Secret Santa for TaurielRiver - Kintsukuroi (Hannibal) Part 1/3

[Bruyere]

I am so sorry this is so late. And also that it’s seasonal given that it’s now the middle of January! I was only really familiar with Hannibal out of your options so I hope that this is okay. The end of Series Two messed me up and if I hadn’t been your Secret Santa I don’t know if when I’d have got round to watching Series Three so I owe you a massive thank you for this prompting me to do so!

Title: Kintsukuroi

Fandom: Hannibal

Warnings: None

Notes: Part 1 is set just after Œuf. I was liberal with the timeline from that episode.

Kintsukuroi – (n.) (v. phr) “To repair with gold”; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

i.

He’s tired after the drive back from Fayetteville. It’s a success, all things considered but it tastes like ash in his mouth.

Hannibal’s words about feeling paternal spring back to him: he can’t put those families back together. And as fast as thoughts of family come they fly to Abigail and how he can’t put back together what he ripped apart for her either.

He goes home, walks the dogs, paces back and forth but he can’t shake it. He feels the family’s pain at losing their son, their joy at regaining him and the grief of losing him all over again in waves. His own impotence at not being able to put back these fractured, shattered lives. Glancing at his watch he decides it’s not too late to risk a call to Hannibal.

“Hello?”

“Hannibal? It’s Will. Graham. It’s not too late is it? I thought…”

“Of course not Will. Is everything alright?”

“Yes, I…” Perhaps it’s Christmas that’s getting to him. He has always enjoyed the solitude of spending it on his own, his dogs for company and a day or two away from work. This year it feels unsatisfying. He hates the thought of Abigail spending it in that institution.

The sound of Hannibal coughing filters down the line, even as it’s muffled by a hand across the receiver.

“Are you alright?” Will asks. It seems unlikely now he considers it that someone like Hannibal wouldn’t have somewhere else to be on Christmas Eve.

Hannibal clears his throat but his voice still sounds rough and his consonants are thick and uneven, his accent more pronounced than usual as a result. “A little under the weather. Nothing to worry about.”

Will nods, then adds. “Right.”

“Was there something you wanted to discuss?” Hannibal prompts.

He hesitates. “No it’s fine. I hope you feel better soon.” It’s possible that Hannibal misses Will’s good wishes as a violent sneezes echoes over the phone quickly followed by a second and third.

Silence follows and Will’s not sure of the protocol. Should he bless Hannibal or even acknowledge it at all? As he silently debates this Hannibal rescues him by murmuring a low, “Excuse me.”

“I should let you rest,” he says and Hannibal doesn’t offer any further argument. “Merry Christmas Hannibal.”

“Merry Christmas Will.”

*

Christmas morning is like any other day that he has off. He gets up, feeds the dogs and walks them. He goes fishing. It’s even quieter than usual but instead of the silence feeling peaceful it feels oppressive and makes him feel restless.

He responds to the few odd texts he gets wishing him a Merry Christmas: Alana, Beverly. On an impulse he picks up his phone and taps out a quick message to Hannibal. He’s surprised when it vibrates a few moments later with Hannibal’s reply.

Will can read between the lines well enough to figure out that Hannibal must be feeling worse than yesterday. He can’t imagine that Hannibal is the sort of person to make a fuss about being ill but it must be miserable being alone and sick on Christmas day.

He decides not to overthink it and instead settles the dogs back inside and sets off for Hannibal’s.

*

Of course, once he’s actually standing on Hannibal’s doorstep he feels every inch the fool and clenches and unclenches his fist a couple of times before ringing the doorbell.

He can hear a barking cough along with footsteps as Hannibal approaches the door. “Will, what a pleasant surprise.” He turns away and stifles a sneeze into his fist. “Hkkchh!” He remains twisted away from Will for a few moments after the sneeze and when he does finally turn to face Will his hand remains against his nose and there is a hazy look on his face that is so un-Hannibal, distant and glassy-eyed, that Will feels thoroughly disconcerted.

“I didn’t mean to put you out. I just thought maybe you’d like some company. And if you’d originally had plans for today that you might not have had anything in.” He realises as he says it that this is an absurd idea, Hannibal’s pantry is probably well-stocked enough to last through the apocalypse, but he offers forward the fish that he’d caught that morning anyway.

Hannibal’s eyebrows rise fractionally in surprise, then he smiles and ushers Will in. “I’m afraid I might not make the best host today,” he says as he takes Will’s coat.

Will smiles back. “I don’t always make the best guest so I suppose that makes us even.”

Hannibal chuckles and then coughs into his fist again. Will follows him down the hallway and almost runs into him when Hannibal stops abruptly and whips his head to the side. “Hrrshhh!” He fumbles for a handkerchief from his pocket as another sneeze beckons. “Hrsschhuhh!” The second one pitches him forward with its force and he almost stumbles with it.

