Secret Santa for Anilkex, Supernatural

[Medowsweet]

Okay. This doesn't particularly fit into any season's "time line" per say. I have a favorite "version" of Sam and Dean, but they don't nessesarily match. Anyway this "monster of the week" episode is not dependant on the larger story. And despite what I show in the "then" section, let that have no bearing on the "season".

Then:

Dean on the phone: this isn't about your clown thing, is it?

A quick montage scene of Sam dodging two physiotic green haired clowns looking terrified, Sam trying to sit in a clown chair visibly uncomfortable, Sam frozen in an elevator with the creepiest clown you ever saw.

Dean: *sneezes into the cuff of his jacket*

That's weird. That normally only happens around cats.

Phillip: *turns into a black cat*

Dean: *sneezes again*

Now:

"Roseburg, Oregon. Girl finds a mysterious box sitting on her bed, all rapped up with a red bow." Dean was munching the last two bites of cherry pie with coffee at a cheap diner in the middle of Nowhere, Colorado. "Few days later she starts freaking out, telling everyone she's being chased by some giant spider no one else can see, few days after that, girl kicks it from, get this: spider bites." Dean cracked a smile, as though this were the punch line of a joke, "And the gift? Check this out!" He flipped over the laptop so Sam could see it. A cute little plushie of a spider, way too furry and fat, with big felt eyes. It looked like something you'd win out of a UFO catcher game at Denny's.

So they were off. It wasn't like they had anything better to do. It wasn't like Dean could know Sam had been suffering a mild headache and sore throat for a few days now, and was, even as they traveled, trying to ignore a persistent itch deep in the back of his left nostril. It wasn't like Sam had been hoping to lay low and prevent this thing from blowing up into a full blown headcold that could knock him on his ass for a week. And it REALLY wasn't like he was about to tell Dean any of this. Sam wanted nighter to be babied nor teased, so that landed this firmly in the camp of "none of Dean's business".

So here he was, looking out the window as pine trees and snowcapped mountains rolled by and trying to think un-sneezy thoughts.

"They've got more Christmas trees here then there are fake Santa's in a Los Angeles Mall." Dean commented when Sam had been too quiet for too long. He grinned at his "little" brother and waited for him to acknowledge just how amazingly witty his older (and infinitely more awesome) brother could be. Unfortunately brilliant humor was, apparently, wasted on the humorless, because Sam just stared out the window and offered up the world's lamest, most preoccupied "Yeah" without further comment. What was eating him?

Agents "Plant" and "Page" pulled into the Roseburg police station at six o'clock pm on a wintery December the 16th. They were going to investigate the unusual incident under the guise that they suspected homicide (which wasn't too far fetched considering. Someone mails you an anonymous package containing a cheap stuffed spider then you eat it a week later from spider bites? Yeah, nothing' suspicious about that. Take heed, boys and girls, don't accept toys from strangers.)

"Phoneutria keyserlingi" That from the coroner, a pretty blonde with a nice, tight ass, an upturned nose, and a sweet little face (good sized jugs too) "Not native to these parts, and can't survive the cold." They had a good shape to them, perky and round. They bounced a little when she walked (hey, Dean was just mentally cataloging all information that might be important to the case.). "Anyway, one spider can't produce this much venom. There would have to have been... At least 50 of them. And they would have had to have been brought here and carefully tended in a climate controlled environment until they were... used."

The coroner, Karen, according to her name badge, lifted a white sheet from the girl's body. Dean's eyes pinched and Sam's nostrils flared. She was just a kid, maybe 12, covered head to toe with layer upon layer of spider bites that were turning nasty shades of red, purple, and yellow. By the amount of swelling either the girl had an allergic reaction or this was some damn potent poison... Or both. Her small fingers looked like lumpy balloons, she had no wrists or ankles to speak of, and her face was hard to make out, her eyes were swollen shut and her cheeks were puffy.

It was wrong. Just wrong.

You don't mess with kids.

You just don't.

Karen lifted the girl's swollen arm, turning it wrist up to show one of the more nasty wounds. "The punctures shouldn't be this large....". She said, and while she was being professional, there was a sickened sadness in her voice. I'm telling you, you don't mess with kids. "My best guess is that the venom was harvested over time and injected but... Some of this is layered.. and the Amount they did... It's beyond over kill."

Karen covered the body again, out of respect, and because no one, not even hardened FBI agents, wanted to see that.

"Is she the only victim?" Agent Plant asked.

"Of...spider bites? Yes..." Coroner Karen said slowly, as though she felt there was more to be said, but was reluctant to say it.

"But-?" Pressed agent Page.

"Well...". She was obviously uncomfortable, probably professionalism battling common sense. "About a week ago a boy came in. Bled out from severe dog mauling. They're trying to find the animal that did it... So far there's no leads but... He received an anonymous gift too... "

"Let me guess." Said agent Plant, in the sort of flippant voice that can only come from seeing so many horrors that you become desensitized to them. "Stuffed dog?"

