A Not-So-Common Cold (Secret Santa for matilda3948 - Avengers, m)

[murphy dee]

This is (finally) my Secret Santa for @matilda3948!!  My sincere apologies that this is a few hours late!  It was looking like I was going to make the deadline right on time, and then long story short, I ended up spending a good part of my night trying to get broken glass out of my garbage disposal!  Haha, fun times.  Anyway!!!  I hope you enjoy this Matilda!  I love the Avengers/Captain America movies but I've never gotten around to writing anything for them before, so this was really fun.  I especially loved writing Tony.  And yes, I spent a very long amount of time studying that footage of Chris Evans sneezing...it was crucial to the writing process.  >__>

Happy reading!!!

 

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It started with a roll of the neck, a stretch of the shoulders, and a drawn-out sigh.  Tony watched, momentarily forgetting his scrambled eggs in the frying pan, as Steve entered the kitchen in his work-out clothes, grabbed a bottled water from the fridge, and slumped onto one of the chairs at the bar.  Sweat beaded on his brow but his shirt was dry, and Tony guessed the morning’s exercises had ended early.  This coupled with the faintest tinge of pink around the eyes and nose piqued Tony’s interest.  He had never seen Steve sick before.  Wouldn’t have even guessed there was a bug capable of felling a super soldier, but the evidence in front of him suggested otherwise.

Steve motioned to the stove.  “Your eggs.”

“Huh?  Oh.”  Tony moved the pan from the burner but there was no saving it.  He eyed the browned, sizzling mess with disdain and dumped the entire thing in the sink so it could think about what it had done.  “I wanted take-out anyway.  There’s this great place that does chicken and waffles.  You like chicken and waffles?”

Steve smiled and shook his head but his voice was strained and tired.  “Not hungry.  But thanks.”

“Suit yourself.”  Tony whipped out his phone and shot off a quick text to the owner of the restaurant.  Delivery wouldn’t take long.

He looked up from the screen just in time to see Steve rub at his nose with the back of his knuckles.  Not just once, either.  He counted three, no, four hard swipes against the underside of his nose.  The skin-on-skin friction left the nostrils an even brighter shade of pink than before, and Steve actually sniffled and cleared his throat.  It felt wrong to see him like this.

“You need some hot tea or something?” Tony found himself asking, already at the cupboards.  “This is the brand the Queen drinks, y’know.  Or I got some OJ?  Best you ever had, I swear.  Gets shipped in directly from—”

“No, really.”  Steve unscrewed the cap off his water bottle and took a sip.  “I’m good with this.  Thanks, though.”

Tony huffed, a little flustered at the refusal.  It was like trying to help a brick wall.  “But you’re sick,” he said finally.

“Nah,” said Steve with a dismissive laugh and another sniffle.  “Just didn’t sleep very well.  I don’t think I get sick anymore.”

“Actually, Captain,” came the softly even voice of Vision as he phased up through the floor, “your body is operating at a temperature of 99.8 degrees Fahrenheit, and your heartrate is elevated well above your usual resting rate.”

Tony grinned.  “I love it when he does that.”

Steve looked indignantly between the two of them.  “I was at the gym.  I got overheated.  Guys, I’m fine.”  He stood up from the bar to leave but paused with one foot on the floor.  He looked worried for a moment, forehead creasing, and then Tony realized what was happening.  Steve took a deep, trembling breath and pulled the collar of his tee up just in time to catch—“Hhtchoo!  Hehhtschoo!  H-hiihschoo!”—three sneezes in rapid-fire succession.  He blinked, his eyes hazy, and sniffled some more.

Tony folded his arms across his chest.  “You were saying?”

“I…might not be feeling a hundred percent.”

Vision placed a sturdy hand on Steve’s shoulder.  “You’re experiencing the early stages of the common cold.  You should rest yourself and drink plenty of fluids.”

“Like OJ,” said Tony.

Steve’s posture went lax with defeat and he rubbed at the back of his neck.  “Guess I’ll take a glass, then.”

“Good to hear,” said Vision.  “If you’ll both excuse me, though, I’ve been meaning to speak with Wanda.”

Tony grabbed the juice from the fridge and began to pour.  “Been speaking with Wanda an awful lot lately, huh?  Something going on I should know about?”  Of course he already knew.  He prided himself on being able to read people as if he had their instruction manuals on hand, and Vision, despite not fully being human, was no exception.  He and Wanda were more than friends at this point, and they’d been trying to keep it from the rest of the team with literally no success.  Even Steve knew, and Steve barely knew how to log into his own email.

