My Own Illogic (Star Trek TOS, Spirk M/M)

[KickingUpTheDust]

Hey! So, my last spirk fic got way more support than I thought and I actually carried it on for longer than I intended because you guys were demanding moar but I have had to bring it to a close now. But don't worry! Here's another! It's kind of a prequel to 'I Am Illogical' - this one focuses on Spock's attempts to squash down his fetish but having Jim as a boyfriend...doesn't work out that way (seems to be a thing, even in the non-fetish fandom, that Jim is allergic to EVERYTHING, so I don't feel too guilty about slipping in that particular headcanon there). So enjoy sneezefetish!Spock and kinky!Kirk :-)....

PART ONE.

"Shore leave!" sang Scotty, still sounding like he didn't quite believe it, "On Earth..!"

Hikaru laughed, "Yep, that's right, Mr Scott..."

"Ye don't understand, man," Scotty shook the navigator by the shoulders, "Shore leave...on Earth..."

"I got it the first time, Scotty..."

"Alcohol...real...non-synthesised...alcohol..."

"Yes, Mr Scott, I think we're all excited for shore leave," Jim laughed, "but I'd advise against talking about your wild plans in front of the class of small children, eh?"

"Aye, sir!" the chief engineer beamed, skipping off to the engine room, "Not that I won't miss you, my lovelies..." he cooed, tapping the Enterprise walls.

Jim chuckled, "How long until we're in SanFran, Mr Sulu?"

"About three hours, sir."

"Three hours, I hope we're all prepared for our last mission before we're officially cleared for shore leave."

Starfleet had asked a few members of the bridge crew to visit a class of six-to-eight year olds to talk to them about the things they do in space and open their minds about other worlds. According to reports from the school, the children were positively overjoyed at the prospect of having real Starfleet officers in their presence.

The thought made Jim smile, at his age, he would have been much the same. He was much the same - he'd grown up admiring Starfleet and, well, being a little bit of a comic-geek he'd adored the idea of heroes in outer space.

The only person that doesn't seem enthralled is Spock. Jim grinned to himself, it was probably illogical.

About five hours later Jim, Spock, Scotty, Nyota, Leonard, Christine, Hikaru and Pavel were sat on a small stage in a large classroom, where about thirty small children were looking up at them, glassy-eyed.

"Alright then, who wants to ask questions?" Jim asked, once they'd all introduced themselves.

The class was silent, until one little voice piped up at the back,

"Why does Mr Spock have funny ears?"

Spock's eyebrow jerked and he the look he gave his boyfriend told Jim he would not be answering such an illogical question.

"Erm, well," Jim started, "Mr Spock's father is from the planet Vulcan..."

This opened up a few more questions until the children were ushered off to do arts and crafts.

Spock sat stiffly at the tiny table and watched as the children engaged in making clay starships and colouring. A part of him fought down the illogical urge to smile as he caught Jim taking one of the children's clay models and making it fly through the air.

"Mr Spock?"

Spock looked down at a small girl with a flower in her black, curly hair.

"Yes?"

"I maked a sehlat."

Spock looked at the model. Not entirely accurate, but taking the age and lack of fine resources at her disposal, the model was rather good.

"It is acceptable."

The little girl smiled glowingly and ran off to put it on the window ledge.

"End zen...ze alien hed CAPTURED US!" Pavel was sat on a chair with the class surrounding him, Jim sat among them ("Come ooonn, integrate yourself with the class, Spock!") with one of the younger students sat on his knee.

"Luckily, ve mengeged to get te ties loose using a flintstone we found, vich ver inwented in Russia..."

It was then that Spock's finely-tuned hearing chose to become less than advantageous. It wasn't the first time he had heard it today, and unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last. One of the children sneezed and his insides curdled with revulsion.

Had he been human, he would have described the feeling as 'internal screaming'. The idea was disgusting, as was the act itself. Except...except...

"You alright?" Jim murmured to him,

Spock hadn't realised he was physically shrinking away from the crowd around him,

"I am..." Spock hesitated, "I am fine, Jim."

Jim eyed him for a second, "Well, it's only two more hours until we get out of here anyway."

Spock nodded and allowed his eyes to linger on Jim for a second longer than they should have. He couldn't help but wish each sneeze he had heard today had come from Jim instead.

