Throwing In The Towel (Big Love)

[Chanel_no5]

***Note***

I wrote this to comfort myself when I was feeling really down and out of it yesterday. And while I know this isn’t the most popular fandom or sneezer in the history, I know there are some who wants to read it - hi zakandsara, I’m looking at you (BTW your trade fic is coming on pretty nicely, hold out) - so I figured I‘d share it anyway.

***


She just barely managed to turn her head and half-stifle the sneeze into her shoulder, giving herself a muscle strain in the neck for it.

“NntSChhgh!”

This was shaping up to be one of the worst allergy days she had had in years, and of course she had been called in to work today. Not a class for the entire week, but of course some regular had picked this week to have a convenient onset of “Friday flu’. Okay, that wasn’t fair; she didn’t know the reason for their absence and it wasn’t like her to be so petty, especially not when she gained from it, but…

“HeptSCHew!”

“Bless you!” the entire class called out in response to the sneeze. As they had since nine this morning. That was, oh, if she wasn’t mistaken, forty-two ‘bless you’s in three hours. No, make that…

“Ha-ISCHHgghh-uh…!”

“Bless you!”

Forty-three. Even for the shy kids, yelling this out loud in chorus had stopped being awkward and started being hilarious somewhere around the tenth sneeze. She doubted she had been blessed this many times in church, even. Though obviously entertaining to the kids, this ongoing allergic reaction was nowhere near amusing to Barb.

“Why are you sneezing so much today, Mrs Henrickson?” one of the kids asked. “Do you have a cold?”

It would have been so easy to just lie and say yes. But in spite of what Nicki always said, lying did not come easy to Barb, and she definitely didn’t want to lie to kids. Especially not those she was supposed to teach or guide.

“No sweetie, I don’t have a cold. I have allergies.”

“What’s that?”

She closed her burning eyes for a second and gathered strength to give them a simple-to-understand, yet to some extent academic, explanation for how the fact that plants that grew made their teacher seem like she had a cold. Connect the dots. From plants to seeds to air to nose. And then how it could be that it cause her sneeze, but not everyone.

One more hour, she thought to herself, and immediately responded to her own thought. Yeah, and then I can go home and listen to Margene blasting music and Nicki’s complaint that I work outside of the home and leave her with our kids. Gee, if that’s not an improvement, I don’t know what is.

She opened her eyes, sniffed wetly, and began explaining to the audience.

***

When parking the car on the driveway after a hazardous trip home, she just sat there for almost a full minute. Her nose was dripping. There was no other description for it. She had been alternating between sniffling and blowing her nose while in public, and it had turned into wiping at her nostrils with a tissue, and at some point during the drive home she had simply held the tissue against the underside of her nose. She supposed the logical next step would be taking cotton wads or tissue paper and plug both nostrils with, as if she was trying to stop a nosebleed, but this mess wasn’t just going to stop.

She couldn’t hear the apocalyptic sounds of domestic mayhem from out here, but that was no guarantee that all was quiet inside the homes.

“HaISSHHEW! ISSCHEW! Huh… uhh-AESSCHHUH!”

But sitting out here all afternoon wasn’t going to be an alternative either. She was out of tissues and she was in dire need of a touch-up… and some more antihistamines.

She reluctantly opened the door and dragged herself to the house, unlocked the door and snuck in, steeling herself for whatever might come at her.

****

What came was blessed silence, one broken only by her own desperate, wet sniffling. And on the kitchen counter was a note explaining this unusual silence; some of it at least.

Mom,

Heather and I work the late shift and we decided to go and have a milkshake before we start. Ben is out with Brynn and meeting her parents for dinner - can you believe it??? - and Jennie asked if Teeny could come along for a slumber party tonight. Nicki said yes and DON’T worry, I packed all she needed, please don’t call her and embarrass her.
Luv U,

Sarah

“Don’t embarrass her,” Barb mumbled. “You’ve grown so concerned about this lately, Sarah,” she added, but with no venom. Then she had to sneeze again, and pressed the sad, soaked, crumpled tissue to her runny nose and stifled a whole pearl band of sneezes. Her head bobbed forward with each held back sneeze and her hair got stuck in the tears leaking down her face. Lovely. This morning she had been sneezing so much she didn’t dare to use the curling iron - she remembered glaring at it, thinking that it would be a lethal weapon to use in this condition - so her hair was in its natural, wavy but not curly state. She liked it better like that, but Bill had other ideas. Bill always had other ideas, it seemed. She eventually got her nose back under some sort of control, sniffled again and wiped allergic tears from the corners of her eyes.

She was busy doing this when Margene yanked the back door open and stepped inside.

“Oh my God Barb,” she said. “That’s allergies, right?”