Coroner Karen nodded, though she looked as thought she felt she was devulging information she probably shouldn't.

"Do you have it?" Agent Page asked. "The- er the "threatening" gifts? The dog? The spi- huh-HETXCCH!". The federal agent sneezed suddenly into the shoulder of his jacket.

(Agent Plant raised an eyebrow at his partner.)

"The spider?" Page finished giving his partner a very clear "Not. One. Word." look in return.

"We have the spider" she said, "they ran it for prints but there was nothing but the girl's and her family's. We don't have the dog. Dog bites happen, tropical spider attacks 2000 miles outside their territory in the winter... Not so much."

"We're gonna have to take that into custody." Said agent Plant, "And, eh, get the name of the vic's family for questioning."

* * * *

"So what do you think?" Sam said, looking at the "cute" (Dean would have said "cheap") plushie spider as they walked to the impala. Was his voice starting to sound thick and scratchy?

"Curse?" Dean offered. "Cursed object or a curse bag sewn into a cheap toy? Either way we burn it, get rid of that stuffed dog, track down the bitch that's been sending them-"

"Hept-CHSSST!" Despite Sam's best effort another sneeze slipped through.

"You okay, Sammy?" Dean asked, he sounded more critical then concerned.

"Yeah." Sam said, and tried both not to sniff and not to sound congested at the same time. "Must be all those, uh, Christmas trees you mentioned."

Dean gave his brother a dubious look, he had never been allergic to pine trees before, and believe him, Dean would know. But he let it go for now, because they had work to do...

.....On the front dash board of the (locked) impala were two, neat, square packages, each wrapped with bright, red, bow....

* * *

Sorry not a ton of sneezing just yet, but this is the natural break for a commercial. I'll write more as I get the time. I can't promise I'll make it all the way to the end, (keep me motivated with comments! <--- shameless, I know) but I *can* promise enough sneezing to make this a worth while Christmas present before I run out of "as far as my brain has written the plot in advance")

Edited January 15, 2016 by Medowsweet

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Jus gonna sqeeeeze in here...

That last sentence made my heart flutter! Oh what could you possibly ever have in store with this one, oh Great Secret Santa.

[Medowsweet]

By all means! Non-Anilkex people are encouraged to reply!

I'm like an emotional vampire who feeds on comments!

^_~

[SexualOddity]

Oooh... this is an interesting set up. I'm intrigued. Love a good casefic, and this is really well done so far - enough detail to draw me into the story but not so much that I feel weighed down by details. Fabulous.

Also, I can't believe you've posted this already!

[Medowsweet]

Each one had a bright, clear tag with loopy, neat cursive:

To: Sam

From: Your Secret Santa

And (You guessed it)

To: Dean

From: Your Secret Santa

"Please tell me this is your idea of a joke" Dean said in a tone that implied he didn't believe it for a second.

"(Ahem) Sorry." Sam said, trying to suppress a cough while answering.

Yeah, they were both probably gonna be cursed, and Dean could deal with that. But what really pissed him off was that SOME DICK BROKE INTO HIS BABY.

They had debated not opening them at all. Some cursed objects were only dangerous once you touched them (like that damned rabbits foot). Or once you accepted ownership. On the other hand, by at least checking it out, they could get some idea what this was all about, and maybe some clue as to how to track, find, and gank the asshole behind it.

In the end they decided the safest thing to do was to each open the other's gift (one at a time) and then burn the motherfucker before opening the next.

Dean decided to go first, he had given some private thought as to which would be the safest for Sammy, and in the end decided on himself touching the potentially cursed item (even though he would be unwrapping what had been meant for his brother).

Using cheap Wal*Mart gloves (hey, this wasn't his first rodeo), Dean carefully unwrapped the brightly colored box as though it were a gift from Jokey Smurf and liable to explode at any moment.

Well, he had to give the creep credit.

"He-e-e-ey! Not half bad! This little guy's even kinda cute." He was so tempted to toss the potentially hilarious gift at his brother that it wasn't even funny.

Sam notably winced, though he had tried not to. "Hilarious." He said in a not-very-amusued tone of voice.

"I thought so!" Dean agreed, feigning obliviousness to Sam's sarcasm and waggling the miniature, extra fluffy clown in front of his brother's face.

Sam felt a chill that went all the way down to his bones (which may have been the onset of a fever). There was something wrong about that weird little doll. To Sam Winchester all clowns were creepy, but THIS one was somehow -extra- creepy. From the demented eye make up, to the demonic frizz of his electric green hair, to that too wide felt "painted" smile....

He actually HOPED it was fever because, c'mon, this was just a stupid *doll* and he knew it!

