Outdoor Hazards - X-Men Cherik M/M

[GeldingWest]

Haha this story is still wonderful even when our dear author is completely smashed while writing it! <3 Still good. Still great actually lol

[KickingUpTheDust]

wow, i was hammered the other night. luckily my twin brother and i were awoken with a full english breakfast on a pizza so any hangovers vanished. dick yeah.

PART NINE.

"Huh-SCHTOOOOOOO!"

"Blesses, Erik!" Charles ripped out another tissue and handed it to him, "Someone does have a case of the sniffles today. I don't think I've ever seen you sneeze so much."

"Hhhmmmm..." Erik grumbled, concealing his nose behind the tissue. He hated when the roles were reversed, give or take a bit of sneeze play for Charles' sake but if it was entirely out of his control he just - "HUMPH-TCHOOOO!" - had to draw the line.

"You're not coming down with a cold, are you?" Charles got up and knelt next to him at the foot of his chair, plastering a hand to his boyfriend's forehead and a concerned look on his face. "Summer colds aren't uncommon and you've not been in America for a dreadfully long time..."

"Uh-ahSHOOOOO! Do, do," Urgh, he was bunged up, he blew his nose and tried again, "No, really, it's just all...aller....allergi-HYEEEESHOOOO!"

"It's affecting you far more than it's affecting me, though." Charles said thoughtfully, "I stopped sneezing once I was away from all the fur."

"This has dever happed to be befo..befooooore - IIIIIIISCHUM!" Crap, his eyes were watering, "I've dever beed allergic to stuff, it's just dot..."

"...you?" Charles suggested and Erik lowered his hands, the thought apparently catching him off-guard. No, allergies weren't very him at all.

"No," Erik agreed, "I don't suppose they are.

"I'd always thought of you as the one with the hardened immune system," Charles pondered on, "you know, from all your years of struggle. Then me, slightly embarrassing in comparison, sickly rich kid, allergic to everything that went up his nose, guaranteed to be the first to fall ill at the change of each season."

"How adorable." Erik murmured, kissing his forehead and moving down for his lips when...

"UPTSCHOOOO!"

"Bless you, my friend." Charles chuckled, reaching for a tissue to wipe off his cheek, "I think we may need to ask Hank to brush down his fur a little."

"He'll not like that," Erik mumbled, knowing how sensitive Hank was about his appearance, "I'll leave it to you, o tactful professor."

"I'll make sure I minimise the bristling feelings." Charles giggled to himself, tapping his temple,

"Haha, your puns are almost as terrible as your allergies, you know that?"

"That's rich coming from you at the moment." Charles laughed softly, concentrating on the part of Erik's brain that was gearing up for another sneeze, "No no no." he tutted, wagging a finger, "I need to get you back for that comment about my puns."

"Ch-charles..." Erik gasped, "...please, I..."

Charles was still smiling that infuriatingly self-satisfied smile. Lust-red lips curved into a gorgeous smirk. Good God, if Erik wasn't frozen or about to sneeze he'd have rushed at him and kissed that smile right off his smug face.

Erik felt his nose run down his lips and cursed inside, his sneezes always were messy but right now the sneeze was being allowed to build up more. Charles, however, ever the more tender lover, simply thumbed the clear liquid away and kissed his lips gently before releasing his hold.

The explosions were immense and Charles wondered if he might have overdone it slightly when all the metal in the room jumped and shuddered in time with Erik's sneezes.

"Charles..." Erik gasped again, "tissues...bitte..."

Charles obliged and could not keep the smile from his face as Erik Lehnsherr...master of control and concealing himself...sneezed helplessly and messily before finally finishing with a loud blow.

"Better?" Charles giggled at his boyfriend,

"I ab dever bocking your hubour agaid."

[ID2006]

This is so playful and fun

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART TEN.

As per Charles' little suggestion, Hank did brush down his molting fur. This, however, did nothing to help the fact that Erik's libido was steadily increasing along with the pollen count.