“Yeah, what does it look like?” she snapped, and immediately felt guilty. She always felt guilty when she snapped at Margene, but it was hard not to; the woman was a challenge.

“Well,” Margene said, slower than she usually spoke, “I thought you had been crying.”

“Oh.” She sniffed, to absolutely no avail, and wiped at her drippy nose with the soaked tissue again. “Where’s Nicki?”

“She went to the compound. The kids came along for the ride.”

Barb winced.

“I know you don’t like it when she takes the kids, but Bill came with them. He needed to talk to Joey about something.”

She relaxed just a little. Bill’s brother was okay. Couldn’t say that for most of the compound people - both Nicki’s parents were complete nutcases and Barb was a bit afraid of Bill’s father - but if Bill was with them, it would be okay.

“Something serious?”

“No, it’s the usual. Joey just wanted Bill to come, and Nicki wanted to go and see her mother.”

Barb didn’t have to be happy about it, but for the time being she had worse things to deal with. She pinched her nose just in time to stifle another sneeze, groaning at the never-ending burning inside her nasal passages and her throat.

“Everything is under control, Barb,” Margene assured her, which, when Margene said it, usually assured Barb that nothing was under control. But today things actually seemed calm.

“AISSCHEW!”

“Except for your allergies. What have you been doing? Rolling around in the grass?”

“Not funny, Margie.”

“I’m not trying to be. The last time I saw you like this was after that labour day picnic when you were sitting on a blanket in the park after they mowed the lawn.”

Barb remembered that picnic vividly. It had been agony. The sneezes just kept coming, one after another after another. Bill had decided to take her home and Nicki had been sulking for the rest of the week because she thought Barb willingly had ruined the picnic to get Bill to herself.

It wasn’t quite that bad today, but not far from it. It was just awful. And as wet as her sneezes usually were, this was a rather spectacular occurrence even for her. It only took two sneezes to render a Kleenex completely useless.

“Yeah… it’s bad,” she admitted.

“I have an idea,” Margene said and ran off. Barb groaned and sneezed into the dripping tissues again. Margene’s ideas were usually only troublesome. She meant well, but…

“Here you go.”

Barb looked up.

“A towel?”

Margene blushed a little, but the hand holding the towel was firm.

“It has to last longer than a whole box of tissues anyway.”

Was it possible that Margene had gotten smarter? It would actually seem that way.

“Hehhh…”

Yeah, towel seemed like a better idea than these disintegrating tissues, she decided and snatched the cloth out of Margene’s hand just in time to cover three rapid, burning sneezes.

“ISCCHEW! ISSCCHHEW! HuhITSSHHIAH!”

She stopped, bent over the cloth, and inhaling the lingering scent of laundry detergent made her irritated nose itch even more. How could she even smell anything by now was a miracle, and one she would rather be without, if this was the result.

“Ehhh… hehEESSHHew!”

“Bless you,” Margene said and sat down next to her.

“Please don’t say that, I’ve heard it a hundred times today,” Barb sniffled and rubbed her nose before raising one finger. “No, I stand corrected, a hundred and four.” She took up the towel with both hands and held it up to her face again, struggling with the oncoming attack. Margene put a soothing hand on her shoulder.

“Is it my fault?”

“What?”

“You know, for insisting on planting lawn in the backyard?”

“There is grass everywhere,” Barb replied. “If it’s in our own backyard or the neighbour’s doesn’t really matter. Pollen is airborne, in case you didn’t know.”

“You don’t need to be mean to me.”

“I know, but it makes me feel better, so please let me,” Barb retorted and sneezed again. This sneeze felt like a tiny atomic bomb detonating inside her sinuses and she moaned in pain. Margene, who had tried to feel insulted, immediately felt sorry for her again.

“Have you taken your antihistamines?”

“Really? Really, Margene? You think I’d forget that?” Barb snapped and rubbed her itchy, watery eyes. Margene gave her a once-over so unapologetic and stern she began to feel uncomfortable.

“I actually think you might have. Don’t you keep your Benadryl next to your Xanax?”

“So now you don’t think I can even read labels?”

“No, I think you were very stressed and very allergic this morning, and took the wrong pill. It happens. Boy, I remember that time when I was going to take a painkiller and almost took Bill’s Viag…” she saw Barb’s glare and cut herself off. “I mean it’s really easy when you’re tired,” she finished sheepishly and turned and walked away.

Barb put the towel on her lap, put both hands over her face and let out a miserable, wet sniffle. If she had been rolling in freshly cut grass it couldn’t have been any worse, and she reluctantly admitted that Margene could be right. Maybe she had taken the wrong pill.

Oh my Lord in Heaven, what is the purpose for allergies anyway? She wondered, but no answer appeared. The need to sneeze returned. She pressed the towel against her nose and mouth and began sneezing again, muffling each spraying outburst with the cloth, and not bothering to hold back at all. There was no point in resisting. She would sneeze anyway.