He starts to bless Hannibal but Hannibal gives a slight shake of his head and then pitches forward a final time into his handkerchief. “Hehrschuhh!” Hannibal gives a small sigh and blows his nose.

“Bless you,” says Will although he doesn’t comment further when Hannibal doesn’t say anything either.

Hannibal pours him a glass of wine once they’re in the kitchen and Will accepts it awkwardly. He’s not a wine drinker and he always feels like whatever Hannibal offers him is wasted on him, he has no real palate for wine. Words like crisp and dry are creeping into his vocabulary unbidden though. Being around Hannibal is changing him, knocking rough edges off, before long he’ll be passable enough to be expected to attend one of Hannibal’s dinner parties. He takes another long drink from his glass at that thought.

“Santé,” says Hannibal raising his glass to Will’s. Will echoes him and then smiles as Hannibal turns away to sneeze again. “Hrshuhh!”

“The perfect toast for today.”

Hannibal chuckles wryly from behind his handkerchief. “I apologise, I’m afraid it’s going to keep happening.” He motions for Will to place the fish on the counter and rolls his sleeves up before washing his hands. “Perhaps you’d like to help cook?” he asks.

Will freezes. “Oh I… You don’t have to make dinner, I was just-”

“Have you eaten?” Will shakes his head. “I will make us a light dinner then.” Hannibal is already in action, pulling ingredients out of the fridge and pans from sleek stainless steel cupboards. It’s nothing like any of the kitchen’s that Will’s lived in where nothing matches and things have been acquired and discarded as necessity dictated.

Hannibal settles on cooking the fish en papillote and serving it with new potatoes and green beans. Will’s not sure that he’s ever had something so light at Hannibal’s and is relieved at the simplicity of the food on offer.

Hannibal carefully unwraps the fish and places it on a board before taking a huge step back. For a moment Will worries that it’s spoiled but instead Hannibal turns to the crook of his elbow and sneezes again. “Hrschuhhh! Hrschhuhh!” A small sigh escapes him as he pulls his handkerchief out of his pocket and blows his nose again. He washes his hands again only to stifle another sneeze against his shoulder as he does so. “Perhaps you could do the honours,” he says handing Will a knife.

Will nods, the handle of the knife cold and heavy in his palm as he takes it from Hannibal. He feels the weight of Hannibal’s gaze on him, even when he appears not to be looking as he prepares the fish, trimming the fins, scaling it clean and then slicing it open and gutting it.

“A good, clean cut,” says Hannibal with an approving nod and a smile that shows his teeth.

“I’ve had plenty of practice,” says Will.

“Go in at the wrong angle and you ruin the meal.”

“The aesthetics of it maybe. It’ll taste the same.” Hannibal gives him a narrow sideways glance and Will shrugs as Hannibal removes the fish and carefully stuffs it before sealing it and placing it in the oven. He’s maybe a little tipsy already on the wine, not having eaten since breakfast, but Hannibal’s kitchen is starting to feel a lot less intimidating than before.

*

After dinner Will insists on washing up. Hannibal agrees in between sneezes and sets the kettle on the stove. Will accepts Hannibal’s offer of tea and Hannibal pulls out two china cups and saucers and a small teapot. They work in companionable silence as Hannibal selects tea leaves from a small tea chest, the delicate scent filling the air although from the way that Hannibal keeps coughing he assumes that he can’t smell it.

The kettle boils and Hannibal fills the teapot. He places the cups onto a small tray along with everything else and carries it through to the study where he’s built a roaring fire in the fireplace. The lights are low and it actually manages to make the room feel snug, as close to homely as Will imagines Hannibal’s house ever gets.

They settle down and Hannibal pours the tea for both of them. As he’s handing Will his cup his breath hitches and he shoves the cup towards Will, powerless to delay the inevitable. Will’s fingers brush against Hannibal’s but they both somehow misjusdge it and Wills hand closes around empty air as Hannibal pulls his own hand away. Both teacup and saucer fall to the ground, the teacup emptying its contents along the way before it shatters on the stone floor.

Hannibal sneezes openly, body only slightly twisted away from Will and he can see the fine mist of the sneeze caught in the light from the flickering flames of the fire. “Hrschuhh! Hschzzhuhh!” He retrieves his handkerchief from his pocket and the third is muffled into it. “Hrrrmmphh!”

“Bless you. Sorry, I thought I’d got it,” says Will springing from his chair to clear up the fragments of the cup from the floor. He hisses, forgetting they’re still hot and then picks them up more gingerly. He glances at Hannibal who seems to have recovered from his sneezing fit, although with each new set of sneezes his nose is taking on an increasingly pink tinge. Hannibal is staring at the cup with something like wonder and after the sudden movement of sneezing is now stock still. In the amber light of the fire and the shadows of the room his face is half-hidden and his eyes almost seem to glow. His stasis reminds Will of a snake waiting to strike but then Hannibal coughs into his fist and the moment disappears with a crackle of a burning log on the fire.

