You and Me Brother, We're Stuck Like Glue (SPN, Dean)

[gingerdean]

This was a birthday gift for tarotgal, written for her 2017 comment fic meme.  Prompt: Two characters are magically, physically stuck together. One can't stop sneezing (cold, allergies, whatever you want). The other character is... frustrated and annoyed at first... but after a while becomes sympathetic.

No specific spoilers. Warning for language.

 

 

part 1

Of all the ways that this could have happened, this was....well, not exactly the worst position they could have found themselves in. 

But it was far from ideal, to say the least.

 

Earlier that night...

The evening started out innocently enough. The Winchester brothers were unwinding at some local hole-in-the-wall bar, after tying up a few loose ends on a witch hunt that they'd just finished.  Or thought they'd finished, anyway... 

Both brothers were left refreshingly injury-free in the aftermath of the relatively cut-and-dry case. Even so, Dean managed to emerge from the hunt considerably worse for wear, having been nursing the beginning stages of a cold over the past several days. In proper Dean-like fashion, he'd warded off the brunt of the cold until the brothers had wrapped up the case earlier that evening. So, it was no surprise to Sam that Dean's illness had taken a wild swing for the worse over the past several hours.

....

So far, Dean had somehow managed to prevent his cold from hindering his extracurricular activities at the bar that night. He was currently flirting it up with a curvy, comely brunette, who'd held a close eye on him ever since the brothers had walked into the bar. So Sam left his brother to his devices, and kept to himself for the time being, nursing his beer, and watching the ten o'clock news on the flat screen above the bar.

A short time later, two loud, successive sneezes rang out from behind him. Sam threw a casual glance over his shoulder to see the brunette offering Dean a napkin from the dispenser on the table.

Sam turned himself forward again, as yet another harsh sneeze rang out from behind him. Sam winced a little on his brother's behalf, as he pulled in another swig of his beer.

"Ungh..sorry. 'Scuse me."

"Bless you. Everything alright?"

Sam heard Dean sniffle softly, then quietly clear his throat. "S' just a cold, I guess. I'll be alright."

"Aw...poor baby. No wonder you look so tired."

"Tired? Nah. I'm good, sweetheart. Really... I can still go all night, and then some."

Sam rolled his eyes, and almost snorted out a laugh at his brother's pathetic line of bullshit, and fake bravado. Dean honestly looked - and sounded - like he could pass right out on the table at any given moment. To Sam's surprise, though, the brunette continued the conversation with seemingly unwavering interest.

 "Oh, you think so, do you? Because you know, sweetie...there may be a few things that I can do for you, to make you feel a little better."

 A few light coughs rang out behind Sam, and then another light sniffle. "Is that right? So, uh...what kind of "things" did you have in mind, exactly?"

Ooo-kay, enough of that. Sam cleared his throat loudly as he rose from his bar stool, suddenly itching to put some distance between himself and his one-track-minded brother. Sam really didn't care to overhear any of the sordid details of this proposition.

Sam wandered over to the other side of the bar and punched in some tunes on the jukebox, carefully choosing Dean-unapproved selections that his brother was sure to roll his eyes at, once the music started blaring from the speakers. Sam smiled to himself in satisfaction, then excused himself to the restroom.

 When he returned from the can a few minutes later, there was no sign of Sam's tipsy, sniffling older brother, or the girl.  

Sam huffed an annoyed sigh and returned to his bar stool, texting Dean as he ordered another beer.

 

 You gone for the night? 

Waiting for his return text, Sam went back to watching the news, then stared blankly off at the wall of liquor in front of him, as the sports highlights came blaring on. A few minutes later, he attempted to ring Dean on his cellphone, without success. He tried calling four more times over the next several minutes, his irritation level ratcheting up a notch every time Dean's voicemail picked up. What the hell?

The bar was within walking distance to the hotel, so it wasn't like Sam was stranded, or anything. Still, it was unusual for Dean to just up and leave like this without shooting Sam a text - or a casual wave goodbye, at the very least. Sam threw back the last sip of his beer, and set off to give the premises a quick once-over before heading back to the hotel. Something about this whole thing just wasn't sitting right with him. 

