Allergic to Bullshit (Super Troopers - Mac)

[dragonko]

Hey all, just watched Super Troopers last night and thought that I'd play around with a short one-off based on that movie. Features the characters Mac and Foster.

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Mac and Foster stepped out of their patrol car behind a red Chevrolet Cavalier with Rhode Island plates they had clocked going 70 in a 55 zone.

 

“Alright Mac, what’s the plan for this one?” Foster leaned in to ask. “Not sure yet, gonna play it on the fly,” Mac responded with a mischievous grin.

 

“Good morning, sir,” Mac leaned down to look at the young man sitting behind the steering wheel, a young woman sat next to him in the passenger’s seat, “license and registration.”

 

As the young man leaned down to grab his registration, Mac continued, “you know why we pulled you over?” The young man leaned back up, handing his license and registration to Mac, “uh, n-no sir.”

 

“Well, we clocked ya going 70 in a 55, were you just not paying attention there boy?”

 

“Oh, no, sir, I guess I lost track of my speed,” the young man said, shifting in his seat. That’s when Mac leaned in closer, “you haven’t been drinking, have you?” The young man shook his head, “no, sir.” “How about any drugs? You been partaking there?” Again the young man shook his head no.

 

Issht, hah-Issht, Mac turned to his side, “sneezing” twice, “you see sir, I ju- I just Issht, I happen to be highly allergic to bullshit, so you wanna try that again?”

 

Foster had to stifle a laugh at Mac’s fake sneezes so as to not make it obvious that they were joking with the couple. Mac’s real sneezes were deafening roars, so to hear the tiny little sneeze sounds he was making now was just beyond hysterical.

 

“No, really officer, we haven’t been doing anything,” the young man began to plead with the officer staring back at him.

 

“Is that s-, i-is that s-soo, is- Issht, Issht, HAH-Isshtchoo … Is that so? Are you aware that directly provoking an officer’s allergies could be considered assault?” Mac said, wrinkling his face to show he was about to “sneeze” again.

 

“Okay okay, fine,” the driver said reaching into his pocket, “we have this little bit of weed, but we only smoked a little bit of it.”

 

“Yup, that’s what I thought. See, you can’t fool this nose,” Mac said with a grin as he tapped the tip of his nose. “Alright, well, here’s a ticket for speeding … now get out of here.” The driver looked back at him, stunned. “Go – HUAASHOOOOO” the sneeze had snuck up on Mac so fast he almost didn’t have time to brace himself against the couple’s car as he doubled over unleashing a startling shout of a sneeze.

 

The driver turned pale, “I promise officer, there’s nothing else, I’m not bullshitting you.”

 

Mac turned to him, obviously somewhat shocked and embarrassed that his act had been played by his nose’s need to actually sneeze. “Just get out of here,” was all he could manage as he turned to walk back to the cruiser.

 

“Woah Mac, you good? Didn’t know you were gonna scare the piss out of him with a real one at the end,” Foster joked punching him lightly on the arm.

 

Mac just chuckled, “yeah, neither did I.”