D.Va's Allergies (Overwatch, Secret Santa for Subsiss!)

[Mr. Black Cherry Berry Tea]

Hey @Subsiss! I'm your secret santa this year! Hope you enjoy this. I do have a bit of a longer plot worked out in my head but it could take me ten thousand years to actually write it all so I wanted something that could hopefully stand alone as well. I hope you enjoy it, hope I did a decent job with the Overwatch characters, and happy Secret Santa! (And sorry about the lame title LOL!) Oh, and I know everybody in Overwatch-land has a confusing net of alliances but please assume for the purposes of the fic that all these characters are official Members Of Overwatch, lol. kthx.

ALSO. For some reason I can't paste into the editor with formatting, so I just attached the fully formatted version, lol. It's just a bunch of extra bold and italics and stuff, idk if it's really needed. But it's there for anyone who wants it!

 

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They’re out on a mission—of course, they’re out on a mission—when it comes over her, sudden and unrelenting and inescapable and… massive as always. Hana Song had experienced any number of things. An attack on her homeland. Battles most people could only dream about. The thrill of victory, first across a computer screen and later live and in person, not just thousands of credits, but her body on the line. And yet there was still nothing quite like this sensation. 

 

“hehhh!”

 

“D.Va! Watch your six!” she hears over the intercom—was it Tracer, or perhaps Mei? She couldn’t tell, she could barely hear over the sudden, insistent urge that felt like it was taking over her entire body. Such a light, fluttery feeling at the tip of her nose and yet the way it sank into her whole body, filling her with a trembling desperation and a surging power…

 

“hh-hehhHHH!”

 

Suddenly the thought penetrated her allergic haze—had to be allergic, it was always her allergies that made her feel desperate and out-of-control like this—the intercom. She all but flailed, trying to remember how to turn off the damned intercom before…

 

“EHHHH-hHHHHEEEHHH-hAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…”

 

She knew how she must look: mouth wide open, allergic tears at the corner of her eyes, her gasps of air swelling her chest so much that it was nearly cramped in her mech (after all, her chest was already rather ample, and her space in the mech suit wasn’t exactly roomy); and how she must sound: her gasps rising and rising in pitch and volume until they were something between a shriek and some kind of egregiously amplified squeal. Although that didn’t compare to what was coming next…

 

“HAHH! HAAAAAHHH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! TTTTCCCCCHHHHHHHHIIIIIEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!”

 

She screamed it out, her face contorted in allergic agony as the blast ripped from her lungs, the sound thunderous, the force great enough (she knew, from experience) to ruffle papers, blast half-full bags of doritos off her desk, muss the hair of anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the blast, not to mention how she’d spray the whole desk damp—or worse spray some unfortunate soul in the face, or worse a computer monitor. And of course, over the intercom…

 

“Good god what was…” Must have been McCree, she thought dimly, through the haze of her 

 

“Did a bomb go off?” Sounded like Tracer.

 

“What in the hell bomb is that… girly-soundin?” McCree responded.

 

“I think… it was a sneeze?” Mei said, sounding terribly confused.

 

“What in the hell sneeze is that nuclear?” McCree asked again. The team was back in action now, though all of their ears were ringing from having an eruption like that go out over the coms, and the sheer shock of it had caused them to pause in their assault. The enemy that was on D.Va’s six, in fact, nearly got her but a well-aimed shot from McCree took it down, even as he continued to ramble on about the purported sneeze.

 

 “I ain’t saying I do a little ah-choo, but I don’t think Winston… I don’t think anybody could compete with a sneeze like that, if it was a sneeze. D.Va, did you hear…”

 

Hana tried to answer, but before she could open her mouth, another sneeze was already on her, as she knew it would be. This was how it went, once she was trapped in an allergy attack. It would grab her and wouldn’t let go for four, five, six… sometimes seven or more eruptions, each one with the endless horrible routine of itching and gasping and tickling and pre-sneeze dramatics, until she was flapping her hands in front of her face, whether to forestall the sneeze or to hasten it she was never sure, trying to blow her nose mid-fit in the hopes that might make it end sooner, covering her nose with a handkerchief, anything to cut down on that all-consuming urge to sneeze, her violent allergies that made her nose, her whole body, feel like one big uncontrollable itch. 

 

So she tried to speak. “I’m s-suuuUUUHHHhh… s-ssSSSUUUHHHhhhhh…”

 

“Wait, wait, D.Va, that was you?” McCree asked, shocked.

