TMNT - The Sneeze of a Leader (Leonardo)

[alwaysbored84]

With a wintertime chill in the evening air, as the New York City sky usually emits, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were on patrol: keeping their nightly vigil over the city that never sleeps. Sliding along clotheslines from rooftop to rooftop they came - as the four heroes in half shells always did so very well. As per usual, the four brothers made their nightly halt to regroup and reconfigure before making their next move on the roof top of an old factory. Leonardo, drawing his katanas, signaled his brothers to a standstill; forcing Donatello to stop dead in his tracks as Raphael and Michelangelo continued to fly forward into him, knocking him to the ground.

“Ow!” Raphael exclaimed, falling into Michelangelo.

“Oy!” Michelangelo yelled, falling into Donatello.

“Oomf!” Donatello cried, thumping the rooftop’s floor.

“Shhh!” Leonardo scolded, “C’mon, guys – stealth!”

“Aw, c’mon, Leo,” the red clad turtle remarked, dusting off his shoulder, “It’s almost midnight. Who’s around to hear us?”

“Believe me, Raph, there are plenty of people. Now,” Leonardo began, turning to his highly intelligent brother, “What’s the status, Donnie?”

“Well,” Donatello replied as he studied the readings on his mutagen tracker, “No sign of any fallen mutagen canisters around here. I’m almost sure we collected them all.”

“Yeah,” Raphael scoffed sarcastically, “Or maybe the Shredder just got to ‘em before we did.”

“Don’t say that, bro,” Michelangelo insisted optimistically, “Think pooooositive thooooughts,” he proceed, rubbing his hot-headed brother’s temples.

“Get off me, you dork!” Raphael scolded, smacking his giggling brother in the arm.

“Well, if he does,” Leonardo said, staring off into the New York skyline, “We’ll be ready to fight for ‘em back.”

“Look, Leo,” Donatello sighed, placing his hand on his eldest brother’s shoulder, “It’s gonna take some time to get those canisters back. Just… give it some time.”

“Time’s something we don’t have, Donnie,” Leonardo replied affirmatively, “I say we map out our strategy – right here, right now.”

“Aww,” Michelangelo whined as he grabbed his stomach, “Without snacks? It’s hard to strategize on an empty stomach.”

“Sorry, Mikey,” Leonardo consented, sniffling lightly, “No time like the present, right?”

“Well, Mr. Present,” Raphael remarked, hugging himself for warmth, “Could we negotiate in a place that’s a little, I dunno, warmer?!”

“Yeah, i-it’s kinda cold up here, don’tcha think?” Donatello added, shivering lightly, “Especially since we’re c-cold b-blooded and all.”

“Like I said,” Leonardo insisted, shivering himself, “We don’t have much time. We make our plan, right here and now; end of discussion.”

“Oooh,” Raphael cooed mockingly, “The great leader has spoken. H-huhh, HURR’schoooo!”

“Gesundheit, bro,” Michelangelo blessed as his brother sneezed gruffly, “G-geez, I hope we don’t catch a chill up here!”

“The sooner we stop whining,” Leonardo intruded in frustration, “The soon we can go home. C’mon, fellas, we only have half an hour of patrol time left: let’s make the most of it!”

“Ugh, *sniiiff* whatever,” Raphael groaned, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

“Wha- *sniff* ugh, what kind of resources do we have to utilize, Don?” Leonardo asked, feeling a tickle begin to form in the back of his nose from the chilly night air.

“W-well,” Donnie began to reply, shivering all the time, “W-we have the Shell Raiser, so we could always ju- huhh, hehh—Heh’Hup’yeeww! ”

“Blesha,” Raphael remarked, blessing Donatello as he sneezed.

“Bless you, bro!” Mikey added.

“’Scuse me!” the purple clad turtle replied sheepishly, his cheeks slightly pink as he pulled out a handkerchief from his shell, blowing his nose noisily, “*snuff* Much better. Now, where was I?”

“Sounded like you were playin’ the trumpet to me,” Raphael commented sarcastically, making Michelangelo laugh.

“The Shell Raiser, Don,” Leonardo directed, clearly unamused.

“Ah, right! The Shell Raiser,” Donatello continued, “Well, we can always infiltrate the hideout by firing cannons from the launch mechanisms into the—“

“hhhhHHHHuuuulll’aaaAAAAhh’SCHHIIIOOOOU!” Michelangelo sneezed quite loudly.

