Ladies' Night (A Big Love story for Chanel_no5)

[zakandsara]

CHANEL, MY DARLING, IT IS FINALLY HERE. I am more-than-words sorry for how long it took. God bless you for your patience (pun 100% intended). Hope you like! <3

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Barb stood in her kitchen, leaning against the counter and sipping a mug of tea. She was unfortunately still in her work clothes because she'd had, as always, a busier day than she'd anticipated. She wanted nothing more than to be able to sit down and relax after a long week in her pajamas with a good book and some hot tea.

"BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!"

The microwave startled her out of her provincial daydream, as if to remind her that other plans were in store. She put her tea down and rubbed her eyes, trying to snap herself out of her funk. She pulled open the microwave and removed the bag of popcorn from within, setting it next to the two others she'd just popped. As she shut the door, she noticed the clock on the front read 7:55. 5 more minutes to get everything ready, and she still hadn't gotten a moment to sit down.

As she poured the bags of hot popcorn into brightly colored bowls, she silently cursed herself for suggesting ladies' night. Though it was true that the women could always use more no-pressure bonding time, her suggestion came weeks previously, when they had been arguing incessantly. Things had surely calmed down since, but of course, Barb was reminded of her "totally amazing idea!" - Margene's words - at least every other day, and there was no backing out now.

She set the bowls on her coffee table next to three tall glasses of fresh-brewed iced tea she had concocted earlier. As she stepped back to make sure everything looked alright, she rolled her eyes at herself. She hadn't even wanted to host this thing, and yet she'd practically exhausted herself making it the best it could be.

Ahhh, the struggles of being a perfectionist, she thought to herself as she finally sat down in the middle of the couch. She leaned her head back and shut her eyes, just for a second. She took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. She could've fallen asleep right there if it weren't for an annoying tickle that had suddenly crept into her nose. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up, sniffling. She quickly pulled a tissue from the table next to her and pressed it against her nose firmly. By this point, Barb knew all the tricks for keeping her nose under control, and sure enough, the itch disappeared just as soon as it had arrived- and just in time for her glass door to slide open.

"Ladies' night!" Margene shrieked the second she stepped inside.

Barb unenthusiastically stood up again, shoving the tissue into her back pocket. "Hi, Margie."

The young brunette skipped over to Barb and immediately sprawled across the couch, making herself comfortable. "Ooh, Barb! I'm so excited. I've been looking forward to this all day!" she squeaked. "And look." She reached into the canvas bag she'd brought along with her and pulled out a handful of mini candy bars.

Barb smiled at her enthusiasm. "That's a lot of sugar, Margie! We'll be up all night."

"Oh, that's okay. We've got nothing to do tomorrow, right? After all, it is Saturday." The girl winked at Barb and took a long sip of her iced tea. "Where's Nicki?"

Barb shrugged, making her way back over to the couch and sitting across from Margene. "She should be here any minute. You know how she is with..." She paused, the tickle suddenly returning, much stronger than before. There was no use trying to hide it; it'd be less embarrassing to just let it out than to fight her stubborn nose in front of the other woman. She brought a hand up to her nose slowly, and turned away as her breath started to hitch. "Heh'nGXsht! Excuse me," she sighed. "With keeping on schedule." She wiggled her nose, wondering how it was possible that the sneeze had done virtually nothing to alleviate the itch.

Margene cocked her head. "Bless you. You look tired," she pointed out, tossing one of the tiny candy bars over to Barb with a silly grin.

Barb smiled graciously at her, but placed it on the table without opening it. She was more than distracted with the constant tickle deep within her nose- the kind of tickle no amount of subtle sniffling or nose-rubbing could cure. "You know what, I forgot to put out napkins. I'll be right back."

Without waiting for a response, she stood and hurried into the kitchen, her breathing becoming shallow and erratic. She quickly flipped on the faucet and buried her nose in her elbow to muffle the sound as best she could. "Heh'gMPHshht! Heh'NGphtschh!!" What is this about? she thought, waiting a moment before deciding she was done and bringing her elbow down. She pulled the barely-used tissue from her back pocket and blew her nose as quietly as she could, turning the faucet off as she finished.

She took a deep breath in through her nose, just to be sure she was done, and started back toward the living room, tickle-free.

"Well, look who decided to join us." The blonde, who had taken a seat across from Margie on the couch, eyed Barb up, but instead of the usual venom behind her stare, she seemed almost playful. "Went a little crazy on the snacks, huh, Barb?"

Barb shrugged, becoming very aware of a sudden tickle creeping its way back into her nose. "Margie contributed most of them," she said quickly, knowing she couldn't disguise the wavering in her voice. She held her breath as she took a seat on an arm chair next to the women. No use. As soon as she sat down, she buried her face in her elbow. "Hih'NKschht!" She held her position for several seconds, waiting, hoping she was done. And, of course, as soon as she made to lower her arm, the tickle returned. "Hihh'tNGxschh-OO! Jeez Louise, excuse me." She ran a finger under her nose, attempting to rid herself of any residual tickle.