[Dye]

Awww, Spock.

The rest of the crew are adorable around children oh my God

Pavel getting all excited and over the top while telling a story and mentioning how things are "inwented" in Russia. So perfect.

[ID2006]

A prequel... yes please

[Ikki209]

Oooh I love this idea I'm so excited!! I loved the little day trip to the school those kids were so cute but also I feel for Spock I really do and I will admit the whole Jim being allergic to everything is easily one of my favourite things

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART TWO

"HhhaaaCHOOO!"

"Bless you, Spock." Jim told him, eyebrows raised. They had spent one last night on the Enterprise collecting the last of their luggage and signing off some last minute business and Spock, with a heavy feeling of dread in his stomach, had awoken with a stuffy nose and a sting in his throat.

"You know, I don't think I've ever heard you sneeze before." the captain continued thoughtfully, "It's usually always me doing the sneezing round here."

"Indeed, Captain," Spock sniffled in reply, wiping his nose on a tissue and shivering, "it does not occur often."

"Just wait til we get back to the apartment," Jim told him, slipping his arm through Spock's as they strolled down the street, "that place'll probably be in need of a good dust. I've not been back there in a while."

"I see." Spock replied, fighting down an illogical flicker of hope.

"Home sweet home." Jim chirped, hanging his jacket on the back of the front door, "Looks like our stuff already beamed down. And bless." he added, when Spock sneezed again, frowning when two more followed it. "You alright?"

"I am experiencing minor discomfort." answered the Vulcan, fumbling for a clean tissue,

"Aw, babe," Jim rubbed his hands up and down his boyfriend's arms, "probably picked something up from one of the kids. They're always full of some bug or another, especially this time of year. Germs are rife round kids of any species."

"That does seem to be the universal case." Spock replied, thickly,

"Suck you're sick for shore leave, though." the shorter man pouted,

"I apologise for any inconvenience brought to your plans, Jim."

"No, no, don't be silly - there's no reason we can't still have a lovely shore leave - our first shore leave together..." he smiled and brought his lips to Spock's, "Still feeling up for drinks with the others tonight?"

"The virus that has infected me appears so far to be very mild, so I believe I will still be attending."

Jim smiled and pressed a cheeky kiss to the half-Vulcan's nose, "Alrighty then, let's get unpacked!"

A little while later, Jim was sorting underwear into his drawers when he felt a sharp tickle in his nose and as his eyes closed he could sight of the layer of grey topping the wooden chest,

"AhhrrSCHOUM! Choum! HEH-schoum!"

Jim sniffled and let out a low chuckle, "First allergy attack. Surprised it's taken me - HAHschOUM! Bless me - this long."

Spock felt his body tingle and he shivered inside, "If we are to alleviate the stress placed on your sinuses, we should remove the stimuli, Jim."

"Yes, yes." Jim ripped out a tissue and blew his nose softly, "We can make a start on that tomorrow. You nearly done? We'll be the last ones there otherwise."

"I am finished now." Spock replied, stopping suddenly, reaching for a tissue. When none were to be found, he simply buried his nose into his elbow and stifled two powerful sneezes.

"Blesses," Jim came over and inspected his boyfriend's green, damp nostrils, "sure you'll be ok for tonight? I'm sure we won't be terribly missed, they'll understand if you're ill..."

"It is a mere annoyance, nothing more." Spock answered, offering Jim smallest of smiles and reaching for his scarf, "I believe you expressed a displeasure at being 'the last ones there'?"

[stifledsneezelover]

More, please more!!! Love your writing and your Spirk fics

[spirkestielgirl87]

Excellent! I love sick Spock and caring (and allergic!) Kirk. More please!

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART THREE

The bar was small and crowded, but warm, Spock thought with relief...the temperatures of Earth, particularly an autumnal Earth, was not helping his cold any much to his chagrin. He wanted to get this cold out of his system and spare himself any more humiliation.

"Ye know the rules, Captain." Scotty grinned, "Last one here..."

"What..." Jim gaped round and sure enough, the group was all ready and waiting at the table, "Fiiiiine, what's everyone having?"

"Scoooootch!"

