tight as you need to. I may not be able to take this from you, but I’ll be damned if you feel this pain on your own.”

 

    A low rasp sounded and Maverick looked down to see that Ice’s mouth was moving, but whatever words he was trying to say were getting lost.

 

    “What did you say, sweetheart?” When Ice didn’t immediately answer, Maverick nodded to his hands. “Do you want to sign it instead? Would that feel better so you don’t have to talk?”

 

    Ice gave a small shake of his head and although Maverick couldn’t see his eyes, he would’ve bet his entire life savings that there was determination showing in Ice’s eyes.

 

    “I......hate......being......sick.”

 

    “I know it sucks,” Maverick agreed, unsure what else he could say that would make this any better for Ice.

 

    Ice swallowed heavily, a whimper leaving his lips. “Not.....fair.....to......you.”

 

    Maverick was momentarily too stunned to speak. His jaw gaped open as he fixed Ice with a stern look, though he was certain that Ice couldn’t actually see him. “I don’t want you to ever say that again! Fair on me? This isn’t fair on you!”

 

    “Shouldn’t......have.....to......” He trailed off to cough and although Maverick wanted to hush him so he didn’t cause himself anymore pain, he knew that would be worse. Ice needed to say this, and nothing Maverick said or did would change that. “Deal.....with a sick.....old man.”

 

    “If it means that I have even one extra minute with you, then it’s all worth it. Don’t you know how much I love you? Sick or not, I’d much rather have my wingman here. Ice, I need you.” Maverick felt his own voice crack and he had to blink his eyes rapidly to stop tears from forming in the corners.

 

    Ice took Maverick’s hand again and made the same sign as before: ring and middle finger pointed down while the rest were pointed outwards.

 

    “I love you too, more than you’ll ever know.” Maverick reveled in the feel of Ice’s fingers against his, the hand that he had come to resonate with love and strength. He couldn’t help but keep his hands in the same position even after Ice gripped the back of his hand as he did before.

 

    Slowly, Ice’s eyes began to close and the tension began to leave his body. A sudden cough would shake his body ever so often until he finally began to drift off, congested snores sounding right up against Maverick’s ear.

 

    Maverick didn’t mind in the slightest. He found himself watching Ice, making sure that his chest rose and fell with each breath as though the snoring wasn’t enough to tell him that Ice was very much still alive.

 

    “Never leave me,” Maverick begged in a desperate whisper. “I can’t lose you too, I just can’t.” He lifted his head to stare at the ceiling, a few tears rolling down his cheeks now that Ice was finally asleep. “I can’t lose him, Goose. Please don’t let anything happen to him. Please.”

 

    Maverick received no answer, and he didn’t expect to. His head dropped back down to rest on Ice’s head as he cried himself to sleep with the love of his life right beside him.

 

    The End

[Mygyn]

So good! Thanks for sharing! 

[RemedyBane]

Aw. Can you hear my heart shattering? It was pretty damn loud. I love this so much. My poor babies! UGH! I love you, I Love them, I love this XOXOXOXOXOXO