They took the thing apart. No teeth, no coins, no hair, no runes, no herbs, no hex-bag, just cheap polyester stuffing.

Sam sniffed and crossed his arms over his jacket, trying not to look as cold and miserable as he felt. At least that part was done and they could get rid of the little wretch (Sam could swear no matter how it was twisted or dropped the little felt eyes always, -always- seemed to be looking at him!)

"Alright, let's- Het-TXCcch! do this." Sam said (he was eager both to be rid of the damn thing and for the warmth of the fire that would be USED to get rid of the damn thing)

"Aaaww, c'mon". Dean said, as though he were referring to the world's most adorable puppy. "Can't we keep him? How can you say no to that face?" He held the remains of the demented doll in Sam's face and gave it little wiggle.

Sam didn't cringe, though it was though a sheer act of will power. "Dean..." He said in a warning tone of voice, he was NOT in the mood (though in which mood exactly this -would- be funny was hard for Sam to imagine).

They salted it, burned it, did the ritual for cursed objects just to be safe- the thing caught fire no problem and soon all that was left was a pile of ash and a small lump of melted plastic.

Sam still felt "too cold", his head was throbbing, and it was getting harder and harder not to sniff or let his nose drip in front of Dean.

See? He wasn't a wuss after all, but, unfortunately, he WAS definitely getting sick. (Hep-TSSSSCH!!) He zipped up his jacket, and doned his own pair of cheap gloves. Really, he wanted nothing more then to call it, but they still had Dean's gift to unwrap.

Sam guessed it was going to be airplane tickets or maybe a miniature plushie plane, and while it wasn't really the same, he could at least still tease Dean about having a phobia in return.

Sam was actually disappointed when he opened the box to reveal a small, fury, round black cat with oversized green eyes, and an undersized nose and mouth. He held up the anticlimactic gift for Dean to see.

Dean's expression passed briefly through confused, to "that's funny", then settled on smugly self satisfied. "It's because the douche knows I got nothin' to exploit." Dean said with an "I'm too Awesome for this shirt" smile....

...But then his eyes looked a bit hazy for a second...

...And he sniffed...

And sneezed suddenly into the sleeve of his jacket, then sniffed again.

Sam actually laughed, "Nothing to exploit? What did they make this out of? Real cat fur?"

Sam parted the fluff, but, no, it was that scratchy white fabric from cheap fake fur underneath.

"So, what? Am I supposed to sneeze to death?" Dean quipped, still trying to maintain his sense of supreme awesomeness.

"It could happen." Sam said seriously. "You could go into anaphylactic shock, or maybe a sneezing fit while driving and crash."

"Your sick" Dean said, implying the creep would take his baby down with him was under the belt.

"I told you, it's just allergies" Sam said defensively.

"Uh, I meant you were "twisted"." Dean said, " But, hey, you said it, not me!"

Sam made a disgruntled sort of sound and pointedly concentrated on disassembling the toy, nice and slow, and in front of Dean.

"Can't you speed that up a lit-hehXGNT!"

"You don't want me to *miss* anything do you?"

"Heh-CUMP-NGXT!"

"Come on over here, Dean. I need your eyes."

"Oh, you're REAL funny, Sam."

Sam had the good graces not to smile, however, take that!

Again (heh-CHANT, HU-CHUMP! Son-of-a-bitch!) it was clean.

"Alright, let's get rid of it already."

Sam took his sweet, petty time gathering all the pieces, but it went up in flames just like the other one. (Finally!)

By the time the were finished Sam was noticeably shaking.

"Clown got you that bad, eh?"

"Shut up. It's cold out here. Let's just call it, we'll do the interviews tomorrow."

It was wet, and cold, and icy, and despite his teasing Dean didn't want Sam freezing his ass off while sick.

"Yeah, I'll drop you off at the motel and go grab us some grub while you take it easy."

Sam didn't even have the energy to protest.

Edited December 18, 2015 by Medowsweet

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Awwwwww poor Sammy just gave up at the end!

Cute!

[Anilkex]

Holy crap!! You wrote a second part before I could comment on the first!

Let me start with this. I had a shitty morning. Then I found this before leaving for work, because yes, I actually checked to see if there was something new to read to counter the crap. (It's fine - just one of those mornings.) I could only skim it. I couldn't respond. So I waited all freaking day, through a long meeting after work, until getting home a little while ago.

Poured me some wine, sat down, and found TWO parts to read through.

Um.

Maybe read through twice.

I AM SO EXCITED! First off, no saying you won't finish this bad boy. Casefics need to finish! And...and sneezing Winchesters need an ending! And...I WANT IT!

Your little author notes inserted here and there are awesome, as well as the phrases you use in their thinking. LOVE it!

I actually have a phobia of spiders, and looked up the name of the one in your story and...EWWWWWW NONONONONO NOT 50 OF THEM! Ugh!

