Away (Tokyo Ghoul, Kaneki)

[monochrome]

So... I'm really nervous about posting this. I'm pretty unhappy with my writing style, and I'm sort of scared that the whole thing doesn't make much sense.

Anyways... this is my first Tokyo Ghoul fanfic! It follows the anime more than the manga, but it's still so different that it might as well be an AU. I'm pretty sure that the story will be confusing and difficult to follow, so I'm sorry.

Part 1

Touka hasn’t seen Kaneki in awhile. He’s always somewhere else, always involved in matters that don’t really matter to her. It’s as if he’s worlds away from her; so immeasurably distant that she simply can’t reach him.

She knows better than to risk her life searching for him, so she just stays at Anteiku to work at the café. Honestly, where else can she go? It’s the only place she can ever feel safe, even if the feeling is just a foolish illusion.

He visits, sometimes. He usually comes late at night and leaves before the sun rises. Sometimes he’s gone for months at a time. She wakes up to find a note by her bed, scrawled over with a message in his usual careless handwriting, and the message is always something trivial and cliche. Hope all is well. I won’t be back for at least three more weeks.

It tells her absolutely nothing about him, and it’s all she has. Sometimes, it annoys her that he can’t offer more than a few vague lines of text. But she’s unspeakably grateful that his presence has ghosted the room, even for just a few minutes, because it means that he’s safe. He’s alive.

She’s grown used to waking up and finding that he’s gone. So, to find him in her bedroom, slumped up against the wall when she wakes up one day, is both confusing and alarming. He never spends the night anymore, so why is he here?

She wanders up to him and studies his appearance, looking for telltale signs of injury. His eyes are shut, his expression slightly pained, and his arms are wrapped protectively around his knees. He’s asleep - or perhaps unconscious? She doesn’t see any blood stains on his clothes, but he’s concerningly paler than usual, and she realizes that he’s trembling slightly for some indiscernible reason.

“Hey,” she says sharply. “Kaneki.”

He stirs, his mercury eyes flickering open. “Touka...chan?” He mumbles, then stands hurriedly to face her, wavering a bit on his feet. “Shoot, I was just about to leave–”

He starts towards the door, but before he can make his exit, she grabs his arm. “Wait,” she mumbles, determined. She’s not going to let him leave. Not just yet. “Why are you here?”

He looks confused, but responds anyways. “I, uh, fell asleep.” He sniffles lightly and clears his throat. “I didn’t mean to stay.”

“Are you... hurt?” She knows it’s uncharacteristic of her to say something like that, but right now, she really needs to know his answer.

“No.” He responds without any hesitation. “I’m not. I’mhh... I’m leaving, though.”

“To where?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere away from here.”

Suddenly, she’s angry. She grabs his collar and pulls him a few inches forward, her hands shaking slightly. “Why?” she yells, her calm facade fracturing, and the words that have plagued her mind for months come spilling out. “Why are you so desperate to leave? Am I simply so despicable that you can’t bear to stay?”

An expression of unanticipated pain crosses his face. The moment she lets him go, he doubles over, coughing harshly. His whole body shakes with each cough, and when he finishes, he looks unsteady. As if his feet might give away beneath him at any moment.

“You’re weak,” she snaps. “You shouldn’t be this weak. What’s wrong with you?”

He opens his mouth to respond, but instead, his breath hitches and he turns away, letting out two sneezes into his hand. “Hh’kshu! Hh... hih’TShuh!”

She eyes him, suspicious. “What was that?”

He shakes his head, dismissing it quickly. “Nothing. Just dust.” He insists. “I’m not used to confined spaces like this.”

“Right,” she says, and he can tell that she doesn’t believe him.

“...Anyways, I left a note for you,” he states. His tone is stoic, placid, emotionless. “There’s no reason for me to stay anymore.” He turns to depart, and she scans over the note on her desk. It’s littered with meaningless words, like usual: No trouble lately. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but it won’t be anytime soon.

She feels something clench in her throat. This is the first time she’s seen him in a year, and already he’s leaving, as if she means absolutely nothing to him. She’s spent all this time hoping, praying that he’s okay, yet he doesn’t even care enough about her to stay.

Doesn’t he understand? She just wants to speak to him. To share a cup of coffee, or ask him how he is, or discuss the world beyond them. Anything. It doesn’t really matter. She just doesn’t want him to leave her.

And yet that’s all he ever does, over and over again.

Hands trembling, she yells behind him: “Wait!”

He turns around to face her slowly, his hand still on the doorknob, the door pried open slightly. “What?” he asks her. She catches a glance of his eyes and they are resigned, distant, empty.

“You always send me notes,” she mutters, “but you never let me send them to you.”

“Well... write one for me, then,” he says, sniffling.

He waits by the door. She pulls out a piece of paper, then scrawls a message onto the blank surface.

Maybe she’s selfish. Maybe she’s asking too much. Right now, she doesn’t exactly care.

Paper in hand, she takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between them. Then she shoves the scrap of paper into his waiting hands and turns away.

Kaneki’s eyes widen, emotion flickering inside of them for the first time. There are a lot of things he expected to see in the message... animosity, hatred, hostility. But none of them are present. She has only written a single word.

Stay.

Confusing and OOC, right? And... not fetish-y enough yet. Sorry. ^^;

TBC... if I have time.

(Edited to fix formatting)

Edited January 1, 2016 by monochrome

[SneezyHolmes]

Can't wait for more! Ahhh!

[FreeFluShots]

DUDE!!! I am beyond excited to see a Tokyo Ghoul fic on here, finally! I didn't think it was confusing at all either, I really want to see more of this! Please continue??

[Choobat]

AAAAAAA YES TOKYO GHOUL HELL YEAH MORE MORE MORE!!!

[Mybabysitteravampirefan]

MORE! This is great! I knew it would be when I saw it was you who was writing it, I do love your stuff. I hope you update this, and all your other stuff soon.

[alias]

OH MY GOD PLEASE CONTINUE!!!

Dude, you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about, because this is awesome. I don't find it out of character or confusing one bit. And you shouldn't be unhappy with your writing style either. This is beautifully written and it suits the tone of season 2 perfectly. This pulled on my heart, and I love it. Please please please please PLEASE continue.

You've done a really lovely job at portraying that emotionally vulnerable side of Touka that she always tries to suppress and keep hidden. We see a little bit in the anime how Kaneki brings it out of her when he leaves, and I love that you're exploring it in this story. It makes perfect sense that the emotions she usually tries to keep at bay would rev up in the middle of the night with his random appearance. You represent her really well. And Kaneki as well. Even though he's stoic and cold, you've given us the subtleties to show that there really is SOMETHING there, and it's really compelling to read.

Kaneki’s eyes widen, emotion flickering inside of them for the first time. There are a lot of things he expected to see in the message... animosity, hatred, hostility. But none of them are present. She has only written a single word.

Stay.

^^This made my face twist with all kinds of feels. Beautiful.

Wonderful, wonderful work. I will be so happy if you continue.

[bazzpop00]

OWO

I NEED MORE!!!! I haven't seen a Tokyo ghoul fic in a while, and this was amazing. I really hope you continue this, please!!! XD

[Dylan]

I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW INSANELY GOOD THIS IS OH MY GOD

THERE IS A LACK OF TOKYO GHOUL ON THIS WEBSITE IM SO HAPPY YOU WROTE THIS IT'S AMAZING