D.C. (Parks and Rec, Ben)

[Lady Blessington]

A/N  I wrote two versions and I’m sharing both. They’re hella similar, but the second one is longer / more gratuitous.

D.C. v.1

Ben opens the door with a finger held up, so April waits.  She watches his chapped nostrils flare, his eyes frown shut, his chest heave.

“Hhh… hh-HH-Hahhh… hhhh-HAGH-TZTCHCHH-chooh!  Ugh,” he says, laughing a bit into his handful of tissues.  “That was awful.  Sorry.  Hello.”

Ben’s voice is deep with congestion, which tracks because Leslie’s sent her here with a bunch of medicine.

April holds up the bag.  “Ho ho ho!  It’s me, Santa Claus for the Infirm!”

Ben chuckles, which turns into a burbling cough.  He pats his chest.  A shyness comes over him, and his cheeks flush with pleasure.  “Really?  Wait, what is that?”

“Leslie told me to bring you some stuff,” April shrugs, taking in his sweat-spiked hair.  “It’s not a big deal.”

“A hot water bottle,” he marvels, looking through the treasures.  “Blue Gatorade.  April, this is… rad.”

“Great.  So, that’ll be twenty bucks please.”

“Oh,” Ben says, backpedalling through his stuffy head.  “Sure, of course!”  He pats his pockets, blushing above his fever.

“Just kidding,” April says when she’s her fill.  “Well, feel better or whatever.”

Ben’s eyes twinkle in relief, and then they glaze over.  He rubs two fingers back and forth under his spasming nose and sputters a shaky sigh.  

She hears that sneeze from all the way inside the elevator.

…

END

 

D.C. v.2

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon in DC, and April’s heading out to the dog park.  

She scans the lobby on her way through.  There’s a figure hunched over the reception desk, in swim trunks and a baggy tee.  

It’s another guest.  It’s Ben.  

There’s no one else in sight.  

She gets right up close and Ben doesn’t notice.  His head’s buried in his arms on the desk.  “Hey,” she says, then dodges his startled hands.

Ben’s face is red and damp, and he’s quivering from head to toe.  He blinks in flustered recognition and wipes his runny nose on his bare wrist.  His hair’s a drama.

“Oh my God,” April says.  “What’s wrong with you?”

Ben sniffles thickly.  His eyes start to flutter.  “Hhhh-ughh… I l-locked…”  He gasps and frowns and waves her away.  “Hh-HH-AXXXSHSH-ooh!  Aghh.  I locked byself out,” he manages in a super nasal voice.

“Oh,” April nods, finishing the puzzle.  “Your head’s all full of snot and it’s making you forgetful and dumb.  Leslie’s sent me like a thousand texts today.  You missed your Skype brunch date.”

Ben’s eyes widen and he palms his forehead.  “Oh bye God!”

“It’s fine, she like loves you or whatever.”  April snaps a pic of him and texts it to Leslie.

“What are you doigg?” Ben frowns.

“Proof of life.”  She puts away her phone and sizes him up.  There are dark purple smudges under his eyes, and he’s out of breath just from standing there.  “Bad day, huh?  Hope you had a good swim at least.  You know there’s literally never anyone at this desk, right?”

“I forgot bye phode idd by roobb,” he says sadly.

“Sounds about right.”  Her phone buzzes and she reads Leslie’s reply.  “Your girlfriend’s in an emergency city council meeting, but she says hi and she misses you and are you okay?”

Ben shoves a finger under his pink nose and gasps a couple times.  “Hhhh-hoooo… HIXX-TZZSCHTT!”  He kneads his eyebrows, sniffling.  “I bight be cubbing dowd with subbthigg.”

“Yeah.  I’ll tell her you have swine flu.”

“April!  Dode’t do that to her.”

“Ugh, fine.”  April texts, and the response comes almost immediately.  “She says we have to take your temperature.  And that you like apple juice.  What do I look like, Florence Nightingale?”

“Bore like Durse Ratchedd,” Ben says, and goes for a high five.  

April looks at his damp palm.  “No plague for me, thanks.  Do you even have a thermometer?  Should we just make up a number and go play with dogs?”

Ben shifts uncomfortably.  “I cahhh… cadd’t lie to Lehhhhh-… slie—KGHXXXSTT-huh!”  He grips his throat and goes a bit peaky.  

April sighs.  “You can’t get germs in my bed, but there’s a couch.”

…

There are so many dogs at the park today.  Some of them lick April’s legs and hands as they pass her by.  It’s hot out, and a few stretch out on their bellies in the grass.

When she gets back to her room she’s got juice, a thermometer, Popeye cigarettes, and NyQuil.

“I know you don’t smoke,” she tells Ben, fishing the candy out of the bag and dropping the rest on the couch beside him.  “These are for me.”

The shadows in the room are getting longer and the light’s turning a bit golden.  Ben peers sleepily at her gifts and she snaps another pic.

“Thagk you,” he croaks.  “This is greaaaahhhh…  —greAHHhh… AAT-DTZZCHH-hoooh!  Ugh,” he slurps, and blows his nose with a wet crackle.  He’s already filled the wastebasket with mangled tissues.

