Weakness (The 100, F/F)

[Winged]

I believe this is the first fic for The 100 on the forums! Such a shame, there's so many beautiful characters to torture. Also lesbians!

The premise of this show: the Earth was nearly wiped out by nuclear warfare, and the surviving vestiges of humanity fled to outer space, where they lived on a space station called the Ark for 97 years. However, life support on the Ark began failing, and to conserve oxygen they sent 100 criminal offenders (under the age of 18) to Earth to see if it was habitable.

The leader of the little pack is named Clarke Griffin, and her mother Abby is on the Council back aboard the Ark. Over the first season, the 100 on the ground learn how to live in their new environment, plus discover that they are not alone, and that a tribal group of people who they call "the Grounders" somehow survived the nuclear warfare and have been living on Earth ever since.

In the second season we meet Commander Lexa, who is in charge of the Grounders. She and Clarke end up working together to form an alliance, and they also end up sharing a kiss.

So as not give too much away, this fic takes place nine months after the end of Season 2, when Clarke takes off into the woods to get away from all these people she has to leave.

Another thing: the Grounders speak both English and "Trigedasleng," which is basically English that was slurred and bastardized over the years. There are a couple of Trigedasleng words/phrases in this fic, but the most important is "Heda," which means "commander," or "leader."

--

Clarke gave a sigh of relief as she approached the guards posted at the village’s entrance. The two warriors gave her solemn nods of recognition, which she returned before continuing past them. Lexa and her guard had been camped here in Tomac for about a month now: a mid-sized village about a day’s walk from Polis.

Clarke, on the other hand, had spent the last few weeks back at the Ark landing site with her mother and friends. While it had been nice to see everyone, she had quickly felt stifled and claustrophobic within the metallic walls of the compound, and being back in the woods felt like coming home.

“Klark kom Skaikru.”

She spun at the title, spoken in a familiar voice, and smiled to see Indra cleaning her sword by the campfire. The older woman remained stone-faced, but it was significant progress that they could interact without Indra actively plotting to rip Clarke’s throat out, so Clarke would take it.

“Indra,” she greeted her. “How is everything?”

“Heda is in her tent,” Indra replied, ignoring Clarke’s question. “She will be pleased to see you.” Her expression tightened in judgement, and Clarke bit back a sigh. She and Lexa had been courting for about four months now, but there were a few still in the other woman’s cadre who didn’t approve of their leader fraternizing with a foreigner. Indra never said anything aloud, but her body language and tone were a clear enough message.

“Mochof, Indra. I will see you later.”

The other woman grunted and went back to her weapons.

Clarke had only been to Tomac once before, but her feet remembered the path to Lexa’s tent. Nyko was standing guard outside along with another warrior whose name Clarke did not know, and she stopped to greet them.

“What are you doing standing post, Nyko?” She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen the healer acting as a guard, although like all members of the Trikru he was proficient in swordplay.

He shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “No reason, wanheda.”

Had Clarke been in a different mood, she might have stayed to question him further, or even asked about the honorific that he had directed towards her. But she hadn’t seen Lexa in almost three weeks, so she pushed her questions to the side and entered the Commander’s tent.

She didn’t see the other woman at first. “Lexa?” She called out, squinting her eyes against the gloom. Why was it so dark in here?

Then something shifted at the far side of the tent, and Clarke was astonished to see Lexa curled up beneath her furs, apparently sleeping. It was past noon, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen her nap before.

“Lexa?” She asked more softly, inching her way towards the tightly-wrapped bundle that was her girlfriend. Lexa seemed to hear her this time, and she poked her head out of the furs.

“Clarke?” She rasped. “You’re back already?”

“I told you I was coming back today, silly.” Clarke sat on the edge of Lexa’s pallet, smiling fondly as the other woman disentangled herself.

“I didn’t remember,” Lexa mumbled, rubbing at her eyes with the heel of her hand. Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you all right? I’ve never seen you sleeping in the middle of the day before. And I definitely sent a messenger from Camp Jaha when I left a few days ago.”

“I wasn’t sleeping, I was just lying down,” Lexa corrected, though her sleep-worn voice begged to differ. She turned away from Clarke to cough into her fist: wet, harsh sounds that made Clarke wince.

“Are you ill?” She tried to reach out and touch her palm to Lexa’s skin, but the other woman shrugged her off.

“Just something caught in my throat.”

Clarke was unconvinced, but Lexa’s expression was becoming more and more closed-off, and she didn’t want to start her time back in Tomac by fighting with her. “I’m sorry,” she said instead. “I’ve missed you.” She scooted onto the pallet until they touching, and she draped her arm across Lexa’s torso.

“I’ve missed you too, my Skaigona,” she hummed. “It’s been a long couple of weeks.”

Clarke gave a tiny smile at the term of endearment and nestled further into Lexa’s chest. “You’re telling me.”

“How are the others? How are Raven and Bellamy, your mother?”

“Good, all good.” Clarke’s smile faded a little bit. “My mom is still angry with me, though.”