“Gesundheit!” Donatello commented as he offered his brother a tissue from his first aid kit.

“Geez, Mikey!” Raphael scolded as his little brother wiped his nose, “You gotta warning for that thing?!”

“Wh-what?! I can’t help it!” Michelangelo retorted defensively.

“Oh, c’mon, guys!” Leonardo insisted. Though his body was shaking from the chill of the night – temperatures dropping lower with each passing second – he knew that his duty as a leader was to keep his team focused.

“Fellas,” the leader in blue said with a light sniffle, the tickle in his nose still growing stronger, “W-we’re never gonna come up with a plan if we keep goofing around.”

“W-we’re not goofin’ around, bro,” Michelangelo replied, wiping his dripping nose quickly, “W-we’re just c-cold! We can’t help it if we’re sneezin’.”

“H-he’s right, y’know,” Donatello added as he shivered, “It’s totally involuntary. This is just our body’s way of expelling unwanted bacterium from entering certain systems of functioning. We can’t control it--“

“L-look,” Leonardo intruded, sniffling a little more frequently now, “I-if there’s a-anything *sniff* w-we can control, i-it’s our bodies.”

“But not sneezing, stupid!” Raphael commented, wiping his running nose, “We’re not control freaks like you. We actually let our bodies do what they gotta do.”

“Wh- *sniiiff* wh-whaddya mean?!” Leonardo inquired nervously, feeling his nose begin to twitch.

“Don’t play dumb, Leo,” Raphael insisted, crossing his arms, “We know you hold back yer sneezes all the time.”

“Wh-what are you talkig about?” the leader in blue commented, feeling his nose become more and more congested.

“Think about it: every time you’ve ever had to sneeze – in your whole life – you’ve never sneezed in front of us.”

“Th-that’s ndot-“

“Actually,” Donatello jumped in, “Now that you mention it, I can’t recall ever hearing you sneeze before, Leo.”

“Yeeeeaaah,” Michelangelo added, “Me either! How come?”

“Yeah Leo,” Raphael insisted, “How come? What’s the big secret?”

“I, eh… I, uh…”

‘Oh, man, Leo — hold it back!’ he thought to himself, feeling the urge to sneeze growing, ‘Th-they can’t know the truth… they just can’t!’

In the back of his nose, he could feel the tickle becoming more prominent. His focus was drifting, his eyes were growing more squinted and crossed, and he could feel the sneeze just yearning to get out. Now usually, had Leonardo been home, he would’ve ran to his room or into one of the sewer tunnels to sneeze. However, being without this luxury was something he was quite uncomfortable with—he just couldn’t let his brothers see him sneeze!

“L-look, guys,” Leonardo managed to say, sniffing deeply to temporarily suppress the tickle, “I-it’s purely by accident that you’ve neh- hehh— n-never heard me – huhh, heh—sn-snee… sn-snee… Uh oh…”

With the urge to sneeze growing like a weed, Leonardo could feel the tickle growing more and more intense with each breath of the bitter cold air. He could sense the stares from his brothers, though his eyes were squeezed tight with desperation. His entire body seized with the effort to hold back the intense urge.

“H-hahh… h-heh… hhohh, mband…”

With his nose twitching slightly, Leonardo began to shiver more furiously as his desire to sneeze escalated with time. Almost worriedly, his brothers watched him.

“Maybe we should get outta the way,” Donatello stated calmly.

“Yeah, ya think?!” Raphael yelled sarcastically.

“Take cover!” Michelangelo cried, jumping behind a large chimney vent.

Following suit, Raphael and Donatello hid along with their little brother — watching Leonardo as he fell victim to his sneezy torture.

‘This is so humiliating!’ Leonardo thought, still gearing to sneeze as he felt the weakness of his body fuel his mortification, ‘If this is bad… what about when I actually sneeze?! Aw, no – I can’t hold it back much longer!’

“c-c-Can’t… h-hold… b-back… muh… muhhh… huuuhhh…”

As the heroes in half shells watched their brother explode into a sneezy fit, nothing could prepare them for what they were about to hear. Oh, this was it! If only he had sneezed earlier, maybe this wouldn’t have been so bad! Nothing he could do now, though… except…

“Hhhhaaahhh…. Hehhh… heh, hhuuhhh.. hhhaaaa’hhhaaaaa…HHHAAA’AAAAHHH….”

