Victims of A Cold War (Criminal Minds)

[Chanel_no5]

***Note***

Yeah, well… I felt like writing a sequel to my fic Getting To The Point. Wasn’t going to post it, but then I decided to at least try and do what several people have begged me to, namely have Reid catch Blake’s cold. Since I’m still struggling with writing colds, and I’m not into men, I have no idea how well I succeeded in terms of bringing pleasure to those who like it, but there is some in there for those who asked for it, at least.

And yeah, maybe Morgan is a bit mean… but I thought it was funny so I let him.

***

The plane ride back to DC from Minnesota was the most embarrassing event of Blake’s life. Sure, there had probably been a handful of moments back when she was in her teens that had been more embarrassing, at least when they happened, but nothing that she could think of right now. Truth be told, she had a hard time thinking at all right now - this was the sneeziest cold she had ever had, and for at least forty minutes straight she had been caught in a relentless sneezing fit, with the longest pause between sneezes being less than one minute. She had retreated to the back of the plane, as far away from the rest of the team she could get, and was just sitting there with a blanket draped across her shoulders and a box of tissues next to her. She had optimistically believed the sneezing would calm down enough to allow her to read a bit, but the book was still unopened next to an untouched cup of tea, while she sneezed. And sneezed. And sneezed. The more she tried to hold back or stifle the sneezes, out of embarrassment and consideration of the rest of the team, the louder and more desperate they seemed to get. She kept tissues pressed to her face to at least catch the spray, but these sneezes were so wet it was ridiculous. She wished she could at least stifle them, but the tingle was so intense, so torturous, she simply had to…

“NnntsSHHoo! NntSCHHoo! Eeerrsshhchoo! Ahhh… ahhhEEERRSSCCHHEW! HaaaEERRSSHHOO! HeyESSSCCHHuh! AAAEERRSSHHHO! AaaaYIISSCHHEWW!”

After this particularly uncontrolled fit coming from the normally so controlled woman, Morgan, JJ and Rossi all chuckled.

“Hey, Sneezy, you okay back there?” Morgan called out.

“Never better,” she croaked and immediately had to let out another spraying sneeze into the tissues. “EyISSSSHew!”

Rossi took a sip of his scotch and leaned back in his seat.

“We’re all gonna catch that cold, that’s one thing for sure,” he stated. Reid cleared his throat. “In fact, I think someone already has,” Rossi added. The younger man had to clear his throat again before he could reply, yet his voice still sounded slightly ragged.

“I’m fine, I’m just tired,” Reid objected.

“Oh, yeah, I seem to recall a certain SSA Blake saying the exact same words two days ago,” Rossi said. JJ grinned and shook her head.

“Poor Blake,” she said. “She’s barely comfortable yawning around us, this must be mortifying for her.”

“Not exactly the first time a team member has a non-stop sneezing fit in front of the rest of us though,” Rossi said, “Is it, Aaron?” he said, giving his old friend a pointed stare. Hotch looked up from the report he was writing and sent Rossi his infamous death glare. The Italian wasn’t easily scared, however, so he pushed on. “Only in your case it was allergies. Ah, pursuing an unsub through ragweed certainly messes you up.”

“Thank you Dave,” Hotch replied. “I’m sure everyone needed to be reminded of that incident.”

“HuhptSChuh!”

Reid got his arm up in front of his face and caught the sneeze into his sleeve, but it came on too sudden to be fully held back. Rossi raised his eyebrows.

“And here we go.”

“I'm fine. I sneezed, that’s all,” Reid replied. “You know, the average person sneezes between one and three times a day even when completely h-healthy… huh… uhISSCHuhh!”

Morgan startled, and moved his coffee mug away from the sneezing genius next to him.

“Whoa! Go sit in Sneeze Corner with Spray Queen and stop contaminating my coffee with your germs,” Morgan said, but he was chuckling.

