The Archival Assistants' United Front Against and For Head Office Plague Rat: London Branch (TMA/The Magnus Archives S1, Jon)

[fickle_tickle]

Summary: Tim uses his powers as the friend group's extrovert for good. Jon is forced to endure social interaction, deception, unsolicted aid, and a nasty head cold (which is hopefully not but in all likelyhood is the flu) all in the span of less than an hour. What did he ever do to deserve this (besides being an inconvenience to everyone, especially himself)?! 100% fluff and no spoilers

Hey guys! This is my direct response to showing up years late to the TMA fandom with a Starbucks, getting about halfway into season two, and spoiling a lot of plot points after that for myself because I wasn't patient enough to finish listening before I read every Jon sickfic I could find. I am very much in love with S1 Jon, who IS NOT HAVING IT, no matter if 'it' is eldritch horror or simple human effection. I can't resist the prickly academic type, or a good old fashioned workaholic for that matter. Also I love fics with a lot of interaction between Tim and Jon, as it's always fun to watch two opposites clumsily interact. AND because at face value, you'd think Jon would hate Tim for being a bundle of all the things out of his comfort zone and actively for trying to annoy him all the time. However, this does not take into account that Tim is the sort of extrovert who stubbornly adopts introverts as friends, and that Jon, who does not make friends easily, was worn down into having a really good one who cares, even if he is the type to poke a bear with a stick. Or at least, that's my interpretation of their relationship, and I like to read it, so now I will write it! Yay for lore! Really, anyone could read this without any TMA context, though, because it has nothing to do with the actual plot of the podcast and everything to do with good characters I happen to like in a sickfic fluff scenerio. So enjoy everyone!

 

There’s a knock against the door as it swings open, one of Tim’s more irritating habits. Why couldn’t he have gone out to investigate the latest statement with Martin instead of Sasha? Jon had been annoyed that she went at all, because it was really Martin’s assignment, and he fully suspects that the excuses he half-listened to over the pounding in his head were a load of rubbish to cover Martin being spooked, an excuse to get out of the office for the day, or both. Now, he wishes he’d sent Tim off instead to rid himself of the two and maybe have a second of damn peace. All three even, if that’s what it took to get any real work done.

“Come in.” Jon says pointedly without looking up from his desk, choosing the route of passive aggression as he doesn’t have the energy right now to lecture Tim on how to knock properly if he's going to bother with it at all. A few beats of silence follow, then a few more as Jon realizes around his headache and the paperwork he’s trying to distract himself with that Tim should be talking. He never lingers in the door like Martin does. Jon indulges in a put-upon sign before dragging his eyes up to meet his coworker’s. Whatever this is, he wishes he didn’t have to deal with it today. “Did you need something?”

“Uh, yeah…” Tim says uncharacteristically quietly, pausing to clear his throat. “I was wondering about sick leave. Would it be alright to take the day?” Jon’s heart sinks into his stomach. He’d tried his level best to keep his cold to himself, really he had. “I know we’re up to our eyeballs in work right now, and it’s probably just a cold…” Tim stretches from his slumped position against the door frame to pop his back and cross the threshold into Jon’s office, giving his boss a better view of the tissue box he’s got tucked under one arm. “But the flu’s been going round and-”

“It has?” Jon’s heart sinks ever further, dropping from his stomach to the floor like a stone through a soggy coffee filter. Tim nods, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

“Has been, yeah. It’s already taken out half the librarians.” Jon takes in the flush across his cheeks and nose, feeling a tightness in his own chest that has little to do with the congestion he’s been struggling with all morning. He really does deserve the reputation he got in Research as the ‘office plague rat’, he supposes. Tim has to know exactly who brought this bug into the archives; Jon can’t stifle his sneezes for the life of him, and the office walls are thin enough to hear ambient chatter through. He’s been at it for the past two days or so, not to mention hacking his lungs out for the last few minutes before this very conversation. Sometimes he doesn’t understand how his assistants put up with him. He’s already told Martin off today, and he was only trying to bring Jon some tea. God, he wished he’d just said ‘thank you’ and taken it. His throat’s killing him now, and no one makes a cuppa like Martin. “Jon?”

