One Hell of a Cold (Lucifer; M and F)

[Spoo]

L i s t e n. I'm not even sorry for the cheesy/pun-tastic title.   That aside, I've been on a Lucifer kick lately (if you guys haven't already noticed ) and this was a fic that was demanding to be written. I really, REALLY wanted to incorporate a cold into this series somehow, and I was finally hit with the inspiration to do it.

Vaguely set in an earlier season, please enjoy this silly devil and his adorable assumption that he can't catch a cold.

 

One Hell of a Cold

Part 1

by Spoo

 

 

“Good morning, Detective. You’re looking….”

Lucifer’s sentence tapered off upon getting a proper look at his partner. Chloe was always beautiful, regardless of what she wore or how she presented herself, but today she seemed to carry a heaviness about her features that stuck out like a sore thumb (almost as much as the redness of her nose did).

“…not quite like yourself, I’ll admit,” he finished.

Chloe coughed before she could put out an answer. “I have a cold. I started coming down with it yesterday, but it really hit me this morning.” 

“Ah yes, a cold,” Lucifer understood. “Funny little illness, that. Not quite enough to compromise one's existence, yet still enough to inflict distinct discomfort on its unlucky host.”

“Which is why I can’t afford to be sick right now. Especially since we’re so close to cracking the case,” Chloe said, reaching for a mug that sat close by. “I had to come in.”

“And now here you are, strung high at the very pinnacle of misery, drinking—what is it, exactly, that you’re drinking?” Lucifer asked.

“Tea,” Chloe replied, coughing again.

“Tea,” Lucifer repeated, raising his eyebrows. “Well it’s no wonder why you’ve not started feeling better yet. Allow me…” And here Lucifer reached across the desk and confiscated Chloe’s “#1 Best Mom” mug (no doubt a gift from her irksome spawn, he presumed).

Chloe watched as Lucifer withdrew a small silver flask from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. By the time it occurred to her what was happening, it was far too late to stop him.

“Voilà,” Lucifer announced, capping the flask after he’d poured a decent amount of amber liquid into the mug. “That ought to discourage your cold from progressing any further.”

“Did you just…spike my tea?” Chloe asked, blinking owlishly.

“What I did was transform your sad leaf water into a delectable hot toddy,” Lucifer corrected, prior to bringing the mug to his own lips. He breathed in the wafting steam, now scented with a potent layer of whiskey, and then helped himself to an experimental sip. Only the best for the detective, after all. “Mm, yes. That will do nicely.”

Lucifer returned the mug to the desk, as well as the flask to his suit pocket, and then met Chloe’s gaze; she was still staring at him in what appeared to be disbelief.

“You do realize I’m still contagious, right?” Chloe pointed out. “And you just drank from my mug.”

Lucifer, amused by her needless concern, couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. Really, the devil catching a cold from a mortal? Hilarious. “Rest assured that your germs, however determined, are unable to infect me.”

“You say that now,” Chloe remarked, eyeing the tainted tea on her desk. “Wait until your throat starts hurting, and you can’t breathe through your nose.”

“Who can’t breathe through their nose?”

The two looked up to find Ella in front of them now; she carried a folder in her hands, which meant that she must have had an update for them. Before she received an answer to her question, the forensic scientist sniffed at the air.

“Why does it smell like booze over here?”

“An effort on my part to heal the detective of her illness,” Lucifer informed, grinning at Chloe. “You’ll want to drink it while it’s still hot.”

“Hey, if she doesn’t drink it I will,” Ella offered.

“Have you something for us, Ms. Lopez?” Lucifer inquired, turning his attention to Ella now (though he did mime a drinking motion at Chloe, implying that she drink her tea).

Chloe listened to Lucifer and Ella’s conversation—as much as her clogged ears would let her, anyway—and slowly sipped her tea. She shuddered when the taste of whiskey overpowered the earthy flavor of cinnamon and cloves and burned her throat on the way down. The burning also spread to her nose as well, which had the detective pushing her tea away and ducking down into the hands she’d cupped over her face.

“Hupt’ttshhh!”

“God bless you,” Ella was quick to say, which earned a displeased noise from Lucifer.

“Must you?” he asked, much to Ella’s confusion.

“Must I what?”

“Lucifer hhhates when people say ‘bless you’,” Chloe’s muffled voice said, before she sneezed again, “huhp’ttschhih!”

