Reconciliation (M, Tony Stark, for SleepingPhlox)

[Arc Reactor]

This is my side of the trade for @SleepingPhlox

This definitely isn't my best work, but I tried to make it as good as possible. I hope you like it!

Context: Tony has found his way back to Earth with the help of Nebula. They end up in Wakanda where everyone is still in mourning. Tony manages to catch a cold because of his depleted immune system, and in his grieving, hasn’t taken the efforts to take care of himself. On a solemn ride back to the Avengers Compound, Steve attempts to reconcile with Tony, unaware that Tony is suffering from a terrible cold.

 

The whole world felt the loss. Even the air was heavy and melancholy, the remnants of the ashes of those who were lost still tainting it. The ones who were left felt further from themselves and from the people around them than before ‘The Snap’. There was only a steady quiet now, a silence that was more haunting than the endless chasm of space Tony still saw in his nightmares.

It had been a week since Tony and Nebula returned to Earth on Peter Quill’s spaceship, the Milano. Nebula had supported him while he’d limped out, dried blood crusted on his face and Peter Parker’s ashes still coating his hands. He made it all of three steps before stumbling forward and collapsing onto the ground.

He woke up in a soft bed with Rhodey sitting next to him. It was his best friend who told him the names of the people who had turned to ash. Every person named added to the weight of the guilt and sorrow on his shoulders. In the end, he felt so heavy, he spent the following week lying in bed, only eating when someone forced him and sleeping only when the night terrors decided to give him some semblance of a break.

There was no more ‘team,’ not since the so called ‘Civil War.’ They barely spoke to each other, they barely looked at each other. Thor was worse for wear, his resolve broken and his happiness stolen. Natasha always had a faraway look in her eyes, as if she, for the first time since Tony had met her, had no idea what to do. Rhodey and Bruce were both shaken to the core. While Bruce carried a haunted look of guilt in his eyes -- guilt for being away so long, guilt for missing so much of life on Earth, guilt for not being able to coax Hulk out -- Tony didn’t know. Rhodey had a permanent frown etched onto his face, making him seem older than he was.

And Steve? Steve had grown rugged since Siberia. He had a full grown beard now, longer, darker hair, and a disheveled suit that was dyed black. It was the same suit Tony had designed and upgraded. Steve had just… done a couple redesigns of his own.

The former Captain America looked tired, simply put. He was a man out of time, a man who lost everything, a man who looked for home, for some pieces of his past life. He’d found it in Bucky Barnes, only for his best friend to be taken from him again.

Yet, every time Tony accidentally caught the man’s gaze, there was always a small glimmer of what Tony dared to call hope. Tony didn’t know why his guilt ridden, PTSD burdened, pathetic, and lonely ass would trigger any sort of reaction such as hope. What could Steve possibly hope for from him?

A small voice in the back of his head whispered, “reconciliation.”

Tony was getting too old for this shit.

Now they were all on a quinjet, stuffed together in a small space, and Tony made a spot for himself farthest from Steve for that particular reason. He wanted so bad to hate him. He wanted to hit him, yell at him, make him feel terrible for what had happened two years ago. And yet… he couldn’t find the blistering, roiling anger he’d felt for Steve for so long. He couldn’t seem to muster the utter hatred, the sickening coils of betrayal pooled in his stomach. None of those made an appearance. Not when the universe was half erased.

Not when Steve looked so sad, yet so hopeful. Not when loss rang through the air, not when Peter’s life and being was still stained on Tony’s palms.

His heart skipped a beat when Steve caught him staring, and Tony quickly lowered his head to stare at his hands. He decided to focus instead on his headache, which had been bothering him for the most part of the past two days. It was catching up with him, causing a pounding to wrack through his brain.

The cold had come onto him slowly, starting with only a sore throat, a result of all of the screaming he’d done after Thanos left him on that cold, desolate planet and taken away the most innocent of them all, the one who didn’t deserve to die… the one he considered a son.  

Anyway.

Coughing had wreaked havoc on his sore throat. Not to mention the incessant, torturous, tickly sneezes. By the time he boarded the quinjet, he had run through an entire tissue box trying to muffle the harsh triplets of sneezes that would constantly overcome him.

Speaking of…  

HehhhIRSHHoo! HehhESHHue!

“Bless you.”

Tony barely glanced up through watery eyes to see a bearded tall man standing in front of him before his nose wrinkled up and he dove into the crook of his arm.

IIHTSHu!

“Bless you again.” Steve was looking at him earnestly, as if gearing up to say a speech, but the only thing that came out of his mouth as Tony blew his nose into the tissues he’d plucked out of the box beside him was, “Are you sick?”

Tony opened his mouth, a stubborn ‘no’ sitting right on the tip of his tongue. When he did try to retort coldly, however, all that came out was a squeak. He frowned, clearing his throat. This time, when he opened his mouth, he managed a weak “No” before he raised the tissues again to snuffle into them. Steve raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“You sure about that?”

Red, hot frustration bubbled up within him, and he wanted to scream and curse Steve out so bad. The fatigue in his bones convinced Tony otherwise.

“Why do you care, Rogers?”

The other man sighed, taking a seat on the ground in front of where Tony was sitting. “Can’t I just be concerned for my friend? You sound terrible.”

Tony stared at him, eyes narrowed. There was a reason he had sat so far from Steve and everyone else. He was having a hard time as it was what with the sneezing every two minutes and the coughing and the headache, and now Steve was just here, invading his space, taking away the little bit of peace he had managed to make for himself while the cold ravaged through his body. Tony had forgotten how much it irked him, the fact that Steve could make him feel lesser, could condescend him into compliance, could make him think that he was always the one doing something wrong. And how dare he? How dare he act like nothing had happened two years ago, like Tony had forgotten the raw hurt, the bitter taste of betrayal?

