I DON'T KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS I'M SORRY (Pepsi - Max The Delivery Driver)

[KickingUpTheDust]

ONCE I THOUGHT OF IT I COULDN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO I'M SORRY IF YOU HATED IT BUT RICHARD SPEIGHT JR IS SO CUTE OK I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

AND I KNOW I'M STILL WRITING MY SPN TRADE FIC W/ PUDDINPOP BUT I'M REALLY STUCK W/ THAT AND STILL TRYNA FIGURE IT OUT. BEAR WITH ME.

Delivering Is A Year-Round Job - Autumn/Winter

The thing about Pepsi was, it was a year-round kinda drink.

Hot summer's day? Something cool, refreshing with zero sugar? Pepsi max with ice.

Christmas party that you can't drink at because you're the designated driver? Pepsi Max.

The demand for Pepsi was year-round which, luckily for delivery drivers, meant they got a decent full-time job. He didn't know about anyone else, but for Max, with the places he got to travel to, the people he met, the friends he made, the experiences he got to have? That was definitely a perk of the job. It was free and full of as many exciting twists and turns as there were in an open road.

Hailing from a small Southern town in Tennessee, Max had often yearned for the open road. And with a trusty truck, Pepsi had provided him with that.

That being said, there were some...occasional hiccups with the job. Hiccups? More like...

"Eeehh...eeehhhEHSCHoooo!"

He'd thrown an elbow in front of his face just to catch the sneeze in time before he sprayed the dashboard. Urgh. He'd felt it for a day or two now, a cheerful sing-a-long to the radio and a warm tip of his cap to familiar faces at motels and service stations had kept his mind off it but there was no way to fight it indefinitely.

He was coming down with a cold.

More often than not, delivery was a pretty solo job, another thing Max rather liked. He was fond of his friends. But no one gets into the driver's seat of his baby. He did make an exception for Jeff Gordon once and spent the next half hour breathing into a paper bag. Never again.

So there was no one around to see him sniffle or sneeze or blow his nose but that also raises the question of where he could have picked it up from?

He sniffled, a tickle still threatening his nose. Fluttering and flitting like the thick snowflakes passing his window.

Of course...

Kids were big on hero-worship, he knew that. On more than one occasion he'd had a wide-eyed little one ask him, wonder and admiration in their voices, "Are you really a truck driver? Do you drive that?" and he'd smile warmly and engage them.

It wouldn't surprise him if the runny-nosed little tyke from New England two days ago had accidentally passed on whatever had plagued him.

Max twitched his nose, bringing his fist up in anticipation. Oh man...

He swallowed, eyes watering. Why did that happen? He grumbled to himself, always whenever he had a cold it would make his eyes water. Well, not eyes. One eye. It was always just one eye and it would run for both of them.

"Heeeh, heh - "

Damnit, his throat was burning. Almost as much as this...

"Eeehh-heh..."

This -

"Huh! Heh!"

This snee -

"HEH-tcha-OOOOOOHH!"

- sneeze.

That did it. He was turning in for the evening.

"Well, well, if it isn't Peppy Max!"

Max smiled at the nickname. When he wasn't feeling so under the weather, he certainly was a peppy guy to say the least. He'd been at this particular place a few times over the years and Molly, the head waitress, was a welcoming, almost motherly, figure in what would otherwise be a dreary, faded, 1950s-esque motel-service station in the middle of nowhere.

"Hey, Molly." he greeted, trying to force his trademark grin,

"And how's our adventurer been? Where you en route to this time?"

Max went to answer her before his smile abruptly shifted into a different expression and he dug in his pockets for a tissue

"Heh...hih-ihIHTCHooOOO!"

Max cringed inwardly. In the safety of his truck it was fine to let them out but here? In front of other people? Even if they were friends, his sneezes. They weren't particularly booming but they were loud and high-pitched. Almost comical, considering how his body moved with them, bending over in an almost exaggerated, cartoon-like motion.

