Resurfacing (Criminal Minds, Reid)

[Amberlight24]

Oh God, no…

Spencer Reid ducked his head and his fingers tightened along the bridge of his nose.

Not now…

They were giving the profile and it was almost his turn…

The young genius felt himself suck in air involuntarily, the need to sneeze- he had already halfway given in…

And suddenly nothing else was important. He bumped Hotch’s shoulder much harder than seemed accidental as he passed and the one syllable of his shortened name in JJ’s voice brushing past his ears. And he knew too many heads were swiftly turning his direction all before he stumbled out the back door of the local police department.

“H-Isshiew!!!”

Spencer’s nose knocked against his knees as the sneeze threw his frame forward. Only a mid-second later did he hear the door he had shoved through finally click closed again, and he groaned inwardly- praying no one had heard.

The sky was tinged green, its winds swerving and pulling strands of the young man’s hair past his eyes and before he realized it Spencer sneezed again, this time quickly into his wrist- and the self-hate began to flood him.

But that flood was drowning all else, and Spencer fell back into the wall behind him like the riptide crashing into him. His palms tore as he slid down in defeat, hitting the pavement below, but none of it registered in his mind. He was still drowning, sinking, choking…and there was no anchor for him now.

His mother’s kitchen crowded around him, the black and white tile cold against his skin.

He was seven years old again, and there was no shore in sight.

Anyone interested?

[Me4ever]

Interested? Um.. Yes! Please continue

[darkness-is-the-light]

This seems like it's going to be very adorable. Your writing has always been fantastic, and when you add Criminal Minds, there's no doubt in my mind that it will continue being fantastic. Keep it up.

[Amberlight24]

Thank you so much, both of you! I'll add more tonight, and if not tonight for sure tomorrow!

[stars123]

wow this is so good

[Amberlight24]

Thank you for the encouragement, here's some more!

He used to count the tiles on the floor.

He’d stare at them until shapes took form, and black and white became random variables…he’d stare until the walls of his home fell away and he was in his own world- just like his mother found a way with him sometimes.

Sometimes he wished their worlds would touch and pop and spill into each other- just like the way he poured so much sugar in the leftovers of his mother’s coffee and would finish it while she locked herself away from him; He’d take shaky sips with shaky fingers that shook everything around him until it would lull him to sleep…but more often it led to the young man soaking in the black and white tiles- the world where logic made sense.

For some reason nothing made sense in the place he and his mother shared.

And that was ok.

That one day with his mother had been happy to start.

“Spencer come read to me!”

The little boy jumped as the door to her bedroom was unlocked and his heart lifted. Immediately he scurried up from the black in white tiles, taking his sleeve under his slightly runny nose and then clambering up into her bed.

Her nightgown was his favorite…it was the cotton one with pigs flying all over it. It reminded him of the first day he saw it, frowning as he traced the designs with his finger, asking his mother if pigs could really fly.

“Spencer just use your imagination…”

The boy’s brow just furrowed more.

“But it doesn’t make sense.”

“Oh Spencer…you’ll never understand till pigs fly will you?”

She leaned over and pulled him into her arms and kissed his forehead.

She had touched him! He gingerly placed his head under her chin, eyes wide as he waited for her to push him away because he his breath was touching her skin.

But she didn’t. For ten whole seconds.

He loved that nightgown.

So when she called him to read to her and she had on her flying pigs he was ecstatic.

He pushed his large rimmed glasses up his tiny nose and took the book of Oliver Twist into his small lap. She didn’t even notice when he slid his hand closer to her, just so that his pinky touched the cotton of her nightgown.

And it was perfect.

And then the seven year old sneezed.

“Hey Spence?”

The young man jumped up before he even fully processed that he was back in his adult body, stammering with the beginnings of about four sentences he found he couldn’t complete. That only made JJ frown more and study him.

“You ok? We need you back inside- did something happen?”

The genius breathed in with a slight panic before replying and digging his cell out of his pocket.

“Uh…my-my phone…it’s….”