She could almost feel Lexa roll her eyes. “Clarke, you disappeared for six months with no word. You can hardly blame her for her reaction.”

“I don’t, not really. I know part of her understands.” Clarke bit at her lip. “I don’t think Bellamy has quite forgiven me either.”

Lexa’s hand floated to the top of her head, and her fingertips began to skritch gently at Clarke’s scalp. “Give them time. They will come around.” Her hand paused and Clarke felt her breathing stutter, then felt the coughs as they tore from her lungs.

“Excuse me.” Lexa cleared her throat once the coughs had tapered away. “You were saying?”

Clarke’s arm tightened around Lexa’s waist, and she craned her head back so she could look her in the eye. “Is that why Nyko is on guard duty? So you don’t aspirate in here?”

“I don’t know that term,” Lexa said, but Clarke felt her stiffen against her. “And Nyko is on guard because he won’t leave me be otherwise.”

“So you are ill,” Clarke said, pulling away from Lexa and trying again to feel for her temperature. Lexa batted her away.

“I’m fine, Clarke,” she snapped, but the effect was ruined slightly when she twisted away to catch what sounded like a sneeze in the crook of her elbow. While Lexa was still sniffling, Clarke slapped her palm to her forehead.

“You’re feverish,” she said flatly.

Lexa growled at her - actually growled at her - but didn’t push her away this time. Clarke moved her hand from Lexa’s forehead to her curls, disheveled by sleep and only half-braided. She looked so vulnerable like this, without her warpaint or battle gear and with the flush of fever on her cheekbones. It made her chest ache, though she knew that even in her unwell state, Lexa could kill a man.

“May I lie down with you?” Clarke asked, trying a different tactic. “I’m tired from traveling.” That wasn’t entirely true, and they both knew it, but it was the best way she could think to spare Lexa’s pride.

“You may,” Lexa replied, and she re-situated herself so that Clarke could tuck herself against her body. “I have a few hours yet before I have duties to attend to.”

Clarke nuzzled into Lexa’s shoulder, her fever-heat pressing against her skin, and let her fingers trail soft spirals across the furs on Lexa’s abdomen until she felt the other woman’s breathing even out in sleep.

//

Clarke was stirred into wakefulness when Lexa’s body jerked against hers, and when she opened her eyes she saw the other girl with her wrist pressed to her nose and her eyes at half-mast.

“hh’EKshh, ESHH’uhh,” she sneezed, then sniffled thickly and pinched her nose between thumb and forefinger.

“Bless you,” Clarke mumbled sleepily, and Lexa jumped.

“I’b sorry Clarke, did I wagke you?” Her voice was husky and congested, and Clarke felt a pang of sympathy.

“You’re okay.” She reached up to press a gentle kiss to Lexa’s cheek, which she noticed with some alarm was even warmer than before. “How are you feeling?”

Lexa coughed in response, then tilted back her head and closed her eyes. “Fide,” she insisted, even through her stuffy voice and sniffles. Clarke simultaneously wanted to smack her and cuddle her. Deciding the sick warrior probably wouldn’t like either, she extricated herself from Lexa’s arms and slid from the furs.

“I’ll talk to Nyko and see what herbs he has on hand. I don’t like the way your breathing is sounding, and you’re shaking like a leaf,” she added firmly when Lexa made as if to protest.

“You can’t coddle me like I’m a child, Clarke - I’m a warrior and the heda of my people,” she snapped, her eyes sharp with anger.

Clarke propped her hands on her hips. “Hedas are human too, Lexa,” she retorted. “You can get sick just like the rest of us, believe it or not.”

Lexa had no response to that, but she sent Clarke another glare before burying herself back under the furs on her pallet as if trying to escape her girlfriend’s scrutiny. Clarke rolled her eyes and went out to talk to the Trikru’s resident healer.

//

Nyko did in fact have some herbs for Clarke to use, which was a relief. Winter was starting to set in in the valley, and Clarke wouldn’t have known where to find the necessary plants with the weather as chilly as it was. With a little prying, she also learned that this was the third or so day of Lexa’s illness, but until Clarke she hadn’t let anyone close enough to help.

“I am dating the most stubborn human on this planet,” Clarke grumbled to herself as she returned to Lexa’s tent, leaf-wrapped bundles in hand.

Lexa was at the desk in the corner of her tent, poring over what looked like a stack of maps. She didn’t even look up at Clarke’s arrival.

“Nyko said you haven’t let anyone near you for the past three days.” Clarke said, settling herself on the bench next to her. “Have you even been eating?”

“I would remind you that I feel perfectly fine, but seeing as you’re ignoring everything I say today…” Lexa spared her half a moment of attention to shoot her a glare.

Clarke huffed out a laugh, exasperated to the point of amusement. “Yeah, it’s me that’s the problem.” She leaned over and flicked the tip of Lexa’s nose, then jumped back to avoid retribution. Lexa snapped around like a snake striking and grabbed Clarke’s wrists before the other girl could get away, but stopped as an expression of unease flitted across her face. With her hands still wrapped around Clarke’s wrists, she turned her face sharply into her shoulder for a harsh “huh’ISHH’uhh!” Even in the dim lighting, Clarke could see the spray misting the air.