(Loved the jug jiggling, btw)

So happy, so impressed you are posting already, and soooo anxious for the rest, whenever you get it done.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

[AngelEyes]

This is epic! I love that you have it totally laid out like a real episode, right from the THEN and NOW. Awesome! And the premise, cursed objects killing people in the manner of what they represent, cool. And your characterization of the boys with each other and in their thoughts is perfect! I love the whole thing. And Dean and the cat. I have a bit of an obsession with Dean and cats. So yeah. Brilliant!

[Medowsweet]

Pyrus_Fangmon:

Don't worry, Sam won't nessesaarily give up forever. ^_~

Anilkex:

I'm so glad you like it! It's hard to write for people I don't know very well! And you weren't super specific on your likes... So I didn't have a lot to work with. I was hoping you'd like it, and I'm so glad to help cheer you up after a bad day.

Angel-eyes devilhorns:

Thank you for reading and commenting! There will be plenty of Dean and Cats to come!

- - - -

Everyone:

This chapter only has Sam, sorry, Dean-a-files, but fear not, the NEXT chapter will cover DEAN during this same time period.

* * * *

As soon as he got in Sam claimed the bed closest to the furnace and cranked the heat up to 85 (which was as high as it went), then he threw himself onto the bed still in his jacket and gloves hoping to thaw out a bit. All he needed was rest (about 12 hours of sleep should do it) and he could wake up healed and refreshed. He needed his A game to take out this... What ever it was.... He SHOULD be doing research about now ... But his eyes slid shut as he sank into the hard, lumpy hotel mattress, feeling the room gently rock and sway...

"Heh-tSSCH! Heh-K'TSsssch!! Kh-XTCHu!!"

Sam bent forward with the sudden force of the sneezes he had been repressing all day. It caused his head to pound and scratched his throat... But thank God at least the itch was- "Het-ksssccch! Hep-TSHU!!!! uhn." ....Gone....

Sam flopped back onto the bed and let his eyes fall closed again. He wasn't exactly too cold anymore, his breath burned on his upper lip, and his face was hot, but he still felt "bone cold", cold internally. The room went from swaying to spinning as he closed his eyes and let sleep slide gently over him like a heavy blanket....

Orange eyes. The thing had florescent orange eyes, outlined in red, black, and yellow like a poisonous snake, and overlayed with big, white diamonds. It's hair was an electric green frizz that burned the eyes to look at. And it's mouth! It's mouth was cut into a too-wide smile that went all the way up to it's cheek bones, slathered with blood red paint. It's teeth were those of a shark's, and while the mouth was smiling dementedly, the eyes were definitely not...

Sam tried to run but his limbs were slow, heavy, he couldn't move. He felt as though he were stuck in taffy- and suddenly he was! He tried to scream but no sound came out as the ghastly clown-creature grabbed his leg and drug it towards him, sucking with a sickening, rasping rattle that made Sam feel as though he had been douced with icy water.

He tried to think, to dodge, to kick... but his brain and body wouldn't obey his commands. Was he a hunter or wasn't he? Why couldn't he get his body to do something as simple as move?!

The too-long fingers grasping his ankle burned cold at the touch and--

Sam sat bolt upright in bed, heart pounding in his ears.

It was a dream! Just a dream!

He finally felt warm. Sluggish, confused, and dizzy, but warm.

Great. His brain was frying.

What he needed was Advil (Hehuh-ptCSSSCH!!) and maybe some decongestants...

Somehow he made his way to the door and across the street to the liquor store (He had to admit that, while he now felt frozen and shivery again, he could at least think clearly.... Maybe he had slightly over done it with the heat).

He grabbed a bottle of Advil, some decongestants, and a carton of OJ to wash them down with. Then made his way blearily to the front counter.

Behind the cash register the clown from his nightmare leered at him with it's too-wide smile and grotesque shark-teeth.

"Did you find everything okay?" It asked.

Sam froze, his heart leaped into his throat and the bottle of pills fell to the ground and broke at the cap. Little rust-colored pills bounced around his feet.

"Oh, let me get that for you!" The girl behind the counter said brightly. She was maybe 20... MAYBE, with a shock of green dyed into her blonde ponytail and bright red lipstick.

Sam must have been losing his mind.

She darted around the counter and collected the scattered pills scooping them back into the broken bottle. "I'll get you a new one,". She chirped. "Be back in a flash!" And she dashed down the isle with the energy of a young girl on her first job.

The fever, the case, his nightmare, and that creepy doll Dean had insisted on shoving in his face had all conspired to play tricks on Sam's over tired brain. He was just now beginning to calm down enough to realize what must have happened. It was a bit of the nightmare, hanging around in Sam's fever-adled mind. Lovely.

