I Am Illogical - Star Trek TOS (Spirk, M/M)

[KickingUpTheDust]

So...spirk, aside from cherik, is my OTP. I have read a LOT of ST sickfics, some on here and while I do think the idea of fetish!Kirk goes nicely (he seems to be the more sexuallll one) I did read an unfinished fic about Spock being the sneeze fetishist.

So the wheels in my head have been turning aaaaaaaand I decided to do things with Spock's fetish for sneezing clashing with his fetish for logic while trying to controlhimselfnotcontrolhimself round his sneezy, sick, human boyf, who knows and enjoys pushing his pointy-eared boyf to his limits :-) yaaaaaaay space husbands!

PART ONE.

I am, Spock thought to himself, possibly the most illogical person I know sometimes.

It was illogical for his captain and bondmate, Jim Kirk, to be captaining the bridge when miserable with what Spock believes to be a heavy head-cold.

It was even more illogical for Spock to be aroused by the heaviness of said head-cold.

It was EVEN MORE illogical for Jim to be very much aware and encouraging Spock's aforementioned arousal.

With every sniffle, every sneeze, every wet and congested nose-blow, Jim's hazel eyes flicked over to Spock. Spock, ever the mask of perfect calm and seriousness, with little room for emotion, was now struggling to keep that mask afit on his face.

The ears, those elfin, pointy, lightly curled ears were now green, the grass-looking tinge spreading slowly down to his pale cheeks and his cocoa-brown, almost black eyes darkening further and further until they were almost starry voids of desire.

It is illogical for the Captain to be on the bridge when he is ill, Spock's logical half said to him, it would not be prudent for him to stay and risk further declining his health whilst not only distracting his First Officer from his work, but infecting the rest of the crew. Doing so would decrease work productivity -

"AAAEEE-schum!"

- never mind.

Fortunately for his increasingly exasperated logical side, Lieutenant Uhura took things into her own hands.

"Uhura to Sickbay."

"What is it, Lieutanant?"

"I am comming on behalf of Captain Kirk, based on what I know of the Captain he will be too stubborn to come and see you himself, Doctor."

Jim opened his mouth to retaliate, but she simply glared at him and he closed it. Not even the Captain messed with Uhura.

"Roger that. Jim - if you're not here within the next thirty seconds I'ma come to the bridge and drag you off there, hypo-ing you into submission. McCoy out."

Throwing Uhura a filthy look, letting out a pitiful puppy-whine and deliberately give a good, stuffy sniff for Spock's benefit, he slunk off into the turbolift, calling out stuffily, "Spock, you have the cod."

The Lieutenant turned in her chair to face the flushed science officer.

"I would have thought, Commander, that you would have sent him sooner. It wouldn't be 'logical' to have him infect the lot of us, would it?"

"You are basing your assumptions on the theory that I know your reasoning for sending him to Doctor McCoy, Lieutenant." Spock replied, in what he hoped was not a trembling whimper, but a strong, respectful tone, "I was not, in fact, aware of any afflictions the Captain may be suffering at the present moment as I have found myself somewhat occupied with the imminent task in front of me."

Sulu and Chekov looked at eachother and Uhura folded her arms, "Oh? And what would that be?"

Caught. He never was a good liar. It was the quietest shift they'd had in weeks. Instead of replying, Spock simply stared at the figures on front of him, waiting until it was time to switch shifts.

It was a long, long, long shift and the memories of Jim's damp, itchy, twitching, hitching nose was concentrated into Spock's brain. The look of desperation on Jim's face as his nose flared and twitched and crinkled erratically. When his eyes fluttered and watered and finally closed in anticipation. His mouth, opening slowly, waiting. His hands, unfolding a tissue, quick and nimble before the final explosion was released into it. And as illogical and unhygienic as it was, Spock found himself wanting to be that tissue, as he had done before...

Yes. It really was a long, long, long shift.

