Going Steady (SPN, Dean)

[Anilkex]

From TG's meme, a late bday gift for cowboyguy.

 

Prompt: SPN. Dean's dealing with a sneeze attack that just won't quit. He's not having massive fits or anything, just an annoying, couple-sneezes-a-minute thing that just won't go away no matter what he does. It's pissing him off to no end.

 

xxxxx

 

The hunt ended pretty...pathetically.

 

Almost an embarrassment, really.

 

Sam and Dean stood at the curb, frowning at the slushy body in the street.

 

They folded their arms.

 

Sam opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.

 

They shifted.

 

Dean opened his mouth to say something, then closed it.

 

Sam scratched his head. “So, seriously, it ran into the pole, slipped on the candy wrapper and then cracked its head on the sidewalk?”

 

Dean sighed. “Bobby’ll never believe us.”

 

xxxxx

 

“You idjits are full of shit.”

 

“Swear to God, Bobby. It...hih-H’Esscchhew! It happened. Over in fifteen minutes, never even touched it.”

 

“Bless you. As long as it’s dead, I’m happy. Don’t care how it happened. You boys coming by?”

 

“Yeah. We’re leaving in a bit.”

 

“I’ll cool some beer.”

 

Dean hung up, scrubbing at his nose with one hand. “Sam - you about ready?”

 

Without looking up, Sam continued scribbling in his journal. “Soon. I wanna finish this before I forget what happened. What color was that slimy shit that shot out of its head?”

 

“Piii...HRSCHHHeww! Pink.” He scrubbed at his nose again.

 

Sam glanced up. “You okay?"

 

“*sniff* Yeah, why?”

 

Sam blinked.

 

“I’m gonna watch TV. Lemme know when you’re ready.” He settled on the small couch, watching an old action movie.

 

A couple minutes later...“Dean - do you think that sound it made before turning the corner was more gurgly or bubbly?”

 

Knuckle pressed under his nose, Dean tried to answer through hitching breaths. “Def...definite...ly...heh-gur-hih-HETSCHHH! *sniff* Gurgly.”

 

Sam tapped his pen against his teeth, watching Dean fumble for a tissue. Shaking his head, he walked over a stack of napkins. “Here,” he grunted, settling back in his chair, resuming the scribbling.

 

Dean dutifully blew his nose, and went back to the TV.

 

It wasn’t long before Dean was breathing through his mouth, his head slowly rearing back in time with a dramatically long inhale. Sam called out, “How many of those pointy things were sticking out of it’s back? I counted four, but I’m not so sure.”

 

“Hiiihhhhhhh-Hp-TSCHHHH-uhh! Five.”

 

“Shit - you’re right. There were five. Should I include that one between its - “

 

“Hhh’AhhTSCHHHYuu! Fucking hell.”

 

“…Are you okay?”

 

Dean swung his legs to the floor, wiping his nose, a scowl firmly in place. “Keep sneezin’.” He sniffled, resting his elbows on his knees, one hand rubbing an eye.

 

Sam set down his pen. “I can see that. Allergies?”

 

Eye rub still in full force, Dean snipped, “To what? No cahhh-hih-K’ISHHH! *sniff* cats he-hiiiiihhh-K’ISCHHSHH! *sniff* here. Godfuckingdammit.” He slapped his thighs and headed to the bathroom, the door slamming behind him.

 

Sam winced, biting his lip and waiting to see what Dean would do next. There was a sound of fierce nose-blowing, a toilet flush, and running water. By the time Dean emerged, other than his hair being a little wet, nothing else looked out of place...except for the fluttering eyelids and semi-vacant look as another sneeze took hold, forcing itself into the crook of his arm. His whole body jolted from the effort, tensing before slumping in relief.

 

Sam half-watched as Dean pawed at his nose, face scrunching and stretching. Before long, the sniffling stopped, and Dean wrenched to the side, sneezing into a balled-up tissue.