She returned with a fresh pill bottle and the same eager smile. "Is there anything else I can get you?" She asked.

"Uh, no. Thanks." Sam said, as the girl packed his things into a brown paper bag and ran his fake credit card.

He dry-swallowed a handful of Advil on the spot, about twice the recommended dose (better kill that fever before it had him kill a civilian by mistake) and trudged (shivering) back out into the cold.

The incident with the cashiers at the liquor store had Sam spooked. If he couldn't trust his senses what -could- he trust? Sam was a hunter. A little under the weather (hetssssch!) sure, maybe, but a hunter none-the-less. He had skill and instinct and reflexes....

...and he was being followed.

Sometimes, when people are alone in the dark (shivering, sneezing, and feeling vulnerable) they get a sort of paranoia. They feel there is someone behind them, they can almost sense it. The hair on the back of their neck stands up. No matter how many times they look noone is ever there.... And yet they can't shake the feeling that there is someone (or something) just one step behind them, just out of sight. Everyone has had that feeling.

This was not that feeling.

Sam was a trained hunter. One of the best there was. He KNEW when he was being followed. He had a second sense about it. And though he did not turn his head or give any indication that he knew, he became alert, awake, watching and listening.

He shifted his eyes to the ground and subtly observed his shadow as he passed under a street light... One shadow... That didn't mean he wasn't being followed, that meant either be wasn't being followed -closely- or he wasn't being followed by something that casts a shadow.

The wind caught a breeze that scraped through the trees in a long, rasping rattle....

There was something about that sound... Something- "heh-tXCH! TSSSSCH! huh-CH!!"

The spell was broken and the memory on the tip of his mind was lost.

Sam unlocked the door and was greeted by a welcome rush of intense heat.

He took off his now damp jacket and draped it over a chair, poured himself glass of juice (and made himself drink it), and then went to bed.

Outside the wind moaned like great, wicked creature struggling for breath. Exhaling with a deep, rasping scrape, and inhaling with a long, rasping rattle...

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

*sluggishly melts into a puddle* Ahhh!! Sammeh!

[Sawyer]

"Your sick" Dean said, implying the creep would take his baby down with him was under the belt.

"I told you, it's just allergies" Sam said defensively.

"Uh, I meant you were "twisted"." Dean said, " But, hey, you said it, not me!"

My faaaaaavorite! And I love the contrast between sneezing styles. This was great!

[Anilkex]

And you weren't super specific on your likes... So I didn't have a lot to work with.

That's me. Drives my husband nuts on my birthday and Christmas. I'm pretty easy to please, honestly. What I like mostly are fun stories, and when they weave in sneezing Winchesters, I'm super happy. I'd rather have you just write, and see where it goes. So really - that's the best part.

The wind caught a breeze that scraped through the trees in a long, rasping rattle....
There was something about that sound... Something- "heh-tXCH! TSSSSCH! huh-CH!!"

The spell was broken and the memory on the tip of his mind was lost.

Like this part. I read that a couple times. I love how it sounds, and how it fits together, and how Sam's perceptions are interrupted by a crappy cold.

[HPG]

Holy guacamole this is awesome! Please do continue it.

[spirkestielgirl87]

I absolutely love your style! I like how much this feels like an episode. The case is really intriguing by itself,and sick Sam to boot makes it even better. I can't wait to read Dean's POV next!

[Medowsweet]

I'm so, so, so, so SO super glad you all like it! I was a little nervous at first, writing for someone else, but I am really, REALLY happy people are enjoying it! . YEEEE!

Plot\casefic: I don't usually enjoy writing a sneeze fetish version of porn without plot stories. I mean, I don't enjoy regular porn without a plot so why would fetish style be much different?

But ADDING sneezing to a plot is pure delicious! I often find it makes me bond more closely to the characters.

Like an episode: I WAS gonna try to do it even MORE episode-like by starting the "NOW" off from the girl's POV.

(Like have her talking to a psychologist who is trying to convince her the spiders she is seeing are not real, then later have her in her room or walking home or something and sees them and tells herself over and over "they're not real.... They're not real.... They're not real..." as they keep following her... And then they swarm her and she screams)

But while on TV such an opening is visually attention catching, in a fic (especially a sneezefic) you have, like, 30 seconds to catch someone's attention, and Dean's recap is interesting and consise, you get the idea without paragraphs to wade through while you wait for sneezy Winchesters to show up. ^_~

Speaking of sneezy Winchesters who's up for the next chapter?

* * * * *

"Heh-ChANT! Huh-CHUMP!" Damnit. How long did it take exposure to that FAKE cat to wear off?

Sure, Dean had been known to sneeze a bit after leaving an interview with a crazy cat lady, and, for the record, anyone with more then one cat automatically earned the title of "crazy cat lady". Even if it was a dude. EVEN if she was *hot*. (After all what good was being hot if Dean's nose and her bad taste in animal companionship prevented any opportunity of getting laid? Just sayin'). But this had been a FAKE cat.