“Barb?” Margene was back and sat down next to her. “Your allergy pills were in the cabinet… and your Xanax were on the sink. I think you did take the wrong ones this morning.” She handed the first wife the right bottle. “Take them now and go and have a rest, and I’ll tell them you have a migraine. No need to let Nicki know.”

Nicki had always been convinced Barb was if not faking her allergies, then at least exaggerating their impact on her, and every time they interfered with anything, Nicki would be sulking and deliver snide comments. Barb really didn’t need insult added to injury right now. Although it wasn’t like Margene to go out of her way to protect Barb’s interest; like most of them she always thought the first wife was strong enough to face anything head on.

“What are you up to?” Barb asked, sounding suspicious. Margene put on an innocent and totally unbelievable face.

“Nothing. I’m just going to bring up the suggestion that we go for a family vacation somewhere out of state where we can be open and not hide, and I want your support. That’s all.”

“Kick me when I’m already down, why don‘t you,” Barb muttered and wiped her nose again. But after the day she had just had, that seemed like a reasonable bargain to be left alone. “Fine, I’ll be in favour of your suggestion if you don‘t tell Nicki about this.”

“Great,” Margene beamed. “I’ll go back to my house and start preparing dinner. Feel better.”

Barb sighed, put the pill bottle in her pocket and stood up. If she was going to get some time to rest, she might as well go upstairs where there was less risk of anyone walking in on her before the antihistamines had time to start working.

She made a quick stop in the laundry room, looked down at the towel in her hands and then blew her nose into it before throwing it in the pile of dirty laundry.

Throwing in the towel. Now that’s a fitting expression, she thought as she sneezed again, uncovered - a million droplets glittered in the late afternoon sun - and went upstairs to get that well-deserved rest.

[NoV]

“ISCCHEW! ISSCCHHEW! HuhITSSHHIAH!”

She stopped, bent over the cloth, and inhaling the lingering scent of laundry detergent made her irritated nose itch even more.

When whatever is being used to stop the sneezes only makes them sneeze even more - love that scenario. Also when the sneezes are just too big to be stopped by puny tissues

[zakandsara]

GUHHHHHH, YESSSSSSSSS. This is so, so, so great. Brava. I just love when she's mean AND a mess at the same time. Also the beginning in class was..... . I can't say I haven't imagined putting her in a situation similar to that myself. LOVE.

[a_nonny_mouse]

HNNNNGGGGG.

[Chanel_no5]

“ISCCHEW! ISSCCHHEW! HuhITSSHHIAH!”

She stopped, bent over the cloth, and inhaling the lingering scent of laundry detergent made her irritated nose itch even more.

When whatever is being used to stop the sneezes only makes them sneeze even more - love that scenario. Also when the sneezes are just too big to be stopped by puny tissues

Mmmhmm... there is just something about tissues not being enough... and scents making an allergic reaction even worse. We're such bad people, aren't we?

GUHHHHHH, YESSSSSSSSS. This is so, so, so great. Brava. I just love when she's mean AND a mess at the same time. Also the beginning in class was..... . I can't say I haven't imagined putting her in a situation similar to that myself. LOVE.

Thank you!! Oh yeah, snarky and miserable at once, yes please. I did feel sorry for her though, I really did. Not that it stopped me...

HNNNNGGGGG.

Ooh, in a good way, I hope?

[Anonymouse]

Duuuuude I love this! There's just something so sexy about sneezing into a towel - and it's even sexier if it's allergy sneezes for some reason? Don't mind me, just trolling around your Big Love fics to get an idea of how Barb would sneeze. The answer: gratuitously. I love the detail about Nicki thinking Barb exaggerates the impact of her allergies... of course she would think like that. And Margene is so sweet, just trying to help. 

[Chanel_no5]

20 hours ago, AnonyMeows said:

Duuuuude I love this! There's just something so sexy about sneezing into a towel - and it's even sexier if it's allergy sneezes for some reason? Don't mind me, just trolling around your Big Love fics to get an idea of how Barb would sneeze. The answer: gratuitously. I love the detail about Nicki thinking Barb exaggerates the impact of her allergies... of course she would think like that. And Margene is so sweet, just trying to help. 

Aww, thank you!   Yup, at least in my dirty imagination she sneezes a great deal when allergic... and I think that while she wouldn't exactly like it, she'd be practical enough to realise it's not something a person can be expected to control. I base that on a scene where Margene is pregnant and, uh, carries a plastic bag with her everywhere she goes because of reasons. Nicki says something like "Do you have to do that?" and Barb merely brushes Nicki off with a "She can't help it."