"God bless you," Nicki said, sounding almost amused. "You alright there, boss lady?"

Barb nodded. "Just fine, thanks. Are we ready for a movie?" She was growing more exhausted by the minute, and her body's sudden betrayal certainly wasn't helping. She wanted desperately to turn the subject away from herself, and what better way, she thought, than to suggest an activity that would require them to do nothing more than sit back, relax, and not say a word.

"Yes! How about the romantic picture? The one where that handsome man is away at war-"

"And his girlfriend is waiting patiently for him to come home, but when we finally does, they live happily ever after?" Nicki cut Margene off and finished her excited synopsis with her own, cynical one. "Boring! Let's play a game."

Barb tried hard not to roll her eyes. Of course the one time Nicki was keen on graciously having a good time, Barb was one sniffle away from a vicious allergy attack. "I didn't really plan on a game, Nicki. They're all in the attic, and-"

"I have some at my house!" Margene all but jumped out of her seat.

Barb put a hand on her knee, reigning her in. "It's getting a little late, don't you think? Besides, we can do game night with the family later this week. I know the kids would be disappointed if....ihhhh if we- heh'nGKschhhiiO! HIH'nGXscht!! Excluded them. Sorry." She pulled a tissue from a box on the coffee table and dabbed her nose, careful not to irritate it more in the process of trying to quell the itch.

Margene frowned, eyeing Barb up. "Are you sure you're okay, Barb?"

She nodded, her face buried in a tissue. "Heh'ntSCHHiiEO!! He'NxGkschhT!!" She sighed, dabbing at her eyes.

"Bless you! Is it your allergies already?" Margie handed her a fresh tissue from the box.

Barb shrugged. "That's all I can think of. I feel fine otherwise, I just hahh...have this....HEH'nGTschhhiOO! He'tNgxsCHH!! This darn tickle."

Nicki rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you take your meds, Barb? You know you get like this and it ruins your whole day...not to mention ours," she muttered.

Margie elbowed the blonde. "She doesn't usually need to take them until at least March," she reminded her in a half-whisper.

"HE'knSCHHH-oo! I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about me like I'm not here," Barb sighed. "Can one of you please just pick a movie? It's getting late."

"It's barely 8:30!" Nicki moaned.

"But she's not feeling well," Margie reminded her.

Nicki shrugged. "She was feeling well enough to go to work today and leave us with the housework."

"Ladies! What did I just say?" Barb snapped, her words coming out more as a scolding than she'd meant them to.

The women quieted down immediately, turning to face her.

"Sorry, Bos- Barb," Nicki conceded, even refraining, however clumsily, from calling Barb by her less-than-beloved nickname.

Margie frowned at her, dramatically. "Do you want to just call it a night?"

Barb took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. Sure, she didn't feel up to entertaining. Of course, she'd love to be left alone right now, pop a couple of Benadryl, and pass out in bed. But she had invited the girls over, and they had been so excited, and here they were, already in the throes of it. It would be, she decided, best for them all if she would just suck it up. "No. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. Of course I don't want you to go," she painted on her best good-sport smile. "Let's give that movie of Margene's a shot, shall we?"

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I should've gotten out of this when I had the chance, she thought over and over, almost adopting it as a mantra by the 30th minute of the predictably bland movie she'd agreed to watch. Her nose was on fire, and her eyes were streaming from resisting the volley of sneezes she knew were bound to escape her if she let her guard down for even a second.

Margie had insisted on Barb joining them on the couch, and Nicki, ever so cooperative, refused to move from her spot on the end so Barb had the wonderful disadvantage of being stuck in the middle. This, of course, was of little concern to the women on either side of her, as even Nicki had become wrapped up in the movie she so eagerly resisted. But Barb was itching (literally) to find a way to back out now without going back on her word or hurting the girls' feelings.

So she sat quietly, and as still as she could, regulating her breathing and trying hard not to rub at her nose too frequently (she didn't want the ladies to think she was dropping hints). But after almost an hour, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. Her breath had been hitching quietly and unproductively for minutes now, and as she refused to take a deep breathe in or sniffle the itch away for fear of aggravating it, the hitching just continued in a torturous limbo. Until finally she couldn't stand it anymore. She brought her elbow up, bending down to meet it halfway, and buried her nose as wholly as she could. She took a deep breath, and let go. "Heh'mPHtSHHH! Heh'tMSHHHeOO! HA'MPHchhhhTSH!!" She came up for air, blinking away a few irritated tears. "Excuuu....hehhh-HEH'NGKmphh! He'mpSCHHiiOO!! Ek'NGtSHchhhhOO!!"