Oh, AND they'd already cremated the damn thing! "he-NXGT" (Damnit!)

Dean pulled into the local Shop and Save to stock up for Sam. As his big brother it as Dean's job to pick on Sam relentlessly... But (as his big brother) it was also his job to look after him, take care of him when he needed it.

He put the Impala into park, hopped out, and... Son of a bitch! Out of the back seat hopped a sleek, black cat with vivid green eyes. Had it been there the whole time? No wonder!

"Go on! Get!"

The cat tilted it's head to the side, then made a perky little chirping sound and ran over to Dean with it's tail in the air, purring and rubbing against his leg.

"Hu-CHXGNT!"

That was the opposite of "get", you little bastard.

Ordinarily Dean wasn't the type be a jerk to stray cats, after all, he and his brother were sorta strays in a way, and when cats were outdoors they didn't usually bother him that much. But this one had been irritating his nose for the last fifteen minutes, AND it had probably dropped it's damn fur and dander all over his back seat!

He kicked the cat with the leg it was rubbing against and it finally got the message.

Dean sniffed, rubbed his nose on the back of his sleeve, and went into the store.

He tossed a bunch of pills and some cough syrup into the cart, then a six pack of cold beer, and some of that crappy "Healthy Choice" soup with more vegetables then meat in it. Hey, his little brother had crap for taste, but at least Dean knew what kinda crap sick Sammy liked. The last thing he grabbed was a box of tissues, the one intended for little kids with a cheerful clown holding a rainbow bouquet of balloons on the box. He had tried to resist, he REALLY had, (okay, fine, he really -hadn't-, but then he never claimed to be a freakin' saint).

He thew all that and a couple of microwave burritos into the cart, then checked out with relatively little chit chat.

Guess who was waiting for him right outside the automatic glass doors, just staring at him with those wide, green, unblinking eyes. Yeah, you got it: that damned cat.

"What's yer problem?" Dean asked in a deep, gruff voice, aiming another kick at the persistent feline (but this time the cat must have learned and, while it followed him closely with it's tail in the air, it avoided the business end of his foot.)

Dean tossed the groceries in the back and was seriously considering a BB to the ass as a remedy to his cat-problem when the phone rang.

He looked down at the screen:

Coroner Karen?

At this hour?

Either some serious bad news, or he had made an impression on the buxom public employee (Dean DID have a way with the ladies).

"Hey." He said, by way of hello.

"Agent Plant?"

"Yeah." Dean's nose was itching already (damn cat). He gave it an irritated rub with the back of his sleeve.

"Sorry for calling so late. This is Karen Becker from the Roseburg PD morgue..."

She sounded worried. Not "We got a new vic" worried, and not "I'm too shy to ask you out" worried... this was more like "there's a masked maniac with a knife to my neck" worried.

"What's up?"

(The cat took advantage of Dean's distraction to circle his legs in figure eights)

"I think I got one of those threatening presents."

Dean lifted the phone high over his head and covered the receiver, "huXNGT!" If there was one thing no chicks dig it was a tough guy who couldn't even control his own nose.

"WHAT?!"

"I got a small, square box with a bright red bow, just like the victims', it said "To: Karen from: Your Secret Santa and inside-"

"--And you OPENED it!?"

"What? Am I supposed to be paranoid about Christmas presents now?"

Yes! "Er, sorry. Go on."

"Anyway, inside turned out to be a... Stuffed SNAKE."

"You afraid of...". The itch in his nose was making things difficult "... of snakes or somethin'?" He held the phone above his head and covered the receiver again, taking a few deep breaths, but the sneeze wouldn't come.

"Since I was 6."

"Anyone know about it?"

"Only my brother, and he doesn't live anywhere around here... and...". She made a little nervous squeak. "I think there's a snake in the room... Maybe I'm being paranoid... It's more of a sound I keep hearing, but it's just-"

"Huh-XngK!" (Damnit)

"Uh... Bless you?"

"...Yeah. Look, don't go anywhere. I'll be right there. And if you see the snake-" What? He didn't even know what it WAS? Throw salt at it? Iron? Holy water? "Just don't let it touch you."

"Yeah, no duh. Remember the part where I said I was afraid of snakes?"

"Right."

Dean hung up, and sent Sam (who he assumed had crashed by now anyway) a quick text:

Grub's gonna be late. Coroner Karen got one of those cursed Christmas presents. I'm going to check it out. Don't wait up.

"HehCHNT!!" But first thing was first! Dean reached into the trunk of the Impala and pulled out a super soaker filled with holy water. Hey, cats hate water, right?

But when he went to take aim the cat was gone.