 

Sam pulled his lower lip between his teeth. “Did it get you?”

 

Watery, bleary eyes swiveled toward Sam. “What?”

 

“When it squirted that stuff. Did it get you?”

 

Dean’s brow furrowed as he struggled to remember. “Which time? The pink shit from its head or the brown crap from its-H’ihrmmphh!”

 

“Either.”

 

“No.”

 

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Then what’s going on?”

 

Sitting down, Dean blew his nose again, adding an extra scrubbing at the end. “No clue.” He tossed the napkin into a small garbage can and sighed, hands hanging between his knees. “It’s fucking annoying.” He sniffed, as if testing himself. Head tilted to the side, he looked satisfied.

 

“Okay. I think I’m-ISCHHHEeww! *sniff* Nevermind.” Dean let out a little growl, going back into the bathroom. When he came back out, he clutched a toilet paper roll to his chest and a wet washcloth to his face.

 

Sam frowned, pen twirling between his fingers. “Your eyes hurt?”

 

“Huh?”

 

Sam nodded at the washcloth as Dean sat at the table.

 

“Oh. No. Was hoping the cold would stahhh-HRSHHHCHH! Stop the sneezing.”

 

“Well, something’s up with you. You’re sure that crap didn’t get on you?”

 

Dean nodded, one hand holding the washcloth so it lie across his tired nose, the other unwrapping more toilet paper.

 

“Maybe it put something in the air when its head deflated. Jesus, let me do that.” Sam snatched the toilet paper from his brother, deftly unrolling enough to make a nice cloud, which Dean immediately nabbed and sneezed into.

 

“I didn’t smell anything, Sam,” Dean insisted, his voice muffled by the paper. “Besides, we weren’t that close. It was across the street.” Dean’s hand dropped to his lap, his chest heaving from the constant explosions. “I dunno what this is, but I can’t stop, like...shit another one…”

 

Dean’s wrist hovered under his nose as he closed his eyes and took a long breath. Sam took that moment to swipe his hand across Dean’s forehead. The second Dean felt it, his eyes snapped open with barely enough time to glare What The Fuck? before jerking forward with a double.

 

“No fever…”

 

“No shit.”

 

“Try stifling.”

 

“Dude.”

 

“Just try it.”

 

“It never works for you, why would it work for me?”

 

Sam splayed his hands. “Humor me.”

 

Dean emphatically threw the used toilet paper in the trash. “This is stupid. I - Hiiiii’Hxgnt! *sniff* There, I did it. Happy now?”

 

Sam chewed on a fingernail. “No congestion, either. After all that sneezing, I figured your nose would be stuffed up or something.”

 

“This is fucking weird, man. Even for us. Can we just go to Bobby’s now?”

 

Sam tried logic. “Dean, you can’t drive like this.”

 

Dean’s eyes flattened. “The hell I cahhhh-KRSCHHHH! HURRRSCHHEww! Motherfuckergodammit!”

 

Sensing that Dean was close to doing something...Dean, Sam offered another suggestion. “Try just...not sneezing.”

 

Dean’s head whipped around. “What do you mean not sneeee….heh...snee’CHHH!...sneezing?”

 

Sam cinched his mouth to the side. “I mean, don’t let it happen.”

 

Dean blinked.

 

“Just try it. You’ve done everything else.. Maybe...maybe you need to show it who’s boss.”

 

Dean blinked again.

 

Sam half-shrugged a shoulder.

 

Dean rolled his eyes, flopping down into the chair. “Fine. I’ll just...hih...okay…” He sniffled forcefully, eyes darting to Sam before rolling his shoulders and rocking his head from side to side.

 

Sam resisted eye rolling back.

 

Dean held up a finger, telling Sam to hold on, as if Sam had anything else to do. He pressed his fist under his nose, grunting, “You watchin’ is fuckin’ creepy.”

 

Sam offered an apologetic smile. “Just trying to help, man.”

