Dust and History (The Old Guard, Nicky, references to others)

[fufufufu]

I have been FREAKING. OBSESSED. with The Old Guard for a few months now and decided to write a story.

If you haven't seen it, it's important to know the premise that this is a group of immortals. 

Enjoy!

------

Nile groaned awake as the car pulled up to their safehouse on the outskirts of Dubrovnik. She was slumped uncomfortably in the backseat alongside Andy. Joe and Nicky sat in front, having traded off driving the last stretch of their journey, including a stop at the grocery store that both Nile and Andy had mostly slept through. But now, Nile welcomed their arrival at an actual shelter, where she could stretch her legs, and maybe even sleep in a real bed. 

A real bed wasn't a given, though. Nile was beginning to discover the group had these safehouses all over Europe -- old, unremarkable structures in varying states of repair. Some of them had hot water and real beds, and others were little more than a roof and four walls.  The house they'd pulled up to appeared to be on the "functioning plumbing" end of the spectrum, at least. 

As they all piled out of the car and began to unload their bags and groceries, Andy declared she had the shower first. Nicky and Joe -- ever the domestic types -- chattered about the food they'd bought, and what they planned to make for breakfast. Nile half-listened. She did not understand most of their odd mix of English, Arabic and Ligurian, but she had come to find the rhythm of it soothing to listen to. It was a pleasant backdrop as Nile surveyed the interior of the house, which was otherwise decidedly creepy. Ornate wall treatments and bannisters suggested the house had once been filled with finery, but the decrepit furniture and impenetrable cloud of dust smelled of decay. Nile didn't want to think about what vermin might be living in the cellar. 

Abruptly, the soothing English-Arabic-Ligurian chatter came to a halt. A gasp echoed in the quiet old house. 

Nile turned, and found that Nicky had stopped in place, the back of his fingers pressed over his thick, prominent nose. His eyelids fluttered. "Heh--heh--"

Beside him, Joe shook his head fondly. "Oh, here you go again." 

"Heh-ihh-ihh-ihhhhhh-" Nicky waved the hand in front of his face, as if desperately trying to shoo off the impending sneeze. But his control broke. "ihhhhh-aaa-AATTSCHEW!" 

"Bless you," Nile said.

"heahhITSSCHOO!" Nicky exploded.

"Don't bother," Joe said. "He'll--"

"HEH-AITSSSCH!" 

"--He'll be at this a while." 

"III-YETTSCHEW! IIH-IRRRSHEW! EHHHYISSSH-OO!" Nicky ducked his head three times in rapid succession, his sneezes rattling off the walls.

Andy came back in through the front door, carrying the last bag of groceries. "Oh, is he starting this up again?" 

He again jerked forward helplessly. "HUH-ERSSSHOO!" 

"Come on, Nicky." Andy clapped him on the shoulder. "This place isn't that old."

He was too overwhelmed by the impending sneeze to answer her. "Ehh-EHHHTSCH!"

"Evidently," Joe said, "my beloved's nose would beg to differ." 

"IhhhATTSCHEW! HiihhTISSCHOO!" 

"Is he going be all right?" Nile asked, frowning. 

"Yes." Nicky at last managed to speak, although his fluttering voice and streaming nose contradicted him when he said: "I'm -- heh, ahhh... ahhh... Ahhh'ESSSH! - fine, really." 

"The dust just gets to him sometimes." Joe rubbed between Nicky's shoulder blades. "It's been like this for centuries." 

"We know how old a safehouse is by how long Nicky's fit goes on," Andy added. 

"ESSH-SHOO!... urgh." Nicky finished with a groan, and a thick wet sniffle. 

Nile frowned. "But weren't things, like, a lot dustier back in the day?" 

Joe and Andy burst out laughing.

"You don't want to know how many haylofts I've had to listen to this in," Joe said. 

Nicky gulped thickly for air, and said: "Joe used to -- hhhTCHOO! -- tell me it's all my big, weird nose was good for." 

The big, weird nose in question was bright red, the rest of his face suffused pink. His sneezing fit appeared to have come to a lull, but whatever itch caused it was still bothering him, if the way Nicky rubbed violently at his nostrils was any indication. Indeed, after a moment, Nicky's breath hitched loudly. His shoulders began to go up and down as he gasped.

"Hhh... hih!... hehh..." he gasped.

"Still not done yet?" Andy teased. 

"Hahhh.... hah... huh, ihhh...." All at once Nicky clamped a hand over his nose, and bent double. "Eihhhhh-ESSSHOOO!"

"So how long does this usually go on for?" Nile said. 

""IIH-IISHH! IISSH!" 

"Depends," Andy said. "Joe, do you remember when we were last here?"

"ESSSHHH! ESSSHHH!" Nicky's sneezing had grown absolutely frantic. "HRRR-ISSSHOO! ESSSHOOO!"

"Not since '89, I think?" Joe said, and Nile guessed that was not the most recent year ending in 89.

"Back in the Ragusa days," Andy remarked. 