“I wasn’t sneezing into your coffee,” Reid shot back as he rubbed his nose with his knuckles, but he got up from his seat.

“I was kidding, Pretty Boy,” Morgan said, chuckling even harder.

“I know, but I’m going to check on Blake anyway,” Reid replied.

“Well,” Rossi said, “She’s definitely breathing anyway, nobody can sneeze that much without breathing.”

“Boys, be nice,” JJ said, but her attempt at scolding the senior agent was largely undone by the amused look on her face.

***

Blake had a brief reprieve from sneezing when Reid got there, but she seemed to be caught in a perpetual pre-sneeze state.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’ve never sneezed this much in my entire life,” she sniffled. “Other than that, I’m okay. I’m so, so sorry about this.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.”

“How are…” she cleared her throat thickly before she could continue; “How are you feeling?”

He didn’t feel like pretending in front of her. Partly because she was so miserable herself, and partly because he simply didn’t want to lie to her.

“Not great, honestly. I’m getting the same thing.”

“Oh, Reid, I’m sorry…” she trailed off and her breath began to hitch again. She slowly raised the tissues she kept clutched in one hand and covered her mouth and nose and began to sneeze again, nearly doubling over. Once the fit tapered off she glanced at Reid, looking utterly exhausted. Her eyes overflowed and she kept the tissues firmly pressed against her nose to keep it from dripping.

“Bless you. Those sounded painful.”

“Ugh. I can’t help it, it tickles so much.”

Reid chuckled. “I wasn’t criticising your sneeze.” He sat down in the seat opposite of hers. ”Do you tend to get secondary infections from colds?”

Blake groaned.

“I really don’t want any facts and statistics right now, please?”

Reid closed his mouth. Then his nose began to tickle and he sniffed to rid himself of the irritating sensation. Alas, that action only made matters worse. He snatched a tissue from the box just in time to catch another sneeze.

“HuptSChuh!”

“Bless you,” Blake said, and for a moment there was a hint of amusement in her eyes.

“Uh, thanks. Are you…” but it was no point in trying to carry a conversation with her; the sneezing had started again and she once more went through one scraping fit after another, trying to keep them quiet and failing miserably. Reid was actually a bit impressed by the fact that she had the strength to sit up; her abs must hurt horribly. That was one way of staying in shape even when you were too sick to work out. He picked up the book she was forced to abandon and tried not to think about the tickle in his own nose, or the fact that he was sniffling more frequently and wetter now. That was a difficult task and one he didn't quite mastered.

***

A while later, Blake had managed to get her nose back under some kind of control, and had fallen into a light, feverish slumber. Reid wished he could do the same - preferably without the fever, of course - but he was stuck with the miserable and rapid progress of the same head cold. There was a constant tickle in the back of his throat and nose, one that seemed to build up to a sneeze and then shy away before it reached the point of no return. It was beyond frustrating, and he found himself, well, not exactly jealous of his colleague’s attacks, but…

“Huhhh…” he held his breath, and then exhaled. Yet another false start. Those could be every bit as excruciating as fits. Of course, that depended on the situation. The grass was always greener on the other side.

He hadn’t taken Morgan’s comment seriously and didn't consider himself shunned from the healthy group, but he still felt the ill ones should stick together. Not that it would help keeping the viruses from the rest of the team, not at this point, but still.

His breath began to hitch again, and he took another tissue from the box and held it up to his face, awaiting the slow explosion of another, much wetter sneeze.

“Huhh… uhESSSCHhhoo!”

Blake stirred at the sound and almost woke up, but then coughed lightly and went back to sleep. Reid looked at her red, chapped nostrils and sighed. Yep, it was only a matter of time before his nose was as battered and irritated as hers was.

“HuhESSCHuhh! Ah-eIISCHhho!”