"I think i could have guessed that, Scotty. Bourbon, Bones?"

"Please, Jim. Uhura, Chapel?"

"Oh...surprise me!"

"Sulu?"

"Bacardi and coke, please!"

"Chekov?"

"Wodka, please, Keptin!"

"Vodka, Chekov? You're about twelve years old, don't be ridiculous."

"I em legally allowed to drink, sir..." Pavel sulked, earning a chuckle from Jim,

"Spock?"

"I ab abedable to adythig soothig, Captaid." Spock snuffled, helping himself to the napkins on the table,

"Awh, baby..." Jim kissed the Science Officer on the forehead, earning a blush from Spock, "I'll get you a hot toddy, kay? Bones, really?" he added, exasperated as the doctor whirred his tricorder over Spock.

While the evening was not altogether unpleasant (Jim's presence contributing mainly to that) Spock found himself simply wishing the chatting, drinking and other activities ("No, Mr Chekov, I will not participate in the human frivolity known as 'karaoke', please pull yourself together, you appear to be quite drunk.'')

As he watched the ensign stumble on stage and commandeer the microphone to perform a rendition of a

, he felt a burn in his nose...no...

"If you'll excuse be..." Spock shifted out of his seat and stalked to the bathroom, stemming his running nose on his sleeve and locking himself in the cubicle and ripped off a few pieces of toilet roll.

Luckily for him, the bathroom was noisy with chatter and laughter and the sound of drunken vomiting in adjacent cubicles. How illogical, Spock thought, that humans would actively choose to get themselves in such a state, being in full awareness of the unpleasant side effects.

"Haaah, heeh..." Oh, please, to sneeze now with the mask of other noises and being out of the watchful eye of his peers would be opportune, "Eeeehh..."

"I'll be back in a sec, I'm just gonna check on Spock..." Jim told the group, moving towards the bathroom and ignoring the exaggerated winks and wolf-whistles from the others.

"Alright," Hikaru said, setting his drink down, "no one else seems t want to ask, so I'm just gonna say it. Who do you reckon bottoms out of those two?"

"Spock?" Jim called, "Spock?"

Which cubicle could he be in?

"HAchoo! HAH-tschooo! HAE-SCHOO!"

Ah, that one.

"Spock?" Jim called again, rapping lightly on the door from which the sneezes emitted, "You ok in there?"

A sniffle and the sound of a congested, green nose being blown and Spock opened the door, "I ab alright, Jib."

Jim cupped his boyfriend's face, "You feeling crappy? You wanna go?"

Had Spock been human, he would have shrugged. But that would be illogical. Instead he sighed, "I would be abedable to that idea."

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FOUR

"HEEHchoum!"

Spock's eyes snapped open and he glanced over at Jim, who was sitting up in bed, sneezing into a broad hand while the other searched around for the tissue box.

"Jim?"

Hazel eyes found Spock and Jim's soft mouth quirked before being covered by the tissue that had evidently been found.

"Bordig, you." Jim greeted, blowing thickly, "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Negative." Spock replied, "I tend to awaken at this time."

Jim let out a breath of laughter, "Yeah, I guess neither of us can shake the early-morning routine. I - hah, ah-hah - CHOUM! EHschoum! IIIchOUM! Guh.." Jim's features seemed the relax for a few seconds before the itch flared up again and Jim's small nose screwed up again for before he lurched forward with another four sneezes.

"Urgh," moaned Jim, "sorry Spock, guess my sinuses just aren't used to non-hypoallergenic environments after all that time on the ship, they feel ten times worse than I remember." he gave his nose a final wipe and continued, "How are you feeling this morning anyway?"

"If you are referring to the common cold that infiltrated my system, I believe I am feeling considerably better. The virus that infected me was an extremely weak strain."

Jim studied him with suspicion, "You're not just saying that for any kind of Vulcan pride or because you're secretly concerned about messing up shore leave?"

Spock raised his eyebrow in a way that Jim referred to as 'the seductive eyebrow' (although how it differed from any other eyebrow-raise was beyond him), "Then, logically it would be further proof to 'show' you that I am feeling better, in addition to telling you."

As their lips met and Spock tumbled on top of Jim, the captain let out a laugh, "Why, Mr Spock, you are feeling better after all!"