JJ stepped closer to him and let the door shut behind them, worry taking over her face.

“Was it your mother?”

The young man nodded, thankful for an excuse.

(And really, give or take eighteen years that was the truth…)

“But she’s fine now!”

And then it was Spencer who had made it inside and JJ standing outside for a moment, wondering what in the world had happened- wondering if he really was telling the truth.

[darkness-is-the-light]

Please continue. Your writing is absolutely amazing and I can't wait for more.

[Amberlight24]

The weather was wreaking havoc with all his senses.

He had been able to pass it all off as headaches so far... coughing his lungs out in the bathroom on the jet and bringing his knees up where he was sitting in the furthest corner of the plane. It was only way he could duck down and sniffle without anyone hearing, and he winced in self-disgust as he staunched his flowing nose into his fabric covered knees.

The turbulence was his best friend in that moment; again it distracted everyone so he could deal with his symptoms.

This case was the worst.

It was a missing child- actually a series of girls that had just vanished from their homes months ago. One child had made it out from captivity, but she had died in the hospital just hours ago. They had gotten the news just a half-hour into the flight there, and pretty much everyone on the team were silent and brooding, all them working through their emotions that they couldn’t have once landing. It was at the risk of being unprofessional.

Just like his cold.

"Heh'NGXst!!"

Spencer stifled a sneeze that knocked his nose against one of his kneecaps. The pain of it sent lightning to his head and he saw stars for a moment, praying that when his eyes cleared that no one would be staring back at him disgusted.

So instead he shut his eyes and waited, not ready to face what he had faced as a child when he caught ill… then the wait deteriorated into slumber, and his childhood buried over him once more.

****

“GET OFF!!!”

His mother was already out of the bed, staring at Spencer like he had changed form, hands on the wall behind her, as if testing how far she could push them out and away from her son.

At that point the young child had forgotten he had even sneezed at all, the only evidence was running a down his lip and he absently ran his sleeve under his nose to rid of it.

“What’s wrong Mother?”

The woman had slid down to the ground, her body shaking along with her words as she sank further into herself.

“…must be infected…must get away…”

Spencer couldn’t help looking around the room, but there was nothing scary around them- only the way his mother was reacting.

He moved towards her and she screamed.

“Spencer, just-just GO!!! Your room- for now…please go!”

“I’m sorry mother-“

“I just can’t deal with this Spencer! I-It’s just there’s something wrong with you right now…I need to figure this out…”

The minute he stepped out her room the door was swung closed again and he was back memorizing the black and white tiles for the millionth time.

Funny how something so cold had become comfort.

All it took was the seatbelt sign to sound and the young genius flew back into his present self, his emotions jet-lagged from the trip he had taken, and before he realized it words tumbled out of his mouth, eighteen years old.

“Please I’m so SORRY!!!”

The words itched along his throat and coughing came out of him like his every seam had unstitched, every part of him he had sewn into logic and emotions he’d tailored unraveled.

And it was JJ”s hand to his forehead that brought it all to a halt.

****

Sorry this is taking awhile to get to more sneezing…should I continue? Please let me know what you think!

[jano]

Yes yes yes! Please continue if you can!

[Amberlight24]

Thank you! I will, either tonight or for sure tomorrow!

[AnteatersOnParade]

Ahhhh this is so good!!! I don't even watch the show but the amazing fics on here have made me a fan for sure. Love this, can't wait for moaaar!!!

[Amberlight24]

Thank you for reading this, here's more!

The death grip around Spencer’s neck wasn't going to release anytime soon.

It didn’t hurt so much as made him aware…aware of a closeness he could hardly fathom.

Frankly the stares from his team and his boss were worse.

JJ had tried to take the little girl in the young genius’s arms the minute Morgan and Hotch had gotten control of the unsub.

Then Emily tried. Even Hotch.

Reid bent down to release the child, but whimpers vibrated against his neck and he ended up sitting himself down and the child in his lap at the back of the ambulance. The five year old had finally let go enough to slide off his knees and sit next to her rescuer in a sweater vest.

