Locally-sourced, organic, artisanal cold (Schitt's Creek, Patrick, m, cold)

[Guest]

“Thank you, have a nice day!” David smiled politely at the lady as she exited the store, before dropping the pretence immediately and rolling his eyes at her back. Ten minutes of browsing to buy one lip balm?

After fifteen minutes of no customers, he pulled the curtain aside and went to bother Patrick, who was engrossed in some interminable spreadsheet. Usually, spreadsheets and numbers brought him a mystifying level of satisfaction, but something about his look was off. His shoulders were hunched over, and he was frowning at the screen, mouth slightly open. David stood for a moment in the doorway, enjoying the opportunity to observe while being unobserved. Patrick’s shoulders were looking really good in that sky blue button-down, particularly when he rolled his sleeves up to work.

“How’s it going?” He asked after he’d finished taking in the view.

“Huh?” Patrick looked up and took a moment to focus on his boyfriend. “Oh…it’s ok. Slow progress. I have to finish this spreadsheet and then write the quarterly report for the IRS by the end of the week.” He rubbed distractedly at his nose, then saw that David wasn’t listening anyway. Taxes and numbers were not why David Rose had started a business.

An hour or so later, David found himself serving a customer (much more satisfactory, several bottles of wine, some expensive cheese and some moisturiser) and making polite conversation while internally considering his lunch options at the café.

“Yes, actually, this cheese is from—” he was suddenly interrupted by loud sneeze from the office just behind the cash register.

“Huhh’AKSHOOO!!”

Not sure if he should acknowledge the noise to his customer or ignore it, he just continued breezily.

“From a local farmer just outside Elmdale. It goes really well with this wine, and indeed quite a few of our others. I could make some suggestions—” Another sneeze, even louder and more insistent than the first, interrupted him again.

“Huhh’AKSSHOOOO!!”

David gave the customer a forced smile. “…if you’d like. Anyway, thank you so much for shopping with us, you have a nice day.” She scuttled out at speed.

“Um, what is going on back here?” David confronted his partner, who was staring blearily at his computer screen from only a few inches away.

“What?” Patrick didn’t look up.

“Your deafening sneezes nearly cost me a 60-dollar sale.”

“Oh.” Now he did look up, aggrieved. “Sorry. I’ll…try and sneeze quieter.”

“Why are you sneezing at all?” Asked David, sounding snippier than he’d meant to. “Are you sick?”

“No.” Patrick sounded irritated as well at the interrogation. “It’s probably the latest shipment of cat-fur scarves. I didn’t take a pill this morning.”       

They were both saved from an impending argument (the cat-fur scarves were a sore topic, as Patrick was quite allergic) by the shop bell ringing, and David left to deal with it. As he was ringing up the next customer’s purchases he heard, quietly, from the office, a trio of stifled, strangled sneezes, followed by a tiny low groan.

“Hheh’NKXT!! Hheh’NGXT!! H’NKXT!! Ugh…”

Thankfully, the customer remained unaware and left without comment. Shortly afterwards, Patrick emerged from the office with a box of tissues (luxury, 4-ply tissues, one of their bestselling products) and rang them up on the register. When David looked at him askance, he shrugged.

“We don’t have any tissues back there.”

“OK…but it’s our store. You don’t have to pay for—”

“Yes. I do.” And he disappeared back behind the curtain without another word.

Edited May 6 by Triosk1

[Guest]

Aaaaaand done. I have no chill. This is it. Not sure if it's any good but here you go!

 

 

David would have told anyone who asked that nothing was so important that it couldn’t wait until after 10am. Which is why he was shocked and appalled to be woken by a phone call from Patrick at 7:30 in the morning the next day. Grabbing his phone, he barely glanced at caller ID, slurring a sleepy and incredulous “Hello?”

“Hi David, it’s me.” Even half-awake, David registered that Patrick’s voice didn’t sound right, it was all thick and muffled. But that wasn’t important right now.

“It is…what time is it?”

“It’s 7:30. I’m sorry I woke you.” David rolled his eyes so hard it hurt, kneading his forehead in an attempt to wake up. Patrick was still talking, and he tried to concentrate. “I need you to open the store today – I’m sick.”

“Mmhmm.” David closed his eyes and tried to convince his body that it should get out of bed, with no success. “Um…yeah. OK, I can mind the store. Mmhmm.” He nodded to reinforce this.

“Thanks. I’m really sorry.” Patrick sounded genuinely sorry. “It’s just a cold, but I don’t wanna go in and be sneezing all over the place. And I really need to finish this IRS report.”

David had woken up enough now to register how miserable Patrick sounded, and his heart gave a lurch. He wasn’t great with other people’s germs, but he would make an exception for pathetic-sounding boyfriends with colds.

“Are you ok?” He managed, but realised Patrick hadn’t heard when instead there was the sound of a loud sneeze, slightly muffled as Patrick held the phone away from himself.

“Hhuh’AAKSSHOO!!...ugh, sorry.” Patrick’s voice came back on the line, more congested than ever. “What did you say?”

“Oh, nothing,” David was suddenly embarrassed. “Um, I hope you feel better.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna…heh! Hhuh’AAAKSSHOO!!...ugh…I’m gonna go back to bed for a little while, then work on the report.”

“OK. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

David hung up and swung his legs out of bed.

From the twin bed across the room Alexis asked irritatedly: “What’s going on?”

“Patrick’s sick. I have to go mind the store.”

“Oh, poor Patrick.”

David rolled his eyes to the heavens again. “Poor Patrick? I’m the one getting up before it’s even light.” Although in fact, dawn had been a while ago, a fact that the ineffectual curtains made clear. But the principle was the same.