 

“Oh.” Tracer said simply.

 

“I’m ssSSUUHHHHHHHH… I’m ssUUUUHHHHHHHHHH… I’m UUHHHHHHHHHHHHH… I’m SORRY!” She gasped out, before:

 

“AHHHH! AHHH! AAHHH!! AAAAAIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT-CCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIEEEEEE!”

 

Some rather creative swear words tumbled out of McCree’s mouth in response to that one. And Tracer’s. And surprisingly enough, Mei’s.

 

Meanwhile, all Hana could think was that she knew she was deep in it, she knew this was a bad allergy attack, if she couldn’t help but scream out that little cutesy ending to the sneeze. She knew the way it must seem tacked-on to others, but she really couldn’t help it, it just happened, the screaming, roaring volume of it a shocking counterpoint to the… girlishness of it all. In any case, it did not bode well for her getting out of this allergy attack without several more of her melodramatic explosions. But of course, before she could warn about that, the next sneeze was already building. She knew she had to retreat—she couldn’t fight like this, and she was only a liability to her team, but the tickle in her nose was just so strong, it was all she could do to take a few halting steps towards shelter before the urge completely overcame her again…

 

“eeeeeEEEEHHHHHHH…”

 

“We’ve got to get her out of there,” Tracer said suddenly. “She’s… I used to… I watched her stream and I’ve seen this happen before and… it’s not going away any time soon. We might need to retreat…”

 

“But the target…!” McCree broke in. “You’re asking me to abandon a mission because of a sneezing fit?”

 

“No! I mean… maybe! I mean… I’m just saying she’s not going to stop and it’s gonna be hard for us to reach the target without her mech…”

 

“yyyyYYYEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH…” Hana drug in another desperate, itchy, sneezy gasp.

 

“Taking care of the team comes first, Jesse.” Tracer said, resolute, as though hearing Hana’s desperation in the form of her pre-sneeze dramatics had hardened her resolve. Or at least increased her focus on Hana. Pulling focus, now that was something her sneezes never failed to do.

 

“HHEEHHHH… EEHHHHHHHHHH… eeeEEEYYYYEEEHHHHHHHHH…”

 

“Besides how well you think we’re gonna do a mission,” Tracer said, panting with exertion—they were still on a battlefield after all, and everyone with the notable exception of Hana was still blasting away. (Well, Hana was blasting away too, but not with her weapons.) “How well you think we’re gonna do on a mission with these explosions happening every few…”

 

“EEYYYAHHH! HAHHH! HAAAAHHH… SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!” This one was monstrously wet, she could feel the veritable geyser of spray blasting out of her, and she desperately, desperately wished she had a tissue or a handkerchief or a bandana or something but of course, she thought she was over this. She thought it wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Her filters… and the antihistamine regiment… and the allergy meds, carefully calibrated not to hurt her focus or reaction time… but something had broken through all the shields and barriers she had, and once again she was being undone by the tiny, twinging tickle in her nose.

 

“Alright, alright. You take command, Tracer.” McCree said.

 

“Wasn’t I always in command of this mission, Jesse?” Tracer asked, sweet but cutting. “Alright, Hana—I need you to turn about 60 degrees to your left, turn on your boosters and don’t turn em off til I say so. Can you do that for me?”

 

“I-I cahhhHHH… aaaAAHHHhhhh… I can try!” She forced out, the next sneeze already barreling down on her. She tried to turn her mech, and she got a few good steps in. She heard, or felt, rather than saw her teammates close rank around her, defending her from attacks to facilitate their retreat. The fact that they had to defend her when it should be the other way around… Hana tried not to think about that. Not that it was hard, given how the need to sneeze was overwhelming her. 

 

“Alright, Hana, you’re doing great. You’re pointed the right way, now you just gotta engage those boosters.”

 

The sneeze was so strong she could barely focus on anything but she somehow managed to engage the boosters. But just as she did.

 

“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH… It’s c-comiiIHHHHH… HHIIIIHHHhhh… hiihhh!” Her gasps had gone breathy and were rising in pitch, as they always did right before she erupted…

 

“HIH! HIIIHH! HIIHHHHH! HHIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-TTCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!” 

 

That one was torrentially wet and probably the loudest sneeze she’d unleashed since her allergy had taken command of her body. And already she felt her nose, her lungs, her body gearing up for another one…

 

“It’ll be a wonder if I’m not deaf by the end of this,” McCree grumbled.