Now, when it came to being a leader, a hero, and an all-around person, Leonardo was one of the toughest. He was strong, confident, dignified, and masculine to every last detail. His sneezes, however… did not quite match up with this description.

“Hhhh’aaAHHHH… HHEHH’HUUUUH… Hheep’schiiuu! Huh-sheee! G’t-schiuu! Iih’schhhiii! H-hup’djee! Ugh, oh n-no — H’hee’tchuu! H’l-shee! Ih’schiiuu! Schiiuuu! Schiiiuuu! Schiiiuuu! *sniiiff* Wooo, boy…”

Feeling his cheeks burn crimson with the warmth of embarrassment, Leonardo turned to his brothers. At first, there was only silence. Nobody moved, nobody even blinked. Then, in an almost uproarious fashion…

“Fffffaaa! Hahahaha!”

“Oh, man! HA HA HA!”

“Du-dude, I can’t breathe! Heh heh!”

With his nose as red as his cheeks, the blue clad turtle’s eyebrows furrowed with anger.

“Wh-what’s so funny?!” Leonardo demanded, feeling much better after releasing his sneeze fit.

Wiping a tear of hilarity from his eye, Raphael howled with laughter as he replied, “L-leo… y’you sneeze like a girl!”

“Pffff, he’s right!” Donatello replied, holding his aching sides as he chuckled, “They’re hardly sneezes, th-they’re more like mouse squeaks! Ha ha ha!”

“Heeheehee!” Michelangelo giggled, patting the shoulders of his eldest brother, “And I thought I had a weird sneeze!”

Yes, it was true: Leonardo, despite his robust personality and title as the fearless leader, had a less-than-robust type of sneeze. He’d always sneezed like that – girly, high-pitched, repeatedly, and just plain ridiculously. Trying to retain what little glory he had left, Leonardo began to retaliate.

“Th-they’re not that bad!” Leonardo half-whined, his face still glowing with embarrassment.

“You’re kidding, right?!” Raphael bantered with a laugh.

“Bro,” Michelangelo added with a smirk, “Y-you sneeze like a kitten.”

“I do no— nuhh, heh’Hup’djeee!” Leonardo remarked as he sneezed again.

“pfffaaAAHAHAHA!”

“Aw-haw, adorable!”

“Hey, guys — who am I? ‘HEP-SHEEE! HUP-GEEE’! Haaa!” Raphael laughed as he mimicked Leonardo’s sneezes.

‘Darn it,’ Leonardo thought, ‘Still had one left in me.’

While his brothers laughed, Leonardo sighed desolately and sat on the edge of the building alone. Opening his eye to wipe a tear of laughter from it, Donatello noticed his eldest brother’s misery. He then proceeded to nudge his brothers hardly, ending the laughter.

“Hey!” Raphael jolted, “Whadja do that for?”

“Yeah,” Michelangelo added, “What did—“

“Look,” Donatello commanded, pointing to their eldest brother, pitifully wiping his nose and staring at the city below. Turning to each other first, the brothers nodded and sat down next to their leader in blue. Not sure of what to say, Raphael was the first to clear his throat.

“*Ahem*, uhm… so… What’s wrong?”

“Raph,” Donatello scolded, slapping his brother in the arm.

“C’mon, bro,” Michelangelo insisted.

“Ow! Kay, fine,” Raphael started again, “We, um… we’re sorry.”

Looking up at his brothers from the city below, Leonardo sighed and began to speak;

“No, it’s fine. I just… I knew you’d laugh! Th-that’s why I never sneeze in front of you guys! They’re just so weak, so… so embarrassing!”

“Well, yeah,” Donatello agreed quickly, “B-but you can’t help it. A sneeze is a sneeze! It’s out of your control.”

“That’s the problem,” the leader in blue explained, “I… I hate not being in control. Especially with things like that. A-and, besides… I’m supposed to be the ‘leader’, y’know? The tough guy: always in control, tough, forceful, strong… and I sneeze like… like…”

“A little girl?”

“A mouse?”

“A kitten?”