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FIVE

Spock disposed of Jim's shirt and began kissing a line down to his belly button and all the way back up to Jim's neck, which he promptly started to ravish as his sensitive hands made their way further and further down.

Jim laughed, "Mr Spock, as much as I appre - heh - appreciate your enthusiasm, if you don't move I'll...ah-hah...end up snee...snee - HEHchoum! - excuse me, sneezing on you."

"It matters not, Jim." Spock panted, taking the captain's lips for his own. Illogically enough, he felt Jim's nose twitch erratically beneath his own and he pressed harder with his lips and nose. The kiss was eagerly reciprocated, but distracted and Spock could feel the nostrils flaring.

Jim gasped Spock's name into his lover's mouth before taking a shuddering breath, "SpockreallyI'mgonna...HUHCHOUM! SHUHOUM! ESCHHOO!"

Spock couldn't stifle the moan that escaped his lips and he kissed Jim ever more.

"It's nice to have a water shower, isn't it?"

"Indeed, Jim. However, they are somewhat inefficient in comparison to sonics." Spock replied,

Jim grinned back in that boyish manner that made Spock flutter illogically inside and pushed back his wet hair that had flattened itself to his forehead, "But it is relaxing and much more fun."

"Fun is irrelevant, Jim, the primary purpose of a shower is to - hmph!" Spock was cut off by a gentle kiss on his lips,

"Fun is never irrelevant, Spock." Jim smiled and quickly blushed, "By the way, sorry about sneezing on you before. I couldn't control it."

"It is of no concern to me, Jim," Spock almost-smiled, "the sneezing was triggered by particles your immune system has an overreaction to. I do not hold you responsible for it." Heart beating fast, he pressed a light kiss to Jim's nose.

"Heh-ehSCHOOO!" Jim sneezed, loud and higher-pitched than usual, was it the water from the shower or the sneeze that sprayed? Either way, Jim was grinning shyly, sniffling, "Whoa, sorry Spock. Must have been some dust still up there."

"It would be logical to assume so." Spock replied dryly, desperately trying to conceal his arousal. The external stimulation from his kiss had caused some dust particles to dislodge themselves from Jim's nasal passages?

Fascinating.

[ID2006]

There shall never be enough Spirk

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART SIX

Spock walked into the apartment later that day, "Jim," he called, "I have returned and brought the necessary supplies for..."

"HEHchoo! Huh-ahUHSCHOOM!"

Placing the bags on the floor, Spock followed the sound of the sneezing into the bedroom where Jim was stood, tissue at the ready, mouth open, gasping, and Spock's blood crashed in his ears as Jim bent double with another sneezing fit.

"Jim...?"

"Sp - Spock, I...HEHCHOUM!"

Struggling to utilise his logical brain, Spock guided Jim to the living room and waited for the sneezing to slow.

"Urgh," Jim sniffled, blowing his nose again, "Bodes is always cobplaidig that a hypoallergedic society was doig dothig for people's ibbude systebs ad I'b startig to thigk he's right. I've dot beed sdeezig this bad id years - EHchoum! 'Scuse be."

"Bless you," Spock replied tersely, "But what triggered an attack so severe, I have yet to..."

"I figured I'd be productive while you were out, do some dusting round," Jim told him, "didn't realise how badly allergic I was. Last time I had that kind of reaction to dust it was in the Academy."

"Indeed?"

"Yes, that blasted Finnegan." Jim sighed, ripping out a new tissue, "Don't forget, I was a chubby little nerd back then. Never had my head out of a book, always studying, always the butt of everyone's jokes. Of course, once they found out how susceptible I was to allergies, they just had to do something with it." Wiping his nose, Spock felt a mix of arousal at the mental image he knew was coming and anger at Jim's treatment during his academy days.

"After a field trip out to some planet, I forget where. Class M, allergy season. When I came back, they set up a nice little practical joke which involved gathering up the dust of every shelf, every locker, everywhere they could think of and smearing it over my belongings in my locker. Needless to say I was sneezing so much I could barely get a word out. Couldn't show up to classes for weeks after without someone faking a sneezing fit." As if on cue, Jim took out another tissue and pitched forward with another desperate, wet fit.

