An Unexpected Defeat (Sleeping Beauty-verse Maleficent)

[Chanel_no5]

***Note***

If someone had told my 10-year-old self that less than twenty years later I would write a sneeze fic about Maleficent - the original Disney cartoon version - I probably would have run away crying. Luckily (?) my limits aren't as set in stone as I sometimes think they are, so here it is. I still have a weird feeling about it though; it's quite embarrassing. Anyway. DB thought it was good so I figured I'd dare to post it here for you to read, because you're a bunch of good guys who won't throw rotten tomatoes at me. I hope.

I tend to view cartoon Maleficent and live-action movie Maleficent as two completely different characters. Also, I've never written sneeze fics about a cartoon character before. It feels odd. Quite nice... but odd. Yeah. Here you are. Please be kind! *goes into hiding*

***

Oh, those three! Maleficent could hardly believe how they had managed to sneak in, under her very nose, free prince Philip and petrify her darling pet. But luckily, she had managed to recapture the prince and put him back where he belonged - in the dungeon. This time in an enchanted sleep, though only for the time being.

Until she had dealt with the fairies, who were now dropped in front of her by her loyal but unfortunately terribly incompetent goons.She looked down at Flora, Fauna and Merriweather with a dangerous sneer upon her face.

“Well, well. How brave of you to enter the dragon’s lair. You will find that I am being most hospitable today; I have already escorted our dear prince Philip back to his quarters. I believe I can find a suitable place for you to stay, as well,” she said, her voice dripping with mockery.

“I’m warning you Maleficent,” Flora said in a shaky voice.

Maleficent laughed heartily.

“You’re warning me?”

“Let the prince go.”

Flora’s two sisters flanked her and tried to look threatening, a difficult task as Maleficent towered over them like a thundercloud. The tall fairy smirked.

“Or else? Don’t waste my time further, you fools. If you have some sweet, childish little spell you want to throw at me, be my guest.” She glared at Merriweather. “Do you wish to try your petrifying spell on me?” She gave a sarcastic little bow. “I shall undo the one you put on Diablo as soon as I have finished these other matters.”

A cloud of bubbles shot out from one of the wands pointed at her. Maleficent was very rarely surprised, but this was such a feeble, such a dim-witted attempt to take her out, she merely stood, stunned, and let the bubbles surround her. She chuckled, genuinely amused, and shook her head. She then reached out her hand and popped one bubble with her long red nail.

“Enough of this,” she snapped and started to ensnare the good fairies in a cage of thorns. One of them had time - barely - to throw a flower spell at her. Maleficent didn’t bother moving; flowers could hardly do more harm to the Mistress of All Evil than bubbles could. And there, she had the three meddling spots of colour trapped - finally!

She threw her head back and laughed, but she abruptly stopped as she felt the most unexpected, creeping sensation in her right nostril, spreading throughout her sinuses, all the way behind her eyes, down her throat. Her eyes narrowed. A hitching gasp escaped her. She had only just time to realise what was happening before it did.

Her horned head snapped forward with a wet, unrestrained sneeze:

“HaaaESSCHHOO!”

Instead of relieving the itch, the sneeze made her feel like sneezing again. Her nostrils twitched.

This cannot be.

But it was. Another sneeze teased and tickled the inside of her long, slender nose, and rubbing didn’t help matters whatsoever. She exploded with another furious sneeze.

“HAA-ERRSSCHHHOO!”

She sniffed and was immediately overcome with another sneeze, and another.

“HAH-ESSCCHHO! AESSCCHHOO! Haahhh-AAEERRSSCCHHOOO!”

It was unbelievable! She could not stop sneezing!

In the cage, Fauna turned to her sisters.

“I… I think Maleficent has hayfever.”

The three fairies looked disbelieving at each other for a moment.

“Well, don’t just stand there, help me make more flowers!” Flora said.

If Maleficent had been able to speak, or focus on anything outside of the burning itch in her nose, she easily would have been able to end it then and there; she was after all much more powerful than the good fairies. She could have put a remedy spell on herself, gotten rid of the flowers and incinerated the meddling colourful fairies within a few seconds. If she had been able to speak. And to focus. But everything was a haze pierced only by her desperate need to keep sneezing.

Flowers rained down over her, spilling their pollen all over her face, her skin, her clothing. She clung to her staff for support, doubling over by the sheer force of the sneezes. It wasn’t as if she had never sneezed before; of course she had, she had a nose after all. But she had never experienced anything like this; usually she sneezed perhaps once or twice a year, and those were quick, medium-volumed “Heh-tschoo!”s. And possible to avoid by willpower alone, if it wasn’t a good time to let them out.