“Hum? Oh, right, of course Tim.” He hopes Tim doesn’t feel as miserable as he does. He should be glad the other man doesn’t seem to blame him, but mostly he just feels embarrassed. Just the thought of tacking Tim’s assignments onto the work he’s already lagging behind on is enough to make him want to disappear under a pile of blankets for a week, but he owes Tim a rest at least after all the trouble he’s caused him. “I can just…” Jon tries to say around a yawn, “Oh pardon, I’ll cover your follow ups for today. Feel better.” Tim breaks into a self-satisfied grin, bouncing back on his heels to stand at his full height.

“Oh thanks Boss, but I feel just fine!” Jon’s head swims as Tim flips on his usual chipper demeanor as quickly as a light switch. Feeling like he’s been yanked up from his desk, spun in a circle a few times, and asked to try his hand at hitting a pinata, he gives in to an honest to God grown, shrubbing at his face and resisting the impulse to pull at his hair.

“Then get back to work and stop wasting my time.” He bites out. Tim has the audacity to laugh. “How- how is this funny?? I- I-” Jon interrupts himself with a small gasp. It’s an inopportune time to sneeze, but he does so anyway. “He’TCHuUUh!..Heh-Hut’IEW!” Crumpling forward to muffle the outburst into his tented hands, he misses the way Tim’s grin falters as he strides over to set the tissues on Jon’s desk with a decisive thump.

“-could do with a lie in.” Tim finishes for him with a bracing pat on the shoulder. Oh. Oh. Grappling for a wad of tissues, Jon fixes Tim with a watery glare.

“You can’t just lie to me to-”

“Uh-uh-uh, Boss! Every word I said was true! Never said I wanted a sick day, just asked if it was alright to take one.” Tim looks positively chuffed. Jon could kill him right then and there. “Annnd since you agree it is…” He goes on encouragingly.

“Tim, no.” Jon deadpans. “I can’t afford to when we’re-”

“Up to our eyeballs in work?” Even considering Tim’s just played his boss like a cheap kezoo, John thinks he looks like he’s enjoying himself far more than he should be. And Jon’s too exhausted to be as angry as he should be, his cutting glare fading gradually into something more owlish. 

“A-are you wearing blush?” Now that Tim’s crossed the room to saddle up to his desk, the red across his cheeks looks too…pinkish to be natural.

“Thanks for noticing, Boss,” Tim winks, "borrowed some from Sash! You like it? I modeled the look after you, you trend setter! Speaking of-” Tim’s hand has already made contact with Jon’s forehead before his sluggish reflexes give him the chance to swat it away. “Tisk, tisk, Sims. Coming into work with a fever? What would Martin say?”

“Enough Tim!” He keeps his voice low to avoid stirring up a coughing fit, but even through a clogged nose his tone wins him a more serious look from Tim, who plants his hands on his hips. Jon sighs “It’s- I’m fine! Really it’s-” 

“Probably just a cold?” Tim raises an eyebrow. Jon swallows. He’s known Tim a long time, sure, but is he really that predictable? “You seemed fine to let me off with one.”

“It’s different, I-”

“How’s your job any different from what we all do down here? Seriously?”

“I’m Head Archivist, I’m supposed to-”

“Oh, alright. You’re so much more important than the rest of us, then?” Tim is pulling out the big guns now. Jon sighs and looks up at him pleadingly.

“Tim, you know that’s not what I-”

“But you’re not important enough to deserve your own sick leave at the same time? How the hell does that make sense?” Jon stares. Just as Tim’s beginning to think he’s been a bit too harsh (Jon’s not well, after all), the archivist’s eyes glaze over and he takes in a few shuddering breaths.

“Oh, Jesus.” Tim mutters fondly, resting his hand on his friend’s shoulder to administer a few gentle pats as he nudges the tissue box closer. Jon is putting up a valiant effort not to sneeze, but Tim knows (better than him apparently) that at this point, there’s no stopping the fit Jon’s gearing up for. “Just let 'em out, big guy.” He hardly ever uses that particular moniker when talking to his gangly friend, but it seems fitting now, as Jon’s sneezes are significantly larger than his person. Because he has no real choice in the matter, Jon does. 

“Heh-HACHtieUW! t’chUUH!” Jon shudders into the two tissues he was able to snatch up not a second before. “Snnf-heh.. Huh! EtCHuhh! Het’CHUH! hEHh! hnn-et’CHuuUH!”

“Bless you, Boss!” Tim offers a final sympathetic shoulder squeeze. Jon blinks tiredly around the dampened tissues, gives a heavy snuffle and a light cough or two.

