How to Derail an Argument (Good Omens, M)

[Elle]

Featuring fetishist Aziraphale and a sneezing Crowley. (Kinda set in the same universe as my other fic on here Blessings)

I got a lovely prompt on tumblr for Crowley sneezing during an argument and Aziraphale thinking he's doing it on purpose. Feel free to drop some prompts for me here!

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“Oh it is not,” Crowley snapped, tired of his angel trying to claim this for the side of the heavens.

“It is! In fact I would think that given the circumstances ….” Aziraphale would have finished his irritated response had Crowley not doubled over with a loud and sudden “HAH-AEESH-uh!” 

Crowley blinked dazed at the sudden sneeze that had come out of nowhere, leaving him sniffling in the aftermath.

Aziraphale blushed furiously and glared at Crowley, “Really?!” he snapped, obviously thinking that Crowley was trying to end this argument through other means than words.

“Angel, I’m not….nuh-Huh…HAH-shuh..HAATCHSSHH….” He sneezed towards the floor, nose twitching in the aftermath, “Ngh…I’m not doing this on purpose…” 

Aziraphale looked at him suspiciously, “Just very convenient timing then?” He snarked, but with slightly less heat, as his eyes were focused on Crowley’s irritated nose.

“I wouldn’t…heh…eh-heh..exactly call th-hih-is ISHOO…hH..HEPT-chusssh..” He squeezed his nose shut desperately trying to stop from this developing into a full fit, “HKNXT..HEPTCHT..Hh- HKTCH-USSH-huhSSH…”

Aziraphale watched stunned for a moment as Crowley was overcome by whatever was causing him to sneeze. He snapped a handkerchief into being and reached over to his distracted lover, pressed it into the hand that wasn’t gripping the tip of Crowley’s nose.

Crowley gratefully buried his nose into the fresh kerchief stifling three more harsh sneezes into it before he managed to pause long enough to blow his nose. He let out a low groan afterwards and rubbed at his nose through the cloth as he looked over at the angel.

“This really isn’t…?” Aziraphale questioned just to be sure, trying not to be distracted by the flush of Crowley’s cheeks and across the bit of Crowley’s nose visible from where is was still hidden in the handkerchief in the aftermath of his fit. 

“Promise, Angel. Not intentional.” Crowley grumbled his voice a bit hoarse from trying so hard to contain his rather powerful sneezing. 

“Oh…Then what on earth is bothering you, my dear?” He asked curiously, trying to remain sympathetic with desire also written all over his face. He licked over his suddenly dry lips unconsciously.

“Dunno…” Crowley mumbled, distracted by the tickle prickling in the back of his nose again, “Nngh…it ih-Ih-itches…” He groaned. “Hh..Hah..Hah-HAh-ISHOO..HEPTSSH-uh..HAAASHUH…” He sniffled wetly into the handkerchief for a moment, before lowering it from his nose.

“Goodness, Gesundheit,” the angel murmured slightly shocked. 

Aziraphale was flushed and his pupils were blown wide with desire, his teeth pressed lightly into his lower lip, eyes glued to Crowley’s red twitching nostrils. Despite the annoyance of all this random sneezing Crowley couldn’t help but appreciate the effect it had on his angel.

“Perhaps we could move this debate….eh-Heh-lsewhere?” He asked, finger under his nose to ward off another bout of sneezing for the moment. As much as he loved to indulge his angel, it seemed like whatever was bothering him was getting worse and not better.

“Oh, yes. Of course, my dear.” Aziraphale said, snapping back into focus with a little worried frown, “Your place, since we don’t know what’s getting to you here?” 

“Yeah probably for the-heh best….” Crowley’s face collapsed into a grimace, “N-not ah…ag-geh-ain….Heh..HEHSHUH…HAHTUSSH-Hh-HKTSH-HXKTSH” He managed to stifle the last two pinching his nose roughly.

Aziraphale gently guided Crowley to the door of the shop and with a little miracle a cab pulled up just as they stepped outside. They slipped into the back of the cab, Crowley sniffling into the handkerchief, occasionally rubbing at his trembling nostrils to keep from sneezing. Azriaphale pressed up against his side, let himself enjoy the view for the trip.

The trip was blessedly short, and Crowley was quick to jump out of the cab and put as much distance between them before bending right in half with three loud harsh sneezes. Aziraphale paid the cabbie thanking him profusely as he always did, and came up behind Crowley, rubbing his back as he blew his nose productively. 

