Not Quite Paradise - Secret Santa for Shayla! (Stargate SG-1, M)

[Hawkeye]

Hi Shayla - I'm your Secret Santa! I deeply apologize for the lateness of this, but - here it is. I hope you enjoy!

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The mission had started simply enough – a standard reconnaissance mission to P3X-314. The MALP had indicated an acceptable atmosphere – breathable air, adequate ozone to shield the planet from ultraviolet radiation, a moderate temperature – and while the video transmission showed only trees, plants, and no immediate signs of civilization, General Hammond had given SG-1 the go-ahead to proceed off-world to check out the planet further.

In the usual fashion, Jack was the first one through the gate. As the rest of the team emerged behind him, he took a deep breath, tilting his face towards the cloudless sky, then loudly proclaimed “YES,” letting his P-90 swing gently from its strap around his chest as he gestured emphatically at the sky, both arms outstretched.

It seemed all of their most recent missions had put them on planets that were either aggressively hot, oppressively muggy, or completely, drenchingly rainy. This one, Jack thought, seemed just about perfect – not too hot, not too cold, and something around them smelled really good.

He turned a slow 360, taking in their surroundings. They were in the middle of some kind of forest – although “jungle” was maybe more accurate here. The trees looked like they’d be right at home in the Amazon rain forest, vines were tangled among the branches, and large, brightly colored flowers featured prominently in the undergrowth – and judging from the lack of a clearing or path in the area, no one had visited the stargate in quite some time.

“Sir? I’m getting an energy reading,” Sam announced, glancing up from the device in her hand. “It’s weak, but I think we should check it out.”

Jack gestured towards the jungle. “Lead on, Macduff,” he proclaimed, letting Sam take point as they proceeded into the dense underbrush.

They were making slow progress through the jungle, with Sam tracking the faint energy signature while trying to find the most efficient route through the brightly colored foliage, the rest of SG-1 close behind her. Not more than ten minutes of mostly-quiet travel could have passed before Daniel started sniffling, walking a few feet behind Jack.

“Daniel,” Jack began conversationally.

“Jack,” Daniel responded without missing a beat.

“You good?”

“I’m fine.”

“Whatever you say.”

Then it was quiet again, the only sounds coming from their footsteps crunching through the underbrush, punctuated by Daniel’s increasingly frequent sniffling. Then a muffled “heh-ISHMMmmph”

“Bless you,” Sam called from the front of the group, continuing to methodically search for the easiest way through the jungle.

Daniel sneezed again, a harsh “Eh-KTCHOO! Ishoo!” bending him forward slightly with the force of the sneeze.

“Are you all right, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c spoke up from behind him.

“Eh-ISHOO! I’m okay,” Daniel mumbled, congestion already thickening his voice. “It’s just aller – heh...ih...heh-ITCHEW! Just allergies.”

“I thought Doc Frasier had you on some kinda super-strength allergy meds for off-world missions since that situation on P4X-194,” Jack tossed back at Daniel.

“Yeah, well – huh-TSCHOO! Istchew! It’s apparently not cutting it for whatever – heh-HSHWW! – for whatever I’m allergic to here,” Daniel countered, sniffling deeply and swiping a hand underneath his reddening nose. “Which I’m guessing is – hhSHWW! – these.” A vague gesture at the brightly colored flowers that seemed to be increasing in number the further into the jungle they got.

“All right, kids,” Jack said, coming to a halt. “Carter, you and Teal’c go on ahead, keep tracking your...energy thing. Daniel and I are going back to the SGC, then I’ll come back and rendezvous with you guys.”

“Jack, I’m fine,” Daniel protested vaguely, any further arguments cut off by another series of four rapid sneezes.

“I can see that,” Jack shot back, a smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth. “Carter – radio check in in two hours.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Come on, Daniel.” Jack slapped Daniel gently on the back. “Let’s get you out of here before you can’t breathe.”

