Lee's Cologne (Westworld) My 6000th POST! OMG!!

[Chanel_no5]

***Note***

I quickly one-shotted a oneshot because I'm still recovering and need this joy in my life. 

Swearing is all over it, because everyone at Westworld do a lot of it.

ETA: I just realised this is my 6000th post on the forum!!!! Whoever knew we'd get to this point...?  

***

Lee Sizemore’s cologne was much like the man himself; overdramatic, vulgar, and got Theresa irritated within seconds. She didn’t know if he was trying to mask not having showered, or the alcoholic reek of a hangover, or if he had decided to bathe in it just for fun, and she didn’t give a flying fuck about the reason either way. All she cared about was that it was stinking up her office and she wanted him out.

“Good thing we don’t have living plants in here, I reckon they’d yellow up and die from the fumes,” Theresa said dryly, wrinkling her nose.

Lee let out a scoffing laugh.

“You know I always think the same thing whenever you light up one of those fucking coffin nails. Weren’t smoking banned in public spaces like thirty years ago or something?”

“Oh yes, tobacco cigarettes were,” Theresa said indifferently and dropped the subject without enlighten Lee about what was in hers. The strong, cloying smell of his cologne engulfed her in an invisible cloud. It felt like it was forcing itself into her nose and sticking to her mucous membranes, a spicy-sweet, gluey layer of itchiness. She shuddered and couldn’t help sniffling. Big mistake. Sucking the irritating fragrance right up her nose out of free will wasn’t a good idea at all. Her eyes began to water, and her nose started to run as well.

This is not good.

She tried to push it to the back of her mind. It wasn’t easy. She kept feeling like she was going to sneeze.

“This new narrative requires an unplanned relocation of hosts. You didn’t mention this when you first began incorporating it to the existing storylines.”

“It’s just a couple of hookers.”

“You want to take three hosts from the Mariposa location and move them on a treasure hunt narrative,” Theresa said. “Why?”

Lee shrugged. Another whiff of the god-awful cologne came off him, and Theresa had to hold her breath to keep a sudden sneeze at bay. 

“Bunch of cowboys riding up among the mountains, why not take a couple of girls with them?” he said.

Theresa smiled evilly. Lee mistook it for an approving smile.

“Yes, why not?” she said.

“So, I was thinking Clementine…”

“No, Mr Sizemore. No relocation of old hosts. You have your half-dozen of new ones for your treasure hunt. Behaviour don’t have time to do recalibrations to the old ones before the new storyline is supposed to be taken into use.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, maybe I used too many words. No relocating old hosts.”

“But…”

“And next time, you check this kind of thing with me in advance, before you write them into your narratives, is that clear?”

“But…”

“Is that clear, Mr Sizemore?”

Theresa had to struggle to keep her voice steady, as the tickle had reached a level where her breath would hitch helplessly if she let it, but Lee didn’t seem to notice anything off.

“Yes,” he sighed.

“Good. I…” she didn’t get any further before the fluttering sensation behind her nose and cheekbones overpowered her, sending her into what Lee might refer to “a relentless fucking experience.”

“AESSCHH! AESCHH! ESSHHOO! ERSSCHuuh! HuESSHHHah!”

Lee jumped, then glared suspiciously at her as if he suspected that she was doing this on purpose. Theresa, finally reaching a breathless stop, loosely cupped a hand under her nose more out of surprise than anything else. She had never sneezed like that in her life, and now it felt like a river was about to break through the floodgates.

“Jesus, Lee,” she said in a thick, watery voice, “what’s the main ingredient in that fucking cologne anyway? Sneezing powder?”

“Of course not,” he replied indignantly, “it’s…” about here he connected the dots. “Oh.”

The sneezy look never left Theresa’s face as she searched for something to mop up the thin tear-like liquid with. Luckily, she had made it a habit of always keeping tissues in her pockets after her shocking realisation that she had an allergic response to android horses. Because why not?

Now she held the tissues against her streaming nose like a flimsy wall.

“I’m… sorry, Theresa,” Lee said, and he sounded more than apologetic, he sounded almost neutered. “That’s, um, I didn’t mean to… sorry.”

“If you really are sorry, you stop stinking up my office, okay? That means GET OUT!” she sniffled into the tissues. The need to sneeze hadn’t abandoned her, and now it struck her again, with merciless strength.

“HuhIISSSCHHuh! huEESCHHHoo! ESCHoo!”

The entire inside of her poor nose was tingling, as if tiny needles pricked the tender lining. Lee grunted something that could have been intended as yet another apology, or just a complaint – knowing him, it could be both all rolled into one – and left. Most of the heavy, sickly-thick smell followed him outside, but some lingered in her office. And in her nose.

The odd fit-prone response seemed to calm down, but her nose was so inflamed it felt like the slightest touch might set her off again. She kept having to sniffle to hold back the steady flow of watery liquid threatening to escape.

Bernard stepped inside her office, crinkled his nose as he too smelled the sweetish fragrance. He was just about to ask Theresa what in the hell had just happened in there, when instead he raised his arm and sneezed a muffled, masculine sneeze into his sleeve.

“Hah-USCHuhhh!”

“Bless you,” Theresa said. Her voice sounded drenched. “Lee Sizemore has stepped up his cologne game, if you're wondering.”

“I noticed,” Bernard choke out. “Should we put out an air hazard warning on him?”

“No need. Everyone can smell him from a mile away as it is. Come on. I think we need some fresh air.”

Bernard nodded and accepted one of the tissues she handed him, then they went outside, overlooking the widespread desert. 

The pollen count wasn’t pretty, but Theresa much rather dealt with that over the fragrant fuckery that Lee had introduced.

The worst part was that he didn’t do things like that on purpose. He just never thought about the consequences of anything outside of his narratives. Theresa and Bernard, who thought in consequences way before taking an initial step to do anything, were sometimes privately surprised that he was still alive.

And that anyone around him was.

“Does this go in your report log over anomalies?” Bernard asked.

Theresa shrugged and lit a cigarette. The wind quickly smoked most of it.

“I just file it under ‘Lee being Lee’.”

“Big map?”

Theresa flicked her fingers and sent a rain of cigarette ash over the edge of the fence.

“As big as the man’s head.”

“That’s pretty big.”

“Yes. That’s pretty big.”

They made the mistake of looking each other straight in the eyes, and began to laugh.

 

Edited May 13, 2018 by Chanel_no5

[NoV]

I was in two minds whether to read this as I have not watched any of Westworld yet and and am REALLY looking forward to it, but as usual I can't resist reading a new Chanel story  

Congrats on the 6,000 post 

[Chanel_no5]

AND YOU'RE HERE ON THE FORUM JUST HANGING AROUND??? GO WATCH THE SHOW, DAMNIT!

Although I don't think I go too far into spoilerville with my fics. Mainly because I'm still somewhat confused about how things are connected, and so I even stick to almost verbatim dialogue sometimes. And I still might be wrong, even. I don't need any conspiracy theories to appreciate the beauty of Theresa's nose though.  

Thank you! It feels like yesterday I posted my 5000th post. What the hell happened?