And not a very long time either, judging by the ever-increasing itch. It was rather interesting how a cold could manifest itself with focus on so different symptoms from each time. It wasn’t odd per say, given that the amounts of different kinds of cold-causing viruses were in the hundreds and then you had to take into account the infected person’s immune system and its strengths and flaws, and…

“Hah-ESSCHuh!”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Easy,” JJ said, laughing a little. “Do you need anything?”

“Just…” he coughed, turning away from her as he did. “Just tissues, but I’m sure Alex will share.”

“She’d better, she shared the cold with you,” JJ said. “I was thinking more along the lines of tea?”

Reid swallowed as if to test his throat, and then nodded.

“Tea would be great. Thank you.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

As she left, Reid hid his face in his hands and sniffled. The last sneeze had somehow managed to render him completely stuffed up, and after sniffling a couple of times he surrendered to the fact that he had to either blow his nose or breathe through his mouth. And the way his nose felt right now - tingling, almost trembling with held back sneezes - upsetting it any further might end in a disaster. Better to just leave it alone.

But it itched too much, he had to at least rub at it with his hand. And then with both hands. And before he knew it, another, violently tickly sneeze was on its way to break loose.

“HahmpXThh!”

The failed stifle was immediately followed by another, full and throaty, sneeze that made his throat feel raw and tender.

“Huh-ERRSSHHUH!”

This time Blake did wake up. She looked across the small table at him and pushed the tissues closer to him.

“Well…”

“Don’t apologise again. It’s just a cold,” Reid interrupted. “An unusually sneezy and messy one, but still just a cold.” Since he had once contracted anthrax he felt he could say that with some authority, as much as everyone knew he loathed being ill in any way.

“I guess misery does love company,” Blake smiled briefly before a look of exhausted desperation came over her face. “Oh God, I have to sneeze again…”

So did Reid, but he couldn’t say so as he was already in the middle of a hitching buildup and therefore unable to speak. His nose was really starting to rebel against him, and it seemed no amount of willpower would be enough to win against this urge to sneeze. It was strange how you never appreciated not having to sneeze all the time… until the moment you could not stop doing it.

***

When they landed at Quantico a few hours later, the young genius and the older linguist seemed to be engaged in a sneeze competition that neither wanted to lose without a fight.

“It’s an actual cold war going on,” Rossi remarked as the team made their way back into the building.

“Yeah, the last half-hour or so I was tempted to hold my breath for the rest of the ride, but eventually I just resigned to the chances of catching it,” JJ said.

“It does have its funny side though,” Morgan said and had to laugh as Blake sneezed so hard she lost her balance and took a less than graceful sidestep to regain it. Only a moment later, Reid was struck with a sudden rapid-fire fit and walked straight into a doorframe as he was, seemingly, trying to walk it off.

“Yeah, it does,” Rossi agreed with a chuckle.

The two victims of the cold war weren’t quite as amused, not with their condition or the unintentional entertainment they offered their team. Being the kind of persons they were, they would both have preferred to suffer in silence and solitude, or at least in each others’ miserable company, but sadly, that was not an option.

As they got back into the bullpen, Erin Strauss waited for them.

“You need to go to Utah right away,” she said, then did a double-take as she caught glimpse of the two red-nosed, messed-up agents with tissues clutched in their hands.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Erin,” Blake said. Reid wasn’t even pretending to listen; his nose felt like it was on fire and he was busy fighting off the powerful and yet still increasing need to sneeze. Strauss looked from Blake to Reid and back again, and nodded.

“I can see why. Okay Alex, you and Reid go home and get better, and let’s hope you didn’t get the rest of the team sick too.”

Blake rolled her eyes although she had the same worries herself, and gently touched her younger colleague’s arm.

“Come on Spencer, before she changes her mind.”

“EeeSSHHO! Heh-ESSCHUH! NGTSSCHhuh!”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Hotch stopped them before they could leave.

“Are you sure you’re fit to drive?”

Blake nodded. She honestly didn’t know and didn’t care whether she was or not, she just wanted to get out of the building and get away from all the people, and she had a pretty good idea Reid felt the same way.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Feel better. You too, Reid.”