“There’s…really a flu going around the institute?” Jon asks tentatively in his newly wrecked husk of a voice. Time nods solemnly.

“I said everything I told you was true, didn’t I?” 

“And…you won’t get off my back about it, will you?”

“Not as long as you hang around here!” Tim agrees cheerfully. Jon takes another moment to glare, but there’s no real heat behind it.

“I’ll be in early tomorrow.” he says finally.

“Aww, Boss, don’t make me wake up early just to kick you out of here again!” Tim whines.

“Don’t push it, Tim.”

“Don’t push yourself, Typhoid Mary.” Jon glances down guiltily. Just because he hasn’t actually gotten Tim ill this time doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened more than once before. Tim plants a warm hand on his back and guides Jon gently toward the door. He feels like a bit of a bully for using Jon’s anxiety over work decorum against him, but desperate measures and all that. He’d stuck the landing. Jon would spend tomorrow where he belonged, in bed. 

“They…did they really call me ‘the rat’?”

“Jon, you brought three colds into the office with you. Consecutively.” Tim chuckles good-naturedly.

“I told you, that last one wasn’t me!” Jon comes dangerously close to whining. “I only had a sinus infection from the second time, nothing else contagious! And honestly, I think I’d just caught the same one over again after everyone passed it around, so it’s only one strain, really. All and all, just the one!”

“Uh-huh. I believe you, bud. Don’t come back here till you’ve kicked that fever, yeah?”

“You’re worse than Martin, you know that?” grumbles Jon. 

“Oh, I wish!” Tim snorts. “He’s stocked you up on supplies from the chemist a block over, by the way. The bags are just under your coat in the closet.” Tim’s phone pings. “Ah, and the cab Sasha called is just about to pull up. Nothing worse than shivering on the tube. Rain’s picked up since this morning.”

“So this was a conspiracy, then.” Jon looks like he's waiting for the floor to open up and swallow him, but under the embarrassment Tim can tell he’s touched. Well, at least he’d like to think so. 

“You betcha, Boss! Best collaborative project the archives has managed yet!”

“I’m afraid you may be right about that…” Jon mutters darkly, earning a snicker from Tim. 

“And you made it happen! Boss of the year over here.” Jon rolls his eyes, pulls his coat on, and starts shuffling to the stair doors with the gifted shopping bags cradled to his chest.

“Glad to hear my most effective management style is sneezing.”

“Oh, it’s more than that! What about all that sniffling and coughing you did? Groundbreaking stuff right there.” Tim slings his arm over Jon’s shoulders as they trudge up the stairs toward the entrance, just in time to help brace his friend through another bout of effective management.

“Heh..hee-TCHuuhh! snff,snf…heh…he’chUUUH!” 

“Bless. You’re right, that really is the piece de resistance, though.”

“Ugh…” Jon nods in agreement, pulling a handkerchief out of his coat pocket to scrub against the trend-setting red of his tender nose. Tim beams. He didn’t know they still made the things! Everything’s on the internet, he supposes. Jon is a ridiculous little man, really he is, and Tim loves him to bits for that.

“Alright, Boss. Get well soon- or in your own time.” Tim amends. “Take it easy, I mean. We’ll hold down the fort.” Jon’s ride pulls up in the drizzle outside. “Oh, and call if you need anything. Really. I know you won’t, but do.”

“Thank you, Tim.” Jon replies softly, slipping out the door before Tim can bask in the crowning achievement of having Jonathan Sims, of all people, genuinely thank him, and for booting him out of his own archives at that. Best office collaboration indeed.

[fickle_tickle]

I'm considering doing a prequel of sorts... where plans are hatched and Jon sneezes miserably in his office in the background. Also, y'all know Sasha and Tim bet good money on whether Tim could actually get Jon to go home 👀 Lmk how much you think they'd bet and also if anyone even wants that!

Edited July 6, 2022 by fickle_tickle

[silentdreamer789]

This is wonderful. I would definitely love to see a prequel!

[Prongsy]

oh my god!! i got into tma after the peak of the fandom (maybe 6 months after the series ended) and was just devouring any snz content that was still out there from when it was more popular so i didnt expect to see very much new tma content here.

but this is!! and it's so good!! i would absolutely love to see a prequel/any other content of these guys 👀🥺😳