This time - probably the worst time to sneeze in her whole long life - there was no chance for her to avoid sneezing. By now the sneezes came so rapidly she only had time for a quick inhale before succumbing to the next one. She sneezed so hard her throat burned and ached. Once, many, many years ago, while she had been in her dragon shape, she had choked on her own fire. It was one of those beginner mistakes a young shapeshifter could make when adjusting to his or her new shape, and the scorching ache in her throat and her sinuses had been much like this one. Yeah, well, she hadn’t been in complete control of her dragon body back then.

Sadly, at the moment she wasn’t in complete control of her wicked fairy body either. Maleficent could hardly believe it, but she was retreating. Sneezing repeatedly (and most violently), she backed away from the now enormous heap of flowers, until her back hit the stone wall. She slid down into a sitting position, exhausted from the vicious attack and still unable to do anything to stop it. She couldn’t even gather enough focus to conjure up a handkerchief to stem the constant stream of liquid running down her face.

In the meantime, the three fairies were busy escaping from the cage of thorns they had been trapped in. If Maleficent had been her usual composed self, they never would have been able to breach her strong magic, but even her magic seemed to have weakened, and they were soon free.

“Quick!” Flora said, waving her wand for emphasis. “We must hurry and free Prince Philip!” She and Merriweather rushed towards the door, not noticing that Fauna wasn’t with them. She had, very carefully, approached the helplessly sneezing dark fairy in the corner.

“Sorry, Mistress Maleficent, but we had no choice.”

Maleficent managed to open her watery eyes and glare at the green fairy for a few seconds before she began to sneeze again.

“Fauna! Come along!” Flora shouted.

Fauna wringed her hands. She hated to see anyone in such misery, even if it was their archenemy. She couldn’t risk removing the flowers and the effect they had, not yet, and actually helping Maleficent would prove dangerous. But she felt she needed to do something for her.

Before she turned and followed her sisters, she magically produced a large, soft handkerchief and let it drop into Maleficent’s hands. Then she fled as if all the powers of Hell were after her.

They weren’t. All the powers of Hell were currently incapacitated due to the sneezing fit of Evil.

***

Edited October 12, 2014 by Chanel_no5

[Wildwood]

Yeeeaahh! You did it! Come on, this is so great. Don't be ashamed to show talent!

So my most popular comment around here is that characterization is spectacular. WELL I'M SAYIN IT AGAIN. It's great! Especially Fauna, I kinda freaked out laughing a bit when that all happened.

[Chanel_no5]

Yeeeaahh! You did it! Come on, this is so great. Don't be ashamed to show talent!

So my most popular comment around here is that characterization is spectacular. WELL I'M SAYIN IT AGAIN. It's great! Especially Fauna, I kinda freaked out laughing a bit when that all happened.

Hahaha, yeah but oh God it feels awkward. What an awkward situation... yeah.

Thank you! aww, I think Fauna is so cute, a sweet little lady. "Perhaps if we reason with her...", well is that such a bad idea? I mean, could things have gotten much worse if they had?

Yeah, sorry. I have to go and not watch the movie again.

[HPG]

Hahaha! That was too cute!

[Chanel_no5]

Thank you!!

Alright, so I was just messing around and part 2 happened. Don't ask. I think my muse is doing this on purpose. Anyway. It was fun writing and fun is never wasted.

***

She had never felt so miserable in her life. Her eyes and nose streamed as her head snapped forward with another violent sneeze every two seconds. She would prefer not to admit it, but she was grateful to Fauna for giving her that handkerchief, although it was soaked by now. It gave her at least some chance of preserving her dignity by hiding the leaky mess that was her face. Three of her goons had entered - she felt their presence, although she couldn’t open her eyes nor hear anything above the sound of her roaring sneezes - but they showed unusual intelligence and kept their distance.

“ATSSSSCCHOO! AESSSCHH! I will… AESSCCHHOO! I will ha-haaEESSCH! Have my r-AESSCCHH! Revenge!”

Maleficent was desperately out of breath and her sinuses were pounding, otherwise she would have elaborated on said - or sneezed - revenge, but she settled for expressing her frustration in a particularly loud sneeze:

“HAAAH-RAAEESSCCHHOOO!”