* * * *

Sorry if this chapter is short. Sorta felt like a "chapter" break point

Edited December 5, 2015 by Medowsweet

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

"Huh-XngK!" (Damnit)

"Uh... Bless you?"

I giggled way more than I should have to this

[Anilkex]

Sure, Dean had been known to sneeze a bit after leaving an interview with a crazy cat lady, and, for the record, anyone with more then one cat automatically earned the title of "crazy cat lady". Even if it was a dude.

BEST LINE.

And guh...Dean itching while on the phone and the cat swirling and he's sneezing and...yesssssss.

"You afraid of...". The itch in his nose was making things difficult "... of snakes or somethin'?" He held the phone above his head and covered the receiver again, taking a few deep breaths, but the sneeze wouldn't come.

Like this.

Yum.

I'm loving this! Thank you, again!

[CharliesGirl]

Oooh I really like this! Can't get enough of sick Sammy either

[SexualOddity]

He had tried to resist, he REALLY had, (okay, fine, he really -hadn't-, but then he never claimed to be a freakin' saint).

*Grin-grin-grin-grin-grin*

I love the delight Dean takes in messing with Sam You've captured that brotherly dynamic perfectly. It was also really sweet when he mentally mocked the healthy soup, but still bought it because he wanted Sam to have the things he wanted when he was sick. <3

Also, Dean trying not to sneeze whilst on the phone to the Coroner was REALLY hot.

Really enjoying this - the writing, the characterisation, the plot - all fabulous. And I love how you've woven in Secret Santa gifts!

[ID2006]

Sooo so loving this... and feeling a bit guilty since this is the first year I can remember not doing secret santa on here.

[Medowsweet]

I am so glad everyone loved the phone bit! That was my favorite, favorite part so far!!! I ADORE people trying not to sneeze! Or even trying (and failing) to hide that they even -need- to sneeze! Or feeling self conscious about sneezing.

Wee! Tee hee hee!

This next chapter has, unfortunately, very little in the way of sneezing. But, you know, it's just sorta how the plot went.

Anilkex:

"Crazy cat lady": I can just see it:

Dean: huhCHMP! unh. That guy was a crazy cat lady.

Sam: uh... I'm pretty sure that GUY was a GUY.

Dean: Doesn't matter (sniff) he had, like, five cats. Makes him a crazy cat lady.

Sam: He has THREE.

Dean: HeCHEXH Same diff.

CharliesGirl:

Don't worry, sick Sammy will be back soon! This next chapter focuses on Karen and Dean because that's how the plot ended up going. But if things go the way I currently intend them to sick Sam should open the next chapter.

SexualOddity:

Thank you so much. The brothers brotherly relationship is at the center of the show so thank you for saying I got it right. And thank you for liking my story in general.

Ickydog2006

It's okay, everyone gets super busy sometimes. So glad you're enjoying the story

* * * *

It was coming from inside the wall, an evil, sickening sound. The rasp of heavy scales dragging against dry wall, occasionally punctuated by a soft, poisonous hiss. Karen pressed her ear against the wall just to be certain. She could almost feel a forked tounge flickering in her ear, and it sent a cold shiver down her spine.

The sound was DEFINITELY coming from inside the wall! Definitely! She moved away down the hall and amazingly the sound followed. Snakes were not intelligent, and they were nearly impossible to train, yet this one followed Karen's every move, and if the last two victims were any indication this snake had been somehow trained to kill her.

Karen moved further and further down the hall, listening as the sound chased her, moving ever faster- she was running now, and the sound was keeping pace, it's movements were quick, sharp, and purposeful. Karen's heart was pounding in her ears when BAM! she ran into something solid and nearly screamed.

"Woah. Easy."

It was agent Plant.

"It's in the walls!" Karen said. "There" and she pointed.

The federal agent approached the walls and ran his hand over the spot where, just beneath, a great beast slithered and hissed, coiling and uncoiling, scraping the plaster just inches from the agent's finger tips.

"Where?" He asked after a moment.

"Right THERE, Can't you hear it?"

Agent Plant narrowed his eyes and slightly turned his head... "No" he said at least, "But I believe you." He pulled something out of his duffel bag that looked like a radio transmitter and pointed it at the wall. "Nothing" he said after a moment, for noone in particular's benefit. He put it back in (did he have 4 different kinds of rifles in there? Why did he have 4 different kinds of rifles in there!?).

"Okay you sure it's in the wall?"

"Yes." Why couldn't he hear it!?

"Alright, keep an ear on it. Don't lose it. Let's get the, uh, the present and blow this popcycle stand. Where's the toy?"

"I locked it in the file cabinet"

The federal agent raised an eyebrow "You locked it up?"

"The thing freaked me out. I know it looks like a stuffed sock, and usually toy snakes don't bother me- even realistic ones but this... I dunno. It just creeped me out beyond reason."