David had meant to pop over and check on Patrick at lunchtime, but there had been such a rush around then that he’d barely had time to run out and get himself a sandwich. So it was closing time before he got the chance to leave the store and head to Patrick’s apartment.

Not wanting to disturb him if he was asleep, or working, David let himself in with his key. Sure enough, Patrick was out cold, his head on the desk, laptop open in front of him. He was wearing an old t-shirt, plaid pyjama pants and David’s dressing gown (which David had always maintained was much nicer than Patrick’s own).

Still being as quiet as possible, David took his carrier bag to the kitchen and began heating the chicken soup Twyla had given him on the stove. Amazingly, Patrick slept right through his incompetent hunting of pans and bowls, so it wasn’t until the food was ready that David went over to wake him.

“Time for dinner,” he murmured, gently shaking Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick opened his eyes groggily, squinting at David.

“Whuh…what time is it?” His voice was thick and congested, and the skin around his nostrils was bright pink and sore.

“Just gone six. I brought soup, and supplies.”

Patrick ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face, trying to wake up. “Thanks.” He grabbed some tissue from the roll of toilet paper sitting on his desk as he sneezed. “Huhhh’AKSSHOO!!”

“Bless you.”

“Thanks.” He blew his nose, dropping the tissue in the trash and joining David at the table to eat.

David unpacked the rest of the bag onto the table. “I also brought you some things from the store. Like some real tissues, so you can stop shredding your nose. And some lip balm, and soothing moisturiser. And some Tylenol from the pharmacy. And—” he added, seeing Patrick frown. “I even paid for the stuff from the store.”

Patrick grinned ruefully. “Thank you. And thank you for coming over, you didn’t have…to…”he reached for a tissue, turning away just in time. “Huh’KSSHOO!!...ugh…” He groaned quietly and blew his nose. “I know this isn’t really…your thing.”

David rolled his eyes, embarrassed to have to admit he was doing a “nice” thing. “I know, but then I remembered that I made you serve that guy in the store last week who was sneezing everywhere, and I thought, if you caught it from him, maybe it was my fault.”

Patrick smiled, then sneezed again. “Hahh’AKSSHOO!! Well, whatever the reason, I’m grateful. And this soup is great. Or, I assume it is, I can’t actually taste it because my nose is running like a faucet.”

“Mmhmm, you definitely can’t taste it if you’re calling it great.” David cleared their bowls and took them over to the sink.

“You don’t have to do that.” Patrick started to say.

“Oh, I’m not. I’m just leaving them over here.”

“Actually, I’d better get on with this report. And I’m sure you’d rather not stay and risk getting sick even more than you have done already.” Patrick got up and started tidying up his desk, getting ready to get back to work.

David sighed, crossed to him, and put his arms round Patrick’s neck. Automatically, Patrick returned the hug, resting his head against David’s shoulder and relaxing. David kissed the side of his head tenderly.

“I don’t care, and you’re not doing any more work. We are going to sit on the sofa and watch the worst rom-com we can find, with tea and tissues.”

Patrick turned his head and kissed him. “That sounds great, but I really have to finish—”

David stepped away, throwing his hands in the air dramatically. “Patrick, I snuck at a look at your report, and you spelled the name of our store wrong, twice, on the first page. You are too sick to work.”

Entirely illustrating his point, Patrick sneezed, doubling over at the waist. “Hahh’AKSHOO!! Hh’AAKSSHOO!!...ugh…” He groaned softly. “OK. You win. Rom-com, tea, tissues.” He grabbed one from the box and blew his nose again.

They settled down on the sofa, Patrick nestling comfortably against David’s side, and started flicking through some terrible film options. Patrick chuckled to himself suddenly.

“What?”

“Well, if I did catch this cold at the store, I guess at least we know it was locally-sourced…”

David laughed as well. “And definitely organic…”

“You could even argue artisanal. I mean, I grew it myself. One of a kind, practically.”

David nudged him. “OK, very funny. What about ‘Ten things I hate about you?’”

“Sure, sounds good.”

They put it on, but after only fifteen minutes or so, David felt Patrick relax against him and start snoring quietly. Smiling to himself, he stroked Patrick’s hair gently and settled in to enjoy the film.

[chronic reader]

I LOVE this fic, this show, and this is one of my favorite ships ever!!!! There are like no David/Patrick fics here so I would love if you wrote more

[HowFitting]

Just brilliant! 
You wrote these characters so well. Would love to see more too! 

[happybunny]

Omg! This is perfect!! Such a good read. You nailed the charachters! And this couple is one of the BEST things about this amazing show. You’re making me want to rewatch it!

thank you! ☺️☺️

[jem]

ahhhh this is amazing, thanks so much for sharing! i love patrick and david and you got their personalities just right. great work :)) 

[snowshie]

Aww, too cute! I adore this pairing, and this is so sweet. Thank you for sharing!

[HPG]

Love it!

[musiclover90]

I love SC! This was great!

[Heather]

Oh my goodness I LOVE THIS!!!! Thank you for writing it....one of my favorite shows and favorite couples of allllllll time!!! 😍😍😍

[PetalPunk]

Absolutely adorable! I love Schitt’s Creek and this was definitely in character for both of them! Great job and I enjoyed your writing style 

[ToastedBagel]

I know this is almost a year old but THIS. I love this. I love the I interaction between Patrick and David and how David is secretly kind of grossed out with Patrick's germs but puts it aside to make him comfortable. I feel like there are not any Schitts Creek fics on here. 

Edited September 12, 2022 by ToastedBagel