“Bless you,” she said firmly. “Now can you get your head out of your ass and let me take care of you already?”

Lexa released Clarke’s hands and sniffled, averting her gaze. Clarke saw her lips move, but couldn’t catch her words.

“What?”

“I said I can’t let them see me like this,” Lexa repeated, her words biting.

Good, now they were getting somewhere. “Why not?” Clarke asked softly. She grabbed a clean piece of spare cloth from Nyko’s pile and handed it to Lexa, who palmed it but seemed hesitant to put it to use.

“Because it’s weakness,” Lexa said, her tone indicating that Clarke should have known what her answer was going to be. “And as heda to my people I am not allowed weakness.”

It was incredibly infuriating at times, this complex of Lexa’s, but Clarke swallowed her criticism. It was what had kept the Trikru alive in the times of nuclear warfare, and it was what had united the Clans under Lexa’s firm hand. It had taken Lexa years after Costia’s death to allow herself to feel compassion again — had Clarke really thought that her heda was going to embrace any sort of chink in her armor, after experiencing that first-hand?

But I broke her of that, didn’t I? Lexa was hardly the most affectionate of partners outside of her tent, but she was fiercely protective, and it was abundantly clear to members of the Trikru and other allied Clans that the heda kom Skaikru was under their leader’s aegis.

“You don’t have to be strong with me, Lexa,” Clarke said. “Not here. Hodnes laik kwelnes, remember?”

Love is weakness. Lexa finally met her eyes. “I’m not sure I know how to do that, Clarke,” she admitted, and Clarke smiled, teasing.

“You can start by blowing your nose.”

Lexa looked down, as if surprised by the cloth in her hand, and obeyed.

----

Translations:

Heda: Commander

Klark kom Skaikru: Clarke of the Sky-people

Mochof: thank you

Wanheda: doesn't have a confirmed translation yet; likely "Commander of Death"

Trikru: "the Tree Crew"; Lexa's people

Skaigona: Sky-warrior

Heda kom Skaikru: Commander of the Sky-people

Hodnes laik kwelnes: Love is weakness.

[SexyGodlikeHair]

OMG

OKAY IM TOO PLEASED RN TO HIGHLIGHT MY FAVE PARTS OF THIS BUT ALLOW ME TO JUST SAY THAT IVE SPENT LIKE A WEEK LOOKING FOR GOOD SICK!LEXA FICS AND THIS IS W/O A DOUBT THE BEST

Also I love you and appreciate this, and any future additions

[guiltyascharged]

I DONT THINK ANYONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS

[tarotgal]

I've only seen season one (oops, now I'm a bit spoiled) but great to see fanfic for this fandom! I will be back to read again once I've caught up and can better appreciate the fic. Thanks!

[Winged]

OMG

OKAY IM TOO PLEASED RN TO HIGHLIGHT MY FAVE PARTS OF THIS BUT ALLOW ME TO JUST SAY THAT IVE SPENT LIKE A WEEK LOOKING FOR GOOD SICK!LEXA FICS AND THIS IS W/O A DOUBT THE BEST

Also I love you and appreciate this, and any future additions

Ahhh! This comment absolutely made my day. I too have spent way more time than I'd like to admit looking through sickfics, only to find that there is nothing good out there. I guess maybe because the fandom is still kind of new? Particularly for Lexa since she's only in the second season.

I haven't decided if I'm going to do any future additions! I mean I totally could, but it's also giving myself a plot so I don't feel like I'm just writing meaningless fluff (which is fun, but is harder for me to do). Please feel free to message me with suggestions!

I DONT THINK ANYONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS

<3 IT LOVES YOU BACK

I've only seen season one (oops, now I'm a bit spoiled) but great to see fanfic for this fandom! I will be back to read again once I've caught up and can better appreciate the fic. Thanks!

Omg, tarotgal, I've been reading stuff on your site for years, so I'm very honored that you took the time to read and reply to this! And yesss, the best is ahead of you! It's a pain that the second season isn't on netflix yet (I think they're putting it up in October?), but I just streamed it all. Sorry for the tiny spoilers! I didn't give away anything major though -- if you'd been on Tumblr in the fandom tags, you would have gotten spoiled for the Clexa kiss in like .5 seconds flat.

[Whysprr]

I'm not familiar with the show but after this I definitely think I'm going to check it out. Hope there is more to come!

[daystar428]

Love love love it!! Very perfect and in character for this fandom. You rock!

[evilregal]

This was great! I was so happy when I finally saw one for The 100! Thank you for sharing! I hope you decide to write more, whether it's for this story or another!

[musiclover90]

I love The 100 and I love this! I hope this will be updated!

[ClosetSneezer]

Just started rewatching Season 2 on Netflix when I tried again to find a sickfic. I love this! Clarke and Lexa...Yes!