“Try ‘all the above’,” Leonardo groaned, “I just… I never wanted you guys to lose respect for me: to see me as weak… But I guess that’s all changed, huh?”

Not sure how to respond, the rest of the turtles looked to one another. That is, until Michelangelo perked up.

“Well, think of it this way,” the orange clad turtle suggested, “At least the rest of you isn’t like your sneezes! You’re tough as nails, bro — a leader ‘til the end! And some stupid sneeze isn’t about to change that.”

“As corny as that just sounded, Mikey’s right, Leo,” Donatello added, “I’m not about to let an involuntary bodily function dictate my opinion of your leadership abilities. You can’t let things beyond your control define you. You have to define you.”

“What are you guys, fortune cookies?” Raphael exclaimed, patting his eldest brother on the shell, “Look, Leo – we’re your brothers, we’re supposed t’ laugh at you… especially with a sneeze like that. Ha ha ha!”

Noticing Leonardo’s eyes begin to shift downward, Raphael sighed as he continued;

“—But… you’re still the strongest leader I know, man. Wimpy sneeze or not.”

As Leonardo looked up to find a smile stretch across Raphael’s face, the blue clad turtle reciprocated the same facial expression. That is, until his face contorted into a pre-sneeze façade.

“hhhuhh, hehh… Heep’shiiiuuu!” Leonardo sneezed lightly.

“Ha ha haaahh… heehhh… hhhhHHHHuuuulll’aaaAAAAhh’SCHHIIIOOOOU!” Michelangelo sneezed loudly.

“Bleh- hehh, hhh’Hah’PYEWWW!” Donatello sneezed, throwing his body forward.

“Hhahh… hhhhHHHUURR’schoooo!” Raphael sneezed forcefully with a cough.

“Ugh… C’mond, guys,” Leonardo ordered politely, shivering lightly, “We’ll plan our strategy toborrow. It’s late… and it sounds like we’re gettin’ sick. Let’s go home.”

“Good pland, Fearless Leader!” Michelangelo commented stuffily.

“Finally!” Raphael sighed happily, his body quaking with cold.

“About time,” Donatello added, coughing lightly.

Once the turtles returned to their sewer home, Master Splinter (along with Donatello’s thermometer) confirmed their fevers, proving that they did, indeed, catch a chill from their nightly adventure. With their tissue boxes by their side and a hot bowl of chicken pizza soup, the turtles nursed their colds until they were completely well. Of course, until then, the heroes in half shells put up with fits of each other’s coughing, sniffling, and – no matter how ridiculous they sounded —sneezing. Especially Leonardo: who no longer felt the need to hold back his high-pitched sneezes; and though each sneeze harbored a bout of laughter from his brothers, the leader in blue knew it was purely out of respect. That… and the fact that he sneezed like a mouse.

-FIN-

Edited October 5, 2014 by Joal 555
fixed font size

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Awwww! This was perfect...right down to the chicken pizza soup!

[Stephany13]

Oh. Dear. God.

I... I think I'm dead. I've always been a TMNT fan, the 2k12-implied series especially. And, admittedly, I've kinda harbored a Toon-Crush on Donatello since I was just a little girl... and seeing all four of them sneezing at once? Heaven on a computer screen! This piece was just great; lots of sneezing with just a sprinkling of brotherly fluff!

Any chance we can get a follow up of them nursing their colds...? Pretty pretty please?

[Orb]

Whoa, dude..... You nailed their personalities AND gave each of them their own sneeze? This is not possible! Just kidding, you proved that theory wrong. I also like how they laughed at him, then realized that's as a bad idea. Great story!

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

*twitches and flops onto the floor*

ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW!? THIS...THIS........

SO MUCH LOOOOOOOVEEEE!!!!!!!!

[Maus_17]

OMG! I have never come across a good tmnt fic on this site! I've just never managed to find one. This made my night. I like how they all sneeze so differently, and how you incorporated that into the story, and how the reason Leo didn't sneeze was so unexpected. XD amazing job.

[YouAreHawTCHEW!]

This is such good fanfic! The way you described Leo's struggle and their reaction when he sneezes is pure beautiful! And you even gave all of them different sneezes! <3

[spirkestielgirl87]

I could have sworn I already commented on this, it's too good not to have. It's rare to find a good TMNT fic imo, but I stand corrected. This is great!