Molly looked on sympathetically, "Sounds like someone's coming down with that seasonal bug goin' round."

He sniffed and wiped his nose, no point denying it. He'd already made a spectacle of himself as it was, "Someone has, yeah."

"Well, that's nothing a hot meal and a bed for the night won't fix," the waitress smiled, "I'll book you in and put the food on."

"Thagks, Bolly." Urgh, now he was starting to sound stuffed. He took a napkin from the table and blew, hard.

It wasn't a fancy room. The walls and threadbare carpet were a brown/beige combination. The picture on the wall must be decades old, as was the technology. But it just worked. It was warm and there was an almost homely nostalgia to the place. He really did like this particular motel.

His nose throbbed and another sneeze loomed, like the moon outside, bright, invading and unavoidable.

"Huh-TCHOOOOOOO! UHTCHOOOO! HEHSCHOOOO!" Oh Lord, this cold. He took one of the ancient cups and began to boil water, dropping a complimentary tea bag in. Bed was a good idea.

The next morning Max opening his eyes slowly. Four AM, as usual but oh me, oh my, he did not want it to be.

After a few minutes of stuffed-up, listless moaning, Max dragged himself from the duvet and made his way to the shower.

"Max!"

"Oh, Bolly," the driver snuffled, "I did't thigk you'd be up."

"You take care of yourself," she said, hugging him, "And take this. You'll need it."

Max took the thermo she was handing him, "You're a geb, Bolly."

"Anything for my favourite driver." she smiled, pinching his cheek, "You be careful on that road."

He flashed her his peppy grin, "Hey, there's a reason I'm five-time Delivery Driver Of The Year, right?"

She chuckled, "Go on, get outta here, you."

A few hours down the line, with a box of tissues kept safely on the dashboard, Max pulled over to crack open the thermos. His breath hitched and his nose, now becoming chapped and rubicund, twitched wildly as he threw himself forward with another high-pitched "CHOOOOO!"

His throat stung in protest and he sipped at the still-hot liquid, smiling at the pleasant twist of honey on his tongue.

Yes, being a delivery driver could have it's low points, especially when he's sick on the road, but he had friends in every place. And they were always there to help him on his way.

[riyona_ebooks]

Hehe,this is sooo cute!!

[Kshu]

Aw, I like it though, good one shot!

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

and that's how i read your story

[KickingUpTheDust]

WELL.

I have been drunk for two days and after calming down off my two-day bender and seeing what I've done I wasn't going to continue.

BUT THEN I SAW YOUR COMMENTS AND ALSO I SAW THIS HEAP OF TRASH IN MY SAVED DOCUMENTS SO FUCK IT.

Delivering Is A Year-Round Job - Spring/Summer

It sure was beautiful.

The clear sky, a smooth sweep of cerulean. Bright, brisk and fresh as a breeze brushed through the long stems of lush chartreuse grass like a hand combing through hair. The sun was beaming, the road was wide and clear and the air was -

"Hhhhhstch'EEEEWW!"

- the only thing letting it down really.

"Well, it looks like we've got a clear sun throughout the week, everyone, so make sure you soak it up!" The radio giggled, "As far as we know it's not gonna rain on our parade, but a warning to those with allergies, the pollen count is gonna be through the roo - "

"UhchAAOOOO! Oh. Urgh, you do't have to tell be." Max replied, rubbing his nose on his wrist. Man, this was irritating.

Matters probably weren't helped by Max having his window open but the sun being as bright as it was, having all the windows closed turned the truck into a greenhouse, which was probably worse than all the sneezing he had to -

"-chaOOO!"

- do.

The driver sighed. It really was his own fault but...well. Nothing to be done about it now, was there?

Sometimes, you need to help a friend out. And that comes first. And sometimes what you originally planned to do gets forgotten. Driving through Nebraska a few hours back it was worse. Sneezing to the point where he could barely concentrate on the road. So, Max did what any good driver would do and pulled into the next station.