 As it turned out, it didn't take much of a search-and-rescue effort to locate his brother. Sam didn't have to do any more than stick his head out the back door of the bar to find Dean a few yards down in the alleyway, lying face-up in a puddle of rainwater. Sam raced to Dean's side, and slapped his face a few times until his eyelids fluttered open.

Sam sighed in relief. "What the hell, Dean? What happened to you?"

Sam received nothing more than a congested grunt in response. After checking his older brother over and finding him physically intact, but dazed and semi-conscious, Sam started pulling him up from behind, in attempt to coax him to his feet.  Dean's head lolled onto Sam's shoulder, as he finally began to rise up under some of his own strength. By the time Dean was able to get to a standing position, his head was still planted firmly on Sam's shoulder, and Sam felt himself being dragged to the side by the weight of his brother's body pulling down on him. 

"Dude, what's wrong with you? Can't you lift your head? Jesus, just...sit down, before you pull me over."

"I'm trying. I'm like...stuck, or something. What the hell?"

"What...the hell?" Sam repeated Dean's puzzled sentiment, when Sam realized he was unable to pry his right arm off of Dean's back. 

"Dude...I think we might have a problem here."

....

As if that wasn't the understatement of the year. The brothers spent the next several minutes twisting and yanking, jerking and pulling...but no matter what they did, they literally couldn't pry themselves away from each other. It was like some supernaturally-charged magnet had fused the Winchester brothers' bodies together- and at the worst fucking possible moment, no less. Dean's shoulder and left outer chest were glued in place to Sam's right upper arm. The left side of Dean's chin was affixed to Sam's shoulder, and his face was a mere few inches from (but mercifully unattached to) Sam's head. Dean's left arm was pinned uncomfortably behind both of their bodies, while Sam's right arm snaked around Dean from behind, his hand dangling uselessly over the small of Dean's back.  

Forced to leave the Impala behind in the parking lot, The brothers stumbled their way back to the hotel...which was an exercise in frustration, uncoordinated movements, and embarrassment, to say the least. Coordinating their steps proved to be more difficult than it appeared at first...Sam had to walk in a bent position to match Dean's height, and Dean constantly stumbled over his own feet, as he had to walk in an awkward side-step, due to the inward angle of his body in relation to Sam's, and the odd position of his chin upon Sam's shoulder.  

 Sam winced, as the sound of a loud, barking cough blasted through his head. And that was another problem...with Dean's face right next to Sam's head, every single noise that came out of Dean's mouth seemed to be amplified tenfold in Sam's right ear.

"huh....*sniff!*  huh....haah....uurgh.  *cough cough*...."

Sam cringed in disgust at the incessant, grotesque noises that kept coming out of his brother....directly into Sam's ear. This was going to get old really fast.

"huh-hiii!...hi'huh...huh-"

"Dean, you're not a dog...can you stop panting in my ear, already?"

Sniff! "Uh, hold up, Sammy."

"What? Why?" Sam threw an impatient glance towards his brother, and from the corner of his eye, watched Dean pull his fist up to his face, and -

"Hng'ESHHH'ah!"

"Ow, shit!" Dean's head whipped violently with the force of the sneeze, causing the brothers to knock heads with each other. Sam stumbled to his left, just as Dean started to stagger backwards in the aftermath of the sneeze...which caused Sam to stumble over his own feet. Which in turn, caused both brothers to fall to the ground in one graceless heap. 

....

"Ughh...Nice, Dean. Really nice."

"What? That was all your fault, dumbass. You fell into me, remember?"

"Sure, only because you sneezed in my face, and almost knocked me out!" Sam reached up and touched gingerly at the point of contact on his upper right cheek, near his temple. "Fuck."

Several loud coughs thundered into Sam's right ear. Then, "Stop whining, bitch, and let's get the hell out of here. And - pffft. Get your goddamn hair out of my face while you're at it."

....