Spock could only watch and imagine Jim, clad in academy uniform, sneezing just as he was now and mentally slapped himself in the face. This is illogical! He shouted (except he didn't, as Vulcans never shout) Jim was upset by this! His classmates taunted him with his allergies!

"Jim," Spock addressed him sharply, "if you will excuse me."

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART SEVEN

Jim sneezed again and stared after his boyfriend's retreating back. Strange, he thought, normally Spock stayed next to him and would barely leave his side during an allergy attack...

Spock emerged a while later, decidely calmer.

"Jim?"

"Hey, you." the captain replied, smiling, "Where have you been? You seemed like you didn't want to be followed..."

"My apologies, Jim, I had a sudden urge to meditate." To suppress the physical manifestation of my desires, he added privately.

"Well, if you're quite done, I think I'll get cracking on dinner."

"Dinner?" Spock repeated blankly.

"I figured I'd try my hand at some good old-fashioned cooking, rather than use the replicators. I've not had the opportunity in a few years, it'll be nice."

Spock cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Personal log; It seems after being so accustomed to the ship's replicators, I am not as able to re-master food preparation as I thought. I take full responsibility for the damage sustained to the kitchen, however in my defence, Mr Spock was of very little to no help whatsoever. My usually ever-useful First Officer and romantic partner instead chose to watch in what I can only assume was mild amusement as I proceeded to endanger both of our lives in the process of making dinner. Despite his protests that the odds of our loves terminating was 1254 to 1, I still fail to see how my various mishaps with kitchen appliances and other such events were even remotely funny. However, I noted some immediate changes in the behaviour of Mr Spock after the incident that led me to abandon the effort and order Chinese food. Apparently pepper flooding the kitchen is not nearly as hilarious - as far as Vulcans can show hilarity - as setting broccoli on fire."

[KickingUpTheDust]

Don't panic - the kitchen incident will be the next part, just thought I'd keep you all on your toes ;-)

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART EIGHT

"Because you know I'm all about that space, 'bout that space, no tribbles..." Jim sang to himself, giving his hips a small wiggle as he lightly danced round the kitchen, "I'm all about that space, 'bout that space, no tribbles..."

"Jim?"

"I'm bringin' booty baaaaaaaaaaaaack...!"

"Jim?"

"Go ahead and tell the doctor that!"

Spock raised his voice, "Jim?"

"Nah, I'm just playin', I know Bones thinks I'm gettin' faaaat..."

"Jim?" Spock called,

"Oh!" Jim turned and blushed, "Sorry, Spock, got a - er - little caught up in myself there..."

"Indeed, Jim." Spock didn't tell him he had caught his captain singing and dancing multiple times before on the bridge, in quarters, in the gym...

"Um, is there..."

"I was wondering if you required assistance in the preparation of dinner?" Spock interrupted.

Jim pouted, "Nope, and you are not to try and help. Nope, nope. I am making dinner for us tonight, you are not to help at all in the slightest."

"Jim - "

"No, Spock, I won't hear it. That's an order. Don't make me write you up for insubordination."

Up went the eyebrow so it nearly disappeared into his hair, "That would make a rather strange report to Starfleet, Captain."

"Oh SHIT!" Jim shouted, rushing to the pan that was boiling over, "How did - OW, balls!"

Spock entered, "Is something wrong, Jim?"

"No, no..." his boyfriend waved him off, sucking his finger, "everything is under control!"

Instead of returning to the living room to watch the television as he previously been doing (and apparently exercising his eyebrows as it zipped up and down his head as he watched falsely-bronzed youths get more and more inebriated and partake in disturbing frivolities), Spock elected to stand in the doorway and controlnotcontrol his internal amusement as Jim attacked the food and managed to achieve statistically improbable disasters in preparing it.

"HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!" the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise shrieked at the flaming floret of broccoli he held in his hand as he flung it across the room into the sink.

Spock simply couldn't control himself. He let out a small snort.

Whirling round, looking disheveled and messy he summoned the strength to glare at Spock, "Spock, if you're laughing, I - "

Then it happened.

The can of fine black pepper toppled over as Jim's elbow collided with it.

