Peter and Nance Discover Sneezing Fetish (F) - Portlandia Fanfiction

[Siegward]

Hey everyone, I've written stories for this forum before but have never got into fan fiction until recently. This story is going to be three parts, but it may take a while for me to finish all three because I'm also working much harder on an Alien: Isolationor fic at the moment. If you like my writing or just wanna say hi feel free to message me! I may even take requests.

This story is based on the reoccurring characters, Peter and Nance, from the Portlandia series played my Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. Enjoy!!

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Peter and Nance Discover Sneezing Fetish

A Portlandia Fan Fiction by xxironxmaidenxx

Friday 6:13pm

“It’s just for a few days!” Lisa yelled to her middle aged neighbors as she drove off to the airport with her boyfriend.

“Wow look at this thing!” Peter was very curious of the cat that their neighbor had left them to watch for the weekend. The cat rubbed against and between his legs at this ankles and Peter smiled in fascination.

“I don’t know Peter! Neither of us have ever owned pets, do you really think we can handle taking care of…” She looked towards Peter and noticed he had gone from his position of admiration to on the ground playing with the cat’s tail and rubbing its head. Nancy felt a bit jealous of the attention this temporary member of their household was receiving but was glad Peter was temporarily occupied with something. When he wasn’t busy his mind tended to wander and get fixated on something trivial. She smiled and gently rubbed the underside of her nose to itch a small tickle that had come on suddenly.

Friday 8:06pm

“Pete….hehrr..ehh….HESHHOOO! Peter! Dinner is ready!” Nance grabbed a napkin from the kitchen table and gave a gentle blow from her nose. Her nose had felt more congested and ticklish since the cat had entered the house. She was quite proud of the dinner she made. It was Peter’s favorite: vegetable lasagna. After waiting a minute for Peter to show up to the table, Nance called again. “Peter!! Your lasagna’s going to get col….ehehhe…. eh. . . c- cold!” Mid-sentence the early stages of a sneeze caught her off guard, but she suppressed the tickle with her right hands index finger.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you! I’ll be there in…just a sec!” he called from a distant room in the house.

Friday 8:30pm

“Peter, please! I worked really hard on this dinn..”

“Just a sec!”

She waited some more and Peter did not show up. “Peter, are you still playing with that cat!?”

“Umm…uhh…No, Nance! The cat is off sleeping and I’m definitely not playing with it because I have better things to do than play with a cat all day and and and I’m just..uhhh…I’m not with the cat..i’m just..uh…playing with…uhhh” Peter continued to fumble for an excuse when Nance push out her seat from the table and excused herself from the room leaving two untouched plates of lasagna. She followed the voice of Peter’s words trailing off mindlessly until she arrived in their bedroom. She pushed open the door to find Peter still trying to grab words from the air.

“and!...and!!...and..! ….. Now, listen, I know how this looks, but I swear I was not playing with the cat.” Nancy looked around the room to find that more than a few of their possessions had been creatively fashioned into cat toys. Nance’s yarn had been rolled throughout the room covering a significant portion of the floor. The sheets of their bed were scratched and torn. Peter had even fashioned one of his sweaters, a gift from Nance, into a small cat bed. The worst sight was Peter who had been wearing one of Nance’s head bands wish cat ears he had just sewn from other clothing articles onto the head band as ears. Drawn on his face was sharpie to resemble a cat nose and whiskers.

“Peter, this is rid…dihhh…ehhh…Ashhhhewwwwwww!!...ridiculous!” Nance was getting very annoyed, partly because of the ever growing tickling sensation in her nose but mostly because of Peter.

While the two argued, the cat caught a whiff of some delicious lasagna through the now open door. Without Peter or Nance noticing he excused himself from the room. The couple argued for a little bit longer until Peter and Nance both ended up apologizing to each other.

“I’m sorry Peter!! I’m glad you like the cat, I’m just not used to getting less attention and I shouldn’t have gotten mad! And…”

“No, Nance, I’m sorry, you deserve more attention than a cat that isn’t even more and hey! We still got that lasagna!”

“I’ll go put it in the microwave!”

Friday 8:45pm

The two walked back to the kitchen together holding hands. Though they occasionally had their arguments, their relationship still felt as strong as the day they had met. Though they were older now, they made each other feel young at heart.

When they got to the kitchen the grip between Nance’s and Peter’s hands suddenly loosened as they gazed upon the two empty plates of lasagna on the table and their neighbors cat sleeping more than suspiciously close to the crime scene.

“Ok Nance, you’re right, we can’t let this cat take over our…” Peter stopped mid-sentence to notice the real reason why the grip between their hands had loosened. Nance’s eyes were squinted shut. Her jaw hung just slightly open, lightly and quickly gasping for short breaths. Her nostrils were flaring wildly as she fanned her face with one hand as the other was held just in front of her rising chest. Peter couldn’t look away.

“Haaassshhchhh!!! EssshhhschhhH! Hehh…HEHHH….HHEsshshhoooOO!O!!!” Nance exploded into a fit of sneeze after sneeze. A fine mist of a tiny wet particles sprayed from her mouth and nose while all Peter could do was stand there watch like a kid watching a magic trick. The look on his face was that of pure amazement. It was in this moment that Peter realized that he had never seen his loving wife sneeze before, but he liked it.

After her fit, Nance rubbed at her nose with her finger and looked at the dumb, awestruck expression on Peter’s face. “hmm, you know maybe I like these” Nance playfully ran two fingers, the two that she had juist rubbed her nose with, across one of the “cat ears” on Peter’s new head band.

Peter was so amazed that he had almost forgotten that he was still wearing the ears and the cat makeup, and even the cat altogether.'

To be continued….

[Anonymouse]

Never in a million years did I expect to see a Portlandia fic anywhere, let alone here on the forum! I've developed the most unexpected crush on Fred Armisen and Carrie's hella cute, too. I love how Peter took it to an extreme like he always does. The part about the cat ears headband and the permanent marker cat features made me laugh out loud. You've managed to mimic the show's weird style with accuracy.

[Siegward]

Never in a million years did I expect to see a Portlandia fic anywhere, let alone here on the forum! I've developed the most unexpected crush on Fred Armisen and Carrie's hella cute, too. I love how Peter took it to an extreme like he always does. The part about the cat ears headband and the permanent marker cat features made me laugh out loud. You've managed to mimic the show's weird style with accuracy.

Haha it's just one of those shows I've watched so much of that it wouldn't feel right if I didn't do the characters justice. Thanks for the detailed critique.