The rest of the walk to the hotel was more of the same - although the brothers managed, at least, to stay on their feet for the remainder of the walk. Dean's breath continued to grow louder and more congested in Sam's ear, and Sam's patience with this situation was deteriorating by the minute. Whatever the hell this asinine curse is, Sam thought to himself, there had better be a fucking quick fix. Or, so help me...

By the time they got back to the hotel, Dean was clearly out of breath, and could barely manage to drag himself into the room under his own steam. His teeth were chattering, his wheezy, panting breaths roared loudly in Sam's ear, and Sam could feel his brother shaking like a leaf against him, as violent chills began to wrack his body.

"Okay, Darth Vader...we've gotta get you out of those wet clothes, like, now.  I hate to say it, but we're gonna have to cut your shirt off. Good thing you took off your jacket earlier."

Dean shuttered and let out a wet sniffle. "N-no. C-call Bobby f-first. So we can get this th-th-thing fixed." Dean sputtered out several more hacking coughs, and Sam winced as the noise practically rattled his skull. 

"You sound like complete shit, Dean, and you're shaking, for chrissake. You're gonna give yourself pneumonia at this rate. Your clothes are coming off, now."

"D-d-damn, Sammy. And h-h-here I thought I wouldn't be g-getting any action t-tonight....hi-hoo.  hi-hunh...huh. huh-hii-"

"Dean?"

"huh-huh-HUH...hng'ISSCHHH'hew!"

"Ow! Goddammit, Dean!"

Edited June 29, 2017 by gingerdean

[gingerdean]

 

part 2

.....

There was no possibility of getting Dean into another shirt. After cutting off the wet one as best he could, and toweling himself dry, the most he could manage  was to step into a pair of sweatpants, and drape a blanket over his and Sam's shoulders. A phone call to Bobby kicked the rescue effort into full swing, and the brothers prepared to hole up in their hotel room for as long as necessary, until Bobby was able to find some way to reverse this shitstorm of a curse.  

"huh....h-h-huh...hih...."

Sam sighed. "Please don't."

Dean sniffed and cleared his throat. "M'not," he mumbled. 

"huh-huh...hoo.  ...hi-huh...."

Oh, but he was. The soft, panting breaths would have been imperceptible to Sam in any other circumstance, but given brothers' current predicament, Sam had quickly become something of an expert in knowing when Dean was working up to a sneeze. Sam felt Dean squirm a little on his shoulder, and from his peripheral vision, could tell Dean was rubbing hard at his nose, the way he does when he's trying to tame a particularly malicious itch in his sinuses. Several seconds later, the movement stopped, and a loud, liquid sniff made Sam's mouth curl up in disgust. 

"Actually, Sam...I think-"

"Yeah, yeah," Sam muttered, and pulled his head as far to the left as he could, to escape from the line of fire.

"hi-hiii! hiiii  -hi'<i>eshhhhsch'uh!" Sam felt his body being jerked forward in time with Dean's, and promptly yanked backwards again. Then without thinking, Sam turned his head to the right, and-

"-ESHHHCHSCH'huh!" 

- A hard hit to the left side of his face had Sam seeing stars for a moment.

"Ow, dammit!" Sam hissed, and then he glared at...no one really, because Dean couldn't see Sam's Bitch Face from his current proximity. "Shit, Dean. I told you to warn me, you dumbass."

"I did warnd you! I wasd't done."

"Well, you should have told me you were gonna do it again."

"Did it sound like I had time to tell you again?"  snifff!  "I was kind of busy sneezing over here, in case you didn't notice."

"Whatever. I'm tired of knocking heads with you, man," Sam muttered in annoyance.  

"And I'm not?" Dean grumbled, as he used his non tied-down hand to grab at some tissues from the box next to him.

"I know you are," Sam sighed, a bit nicer this time. He needed to try to remember to keep his frustration with his brother in check - it was this fucked-up situation that he was pissed off at, after all, and not his brother. It wasn't Dean's fault that he was sick. Sam sighed, picked up the remote, and started flipping through the channels.

"Tell me when you see something that looks good."
 

....

About forty-five minutes later...

"This movie sucks."