“I don’t ‘hate’ it,” Lucifer defended, glancing heavenward. “I just find it unnecessary and ridiculous. As if dear old Dad needs any more of an ego boost.”

“Gotchaaa… Then salud,” Ella offered instead, and then cooed in sympathy when Chloe miserably blew her nose into some tissues she’d retrieved from her desk drawer. “Pobrecita. You should be in bed.”

“Ms. Lopez is right,” Lucifer agreed, finally seeing that the detective’s ailment required more attention than a simple alcohol-infused beverage could provide. “Come, let’s get you home.”

“I can’t,” Chloe snuffled, looking at the other two through watery eyes. She lowered the tissues from her nose, which looked a shade redder. “I have to stay here and—”

“Get everyone else sick?” Ella interjected, shaking her head. “Yeah, no. Go get in your jammies, get comfy, and put on some reruns of Friends.”

Reluctant as she was to obey, Chloe knew she’d only feel worse as the day wore on. Besides, interrogating or arresting someone wouldn’t go very well if she sounded stuffed up the entire time.

“Fine,” she ultimately surrendered. “But if there’s a breakthrough in the case, I’m coming back in. No questions asked.”

“Naturally,” Lucifer said, waiting until Chloe had gathered her things so he could escort her outside. Once that happened, they said goodbye to Ella and headed out.

—

“Here we are. A throne fit for a queen.”

Chloe stared at the thick pile of bedding that now occupied her living room couch. She had left Lucifer alone while she’d gone to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and it seemed like he’d filled that time by grabbing every spare blanket and pillow she owned. Sighing, she humored him and sat down.

“Can I fetch you anything else? Another toddy, perhaps? Some soup? There’s a Thai restaurant nearby that does a lovely Tom Kha,” Lucifer explained, hoping to be of further assistance.

“I think I’m good for now,” Chloe said, unwrapping a cough drop she’d brought from her bedroom. “You don’t have to stick around, Lucifer. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Which she would be, Lucifer knew. Her pesky offspring was spending time with Detective Douche, and Maze was off bounty hunting who-knows-where. Chloe would truly be alone, and for whatever reason Lucifer didn’t fancy allowing that to happen.

“Perhaps we both need a sick day,” Lucifer suggested, removing his suit jacket and shoes.

“But you’re not sick. I mean, at this point you’re probably going to get sick hanging around me, but you’re fine now,” Chloe replied, watching as her partner rolled up his shirtsleeves.

“All the more reason to preemptively prepare for my inevitable doom,” Lucifer joked, amused that Chloe still thought contagion was an actual possibility between them. Humans. “Now, if you’d be so kind as to scooch over. There’s plenty of room for the both of us in this nest that I’ve built for you.”

Chloe said nothing as she moved over, so that she and Lucifer could sit side by side. She kept a few inches of space between them, but Lucifer didn’t seem to mind.

“Now, I believe Ms. Lopez mentioned something about reruns?” Lucifer proposed, stretching out his long legs and propping his feet on the coffee table in front of them.

—

Later that evening, after Thai takeout, a generous dose of NyQuil, and many episodes of Friends, Lucifer found his left side thoroughly occupied by Chloe’s warm, sleeping body. She had curled into him, unknowingly, and Lucifer hadn’t bothered to move away or settle her elsewhere. He wrapped an arm around the detective’s shoulder and held her close, their heads touching and their breathing in sync.

They hadn’t heard anything in regards to the case, which meant that it was unlikely any advancements would happen before the next day. Hopefully by then they would have a new lead, and Chloe would be feeling much better.

Lucifer’s grip on her tightened protectively as he let his eyes drift shut. The spicy red curry he’d eaten for dinner had left an odd sensation in his throat, which hadn’t been remedied by the drinks he’d consumed afterward. He winced a little as he swallowed against the minor ache now, hoping to tame it into submission.

No sooner had he done this, another sensation sparked to life somewhere deep in his sinuses. He wrinkled his nose in response, though that did nothing to thwart it. If anything, it only coaxed the feeling along. With his arm still secured around Chloe, Lucifer relied on his opposite arm and hand. He rubbed his nose, gave a good, hard sniff, and hoped that would be the end of it.

It was not the end, however.

“HUHH’EHTSCHH’UIH!”

