Legendary Flu (For Sitruuna) (HIMYM)

[CeruleanBlue]

My side of a trade with Sitruuna -- hope you like it!

 

Summary: Barney gets the flu and Robin helps take care of him.

 

 

Part One:

Barney shivered as he slammed the door of Ted’s apartment. “Ugh, can you believe New York right now?” he grumbled. “Look at this. Look — no one’s looking. Look at my suit! What suit, you ask? ‘I don't see a suit.’ That's because it's covered in snow,” he ranted. “I am covered head to toe in snow. Hey, that rhymed!” He perked up at that a bit, flashing a grin. He took off his coat and shoes.

 

“No one cares, Barney, now hurry up!” Ted beckoned, gesturing for Barney to join him and Marshall on the couch. Barney did so exaggeratedly-slowly in distaste.

 

“But Ted, we can't watch the trilogy yet, it's only been a year,” Barney whined.

 

“I know, I know, but Marshall…” Ted trailed off to let Marshall explain. Marshall turned to Barney dramatically slowly.

 

“I've got a craving,” Marshall explained with a surprising amount of gravitas.

 

“Fiiiine,” Barney conceded.

 

“The marathon begins… now!” Ted said seriously before all three got into more comfortable positions quickly and giggled, fixing their eyes on the screen.

 

Barney sniffled all through the intro.

 

“Barney, shut up,” Marshall growled. None of them dared go above a whisper though in fear of missing anything.

 

“Dude, are you feeling okay?” Ted asked.

 

“Yeah, it’s just the stupid weather. I was out there a minute ago, it's just making my nose run. I'll be fine in a minute,” Barney answered, only half-paying attention to the conversation. He made an effort to sniffle more quietly after that though.

 

Luke hadn't even met Han Solo when Barney suddenly pitched forward, raising his hands to his face.

 

“Huh’udzstchoo! K’tshhhuh!” Barney sneezed. Having not blown his nose or even wiped it the entire time he was out in the cold or inside, he was asking for trouble. And he really did get what was coming to him. His hands were… well… covered in snot, and still connected to his nose. This did not exactly fit Barney’s preferable appearance of sexy, awesome, and suited. He still had the last one, at least. Luckily, Barney wasn't in the middle of the couch, so with the other two distracted, he was able to slip away to the restroom, muttering a suspicious, “Actually, I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick.”

 

Once he was there, he wiped off his hands and his nose, grimacing deeply and humming an “ewwww” under his breath. He blew his nose twice, as quietly as he could. He flushed the toilet to stick to his story (he was proud of himself for being so sneaky) and washed his hands. Thoroughly. Then he returned. He had barely sat down again when he sniffed, a mistake, which ignited the itch from earlier.

 

“Eh’kishhhoo! Ih’hstchuh!” He looked down at his hands. “On second thought, I'm going to go the bathroom again,” he murmured, rubbing vigorously at his nose. He was terrible at lying about his health. Unless it was to women. Specifically, dumb women who would actually believe that Marvel based Captain America’s abilities on his own.

 

The problem was, they were watching three movies. Barney was starting to get a sore throat and a headache. He really just wanted to go to bed. Not because he was getting sick, of course. He needed his beauty sleep if he wanted to sleep with the beauties. Wait, that was really good — he used that in his excuse to leave to go to his own home, afterwards giving himself an announced self-five. Ted and Marshall just shushed him without taking their eyes off the TV. It was almost creepy at that point. Barney just sighed and went home to his own bed. He assessed his current state.

 

I’m not getting sick! Sick is for losers. I just have to stop being sick. Don’t be sick, don't be sick, don't be sick… yeah, okay, that should be good. I’ll be awesome again by morning. Maybe now Robin’ll believe that actually works. It’ll be legen… wait for it… wait for it… wait — oh, here it comes — dary! Legendary! Yeah, I’ll show her. I’ll show them all. I’ll be fine, Barney thought. He drifted off to sleep a moment later.

 

For the “first” time in his life, Barney Stinson was wrong. Oh, boy, was he wrong. He really should have gotten that flu shot Ted told him to get that time he wasn't listening.

 

He woke up feeling terrible. He didn't want to move, but it wasn't because he was sick. It was because he was lazy, yeah. He couldn't breathe through his nose anymore, but that's because he was overflowing with awesome, and, hey, it had to go somewhere, right? He inhaled through his mouth and it caught in his throat, sending him into an uncovered fit of wet, productive coughs. He groaned. He just needed a drink, though, and he'd be fine. And that drink should be wine. Yes, wine would be good. But, you know, a bit too early isn't it? Some water would do. Maybe some tea. Yeah, he was fine.