"Fuck, I - ah..." Jim's nostrils twitched and Spock became alert. As if everything was in slow motion, he saw the cloud of pepper puff up and honed in on the microscopic black/brown particles drift up into Jim's button nose.

Jim's hazel eyes began to tear and his nose wiggled round in a manner that reminded him of the dance move Nurse Chapel and Chekov had attempted the other night at the bar ('twerking'?) and his breath became more ragged and unstable.

Spock's own breathing became hot and inconsistent. Any moment now...

"F-fuck...blasted pe - haaah - pepper...I - HEHchOUM! HIIIH-choo! AHchoum! Hihschoo, hehSHOO! Oh, G-God I can't - CHAhoo! IIISHOum! Sp..Spock? Li - CHOUM! - Little h-help?"

Spock swallowed dryly, "You specifically ordered me not to, Captain."

"HEHchoum!"

[spirkestielgirl87]

Wow! I...er... ahem. Yes. I am once again left flustered! So hot! Not to mention hilarious at parts. I especially liked the song Kirk was singing...had me ROTFLMAO!

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART NINE

They lay on the sofa, lazily kissing in the dim light After they had finished dinner and showered. Jim smiled into the kisses, Spock truly was amazing. So smart and sexy and, though Bones would never believe it, sensitive.

There was just one thing bothering him.

Or rather, he thought irritably, two things were bothering him. One physical and the other mental. Both related, however, so he would deal with the physical bother before introducing the mental one.

Jim nose had begun to tickle again. Must still be some dust lurking, or maybe he was allergic to this apartment. Either way, his nasal passages began to crawl with the urge to sneeze, as if whatever irritants had floated in were crawling about in there.

"Aaahhhh...sorry, ashaya...ah-heh..." Jim's nose fluttered like allergic butterflies and he pitched forward with a fit of itchy, wet sneezes.

Jim noticed Spock stiffen next to him and was about to comment when he felt another bout of sneezes rush on and he rummaged round for a tissue.

After blowing his nose and soaking through the tissue he had pulled out of his pocket, he turned his attention to Spock, who had an expression on his face that Jim didn't quite recognise, but he knew Spock was trying to conceal it.

"Spock?" Jim tried, "I can't help but notice your... change is demeanour when I start sneezing."

Spock tried to appear innocent, "Change, k'diwa?"

"You get all...sort of...uptight. like you'd rather you weren't here." Jim took Spock's hand, "I'm sorry, I know it must be really disgusting to have me sneezing all over the place and sniffling and bunged up and blowing my nose at every little thing but...I can't - I can't help it. Antihistamines aren't that effective and I'm intolerant to the strong ones..."

"Jim," Spock interrupted him, "it is not that I - "

"Sorry, Spock I - HEHCHOUM!"

Spock paused as he watched Jim sneezed his way through another fit. Jim thought he was repulsed by his sneezing? He didn't suspect attraction? Of course it would not be the first thing to consider. It was a highly unconventional fetish and one that Spock guarded closely. Upon further research into the concept of 'fetishes' (secretly as a teenager when he began to realize his desires) he discovered even in this age, fetishes were often regarded with stigma and even common ones such as 'bdsm' or the like were seen as wrong or incorrect, even incorrectly related to mental illness. With that thought an illogical fear gripped Spock. If he confessed his desires to Jim, would Jim too be offended? See him as sick or twisted? Would he accept it?

[KickingUpTheDust]

so...i don't have any idea what to do right now, so we're gonna steer into an impromptu tour into the mirrorverse ;-).

tw: wee bit of homophobia but nothing major. just references to illicit homosexual relationships.

PART TEN.

"EEEHHSCHHHOUM!" the captain of the I.S.S. Enterprise sneezed for the hundredth time and dragged his nose along his wrist, "Goddamn antihistamines. Doesn't it knock out their whole point when you're allergic to em?" he reached over for a tissue and sneezed explosively again,

"I concur, James." Spock replied, pouring a brandy, "However, it is fortunate that you do not usually make a habit of spending time with the crew on shore leave and thus can hide yourself in here without drawing suspicion."

"Suspicion, eh?" James repeated, glaring, "As if people don't have at least a little hint of what's really going on."

"I highly doubt that." answered his first officer, "Marlena has no desire to lose her position and her lover has no desire to lose his head."

