"Sick as a Dog" A Spideypool fic

[bun_lover]

This is my first fanfic on this site!!! So please take it easy on me... I'm not the best writer, but my love for Peter Parker and my babe Deadpool is strong af and I have read the maybe like 4 spidey fics on here? And maybe 1 old spideypool one? So it's obvious we need more :"))) 

You can read spidey as whoever actor you want (or the comic, drawn version), but he looks cute in all forms of media so!!! And we all know what DP looks like :') In this fic, DP gets super sick (which lol sue me he has a crazy insanely good healing factor, but I wanted him to be sick lmao) and Peter fusses over him. Boyfriends!!  And oh this might be dumb bc I'm writing spidey in the first person...so if this is shit please tell me lmao

Also warning for swearing and a little slash kinda

Enjoy! I will defs be making more fics in the future! I just gathered up the courage today.

((I do not own these characters, they belong to Marvel I do not make money off of them etc etc ))

_______________________________________________________________

Ever since Aunt May kicked me out for finding out my identity as Spidey, things have been a little rough. I had to find an apartment that I could afford for next to nothing, another job besides your friendly neighborhood you-know-who, and....a roommate. 

"HEEEAAH-NNCHOO!!! Ugh fuck." 

I mean this roommate pays the rent very sporadically, comes home soaking with his and someone else's blood, and he is the messiest person ever... but it hasn't been all bad, I have this...weird thing going on with him. He is definitely the most annoying, hot, crazy, unethical hunk I've ever met. Wade Wilson. "Bless you!' I called from the next room. He let out a loud, annoyed grunt as I peeked through the doorway at him. Otherwise known as Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth or the Regenerating Degenerate, Wade is actually a nice guy when you get over his many, many, many flaws. "Do you want me to come cuddle with you?"

He looked at me with those sad puppy dog eyes. "Yeah" *snifff* "Daddy want Petey."  

I stopped moving towards him for a second as I recoiled from that statement. "Ew. Don't call yourself 'daddy' that's so nasty, Wade." I accepted his silence, since usually he'd come up with some even more disgusting remark back. "I'm still kind of confused how your healing factor didn't pick up on this. I mean-"

"Heehhh-" His eyes were shut as he lifted both hands up to his nose, careful not to sneeze on me. "Hehh- fuck. Hehh!"

It looked stuck...maybe it needed coaxing. I webbed his hands and pulled him closer to me. He looked surprised, but that didn't help.

"Hehh- Ahhh- Hhh"

I kissed the tip of his scarred nose, which seemed to set loose a series of sneezes in quick succession.

"Heh Knxt! Kncht! Hehh-knxt knxt! Hehh Chnxt!!!!" The last one was messy and loud. He tried as best as he could to cover with his head tucked into his shoulder, but a fine mist lingered in the air. Usually, Wade would try to stifle his sneezes, a tactic best utilized when on the job, but in this instance, there was no possible way for him to hold them back. Instant regret. "Fug, Peder!!! Whad the hell is wrong width you??" *sniffff* "I almodst fuckind DIED." He struggled to get his hands untangled from the webs.

"Shit!!" I made a HUGE mistake. Don't mess with the 'Pool, don't ever mess with the 'Pool. I untangled the webs from his hands carefully. "I'm so sorry, Wade. I didn't..mean to.." He started smiling. 

"You cudte little diabolical asshole!" He sniffed as I shielded myself with my hands for whatever roughhousing he was about to begin. "You could be a supervilliand!" He laughed, which turned into a small coughing fit. He leaned his head back against the couch. 

"Jesus, Wade." My small smile turned into a concerned look. I touched my hand to his head, it was extremely hot. 

"Gedt your mitds off mbe!" He weakly swatted my hand away then immediately pinched his fingers over his nose. "hehh nxt!!" How could the smallest sneeze come from such an intimidating mercenary?  

"Bless you, idiot." He stared me down.