"Dean, you're the one who picked it."

"Everything sucks. You might as well turn off the stupid TV. There's nothing on."

"You'd really rather sit here and stare at a blank television screen than a lame '80's action movie?"

"Yeah...no. Fuck, I don't know...Have you heard back from Bobby yet? Please say yes."

"Your head is two inches from my face, Dean. If I'd heard from Bobby, you probably would have known about it." Sam sighed as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and looked down at the screen in earnest. No texts, no missed calls. Dammit. 

"Sam...hair."

"Huh?"

"Get your stupid hair...huh...out of my f-face..."

"Oh. Aw, great," Sam mumbled, as he reached over his head with his left arm,  to sweep his hair away from Dean's disapproving nose. The quickening of Dean's breath told him that it was too little, too late. Dammit...Damn this stupid curse....Damn Dean and his sensitive fucking nose...

"huh...huh-hiii! Huh..."

Sam rolled his eyes, cocked his head, and assumed The Position, for what felt like the hundredth time that night. At least they had a system now.

Sam heard a wet sniffle, and Dean's breath began to hitch wildly once again. 

"hih-hi-hih!  hih...hi'eeshchh'huh...hhh'gihh...'IISSHHH'uh!...hrh'ESSHHHCHHH'ew!"

Sam felt a light mist on his neck from that last one. "Gross, dude."

"hi'ESHHHSCH'EW! ....... "H'RESSSHHH'EW!"  

"Wow."

Dean let out a shaky sigh, and pulled his tissue-filled hand to his face, his panting breaths muffled beneath the tissues.

"Hiii-huh-huh-"

Christ, Dean. Are you allergic to my shoulder or something?"

N-..."ESHHHHH'EW! hii-uh.   No, but I'b....I'b...hng'ishhhh'huh....allergic to your stupid face though.  hah-hahhh....h'ngggt'chue!"

That last pathetic-sounding sneeze appeared to signal the end of the fit, and Sam felt the weight of Dean's head pressing against his shoulder, as the sound of guttural, congested panting ravaged his eardrum.

"Well <i>that</i> sucked," Sam said quietly, his voice void of irritation at this point. He pulled his chin down to glance over at his brother. "Bless you, by the way."

Dean snorted softly. "Shaddup." Dean  coughed into his tissues, and groaned as he shifted his weight on the bed.

"You alright?" Sam wiped at the side of his face and neck with a grimace. "You sound fucking terrible."

Dean coughed, then huffed a congested laugh. "Thagnks. I dunno...I think having to hold my head like this is fucking with my sinuses, or something." Dean wiped his teary eyes with his tissues, then softly blew his nose with his free hand. "Your stupid hair ticking my face every few minutes isn't helping, by the way."

"Yeah, sorry." Sam winced, as he smoothed his hair behind his ear again.  "I'm sorry you're stuck like this while you're feeling so crappy, by the way."

"This sucks," Dean concurred, with a whine in his voice that Sam rarely ever hears. "I just...I feel like shit. And all I wanna do is curl up in bed, by myself....I've got no personal space like this. My head hurts, my neck hurts, I keep sneezing all over you..."

Sam cringed "It's okay, man."

"It's not." Dean thew his sodden wad of tissues on the ground, and blindly reached next to him for the kleenex box. "Two hands would be nice," he mumbled, as he knocked the box to the floor by mistake. "Dammit."

"I'll get it. Just, follow my lead." The brothers leaned themselves forward, and Sam managed to snag the box off of the ground without too much trouble. Dean groaned into Sam's ear as the brothers rose back up...and again, a bit louder this time, once they settled back into place on the bed. Sam set the box in Dean's lap.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, I just...got dizzy for a second. Head hurts." 

Sam frowned. "Yeah...you mentioned that. You've been in that same, weird position for a long time. You should lie down." Sam huffed a laugh. "I mean, we should lie down, I guess."

Dean grunted. "Uh-uh. Not happening, Sam. I'm not gonna cuddle up in bed with you, man. No amount of rest is worth that."

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean's pigheadedness. "Like what we're doing now is so much better? You really just want to sit up on the end of the bed for the rest of the night?"