“I can replace it,” says Will hurriedly, praying that he hasn’t broken something priceless or an heirloom. “I’m sorry I thought I had it.” He starts apologising again.

Something in Hannibal seems to snap to and he shakes his head. “It was as much my doing as yours,” he says. He gazes at Will and the larger pieces of the teacup in Will’s open palm and then smiles. “I will fetch a broom.”

He returns with a dustpan and brush and a cloth to mop up the remaining spilt liquid. He replaces Will’s tea with a tumbler of whiskey. “I suspect this may be more to your taste anyway.”

Will chuckles softly. “You’re probably right.” He’s placed the pieces of the teacup on the little table in front of them. “I’m not sure it can be salvaged.” The stone floors in Hannibal’s study are unforgiving and there are too many missing pieces for it to be made whole in a functional way again. Hannibal traces a finger over the pieces that Will has carefully laid out, some of the matching pieces already next to each other.

He nods thoughtfully. “You are probably right.” He takes his own cup of tea off of the tray on the table and sips it carefully. He appears lost in his own thoughts for some time but Will notices his gaze returning time and time again to the broken pieces.

It doesn’t take long for the food, the alcohol and the gentle sound of the fire to catch up with Will and his head soon starts drooping. He only realises he must have fallen asleep when he starts awake as Hannibal gently removes the almost empty tumbler from his hand.

With a smile he says, “It wouldn’t do for us to smash anything else tonight.” Will nods and drags a hand over his face trying to wake himself up fully. “Perhaps you’d like a more comfortable bed? I keep a guest room made up.”

Will considers. The dogs will be fine and even if the roads will be practically empty at this time of night he’s probably had too much to drink and he still feels half asleep. “If you’re sure that’s okay?”

Hannibal nods. “Of course.”

They pause on the stairs as Hannibal sneezes again. He’s moving more slowly and heavily than usual and it’s a contrast to the usual precision and grace of his movements Will notes. When they stop at the top of the stairs Hannibal’s breath is heavy and he looks drained. In addition to the pink tinge of his nose there is blush indicating fever sweeping along his cheekbones.

Hannibal shows Will into the room. “There are clothes in the second drawer I trust they will be suitable. And a toothbrush in the… the... Hdssshuhhh! Huh-czshhuhhh!” He clamps his handkerchief over his mouth and nose and stays bent forward, his eyebrows wrinkling with the need to sneeze again. “Huschmmf!” He turns away to blow his nose and turns back to Will with a sigh.

“I’m sure I’ll find everything I need.”

As Hannibal makes his way out Will calls out to him. “Hannibal?”

Hannibal turns in the doorway, already half-hidden in the cusp of the darkness from the corridor.

“Thank you for today.”

Hannibal nods and then with a smile adds, “I was grateful for the company too.”

The door closes with a click and Will kicks off his shoes and sinks on to the bed and falls asleep almost immediately.

Edited January 10, 2016 by Bruyere

[TaurielRiver]

Hope it’s okay? Hope it’s okay??? :heart: Oh my goodness my heart almost stopped when I saw this, ohh, ohhh you have noooo idea how much time I spend fangirling this series off-forum, this was basically the preference I thought there was no chance of me getting but I was THE MOST FINGERS-CROSSED, I am so so happy!!!

To illustrate this further, I hope you do not think I am (too) insane but I have only read the first sentence, I am intermittent-internet access for the next 8 hours and it was just by luck (and telling almost everyone I know that I am SO LOOKING FORWARD TO MY PRESENT, eeeeeeeee that always helps!) that I saw you posted this and am absolutely screaming, and I just wanted to tell you how overjoyed I am! I will be running over here literally the very second I am back at home base, I CANNOT WAIT and heaven knows I will not be thinking about anything else until then!!

Thank you so so so so much Bruyere, I am already half-dead with feelings from the definition of Kintsukuroi alone (and yes YES, you watched S3 MY WORK HERE IS DONE ), I will be back to cry a good deal more, I AM SO EXCITED, thank you thank you thank you!! <3

[TaurielRiver]

Back to rave some more, WELP this is already so perfect, I am enjoying it in guilty proportions!!! SO many of my personal favourite things going on throughout this whole piece, I feel incredibly spoiled to be so indulged!! AND I was going to say, I actually have a huge soft spot for seasonal fics, and can completely get on board with them all year round! There’s just something about winter and special occasions that makes me all happy and nostalgic, and so the mood of this was absolutely gorgeous and everything I could have hoped for!