[Dye]

AAaaahhh!!! There's always room for more Star Trek fics here! I'm absolutely loving this. <3

Can't wait to see more, if there is more? Like, I would cry from happy for an update.

[rockblock706]

Oh my gosh my heart jumped when I saw this post! Please post more

[ID2006]

This... yes... this needs more

[Shay]

I usually don't go for sickfics but for some reason this one really has me grinning. I can't wait to read more.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART TWO.

Precisely 4.75 hours later, Spock found himself outside his captain's door.

"Enter." came the rough voice from inside.

Spock did so, finding the captain laying on his side away from the door, still uniform-clad. Upon hearing the door swoosh closed, Jim turned over and smiled faintly, "Hey, you." he murmured, "Enjoy your day?"

Spock stepped forward and sat in the edge of his boyfriend's bed, "It would have been far more enjoyable had I been able to concentrate on my work."

Jim smirked, "Is that your way of saying you didn't appreciate my little display earlier?"

The half-Vulcan reached out with his fingers, stroking Jim's dark-gold hair soothingly, projecting warmth through their bond, "I find myself...torn." he admitted.

"Torn?"

Spock hesitated, the greenish tinge back in his cheeks, "Part of my mind tells me I should make no attempt to engage you in sexual intercourse at this time. You are ill, excessive physical activity could worsen your condition. It says I should, as your bondmate, provide assistance and care until you return to health." he paused, drawing breath, "And another part, controlled by primal desire, commands me to take you."

"Take me, Spock?"

"Sexually."

It would be then that Jim's nose would choose to sternuate. A tickling rush of air is taken in and expelled with a "HAAH-CHum!" and again, and again and Spock felt the shame and the arousal creep up, while simultaneously wanting to lay his mate down and telepathically soothe him to sleep, checking his temperature every hour...

"HAEH-schu!" Jim reached for tissues but was stopped by Spock, who plucked one from the box and held it over Jim's small, upturned nose. One of Jim's most attractive features, Spock thought, perfectly fitting under his own larger one when their lips locked in a human kiss.

"Indulge me, ashayam." he whispered and though Jim's mouth was covered, he could see his captain's youthful eyes grinning at him and he sneezed again and blew hard into the tissue.

Spock tossed the tissue into the bin and shifted closer to Jim, who was smiling at Spock, mischief glinting in his eyes.

"You appear amused."

"I'm just thinking."

"About what, Captain?"

Jim's smile broadened, sniffling, "How adorable it is that my stiffly logical first officer can become so flustered by the sight of me in this state. Allowing me to sneezy all over him and get oh-so-turned-on."

Spock avoided looking into his eyes, "I can assure you I am in control of my desires. I will make no attempt to - "

"Spock, just sssshhhhhhh...." Jim told him as he leaned in to press his lips to Spock's.

[Leafeon78]

This is brilliant will you be posting more I'm dying here

[Dye]

Ohhhhhh my god it got better iT GOT BETTER

//FLAILS A LOT

SNEEZY KIRK IS MY WEAKNESS

[spirkestielgirl87]

EEEK! I am so.. wow...yeah, I don't know what to say, other than I LOVE this! I usually like it when Spock is the one sneezing, but this is wonderful! I never thought what it would be like for Spock to have the fetish- you portray it brilliantly. Well done!

[Shay]

How adorable it is that my stiffly logical first officer can become so flustered by the sight of me in this state.

I really enjoy seeing Spock all flustered as well.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART THREE.

An hour later, Spock and Jim lay back on the bed, shirtless. Jim's head nestled against Spock's chest while Spock traced his fingers through his lover's hair and round his ears.

"Jim?" Spock mumbled,

"Hm?"

"Thank you for the sexual gratification."

Jim chuckled, "You don't need to thank me for sex, Spock, I'm your boyfriend."