Reid just waved a hand in Hotch’s general direction. He was preoccupied with a teasing sneeze that wouldn’t decide whether to come out or back off, and the burning was so intense even his eyes watered.

He followed Blake to the elevator and almost had to laugh at their reflections in the mirror. If that was what Strauss had seen, it wasn’t surprising at all that she had decided to send them home with no further ado. They looked horrible. You would have imagined that Blake would look worse for wear since she had been ill longer, but Reid’s cold had definitely done its best to keep up.

The two agents exchanged tired and yet a bit amused glances.

“You look terrible,” Blake eventually said, coughing out a raspy laugh.

“You look worse,” Reid replied, smiling a little although he still struggled with the stuck sneeze. “Do you think the others will dodge it?”

“Doubtful.”

“I hope Morgan gets it. He deserves it for laughing at us. HehESSHHU! ESSCHHuh! Ugh…” he wiped his reddening nostrils with the crumbling tissue and allowed himself to feel every bit as miserable as he was. At least the stuck sneeze had come out, but he felt there were lots more in there, tickling and itching their way out of his congested sinuses.

“I don’t think anyone deserves this,” Blake replied and blew her sore nose for what was possibly the hundredth time today. She reconsidered. “Did he actually laugh?”

“Yeah.”

“He deserves this. Oh, he deserves this.”

***

Edited February 11, 2016 by Chanel_no5

[Sophie<3]

Aww... poor baby, I felt so bad for Reid! To be perfectly honest, I've only watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds, I'm still really new to the fandom and don't really know all of the characters yet, but Spencer is my favorite, so this was really nice! And considering you don't normally write male sneezes or colds, well done, my friend! By the way, in my writing, I'm often worried about making the sneezing excessive and thereby unrealistic, so this story was interesting for me, because even though there was A LOT of sneezing, it was still so well written that I bought it. Note to self: It is possible to include lots of sneezes without having the entire thing seem really stupid and overdone.

[Chanel_no5]

Aww... poor baby, I felt so bad for Reid! To be perfectly honest, I've only watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds, I'm still really new to the fandom and don't really know all of the characters yet, but Spencer is my favorite, so this was really nice! And considering you don't normally write male sneezes or colds, well done, my friend! By the way, in my writing, I'm often worried about making the sneezing excessive and thereby unrealistic, so this story was interesting for me, because even though there was A LOT of sneezing, it was still so well written that I bought it. Note to self: It is possible to include lots of sneezes without having the entire thing seem really stupid and overdone.

Hahaha, Blake sneezed for forty minutes straight and you feel sorry for Reid? I knew she’s not a fan favourite, but still. Nah, I'm glad you liked it, given that I lose the "fetishy drive" when I write male sneezing I really have no idea what others will think about the result, so I'm pleased you enjoyed. Even if it came with feeling bad for him.

Well, of course some people think this is too much sneezing (not to mention too much misery), but, for me at least, that's kind of the point. It's all about personal taste. I'm glad you didn't think it got too heavy on that. Thank you!

[Melody]

Omg Channel this was so perfect I love your writing, it always pushes my fetishy buttons... and you say you struggle with writing colds Also you wrote Reid so well for someone who doesn't often write male sneezing! And I agree with Sophie this story seemed totally plausible, like it was just the right amount of sneezing. I love the way you write CM especially with these two.

Edited February 10, 2016 by Melody

[24Me]

Oh. My. God.

This was...wow, there are no words! You are SO GOOD oh my word! Fantastic job, as per usual! I've never seen the show, but because of your writing I have completely fallen in love with Blake. This was just amazing-such awesome, so wow, much good!