That seemed to ease the itch slightly. She took a deep, shaky breath and proceeded to blow her nose fiercely. She sneezed again, a congested half-stifle, and shuddered. She flicked her fingers and conjured up a fresh handkerchief while the soaked one disappeared. She leaned back against the cold stone wall and closed her eyes, focusing on just getting enough air back into her lungs to function again. Thankfully she could use her magic now, and so the flowers that still littered the floor were gone in a flash of green. The healing spell would be more difficult, as it required spoken words, and they had to be pronounced just right. Which obviously wouldn’t be an easy task given how congested she was. She tried anyway, but trailed off after the first two words. When m’s came out as b’s and n’s like d’s, there was no telling how messed up the spell could be.

She banged the back of her head against the wall a couple of times in frustration before getting up on her feet. She knew the good fairies had rushed to the dungeon, but there would be little for them to do; even if they did get inside, they would be unable to wake the prince.

“You,” she snarled at her goons, and they looked up at her in fear. “Don’t just stand there, you idiots! Catch… AAAEESSCCHH! Catch them!”

They obeyed - well, at least they took off, how well they actually obeyed her command was questionable - and she followed, but in a slow, dignified pace that was only partly to seem confident… most part was so she’d have time to recover as much as possible. She had to stop twice and sneeze again, but she seemed to be getting her nose back under some sort of control. She silently thanked the fact that she was a wicked fairy; their recovery time for all kinds of injuries and sicknesses were fast.

***

“I can’t believe you Fauna!” Flora scolded. “I really can’t!”

“But she looked so miserable…”

“Well it serves her right,” Merriweather grumbled. “For all I care, we should have turned her entire castle into a field of flowers and she would never be able to catch her breath enough to put another curse on anyone again!”

“But that would be almost like putting a curse on her!” Fauna protested but fell silent when both her sisters glared at her. All three turned on their heels when a voice spoke from behind them.

“Yes, I’d say it would be exactly like that. You know, I’ve always wondered how those who claim to be the good ones can bear to inflict such misery upon others. Do tell, do you enjoy hurting others as much as I do, but are too weak and scared to admit it?”

Maleficent’s voice was hoarse and stuffed up but still as commanding and contemptuous as ever. A smirk played on her lips, marking a superiority and confidence she did not actually feel. While she was prepared for their flower folly this time, she was also weary after the hayfever attack, and her nose was still itching, though nowhere near as bad as it had.

“We don’t enjoy hurting anyone,” Fauna said, her face a study in sadness.

“Oh speak for yourself,” Merriweather muttered.

“Ah, Fauna. The greatest of the good,” Maleficent chuckled. “Helping your enemy after harming her. It could make people wonder whose side you’re really on.”

“I… I just want all sides to get along!”

Maleficent nodded sarcastically and opened her mouth to say something else, when the itch that still lingered deep within her nose flared up again, causing her to gasp sharply and sneeze again. It was so sudden she almost sneezed on inhale.

If the involuntary action caught her off guard, it was nothing compared to what it did to her enemies. Fauna jumped. Flora took a surprised step back and stumbled over Merriweather, and they somehow got tangled together and fell. Maleficent once more cast the caging spell on them and this time snatched their wands from them.

“Well, look at this turn of events…” she mocked. “I believe the element of surprise is not to be sneezed at.”

She chuckled at her own joke.

“Oooh you…” Merriweather groaned and charged at her, being held back by her two sisters.

Maleficent began to laugh, interrupted herself with yet another sneeze, and went on laughing. She was still laughing as she walked out of the dungeon, locking the door behind her. Now that was a defeat her enemies hadn’t seen coming.

Well. Truth to tell, neither had she. Which was why this victory was even sweeter than a planned one.

Edited July 31, 2014 by Chanel_no5

[Wildwood]

Ah, I just love Fauna. I think I would've done the same, given Maleficent a handkerchief...and then hid behind a pillar or something and watched the rest of the performance.

[Chanel_no5]

Ah, I just love Fauna. I think I would've done the same, given Maleficent a handkerchief...and then hid behind a pillar or something and watched the rest of the performance.

You and me alike. You and me alike. I'm glad she's not real or we would be in so much trouble...

[Wildwood]

Ah, I just love Fauna. I think I would've done the same, given Maleficent a handkerchief...and then hid behind a pillar or something and watched the rest of the performance.

You and me alike. You and me alike. I'm glad she's not real or we would be in so much trouble...

Agreed.