"Still," Spock continued, "I am told it is rare to find a partner that will indulge in unusual fetishes. Many find even common fetishes such as - "

"HAAEEH-schuum! IIISHEW! Spock, could you - ?" Spock passed him a tissue and watched as he sneezed three more times and sighed, blowing his nose and tossing the used tissue into the bin with ease. "As buch as I love idulgig you, Spock, I - AAEE-schu! - this cold is really startig to take its toll od be...oh, crap!" he tried to sniffle, but found he could not, "Dow eved by voice souds pathetic ad stuffed up. Urgh."

Spock pressed his hands to either side of his mate's cheeks near his nose, "Rest easy, k'diwa." he soothed, "I hear applying warm, light pressure to the sinuses can help ease congestion. This is only one remedy for congested nasal passages - however, this method is the most easy to access at the current moment as - "

"Heeeeh..."

" - as my temperature, being Vulcan, is higher than that of a human, therefore - "

"Aaahhhh..."

" - my hands will be a suitable instrument for - "

"HAAAH-schum!"

Jim had been able to contain the spray with his hands, but Spock could not repress the aroused shiver that vibrated through his body as Jim's silvernut eyes glanced up at him with a mixture of amusement and shame.

"Sorry." he said sheepishly, both for arousing the other man and the fact that he was currently contagion city.

Spock took Jim's wrists and prised them away from his face, kissing the captain tenderly, "There are no need for apologies, Jim."

Jim sighed, "I dow, and I dow you like it, but I'b still disgustig ad I'b totally codagious, you're bost defiditely godda catch it frob be ad...HAAAEEH-SCHUM!"

"Jim," Spock wiped at his lover's dinky nose with a clean tissue, "as your bondmate, it is customary that I take care of you to the best of my ability. On Vulcan, caring for an unwell bondmate is expected, even if the bondmate is contagious with a non-fatal disease and it is accepted that the partner may also fall victim to the disease. It is logical that only a close source would care for the ailing mate, as an outside source would likely spread the contagion. Therefore I am confining you here and caring for you until you are no longer ill. Blow."

Jim did, "So that's Vulcad for 'fuss over your baby or else you're a horrible partder'. Ew, by voice..."

Spock's lips ghosted Jim's temple, "If that is how you wish to interpret it, yes. And your voice, while I regret the reasoning behind it, is still by far one of the most attractive forms it takes."

Jim sneezed again and blew his nose, "I'b glad you thigk so because do od else is goig to take be seriously or fide be sexy all stuffed up and raw. Listed to this; 'Kirk to Ederprise, bake course for Starbase wod-doo-three, baxibum warp, bunch id - '" he broke off to sneeze again, "See?"

Spock fought to supress an illogical display of both humour and arousal at watching his boyfriend attempt to use his Very Attractive Command Voice and mix it up with his Even More Attractive Rhinovirus-Afflicted Voice.

Instead, he handed Jim another tissue and pulled on his shirt. He was in need of advice andtowalkoffhisimpurethoughts.

[Leafeon78]

Thanks for the update i enjoyed reading

[ID2006]

Omg, you seem to know all my buttons.

[rockblock706]

Really good, keep it coming!

[Dye]

oooohohohohhohooooo everything about this is beautiful

kirk trying to be all commanding but sdfghjkfdghjdhgfh

and you update so quickly! @W@

[AngelEyes]

Spock fought to supress an illogical display of both humour and arousal at watching his boyfriend attempt to use his Very Attractive Command Voice and mix it up with his Even More Attractive Rhinovirus-Afflicted Voice.

LOL. I love this.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FOUR.

"Spock, I was wondering when you'd show up round here." Leonard strutted forward, hypospray in hand, "Finally caught Captain Snuffles' cold, eh? Although how any cold virus could survive in that green copper cocktail you call blood is anyone's guess."

"Spare me your anatomical insults, Doctor, I merely seek advice."

"Advice, Spock?"

"I simply request your medical expertise on treating the Captain's rhinovirus - Vulcan's practices in dealing with illness in bondmates, I fear, will not be suitable for the Captain."

Leonard sat against the desk as Spock explained.