By this point, Margie had paused the movie and quickly grabbed a handful of tissues, which she tried to shove into Barb's hand as swiftly as possible.

Nicki merely watched on, her face a mix of horror and a rare twinge of sympathy. "Barb...maybe we should call it a night."

Margene nodded, rubbing Barb's back. "Nicki's right. We shouldn't have stayed. Let's get you upstairs."

Barb put a finger up, her face now buried in the bouquet of tissues Margie had provided. "Heh'ngkSHHchiOO!" She paused, sitting up fully. She took another deep breath, the attack seeming to finally be at bay. "I'll be okay." Her voice was rougher than usual, and she suddenly sounded even more exhausted than she had earlier. "I really am sorry about- no, just leave it!" she ordered as politely as she could as Margie, and, reluctantly, Nicki, started to clean up. "I'll get that in the morning."

Margie looked up, hesitantly setting the bowl of popcorn back down. "Are you sure? We don't mind. Right Nicki?" She shot the blonde a look.

Nicki clenched her teeth. "Right, Margene. We don't mind cleaning up. It's what we've been doing all day, after all."

Margie gave Barb an apologetic look, which she returned with a small but genuine smile. "It's really okay. It's not trouble for me. Nicki has a point; you've done enough today."

Nicki looked surprised at Barb's graciousness, and softened immediately, which was, of course, precisely Barb's intent. It was better to have Nicki delusional and happy than miserable with the truth. "I hope you feel better, Barb. See you at breakfast?"

Barb nodded, and stood to see the women to the door. "Bright and early."

"'Night," Margie echoed. "Feel better."

Bard closed the door slowly behind them, sighing out a tense breath she didn't even know she'd been holding in. She was, she almost hated to admit, elated to finally be left alone. And true to her word, she waltzed right past the mess on the coffee table and made for the stairs- but not before stopping back for her box of tissues.

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"Pass the syrup?" Teenie squeaked, stretching to reach it.

"'Pass the syrup, please,' Teenie," Barb reminded her, sending it down the table to her daughter.

The big family gathered around the table, eating, chatting, passing plates, and grabbing various condiments so that the entire scene was nearly a blur.

"So," Bill commanded from the head of the table. "How was Ladies' Night?"

Barb, Margie, and Nicki shared looks across the big table before anyone answered.

"It was lots of fun, as promised!" Margie jumped in first, looking to Barb with a sweet, knowing wink.

Barb nodded. "It didn't go exactly as we'd expected, but I think it was still somewhat of a success. I'm ahhhh...." She paused, suddenly turning away into a cloth napkin she pulled from her lap. "Heh'ngKSchhT!! Excuse me!"

A volley of 'bless yous' made its way around the table, and Barb noticed Nicki smirking.

"What is it, Nicki?" She knew she shouldn't engage, but Barb could never resist calling her on her snark.

Nicki shrugged. "In my opinion, last night went exactly as expected."

Margie furrowed her brow, looking at Barb confused, before naively falling into Nicki's trap. "How's that?"

The blonde looked up with a wicked grin. "We finally have confirmation that Barb is, indeed, allergic to fun."

Barb rolled her eyes, sighing. She managed to dodge puzzled glances from her family by taking a long sip of her orange juice- long enough to pray to God for the self-control and wherewithal to never, ever offer to plan another wives-only get together as long as she lived. She finally put the glass down and looked up with her typical, polite composed Barb Henrickson smile. "Anyone for seconds?"

Edited November 15, 2015 by zakandsara

[Chanel_no5]

Oh my God... This was wonderful!! So in character, all of them! Aww, poor Barb!

Without waiting for a response, she stood and hurried into the kitchen, her breathing becoming shallow and erratic. She quickly flipped on the faucet and buried her nose in her elbow to muffle the sound as best she could. "Heh'gMPHshht! Heh'NGphtschh!!" What is this about? she thought, waiting a moment before deciding she was done and bringing her elbow down. She pulled the barely-used tissue from her back pocket and blew her nose as quietly as she could, turning the faucet off as she finished.

She took a deep breath in through her nose, just to be sure she was done, and started back toward the living room, tickle-free.

Delicious, and her trying to be so discreet and keep it secret just adds to deliciousness.

Barb shrugged, becoming very aware of a sudden tickle creeping its way back into her nose. "Margie contributed most of them," she said quickly, knowing she couldn't disguise the wavering in her voice. She held her breath as she took a seat on an arm chair next to the women. No use. As soon as she sat down, she buried her face in her elbow. "Hih'NKschht!" She held her position for several seconds, waiting, hoping she was done. And, of course, as soon as she made to lower her arm, the tickle returned. "Hihh'tNGxschh-OO! Jeez Louise, excuse me." She ran a finger under her nose, attempting to rid herself of any residual tickle.