In particular, I have to comment on so many eloquent phrases and ideas at every turn, I am simultaneously in love and torn apart by your description of Will’s success still turning to ash in his mouth, and his powerlessness to mend what’s broken. (But then, I also find it so very sweet that Will’s first instinct is to call Hannibal, and I think I might have squealed at “Hannibal rescues him by murmuring a low, “Excuse me.”’, I can just hear it!) In fact, your dialogue for both of them is spot-on throughout, “what a pleasant surprise” is just the most formal, sincere and inconceivably precious Hannibal expression, I am head over heels!

I was also maybe possibly (completely) giggling like a crazy person at “Hannibal’s pantry is probably well-stocked enough to last through the apocalypse”, and, on the opposite end of the scale, “words like crisp and dry are creeping into his vocabulary unbidden though” was just delicious; so sinuous and visceral and beautifully haunting, ugh, wow...

I… am also way too delighted with the sound(s) you chose for Hannibal’s sneeze, JUST SAYIN’. And the little moment of him having to fumble for the handkerchief, and then shake his head because he knows he isn’t done yet…

The image of the two of them quietly preparing a meal together is again so lovely to me, and I appreciated all your tiny details about the preparation of the fish, as well as nods to Will’s feelings about it all, his kitchen being a mish-mash of requirement as opposed to the initially daunting crispness of Hannibal’s. There’s such an evocative lilt to their conversation too, very much like the original script (where you always know there’s another layer (or five) lurking just below the surface!)

AND, I was so taken by the darkening atmosphere as they moved to the scene by fire, that strange and unearthly tone mixed with companionable warmth is right up my alley. And Hanni being so increasingly unwell whilst preparing the tea (probably not able to enjoy the result much himself!) was so touching too, all your descriptions of his symptoms, my heart. :3 In fact, Hannibal putting his best effort toward being good company throughout (having pre-warned Will that he might not be, AWWw) was such an endearing theme and another favourite aspect of mine (honestly, it is all my favourite?! )

But OKAYYESGOOD, I am increasingly dying at Hannibal all turning away and almost-almost-(not-quite!) managing to cover (hehhhhh YOU DID NOT), and then that hint of the surreal where Will gets a glimpse of his darker persona, oh my goodness! That really rang true to the eerie-dreamlike (and sometimes, nightmarish) quality of the series for me, and I very much appreciate it!

Truly, I feel so very honoured by your attention to all my preferences, and the pace and texture of your writing is WONDERFUL and an absolute joy to read!! This is like the missing Will and Hannibal interlude that I always wanted (needed… needed…), the symbolism and interwoven canon in this is superb and I am so so grateful! I love this to death and every time I look at the ‘Parts 1 OF THREE’ in the title I get excited butterflies, this is an incredibly generous gift and I cannot wait, thank you!! :heart:

[Bruyere]

Ahhhhh! These were the sweetest comments! It might be a little while before I get round to posting the rest up as January's turned out to be a fairly intense month for me but I am thrilled that you've like what you read so far!

[TaurielRiver]

Hehe, I am so glad! There is definitely no rush in any way, I will look forward to (and be over the moon about) the rest of the story whenever is best for you!

[Guest]

Oh God, Bruyere, this is heaven. I read it last night and could not form enough coherent thoughts to reply, and now I've read it again and I'm not sure I'm any better and I'm on my crappy phone so apologies for typos, but I just have to say something.

Wow. Your writing is amazing (as always). Hannibal is one of my very favourite fandoms to read, but most of the hurt/comfort focuses on Will with Hannibal or Alana caretaking which is fine and good of course (I mean, the whole TV series is kinda Will Graham torture anyway). But what I really, really go for is Hannibal sneezing and losing control and the awkward way Will would like to help but isn't sure how to deal with the new boundaries. And this was exactly that and so, so awesome, thank you.

Everything was really perfectly in character, which I'm aware is so tricky when Hannibal basically never shows much vulnerability in the show. I just really loved how believable he was, kind of being just an ordinary bloke with a cold, kind of still being Hannibal-the-perfect-host, kind of wanting to let Will get closer to him as well. I can imagine that Will's pretty much the only person he'd allow to see him like that.

I love the teacup breaking - so emblematic of the metaphor later in the show. And Will sort of getting a glimpse into Hannibal's preoccupations.

I really liked the way you didn't spell everything out linearly (which I have a huge tendency to do) - sometimes the sneezes were spelled out (melt) and sometimes Hannibal's illness was alluded to and left deliciously up to the imagination. I thought that worked really well.

Like TaurielRiver, I adored the fumbling for handkerchiefs, shaking his head to cut Will's blessing off, and the phone call. And Hannibal being defeated by sneezing so he can't prepare the fish. It was all just great.

Anyway, sufficient babbling I think. Thank you for writing!

Edited January 13, 2016 by Katrelle