“Hey there, now these guys are going to check and make sure you don’t need any band-aids, ok?”

His soft voice was rough against his throat and Spencer waited for her to finally nod, before wheeling around one-hundred and eighty degrees to finally cough his lungs out.

The tiny hand on his knee didn’t move.

When he turned back, the child had been given a blanket around her shoulders, and it flooded over her lap and hid past her shoes. Without thinking, Reid bent down and pulled it up so it unveiled the tops of her shoes. They were pink and purple with glitter shoelaces and it reminded him of Garcia…

Which then reminded him of the order she had given him from Hotch to wait.

(And yet he was that five year old's hero.)

A really stupid hero with a runny nose.

It was easy to sink back into the time and space he had with the child as they waited for her parents to arrive. He ended up bringing his worn converses up to the level of her shoes and he watched her fingers play around with his shoelaces before her wide eyes traveled up to his mismatched socks; it was then he found that he had her approval, fashion-wise.

“Heh’TSSH!”

The sneeze had snuck up on him before he could barely duck into his lap, thankful that the vocal tone of it wasn’t loud volume-wise.

Immediately an apology fell out of his mouth and his face grew hot…he was about to screw his eyes close and pray away his childhood perceptions, but her response startled him.

“Why?”

He pressed his nose to his wrist before bending down to catch her gaze at her level.

“Why, what? Your Mommy and Daddy are on their way right now, I promise!”

She shook her head, a frown taking main stage upon of her face.

“No! Why are you sorry?”

“Umm…”

His face flushed further, but somehow it did not deter the child's gaze.

And his answer came out in another sneeze.

“Heh’shiew!!”

“Bwess You!”

Again, Spencer willed back his childhood as he tried to remain in the present, as uncomfortable as that was.

“Uh…thank you.”

“Mommy taught me that.”

The child informed him of this as she started pulling the blanket off of her. Spencer tried to reason with her, but she insisted as she spread the blanket over both of their laps.

“You are sick.” The five year old informed him, and the young genius bit his lip before finally relenting.

“Just a little…” He confided, his voice soft and his long fingers played with the loose threading on the edge of the blanket.

The girl reached down and pulled the fabric up as he had with her, revealing his converse shoes.

Even Hotch had to smile when he looked over at the pair sitting in the ambulance, dangling their feet.

But his words were stern.

“Reid we’re leaving.”

And instantly the last eighteen years found the young genius again.

****

I really appreciate feedback! Should I continue?

[SleepingPhlox]

Um, yes, please continue! This is very sweet. The juxtaposition of the kindness of the young girl in the present and the pain of his inner child from the past is very touching, and interesting. I want to know what happens next!

[AnteatersOnParade]

Beautiful! So cute! Just the right amount of fluff, I would absolutely love to see more of this!

[PetalPunk]

Interesting story I like it so far.

BTW, is your signature a cute Brendon Urie being cuter than a pile of kittens?

[Amberlight24]

Yes! He's pretty adorable flowerpower67!

And thank you so much to everyone who replied! I'll have more for sure tomorrow! The encouragement means a lot!

Edited June 1, 2015 by Amberlight24

[Amberlight24]

SleepingPhlox: thank you so much for your encouragement to continue! I'm so glad you could see the connection between Spencer as a child, and him and another child! Thank you!

AnteatersOnParade: I'm so glad you are enjoying this, it means so much! Thank you!

FlowerPower67: Thanks! And yes, Brendon Urie is adorable! Almost as much as Spencer Reid!

Here's some more!

“Looks like we’re not leaving tonight…tornado warning.”

A tidal wave of groans washed over the group of agents and Spencer used that moment wisely, backing up swiftly behind them and sneezing freely to the side.

“Hih’Isshiew!!!”

Hotch began speaking again.

“I know guys, but we’re crossing the county line to get a hotel for the night, so everyone in the SUV.”

The team crowded to the nearest police vehicle, but this time the young genius didn’t blend in so well.

