Hotfix - (Steven Universe, F)

[Garnet]

I've had this written for several months, after shotgunning all of Steven Universe. I originally danced around actually posting it because, well. Lesbian mineral sneeze fetish, niche interest much? But now I've had a few, was talking about SU with some friends, and have decided that I don't care. Enjoy my friggin' weirdness.

This was originally planned with another part, but who knows if I'll ever get around to it, so here you go.

---

The Warp Bay was a hub of activity, the comings and goings of too many gems to count even in its slowest hour. Even so, it was rarely noisier than the murmur of voices and soft whoom of each beam funneling its occupant off to interstellar destinations. Hematite preferred it that way. The amorphous, mirror-grey gem looked up with something approaching annoyance, in fact, as Peridot appeared beside the central console with arms akimbo and a scowl fixed behind her needling voice

"Jasper?"

"A greeting is customary in many cultures."

She threw her arms up in impatient disgust as Hematite looked back impassively.

"Fine, hi! I need to speak with Jasper."

With fluid and unhurried movements, Hematite swept their fingertips over the glowing panel of the console, tracking the movement of energy signatures through the cosmos, through space and time and plane. They tapped a single glowing dot somewhere under their seventh right digit.

"She's off-world."

Peridot fought down a bottlerocket spat of frustration. "I know that! That's why I'm here! When is she coming back?"

Hematite smiled vaguely, or at least arranged their features into what seemed like a smile. "That's something you'd need to speak to her about." They waited for Peridot to clutch her hair and detonate with a silent scream inside her own head. At last, the gem yielded and made a graceful, arcing point towards a nearby warp pad. "She'll be returning there."

The technician turned, frazzled, but relieved to see the empty pad generate a pinpoint glow that quickly became candescent to the point of blinding. Good timing. She raised a hand to shield her eyes, striding forward, and lowered it just in time to avoid crashing into the wall of muscle and bad attitude that was Jasper. Peridot had to scramble to avoid getting plowed right over as Jasper stepped off the pad and pushed past her. She seemed no more consequential than a bit of rogue laundry kicked to one side.

Fantastic.

"Jasper, wait! I wanted to talk to you!"

Jasper neither slowed nor glanced back as she paced from the Warp Bay and into the temple halls beyond.

"Jasper!"

Nothing.

Peridot scrambled to keep up with her huge stride, and in frustration reached to seize the edge of her cloak. Sometimes... most times, gems had to be persistent with Jasper, even relentless. And ready to dodge the piledriving fist that came their way when they broke past her barrier of tolerance. Peridot cringed backwards instinctively as the huge gem finally wrenched to a stop and whirled on her. She transitioned from ignoring her entire existence to centering the smaller gem directly in her fury, with a booming, "What is it?"

Peridot glared back at her from beneath the splay of fingers she'd pinwheeled out in front of her, levitating in space like some weak form of defense. "You know, if you'd answered the first time..."

Jasper took a single, ominous step towards her. "Little green, I am not in the mood."

Peridot hesitated. Despite the shoulders-squared, teeth-bared threat Jasper issued with her posture, the pet name softened her menace a little. That, and she finally got a good look at the gem. Her slim shoulders dropped in surprise. Jasper was a feral gem in the best of times, who often returned from solo missions banged up, bruised, cracked and grinning with a vicious purpose. Whoever she'd returned from soundly beating down this time had done a number on her in turn. She was heavily scorched all along the striated markings of her arms and face, hair torn, eyes wild and clothes rent half to shreds. Peridot even winced with sympathy to spy a hairline fracture bisecting the gem that had taken the place and function of her nose. Every so often, it gave a little spark or static prickle across its faceted orange surface, evidence of a minor energy breach. That couldn't be good.

"You're a mess!"

Jasper issued a single, harsh sound like a mix between disgust and amusement. "You should see the other guy." Then her sneered deepened, her eyes rolled back in her head, and she turned from Peridot with the swell of an enormous inhale. The smaller gem had only time enough to incline her head, bewildered, before Jasper abruptly sneezed and threw her back three feet.

"aaAAA-SSHHH!"

Errant arcs of uncontained energy branched wildly all down her arms and spine, one bowing far enough out to strike Peridot square in the chest. She was still sprawled backwards on the floor, blinking, when Jasper recovered with a bleary headshake and surveyed the damage.

"Ah, hell," she sighed, and extended a huge hand down to Peridot.

She swatted it away instinctively, hackles raised. "What was that for!"

Ignoring Peridot's protest, Jasper scruffed her less kindly by the back of her uniform and set her on her feet again. "Trust me. If it was on purpose, you'd know it. This thing just keeps..." She hovered a hand uncertainly over her nose, and blinked away a film of tears that was threatening to creep over her eyes. "It --... hh! hh!"

Peridot scrambled for cover behind the nearest column, and flinched when she heard rather than felt Jasper's massive "AA-SZSHHHH!" flash wildly through the hallway. She peeked out only when the blare of meteor brightness had subsided, to find Jasper thumbing at the sides of her gem with annoyance. She half-cringed each time the crack sparked against her fingers, like the little bolts were more ticklish or even itchy than painful.

"So," Peridot said warily. "That's a problem."

Jasper shrugged roughly. The movement of her enormous shoulders made the cloak shift heavily. "I don't know, it's a pretty good idiot deterrent. And it feels kind of nice, satisfying."

Peridot swallowed back a weird flutter of interest. Jasper had a long, long history of screwing with her without shame or remorse.

"That crack's just going to get worse. You should see the healers."

"Listen to you, so concerned all of a sudden," Jasper said, baring her long eyeteeth in an expression that was half a grin and half a snarl. It reminded Peridot of her cursory research into Earth's history. The predominant simian race had once used a show of teeth as a display of dominance.