Vision just stared coolly at Tony.  “Sir, your blood alcohol content is .09 percent.  I sincerely hope you aren’t planning to operate any machinery this morning.”  He turned with a flourish of his cape and disappeared through the wall.

Tony grumbled and shouted after him, “That was a really transparent deflection!”  He set a glass of orange juice down in front of Steve and then poured a little bit for himself, topping it off generously with champagne.  “Guy has a gemstone of unfathomable power lodged in his head and suddenly he thinks he knows everything.”

Steve watched Tony pour.  “What on earth are you—a-are yyhetschoo!”  The sneeze snuck up on him, barely giving him enough warning to turn his head.  He scrunched his eyes and wriggled his nose, clearly not content with just one, and he raised his forearm to hide himself as he battled the urge.  His breath hitched and his chest expanded against the confines of his snug work-out tee.  “Hha…haatchoo!  Hhekschoo!  Hihtschoo!  Hh…hhehhtchoo!”             

Tony didn’t realize he was still pouring champagne until he heard it dribbling onto the kitchen floor.  He tore his eyes away from Steve long enough to find something to mop up the too-full glass.  It was just so bizarre to see Steve so entirely overcome like that.  He couldn’t help but look.  “I’m, uh, I’m making a mimosa,” he answered at last once his wits returned to him. 

Steve gave a strong, productive sniff and let it out as a weary sigh.  “A what?  A mimosa?”

“Well yeah, I’ve got brunch coming.  And once it gets here, you’re going to bed.”

 

=+=

 

Readjusting himself in the wealth of pillows for the fifth or sixth time, Steve turned his attention to Tony, who sat in a chair at his bedside pleasantly eating his chicken and waffles out of a styrofoam take-out container.  “You don’t have to babysit me,” he told him.  His voice had deteriorated in the last hour or so, and now it seemed to take a terrific effort just to push the words past his lips.

“I’m not babysitting, I’m monitoring.  There’s a difference.”  Tony took a bite of waffle.  “Besides, if I hadn’t shoved you into bed, you would’ve been going out business as usual, which is exactly how I handle being sick.  I had Pepper to look out for me, though.  But I guess you’re stuck with little ol’ me.”

Steve relinquished the point.  “You’re a fine enough nurse, Tony.  I appreciate it.”

“You want some chicken?”

Steve appeared to consider the offer for a brief moment, but his eyes suddenly unfocused and his breath leapt in his chest.  “N-no,” he managed hurriedly.  “Like I s-hha…said, I’m not hh…h-hhettschoo!  H-hungry.  Hiitsschoo!  HehhCHOO!  Mmn…”  He massaged his temples with his palms and his whole face scrunched with the force of his sniffling.

“At least take one of these.”  Tony grabbed a box of tissues off the nightstand and held them out.

Steve put the box in his lap, tugged a tissue free, and pressed it gently to his reddened nose.  “Thanks,” he said, muffled and scratchy.  “Aren’t you worried about catching this, though?  If I caught it, I don’t hold out much hope for you.  Or anyone in the tower, really.  No offense.”

Tony speared a piece of chicken.  “It’s fine.  And save your voice, you sound awful.”

“It’s fine?”

“I already texted Banner.  Asked him to cook up some crazy health potion, ‘cause you need to be back to your super self ASAP if we need to go all ‘Avengers assemble’ later.”

“I can get all ‘Avengers assemble’ now.”

Tony chewed thoughtfully and then snapped his fingers.  “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.  Biological warfare.  Man, I should’ve had Banner weaponize this cold of yours for the next alien horde that tries to wipe us out.  Y’know, get full on War of the Worlds with it.”

An excited gleam of recognition at the reference came over Steve’s fever-flushed face, quickly eclipsed by a desperate peaking of the eyebrows.  He rushed to grab a handful of tissues to smother the oncoming fit.  “HehhCHOO!”  His body rocketed forward from the force.  Tony didn’t even want to think about how strong those sneezes were becoming.  “H…ha…hahSCHOO!  HiitCHOO!  Hha…h-haahCHOO!”  Steve sniffled wetly into the tissues, his blue eyes brimming over.

“C’mon, you should take a nap ‘til Banner’s done.”

Steve nodded, thankfully much more receptive to Tony’s help than before.  He wriggled down into the bedsheets, working his board shoulders against the pillows to soften them up.  He was the perfect picture of misery, nose red with irritation, strands of blond hair plastered to his brow with sweat.