"So you guys care for your bondmates...not with cuddles and tea but stern reminders of logic and mediation?"

"Yes."

"Sounds cold."

"On the contrary, Doctor, Vulcan is not a planet that can be considered 'cold'. However, as Captain Kirk is not Vulcan, I doubt this kind of Vulcan caretaking will benefit him."

"For once, Spock, I agree with you." Leonard sighed, "So, what exactly have you been doing with him?"

"I have only had approximately 1.86 hours alone with Captain Kirk since the symptoms of his illness began to show. In that time, I have..." he stopped, ears flushing green,

"You have...?" the doctor prompted,

"Have...attempted to alleviate his sinus congestion with the warmth of my hands and..." Spock stopped abruptly again, greening further.

"Come on, Spock," Leonard verbally shook the first officer, "What?"

"Had sexual intercourse with him."

Leonard coughed and hid his face in his hands, "Why?"

"Wh..." Spock stuttered, "we were both in a state of sexual arousal...it was logical..."

"Logical? Spock, if your partner is sick with a head-cold you lay 'em down in bed, you give 'em hot tea, you bring 'em tissues and soup and check their temperature every half hour. You put menthol in boiling water and make 'em inhale the steam, you give 'em extra blankets and reassure them you're here and they're still beautiful. You don't tear off each other's clothes and try to screw the cold out of 'em!"

Spock was about to protest when he realised the good doctor had actually given him the information he required, and simply nodded. "Very well, Doctor, I shall take that into consideration."

It was going to be very difficult, though.

When Spock re-entered Jim's quarters, Jim was blowing his nose, "Oh, Spock..." he smiled from behind the tissue, "I was beginning to think you'd realised how illogical it was to stick around and catch my...my....haaaaah....HHUHACKTCHUM! IIIRRSCHOOO!"

Spock strode over to his boyfriend's side and waiting until Jim had finished re-blowing his nose before taking the now very used tissue from his hands and throwing it into the steadily-filling bin, passing him a new one.

"Jim, I could not leave you in this state of need, I...I assure you, you are still...beautiful...in this state." Spock finished awkwardly. Telling Jim he was attractive without even slightly engaging him in intimate contact was hard at best and his body cried out in protest. Jim's eyebrow quirked at Spock's use of 'beautiful'.

"Beautiful, Spock?''

Spock drew away, embarrassed, "Would you care for hot tea, Jim?"

"Um," Jim blinked at the abrupt subject change, "sure, if you're having one."

Spock nodded and made his way over to the replicator. Suddenly, he wondered if the Vulcan way would have ever been possible for him at all.

[Shay]

Great chapter. Spock's interaction with McCoy made me laugh so much!

[AngelEyes]

OMG. LOL. That was hysterically wonderful!

And also, I watched Star Trek and Star Trek Into Darkness yesterday and today. I have to say, I was surprisingly hooked by it! New fan!

Edited September 17, 2014 by AngelEyes

[Leafeon78]

Another chapter brilliant enjoyed it very much thanks for updating

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FIVE.

"HHHRRRRAAA-SCHOUM! Urgh, think it's lights out for me, Spock, are you gonna head back to your own quarters or - SCHUUUM! - stay here tonight?"

Spock paused, weighing up the likelihood of his arousal peaking (100%, it was already happening) and Dr. McCoy's advice. He decided to risk it.

"I thought I might stay here tonight, Jim, if it's not too much of an intrusion."

"You're never an - HIIITCH-SHOUM! - intrusion, Spock, you know that," Jim yawned and winced at the pain that spiked in his throat, "I'm gonna get ready for bed, you make yourself comfortable."

Spock lay back on the bed, contemplating Doctor McCoy's instructions...McCoy, as far as he was aware did not know of his...unusual interest and thus could not take into account the difficulty in controlling it. He felt himself clench and Jim let out another ferocious sneeze from the bathroom. Distractions, distractions.

