It always rains in Gotham..((Suicide Squad, M, Joker, Mess))

[SneezyHolmes]

God, I started this like a year ago and still haven't/probably won't finish it but here ya go anyways..! Some messy, sick clown prince..

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Thunder cracked like a firework over Gotham, an ominous prelude to an impending storm no doubt. All it’d done lately was rain much to the Joker’s chagrin. Of course that wasn’t what was really bothering him. No, no the painful tickle nestled in the back of his throat tag teaming with the one clogged nostril bothered him more than any rampant weather ever could.

His one handed grip on the wheel tightened slightly as he pressed a knuckle to the opposite nostril and sniffled deeply, trying to clear away the obstructing snot only to find it failed much like all the other attempts he’d made since leaving the penthouse. His jaw set in irritation, taking a turn sharply as he weaved his Lamborghini in and out of traffic with all the practiced precision of someone who had zero regard for safety or traffic laws.

Though he did regret it somewhat when his passenger squealed way too loud for his liking. 

“Jesus, J! Ease up, huh? You know how hard it is to touch up makeup when ya drive like a fuckin’ maniac?”.

Harley shot him a dirty look before turning her attention back to her compact, dabbing a tissue at a bit of smudged lipstick on the corner of her mouth. She was dressed to the nines, excited for a night of dancing and debauchery at the club as was their usual nighttime ritual.

“You should be used to this, Harl!”,he laughed though it was punctuated almost immediately by an uncovered bout of coughing and finished off with an almost inaudible groan. Even laughing seemed to be off the table for him at the moment. How cruel life could be! Still, he was looking forward to letting loose with her, figuring there was nothing a good buzz couldn’t fix. 

Oh how wrong he was. So very, very wrong. The club was packed as usual with a line outside of Gothamites dying for their chance to get into the Clown Prince’s palace. He paid none of them any mind despite their frantic cheering and clamoring for his attention and the annoying flashes of their cell camera’s, slipping past the panda bear suited guards with Harley around his arm though she was quick to slip away and head for the stage. 

The music pulsated through the joint, the bass loud enough to lightly rattle the wall of glasses behind the bar though none of the dancers or bar flies seemed to mind or care. He snorted again, failed to clear his nose, and saddled up to the bar for his usual bottle of top shelf liquor before disappearing into the back room. 

He cracked off the lid, flung it over his shoulder, and flopped down on the wraparound couch. His head was starting to throb from the music but at least Harley looked as if she was having fun, his view from the room giving him a great shot of her dancing. She really was a pretty number in that dress. One swig quickly became four as he brought the bottle to his lips, trying to ignore how much it burned going down.

“Ngh..”,he grunted, eyeing the bottle as if it’d offended his ancestors though his sour look was quickly interrupted by an all too familiar sensation. Slender nostrils flared rapidly as his lip curled and he jerked forward with a throat tearing sneeze,”Hh’RRRSSTCHH! Nn--!”. A hand found it’s way to his throat, rubbing slowly to try and tame the burn but much like the sniffling it didn’t work. Speaking of sniffling, the sneeze seemed to have dislodged the bit of congestion, leaving it to trickle unceremoniously down his upper lip.

Gross.

He grumbled, running his pristine white sleeve under his nose and cringing at the dark streak left behind as the fabric absorbed the fluid. He couldn’t recall the last time he’d felt like this, figuring it had to at least been some time after his fall in the vat, either way it was not a feeling he’d missed in the slightest! His gaze flicked back to his girlfriend grinding against a pole without a care in the world, dyed hair swishing this way and that as she moved.

Damn.

His view was soon obstructed though by a large and heavily tatted man clearing his throat as if inconvenienced by something. 

“Down in front, you’re blocking my view. Move.”,he spat out with a dismissive hand wave, far from in the mood to do business tonight,”Whatever it is it can fucking waihh..Hh’RRSSTCH!--wait.”. Even sneezing was proving tiring so he opted to avoid the extra hassle of covering, a fine mist spraying out as a result.

The man didn’t budge, merely raising a brow at the clown,”Not so sure about that, J. Got word Wayne is having a benefit gala tomorrow with some pretty hotshot guests. Figured you might be interested in crashing? Score some loot?”.

The mere mention of crashing a Wayne event had him sitting straight up then regretting it as his head swam but his attention was fully peaked now,”A gala you say? Mm..that does sound like fun. I’m almost offended I wasn’t invited! Shame on Brucie boy, now I gotta be a party pooper..aww..”. He sneered, peering around him to holler at Harley, beckoning for her to come over.

With a bounce in her step, Harley slipped into the room and right over to him, plopping down on his lap,”Yeah Puddin’? My fave song just came on too..”.

“Nevermind that, Harl! Tomorrow we’re going out again! To a gala of all things. You up for a little mischief, my dear?”,he purred hoarsely, trailing a few fingers up and down her thigh affectionately,”Ol’ Brucie didn’t even invite us..”.

“Fuckin’ rude if ya ask me! I’d love to go with ya though and show those snots how to really party!”,she grinned, leaning in to kiss along his jaw which felt a bit warmer than normal but she shrugged it off as merely a result of the club being packed and warm.

 
Joker returned the smirk, giving the man another dismissive hand gesture,”Round up the boys and get ‘em ready. I wanna be fashionably late to this thing. Now scram!”. His hand slipped up her dress, a mischievous glint in his eye as well as another tickle in the back of his slender nose. Not now of all times! His breath hitched once then twice, lip curling just as he ducked off to the side to avoid spraying her,”HH’RSTCHH’AH! SNDFF! Hh’ESTCHHHH! ‘NgTSCHHH! God dambit!”.

The fit had left his nose running enough to drip off the bottom of his chin and hit the carpet below. He gave a thick sniff and a grumble, turning back to her with far less mischief in his gaze and more pitifulness instead. 

“Aww, bless ya, J..ya feelin’ alright? You’re kinda warm..”,she cooed softly, grabbing his silken handkerchief from his breast pocket to offer up,”Here, ya got a little..uh..somethin’-somethin’..”.

“Huh..?”,he asked in a dazed tone, the congestion starting to settle into his sinuses,”I’mb fine, thigk mby allergies are just acting ub.”. Like hell he was gonna let on to how he was really feeling. Especially at the expense of getting her all worked up and on his ass about it. 

It’d pass, he was sure of it..
 

[bcj1027]

Wow this is really great! I hope you continue it!

[SneezyHolmes]

5 minutes ago, bcj1027 said:

Wow this is really great! I hope you continue it!

Ah, thank you! I will probably add to it here and there! 

[SleepingPhlox]

Ohhh man, your writing is so good and so evocative I can get invested in a fic for a fandom I ain't even in.  Its always good when your name pops up in the fic or art boards!

[SneezyHolmes]

9 hours ago, SleepingPhlox said:

Ohhh man, your writing is so good and so evocative I can get invested in a fic for a fandom I ain't even in.  Its always good when your name pops up in the fic or art boards!

Oh man, thank you, Phlox!  It's always a delight to read your comments! Thanks for reading!

[prisma]

I really liked this and I hope you continue!

[SneezyHolmes]

8 minutes ago, prisma said:

I really liked this and I hope you continue!

Thanks! I've been working on it here and there so hopefully the next part will be up soon!