Not Just a Fluke - House MD (Secret Santa for MoonDuck)

[sapphiremint]

Title: Not Just a Fluke

Fandom: House

Characters: House, Wilson, ducklings, & Cuddy

Disclaimer: I don't own or make $ from the characters.

A/N: Hi MoonDuck :hug:First off I want to say how excited I was when I saw that I got matched with you and that you requested HOUSE, my favorite show ever!! That being said, I don't typically write House as the victim and I haven't actually written anything in over seven months. So it took a little longer than expected and it is horrendously late, both of which I deeply apologize for. I hope you enjoy it and all the characters are not too OOC.

James Wilson opened the door to his office and was about to flip on the light, when a deafening snore filled the room. He jumped, turning around swiftly, almost spilling his scalding cup of coffee all over creation when his eyes fell upon a rumpled hair figure with similarly rumpled clothes, lying on his couch. Carefully setting his mug on his desk, he slammed the door shut and folded his arms across his chest, glaring at the slowly awakening doctor.

“Honey, is that waffles I smell?” House slurred, sitting up to face his friend.

“You do know that you have your own office but not only that, your own home, with say an actual bed!” Wilson snapped.

“Oooh, someone definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“House, I don’t have time--” Wilson began.

“You never have time for me anymore,” House mock-whined, “I bet it’s that new nurse in peds, or..or--heh..hh’TCSHH!”

Wilson narrowed his eyes and stepped forward while beginning to to look his friend over, “It’s not allergy season.”

House batted Wilson’s prodding hand away with his cane and rolled his eyes.

“Just ahh.. fluke..Hahhkshhh!”

Wilson raised his eyebrow suspiciously at House’s second outburst.

“Er..double fluke.”

Wilson unfolded his arms and tossed House the box of tissues from his desk as the latter had begun to sniffle. Neither man said a word while the older doctor silently pulled a few from the box and pressed them to his tender nose. Wilson walked over to his desk and sat in the chair all while continuing to stare skeptically at House.

“You know I’m surprised that you’re not in Cuddy’s office trying to play this up--”

House merely shrugged, tossing the used tissues into the nearby trash can.

“Score!”

“Unless..unless, you’re avoiding Cuddy,” Wilson said slowly, realizing that he hit the nail on the head.

House scoffed and opened the door to their adjoining balconies calling over his shoulder, “Now I’m avoiding you!”

As House entered the room, Foreman and Cameron looked up from the patient files spread over the table, while Chase continued to fiddle with the coffee machine.

“Thirty-six year old male with a rash, trouble breathing, and--”

“Allergic reaction, clearly. Even the morons in the ER could diagnose it.”

Foreman rolled his eyes, closing the file and began searching for another case that could entertain his boss.

“Next!” House said, closing his eyes trying to block out the pain encompassing his brain.

“Twenty-two year old female with--House? House!” Cameron exclaimed impatiently, seeing the grizzled doctor’s eyes closed.

“Did he really just fall asleep?” Chase murmured.

As the three fellows continued to stare at him, the doctor woke with a choking gasp that turned into a hacking cough, which immediately caused a wrinkle of concern to spread across Cameron’s forehead. She filled up a mug of water and handed it to him as the coughing subsided.

“Late night, if you know what i mean.” House croaked but winked at Chase suggestively. Foreman scoffed in annoyance and began to sift through the files once more. Cameron’s eyes remained full of worry as she pressed her palm against his forehead.

“House, you’re burning up. Go home!”

“Your usually soft and melodic voice is suddenly screechy and annoying,” House commented congestedly.

“And I can’t seem to understand a word you’re saying, so maybe you should try this on for size,” Cameron shot back, handing him back the box of tissues that Wilson gave him as his eyelids fluttered and his chest began to fall and rise rapidly.

“Heh’zzTCHH! K’tchHHU!”

The glass doors to the diagnostic room opened as House had his face buried in the soft cotton. Cuddy’s heels clicked impatiently against the floor as House blew what seemed like the entirety of the Nile river into the tissues.

“Your little game is over House. I ran into Wilson in the cafeteria. You can stop pretending to be sick just to avoid me and taking on a new case.”

“Cuddy, House has a fever--” Cameron protested.

“Which I’m sure he induced through one of his crazy schemes to get on my nerves and weasel out of the 50 hours of clinic duty he still owes me. I am not falling for it now or ever, so if you’re not going to work on a case, you all better start fulfilling

your clinic hours.”

And with that Cuddy turned on her heels, the glass doors swinging closed once more, leaving an indignant Cameron, annoyed Foreman, and apathetic Chase.

***

House toyed with the bottle of Vicodin as the clinic patient droned on about...something.

“Uh...Excuse me... Doc?”

“Do I look like one of the seven dwarves to you?” House retorted, rubbing his constantly itchy nose.

The patient bit his lip as he watched House down the contents of the prescription bottle.

“Er...aren’t you only supposed to take one at a time?”

“I didn’t know I brought my mom with me to work,” House snapped, “Your wife’s having an affair. The late night “gardening” classes? Clearly a weak attempt at deceit.”

“But how--”

“Easy--fhiii..heh’tCHUu! Hah’kSHHT!” House sneezed openly towards the floor as the patient grimaced.

“Isn’t that unsanitary?”