Nope, Nile thought to herself, and made a mental note to look up exactly what years made up "the Ragusa days."

Evidently it was quite some time ago, because Joe clucked his tongue at Nicky in sympathy. "Oh, habibi. You're going to be at this a while." 

Joe took him by the shoulder and guided him towards the stairs, even as a particularly fierce "HIHTSCHEWW!" stumbled Nicky's steps. They retreated upstairs, but even from a floor below, Nile could still hear him sneezing every half a minute, like clockwork. For all that the group had been joking about it, Nile began to feel sorry for him, especially as his sneezes started to sound progressively more hoarse and tired.

When she went upstairs to her own sleeping quarters, hauling her bags along, Nile could not help glancing in through the open door to Joe and Nicky's room. They were seated side-by-side on the bed. Joe was rubbing Nicky's shoulders and murmuring some soothing words, while Nicky was slumped forward and trying to muffle his relentless sneezes in a pink cloth. 

After Nile had finished setting up her own room and returned downstairs, she was surprised to find Joe in the kitchen, beating a bowl of eggs. 

"Are you sure Nicky's going to be okay?" Nile asked, joining him to help prepare the group's breakfast. 

Joe smiled at her. "You're sweet to ask. Yes, he'll be fine."

"Especially now that he got first shower," Andy said.

"That usually calms down his fits," Joe explained. 

"I still think he decided to put on that little show after he heard me call the shower first," Andy continued to complain, but the look she directed up at the ceiling had more than a touch of concern to it. 

"Aww, Andy," Nile said. "It was sweet of you to give it up anyway." 

"Oh, shut up, kid," she growled, and both Nile and Joe burst into laughter.

They finished cooking breakfast, and set out a full plate for Nicky on the assumption he would eventually join them. Indeed, after a while he came down the stairs freshly showered and changed. His sneezing fit appeared to have fully subsided, although his nose was still pink, and he was sniffling into the pink cloth.

"Are you sure you're done?" Andy said, as Nicky settled into his seat. "I'm not listening to that at my own breakfast table." 

"Yes, Andy." Nicky snuffled tiredly, wiping at his nose one last time before he tucked the cloth into his pocket. "I think it is over." 

Joe lightly squeezed Nicky's arm. "The oven's still warm, if you want to reheat your plate." 

"Thank you. I'll be okay," Nicky said, catching his hand and squeezing it in return.  Then he turned to Nile. "Pardon me for earlier. Those fits don't really happen as often as these two like to say. It's just that once it starts, I can't stop." 

Andy rolled her eyes fondly. "Nine hundred years and he still hasn't figured out how to control it." 

"So, what, we're immortal but we still get allergies?" Nile said. "There goes my dream of finally getting a cat." 

"Allergies," Nicky said faintly. "Remember when we finally learned what those were? No, I don't think that's it. The dust simply bothers my nose sometimes. Then I have a fit like that, and once it's over, I'm fine." 

"Has it ever happened on a mission?" Nile asked. 

The groaned laughter that collectively went up from the table told her the answer was yes. 

"Only one time," Nicky said defensively. 

"Let's just say, I'm glad he's on sniper duty now," Andy said. 

"It's part of the reason we don't go into mines anymore," Joe added. 

"It was only once!" Nicky insisted.

"I could hear you no matter where I went in those goddamned tunnels," Andy said. "It was like the world's worst sonar." 

Nile burst out laughing. "You know what? I don't even want to know the full story. It's probably not going to be as funny as what I'm imagining." 

Nicky sighed in capitulation, although he clearly did not mind being teased by his family too much, if the smile he was fighting off was any indication. Nevertheless, he attempted a change of subject. "What was that you said about cats, Nile?" 

"Oh," Nile said. "I'm crazy allergic to them. Or I was? I don't know anymore." 

"Hey, me too," Joe said, and offered her a fistbump, which she took. "The immortality cures that."

"Really?" Nile said, perking up.

"Eventually," Andy said, smirking to herself as if she were in on some private joke. 

"Oh, this again..." Joe groaned. "Yeah, it'll take a while before it sticks." 

"What do you mean, a while?" Nile asked. 

Andy snorted. "These two idiots couldn't tell you." 

"We're not exactly sure," Nicky said, more diplomatically.

"The first time I was able to pet a cat without sneezing was probably around two hundred years after I first died," Joe said. 

"Two hundred years?!" Nile cried in dismay. 

"Wait for the whole story, kid," Andy said. 

"But we don't really know if it went away before that," Nicky said. 

"We didn't really know what allergies were back then," Joe said. "All I knew was that being around cats still made me sick, even after the first time I died, and I was healing from everything else just fine." 

"That time in Cairo..." Nicky shook his head. "A cat got into our room in the middle of the night. Joe was still sneezing when the sun came up. I think you woke up half the inn." 

"Yes, well." Joe rubbed at the tip of his nose, as if in remembered irritation. "After that, my beloved Nicolo here was incredibly vigilant about chasing them off."