"Not that we've be - ah..ah...ARCHOUM! Stupid enough to let him in on our own little secret."

"Our multiple not-so-little secrets." Spock concured, passing James a glass.

"To secrets - EEEHHSCHOUM!"

"And your insatiable nose, Captain."

James scowled, "What's wrong with scientists these days anyway? Not smart enough to invent a non-allerge - aller - HIHSCHOUM! HEHCHOOO! HEEEHCHOUM! allergedic adihistabide? Do, they'd rather pussyfoot roud id a lab. Avoid fighting wars while bedefittig theb." he grabbed a tissue and blew hard,

Spock lowered his glass and looked up sharply and held up a finger, causing James to falter when he suddenly spoke.

"What? What is it?"

"Voices...outside the cabin."

The pair stayed very, very, very quiet until James' nose began fidgeting again.

"James..." Spock whispered in a warning tone, "There may be enemies and assassins out there searching for their target, likely to be you, I would advise against sneezing at this present moment in time."

"You...th-thigk I dod't dow that?" James snapped back, thickly, "Fuckig shore leave od this godforsaked polled-idfested pladet, aaaahh...I have...aahh-ah...half a bide to...eh-heh...blow the whole thig up if it would...heeeeh...stop by dab dose...ah-aaahh heh! Frob ticklig! AAAAHH!"

Foregoing proper procedure Spock launched himself at James, clamping his hand over his captain's nose and mouth. James thrashed furiously at him, how dare he make such a move? Before he realised Spock was attempting to quell the oncoming sneeze and they were silent, listening.

"You're sure his woman isn't in the cabin with him?"

"Yeah, she's with Riley."

"So either he's alone or..."

"Or we'll be able to prove that the captain's been batting for the other team."

In his anger, James momentarily lost control and sneezed full force against Spock, drawing the attention of the assassins.

"You hear that?"

"That's definitely him. Little wimpy gayboy with allergies - "

BANG. The door was kicked open, but James was ready and he stabbed the first one in the entrance, "I'm not gay," he snarled, "I'm bisexual. If you're going to assassinate me using my sexuality as an excuse, at least get it right." And the pair slumped to the floor as Spock finished his accomplice.

"ARRSCHOUM!"

"Bless you, James."

James snorted and his lustful eyes traveled up and down his first officer, "You know, I do believe you enjoyed me sneezing on you."

"You already knew that." Spock purred closing the door, "Computer, reinforce soundproofing."

"Why didn't you do that in the first place?"

"I had already detected their presence before I had the chance. It would be illogical to muffle their sound and take away our advantage and have them surprise us."

"L-logical...r-right - ESSSCHOUM!"

And they lost themselves in the only non-hostile contact they ever had in their lives.

Yeah. James Kirk has no time for your bisexual erasure.

[KickingUpTheDust]

Hey, does anyone actually want me to keep going with this? I've still got loads of ideas but I wanna make sure you guys actually like it.

[Meala]

Yeeeeesssss!!! Pls keep going!! These are too good!! love allergic Jim so much )))

[Subtly Clashing Wishes]

Yes, do continue. I am interested in seeing how Spock confesses his attraction to his captain's sneezing.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART ELEVEN

"Jim, I fail to see the logic in traipsing around the park searching for items for which we have no use."

"It's a scavenger hunt, Spock, it's supposed to be fun." Jim repeated, exasperated, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Urgh, you'd think the pollen would settle down this time of year."

"Indeed, Jim," Spock responded quickly. Now was not the time and he changed the subject, "what are the items we must recover?"

Jim skimmed down the list Leonard had written them, "We neeeed...we need, we need, we need...eh..." Bringing up a sleeved elbow to his nose, his head jerked upwards, "ehTSHCOUM! Bless me," he shook his head and carried on, "first we need a...a...ah-TSHOUM! EHSCOHUM! A toadstool."

"For what purpose?"

Jim sniffled at looked up at him, bleary eyed, "So we can check it off on our list, Spock."

Spock frowned, but searched the forest floor for toadstools nonetheless.

"HEHtschoum! ItSHIIIM! Heh...heh-ehTSSSOUM! Guh..." Jim gasped, "Really? We've been all over this damn forest and we still haven't found a toadstool. In fact, we've not been able to find anything on this stupid list but a pink flower and a rock that looks like a dick."