 

Dean flapped a hand at him, before hastily returning it to his face. He closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing. Every couple inhales were ragged and hitched, but Dean pressed his hand into his nose further, quelling the urge to sneeze as best as he could.

 

He squirmed in his chair.

 

He got to his feet and started pacing, fist still shoved against his face. After a minute, he shook his head, and sneezed, motioning for Sam to give him more tissues.

 

“Hp’HETSCHHYUuu! Can’t...Heh-H’ASTSCHH! ITSCHHH! Okay, I’m done. Let’s just go. Finish your chronicle later.” Pressing the heel of a hand into his eye, Dean grated, “You drive.” One more tired sneeze wrenched out of him, and Dean tossed the keys to Sam.

 

xxxxx

 

Dean managed to fall asleep in the car, much to his and Sam’s delight. For an hour, Sam tried like hell to figure out what set Dean off like that, but he had nothing.

 

Maybe Dean just had to sneeze a lot. The end.

 

Sam chuckled to himself. Riiiight. When was it ever that easy?

 

An itch flared in his nose, and he barely brought his arm up in time. “Huh’HiTSCHHHEWw!”

 

==end==

 

The unnecessary explanation of my take on the prompt: Everything is always complicated. This hunt wasn’t complicated. It was stupid and bizarre, and resolved itself easily. Dean can’t handle easy...unless it’s a girl. So his body creates this complex reaction, because his mind isn’t satisfied with the ease of the job. When Sam starts overthinking at the end, he has the same reaction.

 

I can relate, because I can’t help but overthink a simple prompt like “Dean can’t stop sneezing.”

[SterlingSilver]

This was adorable <3. Honestly, I love the situation where someone isn't in fits, but just can't seem to stop >w<. Like it's just frequent enough to be annoying, but not enough to be something like an attack. Lovely little fic here, Anilkex~ Thank you for writing!

[telltale]

This is adorable.  After I wrote that I realized the person right above me said the same thing, but it IS.    And I just love your author's note/explanation ahaha.  That is the best.

[estrelleta]

Love this!!

[gingerdean]

Ok, so...I've read this so many times already

First of all...Best. Hunt. Ever.  omg.    And I love the how casual this whole scenario is, and the timing of all the sneezing was just perfect.

OMG, this line:

On ‎5‎/‎9‎/‎2016 at 10:54 PM, Anilkex said:

Dean’s hand dropped to his lap, his chest heaving from the constant explosions. “I dunno what this is, but I can’t stop, like...shit another one…”

*fans self*

But I think this is my favorite part:

On ‎5‎/‎9‎/‎2016 at 10:54 PM, Anilkex said:

Sam offered another suggestion. “Try just...not sneezing.”

 

Dean’s head whipped around. “What do you mean not sneeee….heh...snee’CHHH!...sneezing?”

 

Sam cinched his mouth to the side. “I mean, don’t let it happen.”

 

Dean blinked.

 

“Just try it. You’ve done everything else.. Maybe...maybe you need to show it who’s boss.”

And I loved this part too:

On ‎5‎/‎9‎/‎2016 at 10:54 PM, Anilkex said:

He got to his feet and started pacing, fist still shoved against his face. After a minute, he shook his head, and sneezed, motioning for Sam to give him more tissues.

 

“Hp’HETSCHHYUuu! Can’t...Heh-H’ASTSCHH! ITSCHHH! Okay, I’m done. Let’s just go. Finish your chronicle later.” Pressing the heel of a hand into his eye, Dean grated, “You drive.” One more tired sneeze wrenched out of him, and Dean tossed the keys to Sam.

Thank you so much for an amazing fill!!

[AngelEyes]

This is awesomeness! I love Dean's frustration. So in character. And Sam's "helpful" suggestions, LOL. And the hunt, too funny!

 

I didn't know how much I liked this, but I totally agree. 

On May 9, 2016 at 11:38 AM, BlackScatter said:

Honestly, I love the situation where someone isn't in fits, but just can't seem to stop