"HEHchoo! IshCHEW! Huh...huh...huhTSCHOOO! Ah!" Max barely registered anything as he made his way immediately for the restroom.

He removed his cap, blowing his nose forcefully and splashed his face with cold water. Max looked into the mirror and cringed. What a sight. Pinkened eyes streaming, perfectly complimenting a swollen, angry red nose. A perfect representative for the Pepsi brand.

"Haaaaah-CHOOOO!"

"Max?"

Max looked up in the mirror to see a slight, nervous face peering at him hopefully in the mirror, "Bobby?"

Relief broke onto the younger man's face and Max found himself enveloped by a hug surprisingly strong hug for such a skinny man, "Oh, hey."

Bobby pulled away, "Boy, am I glad to see you!" he frowned suddenly, properly looking at max, "You look terrible."

"Y-yeah..hah..." Max hitched, head jerking up and grabbing a piece of toilet roll, holding it in front of his nose, "It's ah...ah..allergie...s...HEHSCHOOOO!"

Bobby dug in his pocket and produced a handkerchief, "Here, you need it more." he regarded the older man with concern before the panic and apprehension returned to his face, "Oh, that's right! Max, I really need your help!"

"By help?" Max repeated, nose buried in the handkerchief,

"The coach," Bobby rushed, "It's completely bust and I threw away the manual...or rather I set it on fire...a while back. I can't figure out the problem and you#ve got so much mroe experience..."

WELL I GUESS SEEING AS I LEFT IT ON A CLIFFHANGER I'D BEST WAIT UNTIL I REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO WRITE.

ALSO HAVE THIS CONVINIENTLY FITTING GIF I FOUND ON TUMBLR.

[Cutelittlenose]

I liked this.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

KEEP GOING I'M SO IN LOVE RN OH MY GOSH

ALSO THANK U FOR POSTING!!!! @u @ <33333

[KickingUpTheDust]

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MY ORIGINAL IDEA WAS AND APPARENTLY I MADE LOVE TO A THESAURUS WHILE I WAS DRUNK. WHAT THE FUCK IS 'CERULEAN'? I DON'T EVEN.

WELL, SEEING AS I LEFT MYSELF NO CLUE AS TO WHAT IT WAS I'M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH. FEEL FREE TO WRITE YOUR OWN MAX THE DELIVERY DRIVER FIC. MAYBE THIS WILL START A TREND. A NEW MEME OF SORTS.

Delivering Is A Year-Round Job - Spring/Summer (In which your dear author writes the first piece of this God-forsaken embarrassment of a story while sober. Here's hoping ya'll still with me.)

"Bust?" Max repeated, nose twitching.

"It just won't go. It was juddering, so I pulled in and it's now completely dead." Bobby explained, flustered, "Max, I have dancers* to drop off. I have them waiting and as nice as they've been, I do not wanna feel the wrath of their boss." he broke off to shudder, "Besides, I don't wanna keep these ladies in here much longer, I don't wanna let anyone down and..."

"Ok, ok..." Max placed his hands on Bobby's shoulders, "Breathe, Bobby, brea - UHktchOOOO! Urgh, bless be." he blew his nose with Bobby's handkerchief again. "Alright, just stay calb. We'll get the girls to the gabe, I'll take a look at it ad we'll figure sobethig out."

"Ah, Max, you gem!" Bobby sighed, "Come on, then."

Sleeves rolled up, Max surveyed the mechanical contraption, frowning. Nothing appeared to be out of place until...

"HuhTCHOO! EHSCCHOOO!"

"Bless you, Max!"

"Thagks, Bobby, I thigk I foud the probleb."

Was it possible for tension and relief to appear on the same face at the same time? Because that is what was happening to Bobby's face. "And?" the younger driver urged, "Is it fixable?"

"Yeah," Max sniffed liquidly, "but Bobby, please get a dew badual. Ad dod't burd this ode this tibe - EEEHHschEW!"

"I won't, I won't! So, what do we do?"