"Well, I had a proposition for you," Peridot dismissed as she emerged from her temporary cover in full and dusted herself off. "And you're no good to me damaged."

"Tough luck for you, then," Jasper snorted as she turned away and resumed her descent down the hall. "I hate the healers. Bunch of fussy brats."

Peridot pressed all of her disconnected fingers to her eyes as she followed her, exasperated. "They're not the only petulant ones here. Let me fix it, then. My nanobots can take care of it."

"Ha ha, no," Jasper said dryly. "I'm not letting your weird little machines anywhere near my ge-- hh!" Her gait lagged, suddenly, as her head tipped back and eyes watered. Peridot searched for cover, while Jasper gave a quivering aahhh! that seemed to vibrate all the way down to her boots. She cleared the blast radius just as the larger gem bent nearly double.

"AA-SZSSHHISH!"

Peridot glanced from beneath the cover of her arm. Jasper was rubbing her eyes now, and her gem glowed faintly with pent-up energy. "What does that even feel like?" The scientific side of her wondered, forgetting her original intent.

"You don't know what a sneeze feels like? I thought everyone's physical form could do it."

"No, I do, but you've got..." She indicated her own gem, centered right over her brow and behind the protective cover of her visor, then touched her nose indicatively.

To her surprise, Jasper actually seemed to humor her with a moment of thought. "You ever bang your gem on something, not so hard it cracks, but it feels weird for a few hours? Kind of tingles?"

Peridot nodded, hesitant. "It gives me headaches."

"Makes me feel like I have to sneeze."

For hours? Peridot gaped a little, wrinkling her nose as she tried to imagine the sensation. The little hairline fracture had no doubt made it infinitely worse, like the constant sting of something prodding at her sinus. No wonder she didn't bother to hold back the eventual, wrenching release of a sneeze. It must have felt only too good to ease the feedback, even for a second or two.

Speaking of... which...

"--aaAA'SSHHH!!"

Peridot ducked away just as Jasper's expression of hazy desire went nuclear. When her vision cleared, Jasper was already stalking away again, and she hastened to catch up.

"Look, I've used the nanobots on mine plenty of times."

Jasper snorted. Peridot didn't exactly see the front lines that often. The smaller gem rolled her eyes and made a yielding motion at the air with both hands.

"Okay, okay, at least once or twice. Nips my headaches right in the bud, it'd probably make you stop needing to... well." She made a loosely dismissive gesture, suddenly too embarrassed to say the word aloud. "Just come by my lab."

Jasper flashed her a bright, wary eye. "You could sound like less of a mad scientist when you say that."

Peridot spread her hands with a shrug. No denying what she was.

Grimacing, Jasper rubbed the heel of a palm against her nose, so hard that Peridot feared she'd grind it to dust. "Alright, Little Green, you win. Lead the way."

[Leafeon78]

Loving this thanks for posting it.

[Dynein]

!!!!!!!

Garnet, this is amazing. You've got both of their attitudes down pat, and you have Jasper doing the thing, and the sounds you picked are perfect, and you've come up with a clever way of explaining Jasper being wrong, and this is just amazing.

I'll be in my bunk if you need me.

[pinknose]

ooooooooh I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw this *swoons*

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Garnet!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!

Yessssss!!!!! This was just perfect!

[Spoo]

I know I flailed at you over Skype, but let me summarize/reiterate by saying: WALK ALL OVER ME JASPER

Hnnnnghnnn. Seriously. I've never been into macho, beefy women but hOLY WOW YEAH I'M FEELING THIS HARDCORE MMHMM. Way to absolutely NAIL their characters/voices. You got them down pat, dude. Like more so than I've ever read Peridot and Jasper in fanfiction. And speaking of our big buff cheeto puff, I loveloveLOVE your descriptions of Jasper. Liiiiike:

"Listen to you, so concerned all of a sudden," Jasper said, baring her long eyeteeth in an expression that was half a grin and half a snarl. It reminded Peridot of her cursory research into Earth's history. The predominant simian race had once used a show of teeth as a display of dominance.

SUCH FERAL. WOW. MUCH FEROCIOUS.

Raging Tiger Woman crush aside, I infinitely applaud your quality writing and supreme talent for blending into any fandom. I'm not even downplaying that either. You wrote this like you've been writing Steven Universe for YEARS. And uh, I reaaaally hope you eventually take a crack at a potential part 2 for this--EVEN IF IT TAKES 5EVER. I'm greedy and want more. |: bUT YEAH GOOD JOB *PAP PAP*

[Sharpie]

Gah! I love this. Hgnnnn. Jasper. I mean I don't even like her that much, but the way you portray her is just so perfect. And concerned Paridot is my new mental aesthetic. (Side note - I know I've only been on the forum for a few months, but I've known of the the forum for quite a while, and you should seriously know that your writing is great. Like, hands down one of the most talented on the forum. And you deserve to know that.)

[Lonewolf]

Wow.. That's it I'm done.., i can't take it anymore. Your fics are amazing, I've been lurking here for years and only made an account recently but I've read all of your fics (<3 the AOT ones btw)

[Hissybella]

Thank you so much for writing this XD I loved it so much and I'd totally look forward to any sequels

[RoseFever]

Ohhhhh this is beautiful *q* Your writing is absolutely amazing, ESPECIALLY your characterization and pacing. I would love to see more of this! :'D

[iety]

Ohh my god, this is so good 8D this pairing is a huge fave and you write their relationship so well. The descriptions of what it's like to have a banged up gem nose will definitely stay with me in a good way. A+ lesbian mineral sneeze fetish all around.

[RachTheCool]

Great