Jack had to admit, even with red, watery eyes, Dr. Daniel Jackson excelled in the art of eye-rolling.

~~~~~~

“Jack, are you sure this – tchoo! Heh..ih..huh-ISCHOO! – are you sure this is the right way?” Daniel asked fifteen minutes later.

Jack paused. “...yes?”

Daniel sniffled deeply. “I just feel like we – eh-TSCHEW! – we should be back at the gate by now.”

“I know exactly where we are, the gate’s just right up –” Jack was cut off by a rustle of leaves and a vague thump, and Daniel seemingly disappeared right next to him. “Daniel? Daniel?”

He heard a soft grunt, then a “huh-TSCHOO!”

“Daniel.”

“Down here. I’m okay.”

Jack stepped cautiously forward, looking down to see Daniel standing up at the bottom of what appeared to be a shallow pit, probably ten feet deep – the opening had obviously been masked by the heavy vines and foliage.

“Can you climb up out of there?”

“ITSCHEW! I don’t think so, but – hold on. I’m in what looks like the ruins of some kind of – huh-isHOO! Eh-tschEW! Ih...ISHOO! – some kind of structure. There’s these inscriptions –” Daniel cut himself off with another two sneezes, harsh, loud sneezes that bent him over slightly at the waist.

Jack wrinkled his brow, trying not to let his concern show. He’d seen Daniel have allergy attacks before, but this one might be taking first place in terms of magnitude. “Daniel, come on. We gotta get you out of here, you sound like crap.”

“Thanks.”

“Here, I’m gonna...” Jack glanced around, then used his knife to hack of a length of the closest vine he could find. They seemed sturdy enough. “I’m gonna throw this vine down to you, okay?”

“Jack, I need to get a closer look at these –”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud...” Jack mumbled. “Just grab it!”

“Thanks,” Daniel grunted as Jack grabbed the back of his tac vest to pull him the last way up over the edge of the pit.

“You all right?”

“Yeah.” Daniel pulled himself to his feet, rubbing his ever-reddening nose with the back of his hand. “I’m pretty sure the gate’s that way.”

~~~~~~

“There, see, I told you we were going the right direction,” Jack announced as they finally burst into the not-quite-clearing where the stargate greeted them. It took them a few minutes to tear away enough vines and leaves away from the DHD so that Daniel could enter in Earth’s coordinates, but soon enough, the event horizon vwooshed into existence and Jack transmitted his IDC.

He gestured at the open wormhole. “After you, Danny-boy.”

“You know, those ruins do really – huh-TSCHOO – really need to be studied in depth. The inscriptions looked like –”

“Y’know, I think the ruins can wait. Infirmary first, archaeology second.”

“Whatever.”

Edited January 6, 2016 by Clint

[MusicaDiabolos]

LOVE IT Daniel Jackson was definitely a first sneeze crush of mine <3

[Shay]

Hey, sorry it took me a few days to get to this. I know I already explained to you in chat, but I just wasn't feeling well, and I wanted to make sure I could properly enjoy this before reading it.

Thanks so much for writing this for me. You did the characters very well. Daniel would totally try to brush off his allergies in favor of exploring some ruins, and Jack would never let him get away with it if it was that bad.

By the way, was P4X-194 an actual reference from the show, or was it something made up? The only thing that came to mind was possibly that planet with the mute, white-painted people. I think he actually only sneezed about four times in that episode and then commented that his allergies were going crazy. I have to pretend that there were a lot of "off-camera" sneezes from him, because to me, four sneezes does not equal out of control allergies.

[RipleyToo]

Great story, Ioved reading it c:

[Hawkeye]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I had fun writing it, and I've always loved the banter between Jack and Daniel so I had to include that.

The P4X-194 was just something I made up - I figured they've been to enough planets that there must have been at least a couple that caused some kind of Allergy Incident for Daniel! I totally agree with you re: that one episode though - there should have been a lot more sneezes to warrant an "allergies out of control" comment.

[Shay]

Yeah Jack and Daniel banter is pretty hilarious sometimes. Though Daniel and Vala interactions are pretty funny too. Thanks for clarifying. It's fun to imagine that there were some other planets where his allergies got really out of hand.

Thanks again for writing this. I really did enjoy reading it.

[tarotgal]

Oh Daniel! I loved Jack practically having to drag him by the arm back to the gate. I love that something on the planet hit him that hard! Jack's dialogue was perfection the whole way through. And Daniel wanting to stay and look at ruins even when he's sneezing his head off is so delightful!

[AngelEyes]

Daniel!!!!!!!!!! So much love!!!!!! I had a Huge crush on him. (Read obsession) This is lovely!

[tenderwarrior]

OMG! This was so good. I love how you spell sneezes. Thank you for writing this!

[Elyze]

Awesome story! Daniel's allergies were so bad in the movie, but in the series there was hardly any mention of them. They should definitely have kept them! Very important part of the story!

[Lady K]

I also had a major crush on Daniel. ❤️

 

This is was great to read, especially because there's a cable channel that's currently airing 3 episodes a day of SG-1 and it really takes me back.