Sorry-- Secret Santa for BlackScatter (FMA)

[kendisima]

*Slides in at the LITERAL LAST MINUTE*

Hi, BlackScatter! I was your Secret Santa this year I would like to apologize for my severe procrastination, and also for the fact that this is not a Supernatural fic-- as much as I love to read those characters, I just can't write them.

So, instead your gift is a little snippet of what's basically just plotless fluff, featuring a sickly Roy Mustang. I really hope you like it; I tried to incorporate a few different likes you had, but idk how well it worked out. It's kind of a clusterfuck, lol.

BUT! Hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it. Happy Holidays!!!

***

If anyone were to ask, Roy Mustang would say he was absolutely not a germaphobe.

He’d been in the military for as long as he could remember, and if there was one thing you’d never catch a military man guilty of doing, it was being afraid. Especially being afraid of something as stupid as a germ.

No, Mustang would never admit to a fear of illness or germs, but he would admit that there was nothing he hated more than being sick. Not only was it disgusting—he couldn’t stand the endless dripping nose, or having to constantly wash his hands so as not to infect others—but it brought something out in people that he absolutely couldn’t stand: pity.

“Hh-TSHHuh! Huhh…HRESHHHoo!” Mustang winced as Edward Elric sneezed, hard, towards the ground. God forbid he cover it, he found himself thinking. The Fullmetal Alchemist completely embodied, at this moment, what Roy hated about illness. He was dripping, and coughing, and everyone around him, with the exception of Mustang, couldn’t help but coo and coddle the boy.

“Edward,” Riza Hawkeye said, holding out a box of tissues. Ed peered through glassy eyes and took a few out of the box, murmuring a stuffy ‘Thagks,’ before blowing his nose.

“You really should be home,” Riza said, stepping away from Roy’s desk in order to place a hand on the elder Elric’s forehead. “You’re feverish.”

“I’mb good,” Fullmetal said, his voice cracking. Roy cringed at the sound, fighting the urge to douse himself in rubbing alcohol, or something equally germ-resistant. Ed needed to get out of his office. Now.

“Satisfactory work, Fullmetal,” Mustang said, filing away Ed’s report while doing his best not to touch it for too long. “You may go.”

Ed gave Mustang a watery glare. “You mbead I dod’t have to redo the whole thigg? Or rud for a traid to cover adother bullshidt case?” he asked, attempting to be menacing. It was, of course, for naught; hard to sound angry when you can barely manage a sentence without coughing or sneezing.

“No, and no,” Roy said, clasping his hands together. “Go get some rest. You look like absolute hell.”

The Fullmetal Alchemist threw a look Mustang’s way, but stood anyway. “Thagks,” he managed. “I—HUPTSHH-oo!”

And he didn’t mean to—that Roy knew. It was a reflex, a sign of the illness; something that snuck up on him. But he couldn’t help but yell when the spray of the sneeze hit him square in the face.

“Out, Fullmetal. Now!”

***

If you asked Edward Elric was his least favorite part of his job as a military man was, he’d say without hesitation, Mustang.

He hated the way the older man used his authority as a power play against his subordinates—especially against Ed. Maybe it was because he was so young, or he liked to mess with Mustang too much, but Ed always felt that he was the one who got screwed more than anyone.

Which was why, today, he knew he was going to get the most lousy, ridiculous assignment he could have imagined. Because today Mustang had a reason; Ed was all better—he could finally work. It had been nearly a week since the sneeze-to-the-face incident and, though it had been funny as hell, Ed did feel a little bit bad about it. Not badly enough to warrant whatever stupid assignment Mustang had in mind, but badly enough to… well… sympathize with the older man.

Especially since his superior didn’t exactly look… great.

“Fullbetal,” Mustang said, clearing his throat. “I regret to idformb you that I do dot have ad assidbent for you today.”

Ed raised both his eyebrows slowly, shocked. “No assignment?” he asked, incredulous. “Then what the hell am I supposed to do all week?”

“Thadt’s nonde of mby busidess,” Mustang said, placing the back of his hand to his nose and sniffling quietly. “It’s a quiet week. I’mb sure you’ll find sombe way to edtertain yourse—hehh…hnn…hpTSH-uhh. Hehh…hnnn…GTSH-oo!” The older man stifled two sneezes into the elbow of his coat and grimaced. “Pardond mbe,” he muttered, embarrassed.

“Bless you,” Ed said, looking down. “And, uh, sorry. For, y’know… getting you sick or whatever.”

Roy scoffed. “Pblease, Fullbetal,” he said, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand, mindlessly. Upon realizing the childish action, he clasped his gloved hands together, and sniffled. “I amb dot ill.”

Ed couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. Mustang eyed him, fuming. “Uh, sorry,” Ed said. “But, I mean… like… look at you.”

“Excuse mbe?” the Colonel said, almost a dare. “Whadt exactly does that mbean?”