 

He sat up. Eugh. Hell no. He lied back down for a few more moments before remembering that it was the day of the premiere of a very sad chick flick movie. All those crying women would need comforting. He sat up. He waited for his head to stop spinning (mostly, at least), and then stood up. He dragged his feet around sluggishly and got himself some water. He swallowed, causing him to flinch from the pain of using his raw throat. Definitely some tea would be best. He didn't have time though because there was a knock at the door. He made himself as presentable as he could be in his robe and opened the door.

 

“Robin?”

[Sitruuna]

omgomgomg
gods you write this so well???? like not only are the characters very IC but you catch the show's style and all (without making it sound odd) and just
I like this so SO much omg
I'll need to think of something more to draw you 
I am so, so, so happy you agreed to do this trade (and I really hope I won't disappoint you or anything)
thank you~

[CeruleanBlue]

3 minutes ago, Sitruuna said:

omgomgomg
gods you write this so well???? like not only are the characters very IC but you catch the show's style and all (without making it sound odd) and just
I like this so SO much omg
I'll need to think of something more to draw you 
I am so, so, so happy you agreed to do this trade (and I really hope I won't disappoint you or anything)
thank you~

I'm glad you like it!! I was really worried about messing up because I haven't seen the show in a little while. I'm really happy we're trading too! Disappoint me?! Are you serious? I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM YOUR DRAWING I CAN'T BREATHE RIGHT NOW NO NO YOU HAVE NOT DISAPPOINTED ME AT ALL.

[Sitruuna]

8 minutes ago, CeruleanBlue said:

I'm glad you like it!! I was really worried about messing up because I haven't seen the show in a little while. I'm really happy we're trading too! Disappoint me?! Are you serious? I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM YOUR DRAWING I CAN'T BREATHE RIGHT NOW NO NO YOU HAVE NOT DISAPPOINTED ME AT ALL.

I'm so relieved @_@
if you have any suggestions on what else I could draw pls let me know (it's hard to come up with ideas for a fandom I'm not really a part of..? sorry). If you are going to make this LONG I want to do more as well.

[CeruleanBlue]

13 minutes ago, Sitruuna said:

I'm so relieved @_@
if you have any suggestions on what else I could draw pls let me know (it's hard to come up with ideas for a fandom I'm not really a part of..? sorry). If you are going to make this LONG I want to do more as well.

I totally understand the not being in a fandom thing. No one who's a Death Note fan even knows about the drama anyway lol. My brain isn't working right now, but I'll message you some suggestions later. I think this fic is going to have about 3-4 more parts of the length of what I have so far. Btw, I might do a couple Barney drabbles at some point. If I do, do you want me to link you to them?

[Sitruuna]

Just now, CeruleanBlue said:

I totally understand the not being in a fandom thing. No one who's a Death Note fan even knows about the drama anyway lol. My brain isn't working right now, but I'll message you some suggestions later. I think this fic is going to have about 3-4 more parts of the length of what I have so far. Btw, I might do a couple Barney drabbles at some point. If I do, do you want me to link you to them?

all right : )
I'll anyway go to sleep now (or very soon) so take your time
also omg yes, link me if/when you do that. you can also tag me in the posts if you want, lol.

[Prongs]

Ugh, YESSSSSSSS! Thank you! Finally some more HIMYM on the feed! Looking forward to the next part 

[CeruleanBlue]

On 7/11/2017 at 8:18 PM, Prongs said:

Ugh, YESSSSSSSS! Thank you! Finally some more HIMYM on the feed! Looking forward to the next part 

Haha, glad you like it!

 

Part Two:

 

“Robin?” Barney asked in surprise. A voice in the back of his head scolded him for not fixing his appearance more, but he couldn't understand quite why. It was just Robin.

“Yeah, I, um…” Robin stuttered. She narrowed her eyes. “Did you just get up? It's noon,” she muttered.

“Y—” Barney’s voice cut out, replaced by a harsh fit of coughing directed into his elbow. It took  some of his natural energy. Robin was stunned.

“Are you all right?” she asked concernedly.

“No,” Barney replied. “I'm awesome as usual!” He was still absolutely terrible at lying about his health. He gave an awkward, nervous laugh that didn't really help anyway since there was audible congestion in it.

“You're sick.” She remained serious, too worried to roll her eyes at him like normal. “Let me feel your forehead.”

“No. Why would you? I’m fine, I don't know what you're talking about.” He backed away and she stepped closer, as if it were magnetic.

“Barney. I can force you. I don't want to… but you know that I can,” she reminded. Barney was almost scared.