“Reid!”

Hotch signaled to meet him around the car and the young man steeled himself.

“You know what you did agent.”

The young man ducked his gaze at first but then steeled himself, firmly meeting his leader’s eyes.

“I know sir.”

“You almost got yourself killed.”

“I know sir.”

Hotch was slightly surprised at his agent’s compliance; he’d almost expected Spencer to rattle off a thousand sentences at once in his defense…but the young man looked…defeated. The lanky agent’s face changed almost instantly, ducking away and almost violently pinching the bridge of his nose. He watched as after a moment of silence passed that Reid finally released his grip and shivered, running a wrist under his nose.

He almost looked like Jack.

Hotch sighed, pushing away the image of his son before relenting.

“But you did good Reid…next time, don’t defy my orders.”

It took two seconds for Reid to assent before he disappeared into the car.

****

The sickly hue of sky shoved a current of wind into the car, slamming against Reid’s ear where he had been drifting asleep.

“Did you hear that?”

“You mean the wind Emily? Yeah, I think everyone heard that!”

“No, I- I mean Reid…I swear he whimpered.”

Morgan turned around in his seat to look at the kid, his lanky body folded into the corner of the SUV, shifting into a tighter fetal position, his forehead swallowed by the cliffs of his knees. It took another two seconds for everyone to focus on the dozing young agent.

JJ was closest to him, and she ducked her head down to Spencer’s ear listening to his breath shifting in and out…she could detect a crackling coming from his chest, in the way only a mother could sense. Then she remembered the moment on the jet that morning when she felt a spot of heat along his forehead.

Now the whole of him was heat and she bit her lip in sympathy…not knowing if she should disclose the new information to the rest of the group.

And when he started shivering in the tight heat of the car, she confirmed it in her mind.

She couldn’t recall Spence ever being sick, if anything he was a germophobe…he used Purell at least five times a day when they were stuck in the bull pen at the department…

“H-Issh!”

The soft sneeze shook Spencer’s shoulders but the stillness that followed was remarkable.

Emily looked from Spencer back to the curious looks of the rest of the team.

“Well, I heard that.”

JJ barely detected some snuffling sounds come from the core of his curled up form.

Before she could say anything, another gust of nauseated wind hit the side of the car and Reid’s head jerked up, as all the others immediately jerked their gazes away from him, but it was too late.

JJ got over being caught first and she spoke softly. “You sick Spence?”

The young man shifted and a hand flew up to his face, pinching his nose hard for about three seconds before letting go and mumbling.

“That’s what I get for being in a car with profilers…I’m fine!”

Throughout the next fifteen minutes in traffic JJ kept count in her head how many times the twenty-four year old’s hand flew up to his face, his shoulders tightly jerking from the corner of her eye.

He started to sniffle but his form remained rigid; it was as if he still had to protect something within himself.

So JJ didn’t press it.

That was until she chanced a glance at her friend when they pulled into the hotel parking lot.

“H-Nxgt! Nxgt! H-Isshieew!!!”

The sudden sneezes shocked them all, but JJ the most. She opened her mouth to bless him, but then all she saw was...red.

Red in his palm, Red splattering across his denim clad knees.

****

Any feedback is so very appreciated! I live for your comments!

[2SHY222]

Omg this is amazing! Pleaseeeeeee continue

[Amberlight24]

2SH22: Thank you for commenting so much!

“Hey Spence?”

JJ’s voice through the bathroom door made the young agent jump despite the soothing tone that carried her words.

Crap. He’d forgotten to lock the door.

“umb…I’b fide!”

Of course his words sound nothing like he was “fide”.

JJ had already slipped into the room, taking one look and shaking her head at the sight of her friend hunched over the sink with tissues crushed to his nose dappled in red.

“I dow how to stob it.”

The genius tried to reason as all the facts in his head about tending to a bloody nose passed across his vision. But for some reason he couldn’t explain, Reid barely could register all the information at once. The young man felt helpless and exposed…his vision dropped to the tiles of the hotel bathroom’s floor and more emotions flooded in as he processed the black and white tiles.