Max's head jolted backwards, eyebrows raising and nostrils quivering. Oh man, he was gonna need a cold shower. His hair, his clothes, must be riddled with pollen, "I," he started, rubbing his crimson nostrils fiercely, "I get sobe - huh...sobe fresh ti...hi'TSHUUUUU!"

Bobby winced at the intensity of that sneeze, "Man, you just can not catch a break, can you?"

"Do," Max replied, muffled in a handkerchief, "I cad't. Ah'TZHoo! I'll just grab sobe dapkids frob the cafe. You bake a star - HEHchOOOO! Start."

Sneezing again, bending double and nearly losing his cap on the way, Max entered the cafe and saw what was no doubt the group Bobby was so worried about. Max had encountered dancers before at Pepsi Max-sponsored team games but he had never had to deliver the actual girls to their destination. He was suddenly very thankful he didn't have to worry about bottles of soda getting bored. At least if the Pepsi was late other things could be done in it's stead.

"HuhTCHEWWW! Ladies." he greeted, with a tip of his cap, knowing full well he must look like the least desirable customer in the place at that time and felt his cheeks flush to rival his nose. He grabbed a handful of napkins from the counter and stalked out back to the coach where Bobby seemed to be...well, trying his best.

"Bobby," Max started, looking warily at the coach driver, "you're ad excelledt driver. I've do doubt you cad baster this coach. But your bechadical skills have...well, why do't you leave that to be? Go od id, edtertaid your passedgers sobehow."

"What?" Bobby replied, "How?"

Max fixed him with a look, "If there's sobethig I've leard over the years of travellig, there's do better way to bake frieds thad over a drigk of sobethig cool."

"But I - "

"I've got this." Max smiled, making sure to hold in a sneeze until his friend had turned round to walk back inside and grinned as he heard Bobby call out, "Ladies! Who wants a Pepsi?"

"HEHschOOO! ARCHOOOO!"

"There he is! Our saviour!"

Max turned, the engine was just about ready and Bobby was strolling back with the dancers in tow.

"Eeehhh-TSCHOO! Bobby," Max nodded, "I see you've brought the ladies out. You'll be back od the road id do tibe."

"What did I tell ya?" Bobby grinned proudly round at the team of dancer, "He's an utter saint. Here, man," he held out a Pepsi, "figured you'd need it and thank you." he added in a low voice, "Really, I don't know what we'd have done without - bless you!"

"Do probleb." Max replied, glad to be done so he could be on his way. It was one thing to embarrass himself in front of a motorway cafe with his cartoon-ish, high-pitched sneezes but in front of a troop of pretty dancers. Well, that was another matter.

"Bless you again! Man, he's an angel, right girls?" Bobby called out, "He's been working on our coach so you guys can get to the game AND he's suffered through it all with those killer allergies of his! Bless you again, Max, although I think blessing a heavenly guy like you is a moot point!" he laughed and squeezed the delivery driver, "Can we get a proper thank you for Max?"

Max had been a good hour away from the service station before he realised in that time he'd entirely forgotten about antihistamines. But the gratitude on Bobby's beaming face and the warmth that lingered on his cheeks where he'd received a kiss from each of the dancers in thanks made him remember why he'd gotten distracted in the first place.

"Hah-EHTCHOOO!"

And why he really, really, really loved his job.

*Your author simply cannot bring herself to call them cheerleaders because the girls she's seen at sport events on tv have been more like pom dancers than anything.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

ow o thank you for writing more i love this so much i'm a hU GE richard fan and just imagining his character with these killer allergies is amazing and you spell his sneezes so well too!!

[KickingUpTheDust]

Aaaawwww thank you for your comments :-) I tried to sneak in some spn references but also I got the pom girls idea from seeing Richard as Max do a behind the scenes thing with Pepsi where he spoke to one of the pom girls at a game and the image of him being uncontrollably sneezy and embarrassed while being shy round pretty girls and blushing I just d'Aaaawwww he doesn't mind missing antihistamines if he's helping someone out the CUTIE PATOOTIE NEEERRRD