 

“My god, I’d heard those things over the stream but over the com…” Tracer muttered to herself, before noticing where Hana was… “Oh! No! Disengage! Disengage the boosters!”

 

Hana tried, but this one was coming on faster than usual, and already her focus was narrowing to her nose, to the incredible itch, to the irrepressible need to sneeze… “hhheeeaaAAAHhhhh… eeeEEAAAHHHhhhh… haaAAAHHHHHHHHH…” Still, somehow she managed to disengage the boosters but despite that she felt herself crashing into… something, she couldn’t tell what, too busy gasping and gasping and… 

 

“EEHHHHH… HEEHHHHHH… EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIITTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!”

 

She blasted out again. There was damage to her mech, she knew, not too severe, but damage nonetheless. She’d been so sure she wouldn’t get hit by an allergy attack like this in the field, had taken every precaution but… she should have known. It had been a problem when she was a Starcraft player, at least one former teammate claiming that he actually did have trouble hearing out of one ear still to this day. Her sneezes had nearly gotten her banned from in-person tournaments, where they argued startling the other players gave her an unfair advantage, ignoring the fact that she was still winning matches despite the fact that her allergies virtually incapacitated her for minutes at a time. It had even been a problem at first when she was in the Korean army, but then they’d improved her nasal filters, given her all sorts of new medications. But it didn’t matter. Of course her allergies would eventually cause her trouble even in Overwatch. They always did.

 

“Alright, we’re almost there. Hana… disengage the mech, we’ll get you back to the carrier.”

 

“Wait. Don’t just disengage.” McCree said, thinking quickly.

 

“I gotcha. Hana, turn the mech around, turn on the boosters and set the thing to self-destruct!”

 

Hana still felt a sneeze coming on but… the attack was winding down now. She could fight it long enough to follow her teammates’ lead, and maybe salvage this mission.

 

“E-eeaaahhhh… e-easy muhhHHHHhh… hhuUUHHHHHHhhhh… HHUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh…” she gasped as she turned around the mech, set it hurtling towards the payload they’d come to intercept, and set the self-destruct sequence.

 

“HHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH…” She gasped in, and now that she was out of her mech, could breathe freely, it seemed her body just wanted to suck in more air, more and more to fuel what was sure to be a sneeze like none other.

 

“McCree! Mea! You can still get the target, I’ve got Hana!” Tracer shouted, running towards Hana. 

 

“HUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH…” gasped Hana. She felt like she was putting her whole body into the building, blossoming, ever-growing sneeze. Her clothes felt tight, especially around her generous curves, her whole body seeming to fill with air and shake in sympathy with the impossible allergic urge.

 

“Oh geez I’m shutting off my com link, I wanna keep my ears.” McCree grumbled.

 

“I, um, may do the same, actually.” Mei mumbled.

 

“HAAHHH! AAAAHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!” Hana gasped, and then, right as she was on the precipice of the sneeze, Tracer reached her, clapped a hand to her shoulder, and said, “gotcha!”

 

Of course, Hana turned on instinct to face the hand that had just touched her. Which meant she was pointing directly at Tracer when she unleashed by far the biggest, wettest sneeze of her whole fit:

 

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-CCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

 

The blast hit Tracer full in the face, blowing her rather meticulously styled and gelled hair completely out place, covering her face in viscous wetness, nearly knocking her back a step from the gust of wind. The sneeze seemed to go on and on, blasting not only Tracer’s face but her shoulders and arms and chest, splattering her and practically drenching her from the nearly-superhuman sneeze. And as she recovered, feeling that instant of blissful relief, the brief high before her allergies plunged her back into sneezy desperation, Hana could only feel grateful, somehow, that it was Tracer who’d gone after her, that Tracer had insisted on getting her out, even that it was Tracer that she’d sneezed all over, weirdly. But especially grateful that Tracer had insisted on getting her out, because with a sneeze like that, it seemed like this fit was still going to go on strong for a while.

 

“Well… that was something.” Tracer said, seeming shocked but not… not repulsed. Not like everybody else would be. “Uhhh… let’s… let’s get you out of here, eh?” Tracer said, and she guided Hana, still gasping and hitching and sneezing, to the extraction point, and eventually back to Gibraltar. (And Hana did stop sneezing... eventually.)

DVa's Allergies Overwatch Fic.rtf

[Usagi]

Loved the way this was written! Don't know this series very well but the way you write buildups was great!