"It is a tricky situation, given Doctor McCoy insisted on photographic proof of our findings."

"Yes, it certainly does throw a wrench in the whole thing." Jim sniffled, pitching forward with another five sneezes and Spock stepped closer to his captain.

"This scavenger hunt is illogical."

"Yes, you've said."

Spock paused. Clearly he would need to be more direct about his intentions. Extending two fingers, he ran them down Jim's wrist, over his palms and the back of his hand before finding Jim's extended fingers, "I wish to get...illogical...with you."

"Here?" Jim whipped his head around, "EHTCHUU! Sniff, dow?"

"Affirmative." Spock mumbled, dragging his lover off the path and behind a bush surrounded by a bed of flowers.

[KickingUpTheDust]

SORRY I've been away. Should have told people buuut I'm back. Urgh, I feel awful.

[Subtly Clashing Wishes]

No worries. Anyone reading the obs would know you weren't feeling well. I hope you are feeling better and am looking forward to the next installment.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART TWELVE

"EH-schioum! Hell..." Jim sniffled as he changed into his regulation gold, "When mainbase engineering said they were gonna make...heh...make changes to the air system I did...UHSCHOUM! Think it would be this..."

"You should inform Starfleet of your reaction," Spock told him, stiffly, "it would be most inconvenient to have you incapacitated during our mission."

"You're telling me, although we're pulling out in two minutes and we need to be on...on...HAeschoum! On schedule. As if I've done enough sneezing these past few weeks."

"Indeed, Jim." Spock was shifting uncomfortably by the door,

It's that look again, Jim thought, whenever I start sneezing. He always gets that look.

"You don't have to hang around if you're busy, Spock, I'm sure you have your own business to attend to."

"Thank you, Captain." Spock replied hurriedly, rushing out the door. Heart jerking more as he heard Jim explode with two more sneezes on the way out.

As Jim felt another sneeze building, he plucked a tissue from the box on the bedside table and raised it to his face to muffle another three sneezes. Pondering Spock's odd reactions, he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt. Was Spock really bothered by sneezing? It seemed such a trivial thing, unless the person was sneezing uncovered everywhere and that was something he never did. As someone who had suffered allergies from a young age, he had quickly learned to be polite about his sneezes. He was a gentleman and always had been.

But, that being the case - everyone knew Jim's nose was sensitive. It was on his medical records, the lengthly list of allergies. He was a little more prone to the stray sneeze than the average crewmember - perfume and aftershave on the bridge had set him off a few times and he tried to avoid the botany lab as much as possible. Hell, Scotty had even banned him from certain sections of engineering due to the amount of silicon dust present.

It was no secret. Everyone knew, Spock included.

So if Spock was so bothered by people sneezing, why had he chosen to enter a relationship with Jim?

"Course laid in, sir."

"Ahead, warp factor three - HEHchoum!"

"Warp factor three, sir, and bless you."

"Thank you, Mr Sulu." Jim replied, rubbing his nose. Oh, when was this going to end? He glanced over at Spock, who he could tell was making a point of not looking at him.

"Mr Spock?"

Spock mentally sighed, "Captain?"

Jim studied him for a moment, as if trying to figure him out, "Science station doing alright?"

Spock cocked his head, "There is no indication of it running at any lesser rate of efficiency than usual, Captain."

Jim nodded, a tickle building, "Ah...a-all right then, ca-ca - hah- carry on...SCHOOOUM! Urgh, sorry everyone. Looks like you'll have to - ESCHOUM! Put up with this the rest of the shift. If anyone wants to knock me out to get some p...peeeeace-AH-scoum! peace and quiet, no charges will be brought against you." he joked. The crew laughed and returned to their stations.

Jim wasn't expecting a laugh from Spock, but at least a quirk of an eyebrow or the quiver of the corners of his mouth, but nothing. As he stared at his science officer's sternly turned back he noticed with every sneeze, Spock would stiffen or twitch, as if struggling to control himself.

Two reasons Jim couldn't wait to be off-shift. One; to stop sneezing while on the job and two; to have an important talk with his lover.