P.S. I love love LOVED that Hotch reference-it was totally in character and completely hilarious. If the inspiration ever strikes you, I'd love to see that written. You're an amazing writer and everything you've written I've loved! <3

[doglover111]

I hope jj catches it

[Sophie<3]

Aww... poor baby, I felt so bad for Reid! To be perfectly honest, I've only watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds, I'm still really new to the fandom and don't really know all of the characters yet, but Spencer is my favorite, so this was really nice! And considering you don't normally write male sneezes or colds, well done, my friend! By the way, in my writing, I'm often worried about making the sneezing excessive and thereby unrealistic, so this story was interesting for me, because even though there was A LOT of sneezing, it was still so well written that I bought it. Note to self: It is possible to include lots of sneezes without having the entire thing seem really stupid and overdone.

Hahaha, Blake sneezed for forty minutes straight and you feel sorry for Reid? I knew she’s not a fan favourite, but still. Nah, I'm glad you liked it, given that I lose the "fetishy drive" when I write male sneezing I really have no idea what others will think about the result, so I'm pleased you enjoyed. Even if it came with feeling bad for him.

Well, of course some people think this is too much sneezing (not to mention too much misery), but, for me at least, that's kind of the point. It's all about personal taste. I'm glad you didn't think it got too heavy on that. Thank you!

Haha... true! Well, I think female sneezes do so little for me (unless of course they're paired with some amazing male caretaking!) that hers barely even registered...? Not the way Reid's did, anyway. I can enjoy different degrees of misery, from really light-hearted playful stuff to much more heavy illness, and I just really hope that we'll see some more male stuff from you in the future? Or another part for this story, even?

[fraggle]

Oh wow! That rocked! Although I think Morgan needs to get it now after he was so mean...

[Chanel_no5]

Omg Channel this was so perfect I love your writing, it always pushes my fetishy buttons... and you say you struggle with writing colds Also you wrote Reid so well for someone who doesn't often write male sneezing! And I agree with Sophie this story seemed totally plausible, like it was just the right amount of sneezing. I love the way you write CM especially with these two.

Awww, thank you so much, I’m glad you liked it! The relationship between Blake and Reid is one of my favourites too, it seems so natural and the actors have such great chemistry. Hahaha, I’m glad it’s not TOO obvious how much I struggle with writing colds, honestly, it’s like writing in a language I barely know. And writing male sneezing is like writing about a subject I barely know, in a language I barely know. Gah! Anyway, thank you!

Oh. My. God.

This was...wow, there are no words! You are SO GOOD oh my word! Fantastic job, as per usual! I've never seen the show, but because of your writing I have completely fallen in love with Blake. This was just amazing-such awesome, so wow, much good!

P.S. I love love LOVED that Hotch reference-it was totally in character and completely hilarious. If the inspiration ever strikes you, I'd love to see that written. You're an amazing writer and everything you've written I've loved! <3

Oh my God, thank you so much for your sweet words, wow, now I’m blushing! For real! Hehe, I’m doing my best to convert people into liking Blake, good to know I make some progress in my quest.

And yes, there was a back-of-the-head-thought to write something on the ragweed reference eventually, although not right now. I need some recovery after writing male, as little as it may be.

I hope jj catches it

I'm afraid I can't make any promises on that.

Haha... true! Well, I think female sneezes do so little for me (unless of course they're paired with some amazing male caretaking!) that hers barely even registered...? Not the way Reid's did, anyway. I can enjoy different degrees of misery, from really light-hearted playful stuff to much more heavy illness, and I just really hope that we'll see some more male stuff from you in the future? Or another part for this story, even?

Hmm, I do write some male stuff now and then for others, but usually I write what I like myself (there is a depressing lack of fics featuring middle-aged women sneezing, in my opinion ), so it won’t become a habit… but there might be some every now and then. I haven’t planned on continuing this, but it’s all up to the muse, she decides.

Oh wow! That rocked! Although I think Morgan needs to get it now after he was so mean...

Thank you so much! I wasn’t planning on continuing this fic, at least not for the time being, but part of me agrees (as well as Blake and Reid did) that he kind of deserves it. We’ll see what happens ahead.