“Don’t you have a wife to accuse of infidelity?” House barked back before blowing his nose into the thoroughly used wad of tissues. The patient averted his eyes before shuffling out of the clinic room. House groaned. His entire body was aching, his brain was throbbing, and the congestion made it so that he couldn’t hear anything from his left ear. He glanced at the examination bed and craned his neck to see Cuddy busy in her office; as long as he closed the blinds she would be none the wiser. He stood up to close them, when lights began to dance before his eyes and then nothing.

As he began to come to, the sound of a heart rate machine, scratch that, many heart rate machines jerked him awake. He swiveled his head to see Wilson snoring lightly in a chair next to him. House began to sit up as Cuddy opened the privacy curtain. Her arms were crossed and her lips pressed together but her eyes were soft with a mixture of concern and exasperation.

“You passed out from severe dehydration and overexertion. I have you on IV fluids and you’re going to be under bed confinement for the next few days. I’ll move you to a more private room when space opens up.”

“See I wasn’t faking it mommy,” he rasped, a half smirk spreading across his face.

She rolled her eyes, shaking her head as she left the ER.

[SneezyHolmes]

This was soooo cute!

[MoonDuck]

OK BEFORE I READ THIS AHHHH SAPPHIREMINT OMG YOUR HOUSE FICS ARE GREAT I'M GOING TO TRY NOT TO SCREAM AS I READ THIS THERE ARE PEOPLE HOME I'M SO EXCITED

I FINISHED READING THIS AND I'M STILL SO EXCITED XD THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH I'm just going to quote the entire thing now…

Carefully setting his mug on his desk, he slammed the door shut and folded his arms across his chest, glaring at the slowly awakening doctor.

This is exactly something Wilson would do, I can just see him standing there looking at House with disapproval hehe.

“You never have time for me anymore,” House mock-whined, “I bet it’s that new nurse in peds, or..or--heh..hh’TCSHH!”

This line is BEAUTIFUL. House still joking around and teasing Wilson and getting cut off by his own sneeze.

"Unless..unless, you’re avoiding Cuddy,"

I'm glad that you cleared this up and explained why he wasn't all over Cuddy trying to get out of work because this would have bothered me if you hadn't.

“Now I’m avoiding you!”

SO SASSY.

the doctor woke with a choking gasp that turned into a hacking cough, which immediately caused a wrinkle of concern to spread across Cameron’s forehead. She filled up a mug of water and handed it to him as the coughing subsided.

Oh, Cameron. Of course. I feel like you wrote these three spot on.

“Late night, if you know what i mean.” House croaked but winked at Chase suggestively.

LOLOL YES HOUSE

Cameron’s eyes remained full of worry as she pressed her palm against his forehead.

“House, you’re burning up. Go home!”

AHHH CAMERON YES House you're so sickkkkk

“Heh’zzTCHH! K’tchHHU!”

These are wonderfully done, all of them.

“Uh...Excuse me... Doc?”

“Do I look like one of the seven dwarves to you?”

I can hear this in my head so well this is great. I love all of his snappy replies in the clinic.

“You passed out from severe dehydration and overexertion.

Oh my god Hooooouuuuuse

Sapphiremint this is all so amazing I love this. The characters are all so perfect and I love the entire situation. Thanks a ton for writing this fic!

[darkness-is-the-light]

I have been binging watching House for the past week and I was excited to see that you wrote another story about it. Your stories are always wonderful and it's genuinely nice to see House as the one suffering instead of Wilson. Some might say it's karma...

[stephab13]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my God.

This is just... amazing. There is so, SO much to love here but... I just... your characterisation is just phenomenal. It's like reading little transcripts!!!

Wilson narrowed his eyes and stepped forward while beginning to to look his friend over, “It’s not allergy season.”

House batted Wilson’s prodding hand away with his cane and rolled his eyes.

“Just ahh.. fluke..Hahhkshhh!”

Wilson raised his eyebrow suspiciously at House’s second outburst.

“Er..double fluke.”

Wilson unfolded his arms and tossed House the box of tissues from his desk as the latter had begun to sniffle. Neither man said a word while the older doctor silently pulled a few from the box and pressed them to his tender nose. Wilson walked over to his desk and sat in the chair all while continuing to stare skeptically at House.

“You know I’m surprised that you’re not in Cuddy’s office trying to play this up--”

House merely shrugged, tossing the used tissues into the nearby trash can.

“Score!”

“Unless..unless, you’re avoiding Cuddy,” Wilson said slowly, realizing that he hit the nail on the head.

House scoffed and opened the door to their adjoining balconies calling over his shoulder, “Now I’m avoiding you!”

... Their relationship is GREAT. You get that whole love/hate thing, and House being an annoying little shit and Wilson actually "solving" House's behaviour :-)

“Which I’m sure he induced through one of his crazy schemes to get on my nerves and weasel out of the 50 hours of clinic duty he still owes me. I am not falling for it now or ever, so if you’re not going to work on a case, you all better start fulfilling
your clinic hours.”

YES. Just yes. GO CUDDY. I mean... bad Cuddy, poor House, but YES CUDDY.

Oh God and just everything that comes out of his mouth. I'd literally quote everything. Favourites are the seven dwarves and talking about Cameron's voice, but, yeah. LOVE THIS. Keep it up!!!