“Gesundheit, Benjamin,” April says, opening her box of Popeye cigarettes.  She waves a hand at the thermometer sticking out of the bag.  “Do the thing.”

Ben eyes the thermometer, and sniffles hard.  “Right.  Right right right.”  He tries to keep his mouth shut around the instrument, but his nose twitches and flares, flushing a deep red.  “Hh-hbbh…  hhh-HHH-hbbk-h… HGH-aaaahhh…  hh-HAA-DZXXSSSHHHSHSH-ooh!”  The thermometer glistens in his lap.  His lips are wet with spit.  He looks at April in horror.

“Wow,” April says, meditatively chewing on a candy cigarette.  “You truly suck.”

When he’s able to get a reading, he tells her the number in his sad, scratchy voice.  She texts it to Leslie, together with the pic from a few minutes ago.

…

“Oh doe,” Ben croaks, sniffling uselessly against his blocked nose. 

“What?” April ventures.

Ben’s squinting at her computer screen, where his work email’s pulled up.  “The grip-add-gridd’s beed pushed to 9:30 Tuesday bordigg.  This chaidges everythigg.  Oh, God.  I have so buch work to do.”  He cards a hand through his already-bananas hair.

“It’s fine,” she says.  “Ben, your head’s full of stupid mucus, remember?  Wait until you’re smart again.  There’s probably an easy fix.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, then thumbs away a drip.  “You really thigk?”

“I swear on all that’s unholy.  Here’s my vision, okay?  You take a huge swig of NyQuil and get buzzed while I call down and see if anyone even works in this stupid building, who can let you back into your room.  Then you go to your room, get in your bed, enjoy the medicine high, and sleep until you don’t have a fever anymore.”

April’s phone lights up and she glances down.  “Leslie’s out of her meeting and she wants to Skype with you.”  She looks at the tissues bunched up in Ben’s quivery hand.  “Yeah.  Let’s get you home so you can have some nice, chaste video sex, or whatever it is old people do.”

Ben looks like a deer in headlights.  April snaps a pic.

…

Ben’s propped up in bed, laptop appropriately in his lap.  He’s blowing his tender nose when Leslie comes on screen.

“Ben!” she exclaims.  “There you are!  How’re you feeling, buddy?”

Ben’s eyes water and he squeezes his nostrils, to no avail.  “HUH-kgchhtt!  HHH-haahhhhhh…  ah-HA-AAATTCHCHHH-ooh!”  He discards the ruined tissues and plucks a fresh handful.  “I’ve beed behhh….. hh-HH-hehhhh… UGK-HXXKHZZ-Tchh-hooh!”  He honks his raw red nose, then dabs it primly.  “I’ve beedd better.”

“Yikes.  Can I call into work for you?  Gary loves me.”

Ben chuckles, which becomes a roiling cough.  “Wait,” he gasps.  “YOU thigk I should call idd sick?”

“You’re a walking biohazard, with an ass that just won’t quit.”  Leslie shakes her head.  “Sorry.  Trust me, those guys’ll thank you for looking out for their health.  And I’m working from home tomorrow!  We can Skype all day!”

“Date.”  The meds must be kicking in, because Ben’s all floaty and deliciously warm.  “Hey, thagks for all that stuff you sent bee,” he says, sipping his apple juice.  He scooches deeper into bed, gazing at his girlfriend’s eyes.

Leslie smiles gently through the screen.  “It takes a village, Wyatt.”

…

END

 

A/N ALSO v-warning but there is this gorgeous long Parks & Rec sick fic from 2016 by glennjaminhow on ao3, with lots of sneezing and physical/emotional h/c! Missing Moments

Edited August 21, 2022 by ice_cream_though

[angora48]

On 7/24/2022 at 4:21 PM, ice_cream_though said:

“You’re a walking biohazard, with an ass that just won’t quit.”

I love it, so Leslie!

Sick Ben Wyatt, yummy. Forcing April to take care of him made for a fun dynamic.

[Lady Blessington]

9 hours ago, angora48 said:

I love it, so Leslie!

Sick Ben Wyatt, yummy. Forcing April to take care of him made for a fun dynamic.

🌷🌷🌷 oh whew so glad this landed with someone! Thank you so much for letting me know!

[Prongs]

 

8 hours ago, ice_cream_though said:

🌷🌷🌷 oh whew so glad this landed with someone! Thank you so much for letting me know!

Me too, and I haven’t even seen parks and rec! 🙈 it’s obvious that I’m in love with Adam Scott right now hahaha I have no shame. I know some of the characters and a very general plot but I’m gonna have to start watching it! This was fantastic, thank you! 

[Lady Blessington]

On 7/27/2022 at 5:53 PM, Prongs said:

 

Me too, and I haven’t even seen parks and rec! 🙈 it’s obvious that I’m in love with Adam Scott right now hahaha I have no shame. I know some of the characters and a very general plot but I’m gonna have to start watching it! This was fantastic, thank you! 

Oh my goodness I took a deep dive into his body of work after seeing Severance! If you ever want to compare notes let me know!

also thank you for reading this even without having seen Parks and Rec like whoa! 🤓😍

ALSO enjoy the magical journey that is Parks and Rec and please write lots of fic as you goooo!

Edited July 29, 2022 by ice_cream_though