Jim stepped out of the bathroom, sniffling but smiling. Gods, he was lucky to have a boyfriend like Spock. Anyone else would be backing away, grossed out. Even if not that, they'd just sit through it. Spock? Spock got turned on by it. And if it could turn Spock on, it was amazing, because so was Spock.

"Bathroom's free, my love." Jim murmured to him and Spock jerked as if shocked.

"Yes. I shall prepare myself for the night." Jim frowned. It wasn't like Spock to be that jumpy.

"You alright?" he frowned,

"I am uninjured." Spock answered, stalking into the bathroom. Jim's frown deepened with concern. Then deepened further from the need to sneeze again.

Hearing Jim's explosive, free sneezes, Spock nearly broke his toothbrush in half, biting down so heavily on it. I am in control of my emotions, he said sternly at himself. In control -

"HRUSCH-OO!"

...in...control...

Spock removed his shirt and folded it neatly on the chair opposite the bed and surveyed Jim, already stripped down to his underwear in bed, shivering.

"Are you cold, Jim?"

"A little." Jim replied, "Come warm me up?" he held out his arms for Spock to climb into bed and slide into, nestling Jim's head on his chest.

"Is the warmth pleasing to you, ashaya?"

"Mmmm, yes," Jim sniffled and looked up at the half-Vulcan. He chuckled lightly, "Look at you, you must really be distracted," he reached up, kissing away a blob of toothpaste that had somehow found it's way onto one slashed black eyebrow. The tickle in his upturned nose rearing, he buried his face into Spock's neck, sneezing full-force into it and Spock gasped, tremouring. No Vulcan training he recieved back home had prepared him for such blatant showcases of sexual stimuli designed to appeal to a particular fetish. Did full-blooded Vulcans have fetishes or was this a human trait? It was never something discussed.

Jim sneezed again and Spock closed his eyes and tried his hardest to keep his thoughts logical.

[Dye]

OOooohhh, Jim, you're teasing him totally on purpose! @W@

I have faith in Spock to control himself

no i don't

please completely lose it spock

sadfghjklgjhgfdsasdfgh

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FIVE.

Spock parted from sleep precisely 7.25 hours later and his lover, judging from the snores heaving lightly next to him, was stl fast asleep. Good, Jim did need his rest.

Finding no logic in idly lying in bed, Spock got up and after a shower and change, walked briskly to the mess hall.

"Mr Spock," Hikaru Sulu greeted him with some surprise, "I wasn't expecting to see you so early. You're not on shift today, are you?"

"Correct, Mr Sulu, I am not. However, I awoke and felt it necessary to take sustenance. Both for myself and the captain."

"How is he?" Hikaru asked, "Still sick?"

Spock sighed, "The human Rhinovirus takes an average minimum of three days to expel itself from the upper respiratory system. Since the captain's illness appeared less than forty-eight hours ago, it is logical to presume he has as of yet been unsuccessful in removing the virus from his body. Furthermore, judging by the sounds he has been producing during sleep and his breathing rate, I would pinpoint his mucosal production levels at - "

"Well, tell him we all hope he feels better soon, sir." Sulu interrupted hurriedly and power-walked over next to Pavel Chekov, a disgusted look on his face.

Taking his own breakfast, and Jim's, on one tray, he left the mess.

Spock's breakfast, as usual, comprised of fruit and some form of cereal with tea. Jim, he noted, lacked a certain consistency with his breakfast, claiming it 'depends on what he feels like'. Noticing, however that his bondmate's mood particularly perked when he was eating a sweet Earth meal he called 'pancakes' (apparently so named because they were made in a pan) and maple syrup (which Spock was fascinated to learn came from trees). He did detect a lack on nutritional value in these, and after due consideration between his mate's morale (which would produce healing endorphins) and levels of vitamin c the captain needed at this time (found in fruit) he decided to, as Jim would say, kill two birds with one stone and take both along with tea.

Jim shifted and awoke upon hearing Spock 're-enter his quarters. Urgh, God he felt disgusting. Nose was useless and so chapped even thinking of blowing it made him sting.