“Fine,” he conceded. She placed her palm on his forehead. Her eyes widened. She let her arm fall to her side.

“You're so hot,” she exclaimed.

“Believe me, I know,” Barney joked, smirking and winking.

“Cut it out. I’m serious. You have a fever.” She was starting to get annoyed with his antics. “Where do you keep your thermometers?” she asked.

“In the bathroom cabinet — look, Robind, I can handle beigg sick by myself. You dond't have to go all mother hend on mbe. Or, mother robind, I guess.” His smiles were weaker than normal. They didn't have their usual swagger that made Barney Barney. Robin didn't listen to him being ridiculous. She left as soon as she heard the answer to her question. Barney waited impatiently for a few seconds for her to return. Robin came back, thermometer in hand.

“Open,” she ordered.

“Robind, I’mb finde,” he whined.

“Open.” She was done with dealing with his childishness. He sighed and obeyed. She put the thermometer under his tongue and instructed him to keep it there until it beeped.

“Beep — oh, look, it's done,” Barney stalled. He was a bit afraid of how high it would be. It sounded bad when Robin had felt his forehead.

“Barney…”

“Fine.” In the meantime, Robin was putting a kettle of water on the stove for tea. She looked over when she saw Barney trying to take the thermometer out of his mouth before it had beeped.

“Barney, I mean it, leave that in there.”

“N-hh… no, I — huh…” His voice trailed off. He raised his elbow to his face slowly, and then jerked it the rest of the way quickly as he sneezed. “Heh’akkshuh! Ih’dshhhhuh! Huh-hetchoo! Ugh.” He grabbed a tissue and wiped off his sleeve. He considered tossing it into the trash from the couch, but, honestly, this illness was gross enough and he really didn't want to miss. He threw it away the safe way. He sat back down and the thermometer back in his mouth, pouting a bit. Robin would never let him go pick up girls while he was sick. Not even if there was a big group of crying women at each of several movie theaters. It wasn't fair… but Barney was kind of okay with staying with Robin instead. He discarded that thought quickly — he hated her for this, of course. She had good intentions, but she was being annoying. Yeah.

The thermometer finally beeped and Robin took it and read the number off. “102.3. Tsk. You should have said something, Barney.”

“I was finde yesterday,” Barney insisted. “I'mb finde today,” he added.

“You're not fine. Now, get back to bed.” There was a firmness in her voice that Barney knew meant he couldn't disobey her. He didn't want to try, anyway, since he was honestly really tired and chilling in bed sounded nice. He wasn't going to sleep, though. He just woke up! He would never…

He had already drifted off.

[Sitruuna]

i'm going to explode omg
poor Barney~

I love the second part. It's awesome. It's really hot... omg
I love how Barney insists he's fine despite being so sick~
and the whole temperature taking thing


...because nothing says it like overusing the heart emoji...
(omg how embarrassed would he be about blowing his nose in front of Robin when he's soo sick...)

thank you thank you thank you
...I'll at least start drawing your thing today ok  (to give some context to that it's 8:30pm here right now)

Edited July 16, 2017 by Sitruuna

[CeruleanBlue]

1 hour ago, Sitruuna said:

i'm going to explode omg
poor Barney~

I love the second part. It's awesome. It's really hot... omg
I love how Barney insists he's fine despite being so sick~
and the whole temperature taking thing


...because nothing says it like overusing the heart emoji...
(omg how embarrassed would he be about blowing his nose in front of Robin when he's soo sick...)

thank you thank you thank you
...I'll at least start drawing your thing today ok  (to give some context to that it's 8:30pm here right now)

I'm so happy you like it! You can never overuse a heart emoji lol. (Very. Very. ) Okay. I'm excitedddd.  

[CeruleanBlue]

I finished the next part! V-warning, more than just a brief mention. I tried to do emeto (but I probably failed lol. I did try though).

 

Barney woke up feeling worse than he had when he fell asleep. He had barely opened his eyes when he was left breathless from a series of wet coughs. It was enough to alert Robin, however, who immediately followed the noise into his room. He gasped to catch his breath.

 

“Oof. Are you all right? How are you feeling?” she asked. It was too many questions for Barney’s mind to process at the time, having just woken up.

 

“The sambe,” he lied. She gave him a look that clearly meant that she saw straight through him. “All right, finde, mby head hurts, mby ndose is all stuffed up a— ahhnd — ah’hitschoo! Ugh… *snf* idtchy… and I’mb kinda ndauseous, okay? Is that a better adnswer?” He was getting annoyed. He had far better things to do than lie around and be sick. Not to mention, the flu sucked. Robin reached forward and tousled his hair briefly.

 

“You want some tea?” she offered.

