Rook Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Cameron Goodkin woke up sore achy and miserable. Dang this day is gonna suck, why can't the dead take a sick day? There was a pounding on the door. "Cameron wake up!" "Coming stretch" (this is based off the tv show stichers) Link to comment
sneezingfun894 Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I'm not an admin but here's a piece of advice. I've noticed that you posted 3 topics under this same title. Try to keep the story in one topic, otherwise it will be hard for people who want to follow it to check for new updates. =) Link to comment
Rook Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 spam and laptop lag ganged up on me it was pure accident :-( Link to comment
AnteatersOnParade Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 There's more? I can only see three lines :-( Would like to see where you go with this in many more lines to come. ;-) Link to comment
Rook Posted March 25, 2016 Author Share Posted March 25, 2016 there's more it just wouldn't leave me alone Link to comment
Rook Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 Previously Cameron Goodkin woke up sore achy and miserable. Dang this day is gonna suck, why can't the dead take a sick day? There was a pounding on the door. "Cameron wake up!" "Coming stretch" When I showered I let out a volly of sneezes, HATCHOO HATCHOO HETCHOOOOOOO HESHOOOOOOOOOOOOO getting ready I went back to the living room and out popped Kirsten, "You were taking to long and your security sucks ass." "thanks cupcake" "now eat breakfast" "you look like shit cameron," *cough cough* thanks stretch. She gives me a look. "I ate eat and then we can go." "Sure princess" "I'm driving" Kirsten grabs the keys and saunters out the door. Well today is gonna suck and i walked out the door. (chapter 1 part 2 coming tomorrow) Link to comment
Rook Posted March 27, 2016 Author Share Posted March 27, 2016 (Chapter 1 part 2) As we walk to the elevator I give a head bob hnx hnx hnx I feel Kristen's hand ghost my neck, "you can call in sick you know," Kirsten's face was soft and her voice was gentle. "Are you sure you're not sick Kirsten your actually being gentle." "Hahaha, your a riot Cameron." "The moment you get worse im dragging you back here." "Fair enough." I give a cough as we exit, getting into the car I buckle in and fall asleep. (Kirsten's thoughts) He looks sick why won't he take care of himself, maybe he never had anyone to take care of him. Well I'm going to take good care of you Cameron. Once I parked the car I shook Cameron awake. "cam wake up were here" "Mmmmmm comin" His eyes fluttered open straight into the sun. Kishewi! HETChiew! (surprise gonna do little things like that cause I can) "Bless" Why is he so hot when he sneezes?! (cam) I take a handful of tissues and blow my nose. (more later) Link to comment
Garnet Posted March 27, 2016 Share Posted March 27, 2016 (edited) Hello. I have no idea what this fic is based off of, but I see that you're doing more sentences per post, which is great! Still a lot of grammar and POV inconsistencies, though. I edited your latest chapter with more continuous perspectives, so maybe it's easier to read and you can see what I mean when I'm critiquing these things? I realize that it's a bit presumptuous to beta without permission so hopefully this is okay! --- As they walked to the elevator, Cameron gave a head bob. "Hnx! Hnx! Hnx!" He felt Kirsten's hand ghost his neck. "You can call in sick, you know." Kirsten's face was soft and her voice was gentle. "Are you sure you're not sick, Kirsten? You're actually being gentle." "Hahaha, you're a riot, Cameron," she said. "The moment you get worse, I'm dragging you back here." "Fair enough." He gave a cough as they exited. Getting into the car, he buckled in and fell asleep. He looks sick. Kristen thought to herself. Why won't he take care of himself? Maybe he never had anyone to take care of him. Well, I'm going to take care of you, Cameron. Once she had parked the car, she shook Cameron awake. "Cam, wake up. We're here." "Mmm, comin'." His eyes fluttered open straight into the sun. "Kishewi! HeTChiew!" "Bless," she said, then thought why is he so hot when he sneezes?! Cameron took a handful of tissues and blew his nose. -- (This is still only 172 words. I know you can do more next time!) Edited March 28, 2016 by Garnet a grammar Link to comment
Anonymouse Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 *joins Garnet on the sideline with pom poms* You can do it! Definitely note Garnet's version, it looks like a completely different story. It's a lot more organized, grammatically correct, and easy on the eyes. You may be driving away people who want to read your stories because of the formatting and that would be a shame. Link to comment
Rook Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 I love you guys Im getting there im adding as i go Link to comment
Rook Posted December 7, 2018 Author Share Posted December 7, 2018 cause i'm a meme lord I have inspiration again and i want to finish all the fics i posted ie 3? so yes *dusts off thread* I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!! Link to comment
FadedRose Posted December 7, 2018 Share Posted December 7, 2018 5 hours ago, DeadPulse said: cause i'm a meme lord I have inspiration again and i want to finish all the fics i posted ie 3? so yes *dusts off thread* I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!! You go for it, girl Link to comment
Rook Posted December 8, 2018 Author Share Posted December 8, 2018 2 hours ago, FadedRose said: You go for it, girl And guess who's getting a dedication fic Link to comment
Rook Posted February 10, 2019 Author Share Posted February 10, 2019 Y'all it's getting redone Link to comment
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