"I didn't hurt them," Nicky hastened to add. 

"When we finally met Andy and Quynh, which took us a very long time," Joe said, "we discovered there was a stray cat they had adopted." 

"Diana." The normally hard-edged Andy broke into a smile that was downright goofy. "She was the best girl." 

"Nicky immediately went on guard," Joe said, "but Andy insisted I'd be fine. And it turned out, I was. My mysterious sickness around cats was completely gone." 

"And then we tried to remember the last time Joe had been around a cat," Nicky said, "and we couldn't."

"Because *you* hadn't let one get near me in at least a century," Joe said, grinning. 

"I still think there was that time in Esfahan," Nicky said. 

"I only had a cold that time," Joe answered. 

Nicky pointed his fork at Joe. "But I saw the inn owner's cat right as we were leaving." 

"That doesn't mean it got anywhere near our room." 

"But it's the only night you were sick, and besides, you never get colds."

"Yes I do, there was that time in '58..." 

As Joe and Nicky devolved into an affectionate squabble, Andy rolled her eyes at Nile in commiseration. "I spent an entire journey on the Silk Road hearing this argument," she said. "Anyway, if you're up for a little exposure therapy, we'll definitely get another cat."

Nile grinned. "Hell, yeah." 

=end=

[Masking]

Oh my God. Okay, so, uh. I don't know how we seem to have all collectively decided that Nicky's nose doesn't react well to dust, but it is the world's best headcanon.

"It's just that once it starts, I can't stop."

I don't care if Nicky is teased for his "big, weird nose." I will love it for him. Especially if he keeps rubbing his nose like that...that big, beautiful nose.

And the mentions of the others having things that set their noses off, too? Yum!

There's about a 1000% chance I'm reading this again.

[fufufufu]

33 minutes ago, Masking said:

Oh my God. Okay, so, uh. I don't know how we seem to have all collectively decided that Nicky's nose doesn't react well to dust, but it is the world's best headcanon.

"It's just that once it starts, I can't stop."

I don't care if Nicky is teased for his "big, weird nose." I will love it for him. Especially if he keeps rubbing his nose like that...that big, beautiful nose.

And the mentions of the others having things that set their noses off, too? Yum!

There's about a 1000% chance I'm reading this again.

Yay! I had no idea other people had that headcanon but I'm 1000000% here for it. It's kind of a nose that cries out for it in my opinion.

In my mind the "big weird nose" thing was originally from when Yusuf and Nicolo were, uh, working out their issues way back in the day. Something that started as maybe a real insult but evolved into affectionate teasing. 

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed!

[Elle]

😍🤩😲 HOLY SHIT! This was so smoking hot! And omg I'm delighted that you came to the same conclusion as Masking and I about Nicky's big beautiful nose being sensitive to dust. 

The line about Nicky not being able to stop once he starts and Joe rubbing Nicky's back through his fit, Slayed Me! So good!

Thank you for writing and sharing this. I'm so glad to see at least one other fetishist into The Old Guard, because I am so obsessed!

[fufufufu]

7 hours ago, Elle said:

😍🤩😲 HOLY SHIT! This was so smoking hot! And omg I'm delighted that you came to the same conclusion as Masking and I about Nicky's big beautiful nose being sensitive to dust. 

The line about Nicky not being able to stop once he starts and Joe rubbing Nicky's back through his fit, Slayed Me! So good!

Thank you for writing and sharing this. I'm so glad to see at least one other fetishist into The Old Guard, because I am so obsessed!

Oh thank you!! I'm so glad you liked it. Yeah my life has not been the same since I watched this movie a couple of months ago, lol!

[Coffee Mug]

What did I just read??? This is so unbelievably HOT!! I can’t ... I.. have to go re read it again 🤩

So beautifully written, love the spellings, the harsh itchy sneezes and all the others talking about Nicky’s allergy to dust while he’s having a fit.. I... this is like my favorite scenario!! Thank you so so so much 😍😍 

[fufufufu]

9 hours ago, Coffee Mug said:

What did I just read??? This is so unbelievably HOT!! I can’t ... I.. have to go re read it again 🤩

So beautifully written, love the spellings, the harsh itchy sneezes and all the others talking about Nicky’s allergy to dust while he’s having a fit.. I... this is like my favorite scenario!! Thank you so so so much 😍😍 

Thank you for commenting, I'm so glad you liked it! 

[Avocados]

This is AMAZING! I have been waiting for Old Guard content for ages and this is just perfect! No pressure at all but I was just wondering if you were planning on writing more? Seriously, thank you for this wonderful fic.

 

[fufufufu]

On 2/12/2021 at 8:02 PM, Avocados said:

This is AMAZING! I have been waiting for Old Guard content for ages and this is just perfect! No pressure at all but I was just wondering if you were planning on writing more? Seriously, thank you for this wonderful fic.

 

Thank you so much!!  

I don't have anything else planned at the moment unfortunately but will definitely post ASAP if I do :)