Lucifer froze in place, a closed fist to his nose and his eyes opened wide. Surely this wasn’t—it couldn’t have been—there was no way he should have…

“Mmmm…bless you,” Chloe slurred, having been presumably jarred by the sudden and loud outburst. She groggily readjusted against Lucifer’s side and fell back into her medicated sleep, as though she hadn’t woken at all.

This wasn’t the end, Lucifer thought again, albeit with a sense of dread. No. This was only the beginning.

TBC.

 

[ID2006]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! I love you so so so so so very much. I've been dying for a sick Chloe and Lucifer fic. And your writing and characterizations are on point as always. (Yay sad leaf water)

[daystar428]

Yessss😈😈 Lucifer you are so fun to tease, thank you @Spoofor having him catch this from Chloe😍I can't wait to read where this goes!! 

[matilda3948]

This isn't a show I'm familiar with, but perhaps I need to acquaint myself. Great story!

[Sophieviolet232]

Omg yesssss I’ve been hoping for some Lucifer content since I binged the entire show this past month! You’ve really got their voices down! Excited for more :P

[Sneesee]

I am loving this!!! Love me some Lucifer and this fic is hitting all of my hot buttons!!! 😈 Thank you so much! Can not wait for more. 

[Lexi]

Omg! You’re timing is amazing I was just looking for a Lucifer fix the other day!

This is great! I can’t wait for the rest 

 

[Hellbent for Feather]

OMG I love Lucifer!  Thank you for doing this fic, it's wonderful so far!

[MzMental]

Im honestly rarely a fan of fanfic work (nothing against them, Im just very picky), but you hit this show spot on. The mannerisms and the way they talk. I love it. Please continue!!!

[Anonymouse]

I don't watch the show but 👀👀👀

[darkness-is-the-light]

I haven’t seen past mid-second season yet, but I know what happens later on. I can tell this is going to be a very good story, since it’s adorable so far. I love this show and you really capture the characters well.  

[AngelEyes]

Lucifer is dead sexy! You write him so well. 

On 6/6/2019 at 1:47 PM, Spoo said:

“What I did was transform your sad leaf water into a delectable hot toddy,”

OMG. Sad leaf water! I'm dying!

[gingerbreads]

This is so freaking good abzhxhxhf

[ichixshiro14]

This inspired me to watch!!! Please do continue,  your characterization is amazing!!! 

[Purple]

On 6/6/2019 at 11:47 AM, Spoo said:

“I don’t ‘hate’ it,” Lucifer defended, glancing heavenward. “I just find it unnecessary and ridiculous. As if dear old Dad needs any more of an ego boost.”

 

I LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT THIS. 

This is the rudest thing I've read in a long time. Like. How dare you, honestly. It's perfection, I can HEAR their voices. And... other things. 

[facet]

.

Edited October 31, 2019 by facet
Removed by user.

[panic!attheeverywhere]

Sooooo happy to find some Lucifer content! 

[March Hare]

AW YISSSSS SPOOCIFER FICTION

Oh you amazingly talented creature you. This is SO, SO enjoyable. I love EVERYTHING about it.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

1 hour ago, March Hare said:

AW YISSSSS SPOOCIFER FICTION

Oh you amazingly talented creature you. This is SO, SO enjoyable. I love EVERYTHING about it.

What she said.     

[ichixshiro14]

I can't wait to read more, this is sooo great!!! 😍

[RedVelvetHeart]

Love this! I gotta say “sad leaf water” was my favorite line 😅 I don’t understand why anyone loves tea!

[March Hare]

Also! You use PERFECT. sneeze spellings for both of them. I could actually HEAR it, and it sets me on fire.

Also also! THIS bit:

On 6/6/2019 at 8:47 PM, Spoo said:

“God bless you,” Ella was quick to say, which earned a displeased noise from Lucifer.

“Must you?” he asked, much to Ella’s confusion.

“Must I what?”

“Lucifer hhhates when people say ‘bless you’,” Chloe’s muffled voice said, before she sneezed again, “huhp’ttschhih!”

“I don’t ‘hate’ it,” Lucifer defended, glancing heavenward. “I just find it unnecessary and ridiculous. As if dear old Dad needs any more of an ego boost.”

YAAAAS, QUEEN SPOT THE EFF ON!