"Yup."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, this is stupid. Come on, lets lie down. We'll figure out how to do it without the cuddling. I promise."

Sam was lying through his teeth. There was no way Dean was going to be able to lie down in bed without cozying up to Sam. It wasn't physically possible. But the first step was to get his stubborn-ass brother in the bed first, then he'd work on the rest. 

Dean let out a mighty sigh. "Fine...whatever. Let's do it."

Sam raised his eyes. "Really?"

"Yep. come on, before I change my mind."

"Alright. Uhh...Let's stand up first, so we can pull the covers back."

"'Kay." Dean sniffled a bit,  but made no move to get up just yet. He let out a quiet sigh, then sniffled a couple times more. 

"What're you waiting for? Let's get up."

"huh...hi-.huh..."

"Oh. You gonna sneeze again?"

"Uhhh...yeah. Sorry."

Sam bit his lip. "S'okay."

Several seconds later, he felt Dean's lungs began to swell against him, and his soft, hitching breaths suddenly grew more urgent. Sam assumed The Position.

"hi-h-hi-hahh... Ha'ESCHHuh!" 

Sam waited a beat as Dean rubbed his nose, then shifted around on the bed. No more panting.

Sam finally dared a glance to his right. "Really? Just one?"

Dean sniffled, then nodded as he let out a congested breath. "Jus' ode." His voice sounded completely wrecked. 

Halle-frickin-lujah. "Kay then. Up on three, alright?"

 

[gingerdean]

Part 3

 

.....

The brothers eventually managed to wrangle themselves into the bed, and after testing a few severely uncomfortable positions, they found that the only tolerable one they could find was for Dean to lie on his left side, his head tucked snugly into Sam's neck, with both brothers' two useless arms pinned beneath them. 

Dean grunted. "My arm's falling asleep."

Sam snorted. "My arm fell asleep hours ago."

"Oh, shit. I forgot to grab the fucking tissues."

"Right here, man." Sam reached over and grabbed a roll of toilet paper off of the nightstand to the left of him. "You used up all the actual tissues, so."

Dean ran his hand across his face, sniffling quietly. "Where'd you get that?"

"From the bathroom, genius. During our bathroom break."

"Oh, God... don't ever mention that again. Not to me, not to anyone...hih...   ...hii-huh.."

Sam frowned, and held up the roll. "You need this now?"

A shaky breath rattled in Sam's ear. "I think....yeah. Uh, hurry."

Sam stuck two fingers in the roll and held it out to his brother. Dean used his free arm to wind the paper around his hand. When he was done, they both pulled their arms back, ripping the paper off with a clean break. 

They always did make a pretty good team. 

Not a moment too soon, Dean brought his hand to his face, and immediately smothered a tired-sounding sneeze into the cloud of fluff, saving Sam's neck the trouble by a slim margin. 

"Bless you."

"Eshhhh'huh!"

Sam waited a few beats, then sighed, resting his cheek against the top of Dean's head. "Bless you."

....

Twenty minutes later, Sam was back to channel surfing, despite the fact that he could only see about twenty percent of the screen with his and Dean's feet obscuring the view. He didn't dare attempt to shift his position, though... Dean had been drifting in and out of sleep for the last ten minutes, and he was currently snoring loudly into Sam's painfully-abused right ear.  Sam scrunched his nose at the wetness he suddenly felt seeping against his neck, but simply swiped at the damp spot with the neck of his shirt, and went back to flipping through the channels. He was pretty much past being grossed out by all of this, anyway. Mostly, he just felt sorry for Dean. This entire night has been completely miserable for Sam- he couldn't even imagine how much worse it must have been for his ailing brother.

Sam sighed, checking his watch for the upteenth time in the last few minutes. He was just contemplating a call to Bobby to check in on progress, when...

"huh.......huh  hi-hii!.......huh...."

Uh oh. Sam tapped the top of Dean's head lightly with his cheek. "Dean? You awake?"