“Are you alright, dear?” He asked a bit worried now, and a bit guilty at enjoying Crowley’s suffering. 

Crowley gave his nose a final wipe with the kerchief and then took a tentative sniff, “Yeah, much better actually. Must have sneezed out the last of it.” He mused, turning to Aziraphale as they walked up to his flat. Upon seeing Aziraphale’s face with an expression of disappointment, tinged with a hint of guilt, Crowley laughed.

“What?” Aziraphale said with a disgruntled pout as Crowley laughed at him.

Crowley smiled at his angel fondly, “How ‘bout we go back to your place tomorrow and try to figure out what’s setting me off, yeah?”

Aziraphale blushed, looking suddenly caught out, ‘I…I don’t want you to be miserable…”

“I’ll be better prepared tomorrow and I can always step out if it gets too much. C’mon, Angel. We can check everywhere in your bedroom first.” He said with a flirtatious smirk.

Azriraphale flushed even darker and had to clear his throat at the offer, “Alright, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, Angel.” He said pressing a hand to his angel’s back to guide him to the living room, where drinks were already miraculously waiting for them.

“Have a drink. Maybe you can convince me of you’re earlier points after all,” Crowley said not entirely sure why he was inviting Aziraphale to continue they’re earlier argument. He sniffled and rubbed his nose as it gave a twitch but it appeared that whatever was bothering him had truly passed because it ended at that.

“Convince you of what?” Aziraphale asked as he took a drink.

Crowley held back laughter through a great force of will, “Nothing, Angel. Nevermind. Tell me about that new restaurant in downtown you were eyeing earlier?” 

Well despite it being an accident it looked like that was one sure way for Crowley to derail an argument.

 

[Wilde]

This is amazing! Love how the sneezing factors into the plot too. Great spellings, nice dialogue, thank you! 

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Good lord, that is definitely a very good and sneaky way to de-rail an argument. Would definitely work on me. I'd say 'poor Crowley' but I think the general outcome for both parties is quite positive. Loved it!

[Masking]

Oh, my. What a lovely way to end an argument! I'm interested in what, exactly, Crowley is allergic to in the bookshop.

[sprinkles287]

1 hour ago, Masking said:

Oh, my. What a lovely way to end an argument! I'm interested in what, exactly, Crowley is allergic to in the bookshop.

Me too!

[Shay]

Great story! I just loved the urgency and desperation of Crowley's sneezing. I'd love to see another chapter where they figure out what was setting him off.

[Elle]

On 9/10/2019 at 7:46 AM, Wilde said:

This is amazing! Love how the sneezing factors into the plot too. Great spellings, nice dialogue, thank you! 

Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed and glad you liked the dialogue, I always wonder if it will read as in character to other people when I write fanfic.

On 9/10/2019 at 9:58 AM, TheCakeIsAlive said:

Good lord, that is definitely a very good and sneaky way to de-rail an argument. Would definitely work on me. I'd say 'poor Crowley' but I think the general outcome for both parties is quite positive. Loved it!

Haha, it would also 100% work on me. Thank you!

On 9/10/2019 at 5:20 PM, Masking said:

Oh, my. What a lovely way to end an argument! I'm interested in what, exactly, Crowley is allergic to in the bookshop.

On 9/10/2019 at 7:14 PM, sprinkles287 said:

Me too!

Oh my well perhaps I can be inspired to write a sequel at some point.

On 9/15/2019 at 10:38 PM, Shay said:

Great story! I just loved the urgency and desperation of Crowley's sneezing. I'd love to see another chapter where they figure out what was setting him off.

Thank you so much! Haha maybe I'll be inspired to write it at some point.  But I'm always open to detailed prompts, that's what got me to write this one!

[BookQ36]

Two thumbs up!  And Crowley sneezing means that I get to picture David Tennant, which can only ever be a good thing.   

... did I just find an emoticon set that fits our ineffable husbands???

[SpookyBoi]

This is really good. Maybe you can write a sequel where Crowley and Aziraphale go back to the bookstore to find out what’s setting the demon off, and to indulge Aziraphale but it quickly becomes evident Crowley bit off a little more than he can chew.

Now his angels just worried and wants to know what’s causing Crowley to have such an adverse reaction.

Edited November 26, 2019 by ChickyNuggetOfJustice

[AngelEyes]

Such lovely boys! Very well done. That would certainly derail any argument with me! Mmmm!