 

“Yes, please…”

 

Unfortunately, while the chamomile with honey did help his throat, it had another effect. The warm liquid was easing his congestion. That would be a good thing, except all of the congestion had to go somewhere, and that somewhere was out.

 

Well, it would be, if Barney let it. When he was sick, he tended to have obnoxiously loud, gurgling sounds when he blew his nose. Maybe he didn't want to do that in front of Robin. Sue him. He stuck to sniffling. It was a good plan, except that it really wasn't.

 

For one, he had to sniffle almost constantly to keep his nose from overflowing and that was annoying. Secondly, his nose was runny enough to where this was almost grosser than just getting it over with and blowing. Third, he knew that eventually it was going to start tickling his nose and he really didn't want a repeat of the night before during the movie marathon.

 

“Barney…” Robin pulled him from his thoughts.

 

“Yeah?” He prompted. He sniffled. Again.

 

“Never mind.” She decided that he was an adult, technically, at least, so he could figure it out on his own.

 

Sniffle.

 

Eventually, it got to the point to where it was physically impossible for Barney to keep his nose at bay by sniffling alone. He gave up. He turned away from Robin a bit, shyly, and blew. He was right. It was one of his usual, very loud, gurgling blows and Robin didn't miss the extra tint of red across his feverish face. He sniffed deeply and reached for another tissue before realizing that the box was now empty. He stood up to grab another one, but was caught off guard by how weak he was. His legs nearly buckled beneath him and he had to fight to steady himself.

 

He could walk. He was just unbalanced a bit. His shoulders felt like they were weighing him down to twice his normal weight. Although he had just woken up from a nap, he was still exhausted. Even though he wasn't going to fall, he held his hands out just in case he did so that he could catch himself. It was obvious, and to overly observant, overly concerned Robin, it sent red flags and alarms going off in her head. She was by his side in a second, holding her arms on either side of him in case he toppled over.

 

“Whoa, whoa! Are you okay?” she exclaimed. He sniffled.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine. I was just going to go get another box of tissues,” he replied, overly indignant for someone who nearly toppled over a moment prior.

 

“You can sit back down; I'll get it,” she decided. Barney groaned inwardly.

 

“Robin, I'm fi—” he had to cut off his declaration of “perfect health” to turn away from Robin quickly to avoid spraying her with his sneeze. “Huh’etschah! Hh’gtshh!” He didn't have time to cover the first sneeze, but he managed to muffle the second into his sleeve. “Sorry,” he muttered under his breath. Jokes aside, Robin knew that he must have been feeling quite awful to actually apologize for something as simple as that.

 

After blowing his nose again with one of the tissues that Robin brought him, Robin insisted that she check his temperature again. Barney groaned, but offered no resistance. The metal tip of the thermometer left a sour taste in his mouth. He was already nauseous, and it seemed as if this slight change in his mouth was upsetting him further. He was still lightheaded from expelling so much congestion only a moment prior as well. All of this coupled together was making Barney feel quite miserable. He felt hotter than before, much. He winced, barely audible, as his stomach churned, eager to rid itself of the illness. He was starting to sweat a bit. The thermometer beeped. Barney took it out of his mouth and practically shoved it into Robin’s hand. He set off in a dead sprint for the bathroom.

 

He threw up violently, unable to stop and hardly able to catch his breath. He panted, sweat collecting on his forehead and running down his face. He shook as he collapsed forward into the toilet again. He felt so weak and powerless. He hated every moment of it. He barely had time to moan before he was forced to lunge forward again. He gasped for breath, succeeding only in snatching a tiny amount of air before the warm, foul-tasting bile spilled from his mouth again. His eyes watered a bit. He paused, thinking he might be done. He was proven wrong when he barely had time to position himself over the porcelain again before being thrown forwards again.

 

When the ordeal was finally over, he was left panting and shivering. He weakly crept outside to see Robin waiting for him outside the bathroom, wearing a sympathetic expression.

 

“103.1°, by the way,” she murmured softly. Barney was too disoriented to fully comprehend what she was saying for a few moments. He made his way back to the couch, tripping over his own feet, and collapsed onto the comfortable cushions with a groan. He sniffled. Realizing his eyes were still slightly wet, he wiped at them uncoordinatedly with his hands. He felt a little bit better after throwing up. Or at least, he would once he calmed down. He downed the last sip of his tea to clear his mouth. He laid back down on the couch, energy completely spent. He slowly relaxed until he accidentally dozed off again.

[Sitruuna]

omg

I really, REALLY like the "build up" to the emeto scene. It's really nice. 

Sorry, I can't think of anything specific to say but I really like the new chapter!