It was all too familiar.

Before he could protest, a gentle hand nudged his to release the bloodied tissues into her hands. And before he could translate anything again she had tipped his chin up and pressed clean white squares to his nose.

Her touch was so gentle, so unlike all the times that day he had pinched away sneezes and running from his nose.

“You know technically you’re not subbossed to be here…”

“Spence, that hardly matters, but just so you know you’re in the women’s room anyway.”

Honey brown eyes jerked to hers and widened at his mistake.

“I guess I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well that’s a first Spence…so I think I’ll let you off with a warning this time.”

He laughed a little under his breath before he realized he was sitting…

“Why is there a couch in here?”

But by the time the question left his mouth the young agent hardly cared, caught up in softness: the tone of JJ”s voice, the gentle guide of her hand shifting his hair away from his face- the press of her fingers closing his nose ….he felt his eyes drop closed.

“Women’s room does have its perks.”

JJ’s answer was nurturing, coated as if her voice was child-proofing itself- and Spencer vaguely came to the conclusion that JJ’s son Henry was a lucky child…

Not that his own mother wasn’t!

With that defensive thought he shifted back into reality, almost guiltily as if he’d defied the woman who had told him pigs could fly if he didn’t think so hard.

And then another presence pushed through the subconscious scene in front of his eyes.

He needed to sneeze.

His gasp for breath clued JJ in.

“Try not to sneeze yet sweetie, ok?”

His face flooded with color but the tsunami wave of his emotions hit shore first.

She knew. Of course she knew-

He ripped away JJ’s hold at his face just in time.

“Hih’ETSCH’uh!!!”

The sneeze was irritated and unavoidable, knocking his nose all the way into his lap and he stayed there, aghast.

God he was disgusting.

He just wanted to cry.

“It’s ok sweetie, bless you!”

“DON’T SAY THAT!”

The harsh words tore out of his mouth in another form of reflex.

The stillness that followed seemed an eternity when Spencer saw her face.

“JUST DON’T- (his voice was loud and staggered in the small room) PLEASE!”

Reid slid away from the woman next him, his spine hitting the cold wall behind him and his final words dropped out:

“Please don’t…”

He whispered, broken.

And his gaze hit the black and white tiles of the floor and he slid hit focus into them like an embrace.

His attention shifted, JJ tentatively scooted back towards her friend, slipping her hand just into his sight and shifting strands of honey hair from his face. He was still ducked over, and half gone from the present moment, but as she reached to press the tissues to his running nose she halted, centimeter from touching his face.

The skin around his nose was marked with small dashes of red, like he had been pinching against his nostrils so violently…then she understood his hand movements she had noticed vaguely in the car.

“Oh Spence, why are you hurting your-”

“IT’S NOTHING!”

Again he was shocked back into life, realizing her attention had been on him while he had checked out mentally, even for a few moments.

“Spencer, what-”

But the young man had jerked up from the couch.

“I’m sorry JJ, I am-”

And he was gone, along with the rest of his sentence.

****

I promise there will be more sneezing. I hope this isn’t getting boring. Please let me know what you think!

[jano]

Omg it's not boring at all I'm so excited for the next part!!

[2SHY222]

Amazing! I am at an utter loss of words this is so good!

[stars123]

wow this is incredible

[Melody]

Oh my gosh!! This is so amazing! Is it crazy I know nothing about this show but I still feel like i know exactly what kind of person Spencer is, and what happened in his past- like seriously I feel like I'm reading a stand alone story! I love his flashbacks to his childhood and his mother and how it effects the way he reacts to his illness years later. And it was just soo precious his reaction with the five year old girl, and how he sees a piece of himself in her! This is perfect. Please continue while I begin taking up this show because Spencer is super adorable I just love your writing <3

Edited June 6, 2015 by Melody

[Amberlight24]

Bellows: Thank you so much for your excitement for more! I'm excited too! thanks!