“Well, to be honest, sir,” Ed said, crossing his arms and sitting back. “You look like shit. Where’s Lieutenant Hawkeye, by the way? I figured she would have told you that already.”

Mustang looked well and truly pissed, but to Ed’s surprise, didn’t scream at him. He really must be sick, Ed thought.

“Ndot that it’s ady of your busidess, Fullbetal, but I sedt her hombe. She wasd’t well.” Mustang punctuated the statement with a cough that last just a bit too long, as well as another stifled, “TSHH-guhhh. Snf.”

Ed had to fight not to laugh. “You’re literally the martyr of all martyrs, sir,” he scoffed, standing and walking to the door. “Good luck with your cold,” he emphasized, before slamming the door. He could practically feel the anger directed toward him from inside the room.

***

Roy Mustang pulled yet another tissue out of the box and blew his nose for what must have been the millionth time that day. This is getting ridiculous, he thought as he tossed it into the overflowing trash can.

Roy put his head in his hands and groaned; Edward was an ass, and a childish moron, but he had been right; he shouldn’t have sent Riza home. She had fought him tooth and nail, saying she was just tired, and may have drank a little bit too much the night before, but Roy in his infinite stubbornness had sent her away, saying he didn’t want her to catch whatever was going around the office. He could handle a day of paperwork.

“Huhh… uhhh….heh…heh…HEESSHHue! Ughhh,” Roy groaned as he sneezed yet again into the sleeve of his jacket. Disgusting. What was he, a child? Did he really want to spread—

Not that he was sick. No, absolutely not. Roy Mustang did not get ill. He did not—“ETSHH-uhhh.” Goddammit.

He’d all but given up on the paperwork about an hour ago, in lieu of intermittently lying his head on his desk and coughing like it was his job into gloved hands. So much for being able to handle an easy day.

To be fair, he had managed to hold one meeting earlier in the day; one he’d gotten halfway through before his nose started dripping so badly he’d been unable to continue a speech before blowing his nose in front of his entire team. Roy didn’t know what had been worse; the disgusting need to ask someone to bring in a box of tissues for him, or the fact that his team didn’t say anything of suspecting him ill when he adjourned the meeting early; instead, they all just threw him those poor-thing looks and quietly left his office. Pathetic.

In fact, the only one who had said something was, of course, Fullmetal. The boy could never manage to keep his mouth shut, and Roy suspected he hadn’t taken too kindly to his superior not accepting his apology for spreading his illness. Too bad. He wasn’t about to give Fullmetal that satisfaction.

There was a knock at the door just as Mustang was gearing up for another torturous sneeze buildup. He wanted to say ‘Hold on a moment’, or better yet, ‘Go away’, but instead, his breath took the opportunity to hitch—loud.

“Heeeuhhh… huhh… Heh…uhh…hh…” Roy pulled out a few tissues and held them inches away from his face. Why was it always such a process just to sneeze? He tried to sniffle a little to make the feeling go away, which worked until the moment the door to his office opened.

“HUHESSHH-ue!” Roy pitched forward into the tissues he’d been holding just as Edward Elric entered his office. “Huh…ehh…EXCTSHH-ue! Huhnn…hrr…huh, huh, HUHH…Huhhh-ESSHH-ueee!” Edward was looking at him with eyebrows raised. Roy, having lost any sense of embarrassment about ten sneezes ago, gathered up another handful of tissues and blew his nose until his ears popped. After tossing the tissues, the exhausted older alchemist regarded Edward.

“What is it, Fullbetal?” he asked, his voice cracking. He looked up at the younger man, standing over him with a bowl of something that was steaming. Ed set it down in front of Roy, and crossed his arms.

“Soup,” he said, putting a spoon down on the desk. “I told Al you caught what I had, so he said we should make you some. I said you were an ass and didn’t deserve it, but you know that kid.” Ed shrugged then. “Always wants to help people.”

Mustang was shocked by the gesture. “I… I dod’t…”

“Save your voice, it’s hurting me to listen to you talk,” Ed said, walking toward the edge of Mustang’s office and starting up the fireplace. He grabbed a blanket from the couch near the fireplace and tossed it onto Roy’s lap. “And put that on, would ya? It’s friggin’ freezing outside and you already sound like death.” Fullmetal crossed his arms and sat down on the couch, watching his superior. “Eat.”

Roy didn’t really know what to say. Perhaps this was the younger Elric’s plan. Maybe Ed was just trying to placate his brother. Or maybe, god forbid, Ed had just done this out of the goodness of his heart.

It wasn’t Roy’s style to interrogate someone on their goodwill, and it certainly wasn’t his style to thank his subordinates for attempting to care for his health. So they both stayed quiet, as Roy picked up the spoon and ate.

[SterlingSilver]

OKAY WELL. PLEASE EXCUSE ME A MINUTE WHILE I ROLL AROUND ON THE GROUND IN DELIRIOUS EXCITEMENT.