"God bless you," Nicki said, sounding almost amused. "You alright there, boss lady?"

Hot! And I love it when Nicki calls her boss lady!

Of course the one time Nicki was keen on graciously having a good time, Barb was one sniffle away from a vicious allergy attack.

Hehehe, of course.

Margene frowned, eyeing Barb up. "Are you sure you're okay, Barb?"

She nodded, her face buried in a tissue. "Heh'ntSCHHiiEO!! He'NxGkschhT!!" She sighed, dabbing at her eyes.

"Bless you! Is it your allergies already?" Margie handed her a fresh tissue from the box.

Barb shrugged. "That's all I can think of. I feel fine otherwise, I just hahh...have this....HEH'nGTschhhiOO! He'tNgxsCHH!! This darn tickle."

Nicki rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you take your meds, Barb? You know you get like this and it ruins your whole day...not to mention ours," she muttered.

Margie elbowed the blonde. "She doesn't usually need to take them until at least March," she reminded her in a half-whisper.

"HE'knSCHHH-oo! I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about me like I'm not here," Barb sighed. "Can one of you please just pick a movie? It's getting late."

"It's barely 8:30!" Nicki moaned.

"But she's not feeling well," Margie reminded her.

Nicki shrugged. "She was feeling well enough to go to work today and leave us with the housework."

"Ladies! What did I just say?" Barb snapped, her words coming out more as a scolding than she'd meant them to.

Oh their exchange is wonderful, so in character and just the right amount of funny!

I should've gotten out of this when I had the chance, she thought over and over, almost adopting it as a mantra by the 30th minute of the predictably bland movie she'd agreed to watch. Her nose was on fire, and her eyes were streaming from resisting the volley of sneezes she knew were bound to escape her if she let her guard down for even a second.

Margie had insisted on Barb joining them on the couch, and Nicki, ever so cooperative, refused to move from her spot on the end so Barb had the wonderful disadvantage of being stuck in the middle. This, of course, was of little concern to the women on either side of her, as even Nicki had become wrapped up in the movie she so eagerly resisted. But Barb was itching (literally) to find a way to back out now without going back on her word or hurting the girls' feelings.

So she sat quietly, and as still as she could, regulating her breathing and trying hard not to rub at her nose too frequently (she didn't want the ladies to think she was dropping hints). But after almost an hour, she couldn't hold herself back anymore. Her breath had been hitching quietly and unproductively for minutes now, and as she refused to take a deep breathe in or sniffle the itch away for fear of aggravating it, the hitching just continued in a torturous limbo. Until finally she couldn't stand it anymore. She brought her elbow up, bending down to meet it halfway, and buried her nose as wholly as she could. She took a deep breath, and let go. "Heh'mPHtSHHH! Heh'tMSHHHeOO! HA'MPHchhhhTSH!!" She came up for air, blinking away a few irritated tears. "Excuuu....hehhh-HEH'NGKmphh! He'mpSCHHiiOO!! Ek'NGtSHchhhhOO!!"

By this point, Margie had paused the movie and quickly grabbed a handful of tissues, which she tried to shove into Barb's hand as swiftly as possible.

Nicki merely watched on, her face a mix of horror and a rare twinge of sympathy. "Barb...maybe we should call it a night."

Mmmm, there is some very delicious itchy misery there... poor Barb. But it's still delicious...!

Barb nodded. "It didn't go exactly as we'd expected, but I think it was still somewhat of a success. I'm ahhhh...." She paused, suddenly turning away into a cloth napkin she pulled from her lap. "Heh'ngKSchhT!! Excuse me!"

A volley of 'bless yous' made its way around the table, and Barb noticed Nicki smirking.

"What is it, Nicki?" She knew she shouldn't engage, but Barb could never resist calling her on her snark.

Nicki shrugged. "In my opinion, last night went exactly as expected."

Margie furrowed her brow, looking at Barb confused, before naively falling into Nicki's trap. "How's that?"

The blonde looked up with a wicked grin. "We finally have confirmation that Barb is, indeed, allergic to fun."

Barb rolled her eyes, sighing. She managed to dodge puzzled glances from her family by taking a long sip of her orange juice- long enough to pray to God for the self-control and wherewithal to never, ever offer to plan another wives-only get together as long as she lived. She finally put the glass down and looked up with her typical, polite composed Barb Henrickson smile. "Anyone for seconds?"

Again, hilariously in character with this dialogue, and Nicki's snark there was just beautiful! Sounds exactly like something Nicki would say, and Barb would just be quietly fed up with the whole thing. Haha! Wonderfully done! Thank you very, very much, I love it!!!

(noticed how I FINALLY found the "selective quote" button? Yay me. )