But seeing Spock carefully set the tray down on the bedside table he smiled weakly.

"Bordig, babe." He squeaked(?), Jesus, his throat.

"Assuming you are attempting to greet me in Standard, Jim," Spock said, a hint of humour playing at his voice, "I return the sentiment and his you also a good morning."

Tiredly sneezing into a tissue, Jim chuckled, "did you actually bring me breakfast in bed, Spock."

"Affirmative."

"You are the - AAAEEEH-SHOUM! - best - HIIIEHSCHOO - boyfriend - SCHOOOOUM! - ever. What did I do to deserve you?''

"'Deserve' is a relative term - "

But Spock didn't finish the sentence. Jim was gearing up for a morning fit. Cold or no cold, Jim sneezed at least seven times a morning and even if it was a daily thing, Spock could not miss it.

[spirkestielgirl87]

Yes this is awesome! I am loving sneeze fetish Spock! I think I see some foreshadowing.. is Spock going to catch it?! That would be AMAZING!

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART SIX.

Spock munched on his own breakfast, not taking his eyes off Jim as he ate his own. Jim's nose at the present moment was not functioning at optimum efficiency for breathing, and as his mouth was occupied with eating, the task of respiration was a difficult one to balance and distraction was likely. Choking was a small, but real, threat.

As the still shirtless Jim shovelled another forkful of pancake into his mouth, a drop of maple syrup fell onto his bare chest. Jim sniffled and wiped it with his finger and sucked it off. Spock didn't care if Jim knew he was staring intently. He cared even less when he noticed Jim's wet nostrils flaring and Jim slowly raise a fist to his nose and sneeze explosively into it.

In the dim light, Spock could see some of the spray and he heard his blood rush like a stormy wave lashing at the shore and his arousal howling like an animal in the moonlight. Why...why...

This was worse than the time McCoy sent him to ask Jim about the brandy 'he' had demanded (Jim's 'evil side') and he had walked into the captain's quarter to find a bare-chested Jim, evidently just got out of the shower. Muscles glistening and hair slightly wet, slinging a towel round his neck. The shock of seeing his captain so...so exposed had almost caused Spock to forget why he was there.

"HUUUURAAEH-schoo!" Jim sneezed again, breaking Spock out of his reverie. "Spock? You alright?''

"I am quite well, Jim." Spock replied, "I was merely engaged in thought."

"Was I involved in that engagement?"

Spock almost smirked, "Affirmative."

Jim chuckled and sniffled, returning to his food.

Spock attempted to resume control of his bubbling emotions.

Approximately 1.19 hours later, Spock's self-control was pushed further. Jim has stepped out the shower and sneezing more frequently than before. Blowing his nose, he shuffled closer to Spock, "You dow how you broughd be padcakes to boost by edorphids?"

"Yes?"

"I thigk you deed payig back."

"I am inclined to disagree."

Jim began roping his arms's round his science officer's neck, "Oh really?"

"Affirmative."

"Thed why dot help be get bore edorphids goig?"

Spock took Jim by the shoulders and stared at him, understanding. "You desire intercourse."

"Yes, Bister Spock, I desire idercourse. Ad so do you by the looks of it." Jim smirked, eyes flickering down. He sniffled thickly, others would have been repulsed by the action but Spock felt his control weakening. Not that it was strong to start with but now Jim was offering himself to him.

It was hard. In more ways than one.

"I..." Spock swallowed, his voice dry, "Jim, I should check your temperature. I believe your core body temperature has risen and I must ensure that you are in now way feverish - "

"I'b hot because of you, Spock." Jim laughed,

"Then it would be logical to remove myself from your presence, as my body temperature is - "

"Spock," Jim interrupted, "what's wrong?"

"I, er..."

"I thought you liked this."

"I do, but...it is...illogical."

Jim let his hands drop, "Illogical."

Spock sensed a drop in his bondmate's mood, "Jim..."

"It's fide, Spock, I get it."