"You kndow I can see 30 ways I could kill you righdt dnow." I put my hands up and he giggled. What could he do about it? You can't possibly conceal weapons in pajama pants...can you?

I chuckled. "Not with this crazy type of cold. I bet you can't even stand up."

He struggled to get out of his groove in the couch. "Damnb," he said as he gave up and sat back down. He rolled his eyes and sniffed in hard. **Snnnddffff** "Sorry, ew gross."

I'm such a bad caretaker. 'Bad Peter,' I thought to myself. I tossed him a box of tissues. He started a long, 4 tissue blow. Awkwardly, I cut through the noise and asked, "do you think there's something wrong with your healing-"

"Hehhh Nchxt! Nnn-Choo! Heh knxt! Ughhh" He let out a sigh and then a small sniffle. "Wow. Annoying much?" He laughed. "What were you saying?"

"Bless you, man. Fuck." I rubbed my hand on the back of my neck, not knowing how to comfort someone so stubborn and hard to read. I sat next to him on the tattered love seat we found in the back alleyway a few weeks before. "I was just going to ask about your healing factor. I've seen you get a limb chopped off and regenerate in the next hour."

He nodded, "yeah and that hurts like hell."

I continued my thought, "well then how could a cold affect you for this long? You'd think you'd sniffle once and be over it." I tried not to come off insensitive, but I'm not the best with words sometimes.

His eyes lit up. "Maybe it's some kind of space monkey virus I contracted or maybe Loki enchanted me with a neverending interstellar sinus infection?" He sniffed in again as he wiggled his finger under his nose to keep a sneeze at bay.

"Why are you so obsessed with space today, Lance Armstrong? When have you even been to space?"

"2008, Space Oddity #32-35 and 33.1" he said, matter of factly. **sniiiif**

"What?"

"Nothing. Maybe I'm just a superhuman with a super cold. Ever hehh--" Deep inhale. "Hehh--" Sigh. "Ever think of that, smart g-guy Hiiihhh"

"1 2 3.." I counted.

"Hihhh CHnxT!!!" *sniiif* He covered his nose with one hand and reached for the tissue box on the couch's armrest. Two long blows later and a sigh. "This is annoying, Pete. You don't have to be here. Just spider-sling yourself to the arcade or the lab or whatever nerd stuff you like to do." He looked down at the ground. Could this be the end of ultra-honcho Wade?

I felt bad for him, but also humbled that he and I finally seemed on the same level. So what if that's because he's sick as a dog...I'll take it. "Bless you, babe." I pulled the knitted blanket Aunt May made for me years ago from the top of the couch and draped it over my shivering friend. He looked about to protest, but the warmth made him shut up.

"T-Thanks, Parker. Usually, when shit like this happens, it's just me. I'm not really the type to have someone dote over me, it makes me uncomfortable. Kind of a survival instinct..I guess. I don't fuckin' know." He shrugged and looked away from me.

I smiled. "I'm not the type to make fun of someone when they tell me how they feel, so you don't need to worry about opening up to me, Wade. You can trust me." He sniffed, whether from the emotion or from sickness, I couldn't tell. 

"I kdnow... You're Mr. Ndice Guy Hehh-" the conjestion returned.

"Bless-"

"Hehhha'nchxt! Nkxt!"

"-you."

He looked up at the ceiling and sniffed loudly. "Thanks, Pete."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

________________________________________

Oh God the kissing the nose part is so overdone but I love it. I hope you guys liked it! Leave comments I might continue this story later! Enjoy

 

[Hannahnas]

Oh my godness this is amazing please continue 

[Chickadee365]

Ahhh this is too cute! There's not nearly enough Spideypool here on the forum, so your contribution is very much appreciated 

Also, the kissing on the nose thing is NEVER overdone  please continue writing this!! 

[Arty]

Omg.........my babes. Im down for Wade being the sick one. Healing factor be damn!! This was so good. Cant wait see what else you come up with for these two.