"huh....huh-eh...Urgh." Dean stirred on Sam's shoulder, and grunted a curse beneath his breath. Still mostly asleep, Dean curled in on himself with a deep, shaky breath, pressed his head deep into the crook of Sam's neck, and-

 

"hih'ghnisshhh'huh!"

 -shuddered against his little brother with a sleepy sneeze. Sam felt Dean's eyelashes flutter against his skin, as he blinked awake.

"Dean? You alright?"

 "Sab...Did I just sdneeze od you?"

"S'ok. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, God. I did, didn't I." Deal let out a miserable groan, as he brought his hand to his face, to tend to his tortured nose. "Ugh, not again....hi-hi-hiiii--"

Dean sucked in a sudden, shaky breath, just before a series of harsh, uncontrollable sneezes came tumbling out of him, before either of the brothers could properly brace themselves for the onslaught.

 "IIISCHCHH'hah...heh'ESHHSHHH'uh!   ....t'ISSHHCHSH'ue!... gihh....he'ETTCHHH'shew!"

 
Dean's body shuddered and convulsed helplessly into Sam's, and Sam simply held his brother as the fit momentarily took control of him (because, not like there was a choice in the matter, after all).

And somehow, this was one of the most... strangely and profoundly intimate moments that Sam could ever remember sharing with Dean. Sam's eyes fluttered closed, and his breath caught a little in his throat, as Dean started to pant heavily once more against the sensitive skin on Sam's neck. 

 "hahh-hah-hiii! ....huh-hi-hi!....Ha'ISSCHHiew!"

 

....

That last, desperate sneeze seemed to drain whatever was left of Dean's depleted energy reserves. Dean lay bonelessly still in Sam's embrace, panting heavily, his breath hot and moist against Sam's skin.

Sam had to restrain himself from pressing a kiss to the top of his brother's head. "Bless you," he whispered instead, as he closed his eyes, and rubbed a few soft circles on the small of Dean's back with his fingertips.  

"Stop doig that."

Sam stilled his hand, and smiled. "Sorry."

......

.......

"Well... I guess you cand do that. If you wandt." 

.....

A couple hours later...

 

Sam's eyes fluttered open, and he gazed blearily over to his right, expecting Dean's head to be cushioned on his shoulder next to him. Instead, Dean was lying on his stomach, snoring softly into his pillow, his arm draped snugly across Sam's chest. 

 

Sam smiled, and allowed his eyes to drift shut once more.

 

The End

[telltale]

This was excellent, very clever and fun and I love how you described one of the last scenes being one of the most intimate moments Sam can remember with Dean.  That hit aaall my buttons.

[Shamaël]

That was brilliant, funny and very-well written!

On 03/05/2017 at 5:21 PM, gingerdean said:

Dean's head whipped violently with the force of the sneeze, causing the brothers to knock heads with each other. Sam stumbled to his left, just as Dean started to stagger backwards in the aftermath of the sneeze...which caused Sam to stumble over his own feet. Which in turn, caused both brothers to fall to the ground in one graceless heap. 

I think this was my favorite part. I totally picture the scene and I love when a character loses his balance because of a sneeze...

On 03/05/2017 at 5:50 PM, gingerdean said:

"huh....h-h-huh...hih...."

Sam sighed. "Please don't."

Dean sniffed and cleared his throat. "M'not," he mumbled. 

"huh-huh...hoo.  ...hi-huh...."

Oh, but he was. 

That was... well... 

Thanks for sharing!

[gingerdean]

On 5/3/2017 at 9:27 PM, telltale said:

This was excellent, very clever and fun and I love how you described one of the last scenes being one of the most intimate moments Sam can remember with Dean.  That hit aaall my buttons.

Thank you, and I'm so sorry I took so long to respond! I appreciate the comment 

 

On 5/4/2017 at 1:12 PM, Aliena H. said:

 

That was brilliant, funny and very-well written!

 

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!  

[ID2006]

HOW DID I MISS THIS!!! (That's what I get for dropping off the forum I suppose.) This is amazing! Definitely in my top 10 favorite fics. Your writing is fantastic and I've always been in love with this scenario.