Dean went to the cabinet coroner Karen had indicated and pulled out the cursed Christmas gift. Sure enough it DID look like a stuffed sock. It was electric green with a pink felt toung that looked glued on and yellow slitted eyes. Dean got that the gifts represented fears, or weaknesses, or somthing- but honestly, why did they have to be so damned HOKEY?

"This it?" He asked.

Karen didn't answer.

"Karen?"

Karen was standing where he had left her, frozen in place. She was staring in horror at the opposite wall.

Dean approached her cautiously. "Hey, you in there?"

She raised one slender arm and pointed a trembling finger towards what to Dean appeared to be empty space.

"What? Do you see the snake?"

Karen nodded, she seemed unable to do anything else. In less then .5 seconds Dean had unzipped his duffel and shot rock salt at the spot where Karen was pointing.

"That do anything?"

She shook her head.

He tried silver

Iron

Lead

Holy water

"Still nothing'?"

Karen took one feeble step backwards, then stumbled and began to back pedal.

"I'll take that as a no then" Dean said, grabbing Karen by the arm and jerking her to her feet. "snap out of it!" He shouted. "Run. RUN!"

It finally seemed to get through to her, and (while Dean had to half drag her as she stumbled along blinded by fright) he at least managed to get her out of the building and into the Impala in one piece. Dean peeled out, and when he was halfway down the road he asked, "Do you see it anywhere?"

Coroner Karen seemed to slowly come out of it. "No." She said softly. She sounded ashamed. "I- I'm sorry I froze."

"Don't worry about it." Dean said guffly, dismissively.

Damn! All that did was show what DIDN'T kill it. He wondered if there was a phantom snake at all, or if it had been somehow in the coroner's head. But those spider bites on the dead girl's body had been very real. DEADLY real. So what WAS this thing?

"Let's take care of your snake problem.". He said after they had driven in silence for a while.

"How?"

Dean opened his mouth to answer but was suddenly taken by surprise by a sharp sneeze which he smothered in his sleevs (heCHUMP)

"Bless you.". Corinor Karen said (she still sounded shook up)

"Yeah, sure."

"Are you catching your partner's cold?"

Dean pulled into an abandoned dirt lot.

"Hardly, some cat hitched a ride and- heXTCH!!". He had tried not to sneeze, and filed. "He left his damned fur all over my back seat.". He rubbed his nose, and sniffed.

"Are you allergic?" Karen asked as Dean collected his arsenal: gasoline, salt, cyanne...

"Kinda." Dean said with a dismissive shrug. "But" he felt the need to add, "It's the only thing that ever makes me sneeze, so." The itch was getting to him again, but, dispite her apparent cowardes the coroner still had nice boobs so he tried not to show it.

Oddly she didn't make any comments when he dumped salt, herbs, and read a ritual over the cheap looking toy, only when he doused it with gasoline did she say, "Wait! What are you doing?". And when he tossed a lit match, "You're destroying evidence!"

"Trust me on this." He said. "Unless you wanna be the next one on the table, covered with snake bites."

Karen shuttered, and that seemed to shut her up.

The drive back to Karen's car was quiet, Dean trying not to sneeze, and Karen was finally feeling the weight of her terrifying encounter catching up with her. She was exhausted.

"You see it any where?" Dean asked as he dropped her back off at the Roseburg PD.

Karen looked around, "No." She said quietly.

"That's what I thou-heee-KXCH!" Damnit!

"Bless you."

"Mmm hmmm. You take care."

The loud, old engine of the Impala roared off.

Karen stepped into her car. What a night. She was already beginning to wonder if maybe she hadn't imagined the snake in the walls after all. And when she had seen it slither from the vent? It had felt unreal, like a bad dream. Could it have been some sort of hallucination? What if the toy had actually been coated in some sort of drug? That would explain how the girl had seen spiders that noone else could. And why a silly stuffed snake cold frighten her so badly.

Anyway, agent Plant was kinda cute when he was trying hard not to sneeze, and unless she had misread him he had been oogleing her breasts. She smiled a little to herself. Maybe she would have to thank him properly for saving her life some time.

She turned on her engine and adjusted her rear view mirror. Two slitted yellow eyes were the last things she ever saw...

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

That ending was a killer!! Love it!

[HPG]

Anyway, agent Plant was kinda cute when he was trying hard not to sneeze, and unless she had misread him he had been oogleing her breasts. She smiled a little to herself. Maybe she would have to thank him properly for saving her life some time.

She turned on her engine and adjusted her rear view mirror. Two slitted yellow eyes were the last things she ever saw...

Oh snap! Shit just got real!

[Zuki]

This is highly entertaining, poor coroner.

[Anilkex]

Karen!!!!!! Yes! He was totally eyeing your boobs! Yes! That is worth smiling over!