Tony put his food aside and leaned over to fluff the pillows for him.

“Thanks,” said Steve, already starting to succumb to sleep now that he was more horizontal. 

“Oh sure, what are nurses for.” 

A soft laugh from the doorway announced Natasha’s arrival.  “Did I walk in on a sleepover?  What’s going on?”

Steve gave an exhausted little wave and then brought the hand to his mouth.  “H-hi Nataah-ahhtCHOO!”  He reached for the tissues again, turning his head away from his friends.  “HhhehtCHOO!  HahhCHOO!  Ah…hhh…h-hhiihCHOO!”

Natasha immediately looked horrified.  “Oh hell no.  If he’s sick I’m not sticking around to catch whatever nasty bug brought him down.  What are you even doing, Stark?”

“Oh I dunno, being a good friend?”  Tony shrugged.  “Banner’s working on a cure, I’m not wor…worriiihh—hhih—iihgkhchh!”  He managed to half-stifle the sudden sneeze into the arm of his dress shirt, and when he blinked and finally glanced up, Steve and Natasha were eyeing him with surprise.

“Damn, it’s fast,” said Natasha.

Steve heaved a guilty sigh.  “Gosh.  Sorry, Tony.  I’ve probably been contagious for days.”

Tony was willing to chalk it up to the power of suggestion, and then he felt the unmistakable chill of a fever crawl up his spine.  Where was that human-shaped thermometer when you needed him?

“Well,” said Natasha, rolling up her sleeves, “looks like I’m playing nurse now.”

Tony gulped and glanced warily at Steve.  “Banner better hurry.”

Edited January 3, 2017 by murphy dee

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Needless to say, I'm not matilda, but...

[ohlala8]

Ooh, contagion and Tony Stark? Be still my beating heart.

[SneezyHolmes]

This was to die for! Ah, Steve you poor bab and Tony...well, you tried to be a good friend! xD 

[matilda3948]

I LOVE it!!! Thank you so much! Poor Steve and Tony doing his best and Natasha being like "Nope. Nope. Nope." This totally captures them. Brilliant job!

[SleepingPhlox]

Ohhhh TonyTonyTony!  This is really well written, and I agree with the folks above that you nailed their characters.  But I'm just so so very fixated on that end bit there.

[beatlelover22]

I accidentally squealed whilst reading this, so that was embarrassing, but OH MY GOD. I love sick Steve with a passion and you wrote him so well. Oh jeez. I loved it, especially Tony taking care of him and getting sick as well. 

[murphy dee]

4 hours ago, matilda3948 said:

I LOVE it!!! Thank you so much! Poor Steve and Tony doing his best and Natasha being like "Nope. Nope. Nope." This totally captures them. Brilliant job!

Ahhhh thank you, I'm so happy you liked it!!    Thank you for giving me a good reason to finally write them!

And thanks to everyone else too for your kind words!!!

Edited January 3, 2017 by murphy dee

[AngelEyes]

This is fantastic!

[TouchOfGrey]

I can't even. I just love them so much. Must have more.

[Red]

Tony caring for Steve and catching his disease! Just great 

[Rook]

hi Murphy I just wanna say HOLY BALLS THAT IS THE BEST THING IV EVER READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[March Hare]

Oooo, this is real good stuff indeed. Yeah.  Nice one, murphy.

Ahh, superheroes. 

[Werewolf Sniffles]

Wow.

I have no words to explain how this just made me feel, so instead I will speak in emoji.

 

Please me, I think I just found my first addiction.

[Hamiltrash]

wwOOAAH MY GOD THIS IS PHENOMENAL!!! You've totally got the character interactions and the dialogue down-pat! This is so cute and well written and I'm a sucker for contagion. I seriously hope you continue! 

[TrapRose]

Oh man, I am a tremendous sucker for sick!Steve, and you've written him so well. I love their interaction-- and superfast contagion, it's like magical wish-fulfillment in here. Thank you for sharing; this is wonderful.

[Elyze]

Mmmmm, sick and sneezy super heroes. Doesn't get much better than this! And Steve is definitely a favourite!

[Anonymouse]

You did such an amazing job with this! Your Steve was pure yum and your Tony was just so... Tony. Every single sneeze was pure gold. Very well written.

Tony joking about weaponizing the virus. I love that he caught it in the end after essentially lording his good health over Steve.