OH MY GOSH KENDISIMA~! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I FREAKING OUT, FORGIVE ME, I NEED TO COMPOSE MYSELF.

Absolutely no worries about the timing of the gift; this was so well worth the wait! It's rare I get to indulge in some adorable sick!Mustang - Elric Friendship fluff, and this is so well-written and adorable QwQ. I adore the pacing, the plot, the structure -- it's all so perfectly balanced. But I have to say the very best is your characterization! You have such a way with narration, OH MY GOSH. I love how you switch P.O.V.s and keep the tone, voice, and opinions of both Roy and Edward so accurate! That's something I struggle with sometimes, and it's definitely not easy. I'm incredibly impressed, and more than a little in love with your dialogue and inner monologue QwQ.

I'm going to quote/keyboard-smash about some of my favorite parts, if that's okay <3. I had to be selective; otherwise I would have just quoted the entire story xDDDD

He’d been in the military for as long as he could remember, and if there was one thing you’d never catch a military man guilty of doing, it was being afraid. Especially being afraid of something as stupid as a germ.

OH ROY LOL. I love that you open it up this way and don't really ever reference it much again. I thought it was such a nice subtle way to start the story, characterize Roy, and also keep true to him x33. He really would never admit to it, even if it was true >w>. UGH YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD WRITER! :DDD

“Edward,” Riza Hawkeye said, holding out a box of tissues. Ed peered through glassy eyes and took a few out of the box, murmuring a stuffy ‘Thagks,’ before blowing his nose.

Ed is so unfairly adorable >w<. Also I'm laughing so much at Roy's bitterness xDDD. Still, it's SO CUTE AND FRIGGIN TOUCHING THAT HE SHOWS HIS CONCERN ANYWAY. In of course the most offhanded and gruffest way possible, but still >w>.. This is exactly what I was looking for and hoping for in a fic~

It had been nearly a week since the sneeze-to-the-face incident and, though it had been funny as hell, Ed did feel a little bit bad about it.

HAHA~! This is so Ed xDDD. I love it xDD

“Bless you,” Ed said, looking down. “And, uh, sorry. For, y’know… getting you sick or whatever.”

Roy scoffed. “Pblease, Fullbetal,” he said, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand, mindlessly. Upon realizing the childish action, he clasped his gloved hands together, and sniffled. “I amb dot ill.”

Ed couldn’t help but bark out a laugh. Mustang eyed him, fuming. “Uh, sorry,” Ed said. “But, I mean… like… look at you.”

SORRY FOR THIS HUGE QUOTE BUT I LAUGHED SO MUCH xDDDDDDDD. Ed like, ">///> Yeah well sorry i guess" and then ROY, "oh plz, i'b dot sick." HAHAHA~ Just so perfect xDD. That exchange made my night. Ed calling him out afterward was pure gold LOL. They are both such little shits, I love it. You write them so well. I feel like I'm watching the show <3

To be fair, he had managed to hold one meeting earlier in the day; one he’d gotten halfway through before his nose started dripping so badly he’d been unable to continue a speech before blowing his nose in front of his entire team. Roy didn’t know what had been worse; the disgusting need to ask someone to bring in a box of tissues for him, or the fact that his team didn’t say anything of suspecting him ill when he adjourned the meeting early; instead, they all just threw him those poor-thing looks and quietly left his office. Pathetic.

UGH MY HEART, OMGH. POOR THING xDDDDD. That's so mortifying for him, but I'm eating it up LOL >w>

“Save your voice, it’s hurting me to listen to you talk,” Ed said, walking toward the edge of Mustang’s office and starting up the fireplace. He grabbed a blanket from the couch near the fireplace and tossed it onto Roy’s lap. “And put that on, would ya? It’s friggin’ freezing outside and you already sound like death.” Fullmetal crossed his arms and sat down on the couch, watching his superior. “Eat.”

AND THE CROWNING FLUFF IN ALL IT'S GLORY! Oh my gosh, this was so cute QWQ. Ed so offhandedly caring, Roy totally shocked but accepting. Just... *keels over from feels*

So *ahem*.. As you can see I really enjoyed this xDD. The writing was incredible, the sneezes were amazing, and I can't thank you enough for such a wonderful gift <3. You're awesome, kendisima~ I'm lucky to have gotten you as my santa this year!

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Fullmetal crossed his arms and sat down on the couch, watching his superior. “Eat.”

I can just picture this in full character. You captured Ed so perfectly well it felt like a mini episode!

Also, everything BlackScatter said

[kendisima]

Yayyyy, BlackScatter I'm so glad you liked it!!!!! Your comment made me smile like an idiot hahaha. Sorry again it was SOO late.

And thank you, too pyrus_fangmon <3 <3

[Vongola Undicesimo]

This is totally perfect! It's completely in-character and could totally fit in canon (my favorite kind of fic). I love it so much!