“We are not friends,” he grit out, teeth clenched in an attempt to be as menacing as possible. “Friends don’t leave each other alone to die in an abandoned HYDRA base in the freezing cold. Friends don’t keep the truth of their parents’ death a secret. So please, spare me the fake concern.”

Steve looked wounded, but he did nothing more than drop his head and stay silent. A couple seconds passed in quietude, the only sound being Tony’s sniffling. Right when Steve opened his mouth again, some sort of speech or lecture ready to be dealt, Tony’s eyes watered again, several sneezes welling in his congested sinuses. He plucked several tissues out once more and folded them around his red nose.

ESSH!

“Bless you.”

Tony stuck up a finger, signaling Steve to wait for the two more that were going to come inevitably. He always sneezed in threes when he was sick.

HehhhASHHoo!

He massaged his nose in an attempt to coax out the last one. The tickle was there, burning in the back, teasing him. His chest heaved up and down in anticipation, his eyes watered even more, and his breath was hitching.

“Tony?”

Hih… hih… hihEISHeuw! “Ugh, Jesus.”

“Bless you.” Tony almost rolled his eyes. Spangles never did know when to quit, did he? Steve still gave him that stern look of determination, letting him know that he wasn’t going to leave until he has said his piece. “Look, Tony, I know you’re not feeling well. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I want us to be able to reconcile. You have no idea how hard the past two years have been, knowing that I hurt you and that I never got to apologize to you. Whatever happened two years ago--”

ASHHeuw!

The sneeze came barreling out. Tony was barely able to turn his head away so he didn't spray Steve. Tony got most of the hurried groveling, but in the middle of it, a burning tickle surged from his nose. His eyes were watering so bad that he could barely make out Steve's face. He'd tried his utmost to hold the sneeze back, but ultimately failed, the sensation overwhelming him and taking over.

HrrEISHHoo! Tony bent at the waist, the action causing a heavy bout of dizziness, worsening his headache. HehhhEHHTCHoo! The sob slipped out in desperation. God, he felt miserable. He didn't want to deal with this: with Steve, with Thanos, with… with the world. He just wanted to be sick and tired and exhausted and depressed by himself. Preferably under a blanket, in a warm bed, maybe with someone's arms around him.

He wanted.

“Tones, you alright?” Rhodey’s voice rang out from the buzzing in his ears.

Tony kept his face hidden behind his hands, his elbows resting on his knees and still bent at the waist.

“Tony… do you need something?” Steve was relentless. Tony knew he meant well, he knew he was trying to ease the tensions, to make things better.

“Steve, please,” Tony pleaded, not caring that there were tears streaming down his face or that he was so vulnerable. His voice had just up and gone, so at this point, he was wheezing. “I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but Steve, I can't do this right now. Please. Please don't make me think so hard. I'm so tired.” He knew he was begging in front of the man he thought he would never speak to again. He knew, and despite the bad blood, he simply didn’t care.

Most of what was discernable from those baby blues was concern. Yet, underneath the layer of worry, Tony could detect a small spot of disappointment and… and longing.

Longing to be a mother hen. Tony almost smiled at that.

Steve gave him a short nod before reaching over him and grabbing some tissues which he placed in Tony’s hands. “It’s okay,” he said kindly. “I understand.”

While Tony blew his nose into the tissues, trying his best to clean himself up, Steve stood up and walked to the other side of the plane. Tony wasn’t complaining, per se, that the man had left him alone, but the comfort of having someone next to him instantly vanished, and Tony… well, he just wanted someone to take care of him.

A minute of overthinking and brooding later, a warm blanket draped over his shoulders. He looked up in surprise to see Steve’s small smile. “It’s not soup, but, uh-- this is all I can do till we get there.”

Tony wrapped the blanket around himself tighter. “Thanks,” he whispered before curling up in his seat and closing his eyes. He felt Steve take a seat next to him, and for one fleeting moment, the universe felt like it was going to be okay.

Maybe they would be okay one day too.  

 

[SleepingPhlox]

Okay, reading this at work and not being able to reply until I got home was agony!   I read this so many times over the course of the day.  At first when I read the intro I was like "Ohhh, I don't think my poor emotions can handle a post Infinity War fic, even speaking of the ending of Infinity War should be illegal!" but like...this was great.  The descriptions that you put into Tony misery, both mental and physical, is just beautiful.  Loved him holding up a finger because he KNOWS there's gonna be more and the contant tissue usage.  And Steve not even getting to say something serious because Tony can't not sneeze right in the middle of it.

And this one sentence just hit me the right way.  So simple but such a good description.

5 hours ago, Arc Reactor said:

He just wanted to be sick and tired and exhausted and depressed by himself.

And then this happened:

5 hours ago, Arc Reactor said:

I can't do this right now. Please. Please don't make me think so hard. I'm so tired.

And that's it, I'm calling the police.  Toying with my emotions like that HAS to be illegal. 

Seriously man, this was great.  Thank you so so so much.  If you ever want to do another trade I promise a lot quicker response than the last one (but I gotta finish one more chapter on the other one first )

[AngelEyes]

This is great. 

14 hours ago, Arc Reactor said:

“Bless you.” Tony almost rolled his eyes. Spangles never did know when to quit, did he?

LOL!

[Avengers18]

15 hours ago, Arc Reactor said:

Tony opened his mouth, a stubborn ‘no’ sitting right on the tip of his tongue. When he did try to retort coldly, however, all that came out was a squeak. He frowned, clearing his throat. This time, when he opened his mouth, he managed a weak “No” before he raised the tissues again to snuffle into them. Steve raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Aww poor Tony :(

 

15 hours ago, Arc Reactor said:

Maybe they would be okay one day too.  

Feels

This was so good! Hope you continue :)