2Shy22: Aww, thanks so much!

Metallicstars: I appreciate your encouragement!

Melody: You always are so kind when reviewing my writing, I appreciate everything you said!

MORE TOMORROW I PROMISE!!!!! Thanks for your patience with me!

[Amberlight24]

FINALLY!!!! Thank you for waiting! Here's some more!

God, it was so cold.

Just moments ago the ice machine room had been his Mecca.

Now it was the temperature stamped into his right cheek, the young agent’s eyes lost in the tiles.

They weren’t black and white this time.

But by then everything in that moment had become acceptable enough to him…he was flexible to be inflexible to change anything.

And at least he was alone, he didn’t have to remove himself from anyone anymore.

Not like he could make his body move anyway.

“Heh-ISH! –ISH! Isshieww!!!

His spine arced away from the tiles with each outburst, drawing Spencer further into himself…he felt like hell and hazily he wished the rest of him were in hell too.

At least it was warm down there.

****

Morgan’s heart lurched from relief to alarm.

“Reid? REID!!!”

The kid was crumpled on the floor, practically melted into the tiles. However, his skin was sickly pale and his body shook slightly with cold.

Morgan was at his side in seconds, his fingers jumping from the pulse in the young agent’s neck to sliding his palm between the indifferent pillow of ground and the side of Spencer’s face…he found no difference in the two temperatures.

“Kid, Hey! You with me?”

The older man inwardly rejoiced the flutter of Spencer’s lashes as if they were angel wings. The soft brown irises of the young genius almost pushed through until-

“Heh’Psh’ieww!!! Heh-ISHieww!”

His sneezes were desperate but weak, his nose knocking into Morgan’s knees, and for a second it jolted Derek into stillness.

“Ok ok, that’s better than nothing…can you get up? You’ve got a fever Kid…”

With the help of Morgan guiding his frame to shift upwards Spencer reached a clearer consciousness. Still, it took a while for the young man to transfer from black and white tiles of his childhood home to the grungy yellowed tiles of the hotel’s ice machine room…

But the transition was far from relaxed.

His life fast forwarded eighteen years and the jet lag hit him hard.

How long had he been there???

The jump in his memory knocked his shoulder to the ground again, Spencer’s head crashing against Morgan’s side before dropping to his lap.

The impact reversed it all, and Reid blinked against dizziness.

“Kid, you with me?”

Spencer felt himself nod to his friend’s voice; his ears were in the present but he just felt so…

Small.

He could hear his mother’s voice through the door, muffled like Morgan’s had been.

“Spencer you’re infected- you have to stay on that side- it’s our only hope!”

“I’m fine Mama…I’m fine though…”

His tiny hands jerked to his face suddenly, praying it wouldn’t come… He just wanted to be back in her room where the floor was carpet-soft and pigs flew on nightgowns…

But the itch was too strong, and he muffled his sneeze into his sleeves, knocking his glasses off the tiny slope of his nose.

But she had heard.

He began to cry, shifting his body into the doorframe to his mother’s room as she frantically shoved bath towels into the crack under the door in response to his body’s outburst.

He was disgusting. And he had betrayed himself.

“Bless you kid, now sit up for me…”

His head rush was immense as Morgan’s voice drew him back again, to the dingy ice room of the hotel.

He felt a gentle touch at the small of his back, the feel of his cardigan shifting over his cold skin and tightening around his torso in a warm embrace.

But he didn’t deserve it, didn’t Morgan know???

“DON’T!!!”

The scream was raw and stilted and covered in fever.

“DON”T touch me!”

“Reid- what’s going on-“

Morgan’s face rushed back to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m- hih’PSH! Hih’PSHH!!”

His spine fought for him to disappear into the wall, but he needed to tell Morgan what was happening too. Eighteen years drew over him again and other words came out a second before the darkness did too.

“I’m infected. She says so.”

But this time Morgan caught his friend before the tiles turned to black and white.

****

Please tell me what you think! Should I continue?