"Kuh-CHOO!"

"Again, Charles?"

Shut it. Charles projected back, trying to concentrate on helping Sean focus his soundwaves, "As I previously said, it's like any other muscle, you control it. Perhaps if you try contracting the muscle you might be able to focus the sonic blasts a bit more and - haaah..."

That's right, Erik thought to himself, part those lips for me. God, they're red. How do you even get them so red? That's not natural...oh? Your nose...it's twitching...

Indeed it was and Charles was rubbing it fiercely, glaring at Erik, and Erik smiled innocently back.

Is it tickling you, schatz? Just a little tickle?

"The, er, the idea is to...er, heh..." Charles was now shooting daggers.

Come on, liebchen, it's getting bigger now. You want to sniffle, don't you? You want to make it bigger.

Erik, please, not now.

What? I can't help it if you're reading my mind.

You know damn well I can't help it.

You also can't help sneezing. Go on, let it out.

No.

You will.

Erik wasn't wrong, Charles finished Sean's lesson rather hurriedly and sent him on his way before gasping and turning, breath hitching, blue eyes turning upwards to meet the sun.

Mm-hm, I knew you wanted that little tickle to grow...Erik licked his lips hungrily, consuming the image of Charles gazing up into the sun, pollen hazily drifting over him from the outdoor hazards of flora.

"Iiihh...iisshh....haah....."

God, I just want to gather you up in my arms and...

"IIIIIHHH-SCHOOO! ITCHEW! HEH...HEEEH-HEHTCHOO!"

Wait, you're mine. I can do that.

Charles smiled and sniffled as he let Erik embrace him before gearing up for another sneeze.

[SneezeyLove]

Aww! These are so cute! Particularly the last couple.

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART ELEVEN.

Erik looked really sexy right now.

Charles was working very hard not to project his current fantasies, because the sight of Erik in paint-splattered jeans and a slightly torn, smudged, too-tight t-shirt was giving Charles a lot of heat under the collar. The thought of Erik as the hot handyman he had called in...

"Charles..."

"Yes, dear?" he called back, snapping back to reality and trying to not let the entirety of that reality be Erik's glorious posterior.

"Stop admiring my arse and keep the ladder steady, would you?"

Charles realised he had barely been touching the ladder and it was wobbling a fair bit, blushing, he looked back up sheepishly, "Sorry!"

Erik turned to look down at him, smiling that devilishly wide grin, "You little filthy-minded beast, you. That's my job."

"Your job, right now, is to get rid of that mould." Charles reminded him,

"And provi - iiiihh - "

"You alright?"

"HUUUUH-SHROOO!

"Bless you! Is it getting to you?" Charles wondered, concerned.

Erik sniffled and grinned again, "Not half as much as it gets to you."

"Which is why you're up the ladder and not me."

"This American stuff is useless," Erik grumbled after half an hour of scrubbing, "we should have ordered in the Polish brand, I told you, it works wonders..."

"We're not ordering in stuff when we can get products here that are just as good..."

"But it isn't 'just as good', it's crap!"

"You're not using it right, give it here!"

Erik held up his hands in defeat and stepped down off the ladder, "Go ahead, try."

"Alright, hold the ladder steady for me."

Charles stepped up and began scrubbing at the dark patch of mold that had begun to seep at the top of the wall, sniffling and rubbing his nose. Save Erik the satisfaction, he'd show Erik how things were -

"Hup-stchoo!"

"Bless you."

Charles could feel the smug grin Erik was giving him in the back of his mind and he gritted his teeth, that little -

"CHOO! Huh-choo!"

"Bless you, again, liebling, you alright up there?"

"I'm fine." Charles answered back, irritated, damn it all, Erik was right. This mould cleanser was useless.

Not to mention...the mould was making his nose..."HIII-TCHEW! Guh..." really quite itchy.

Nevertheless, he carried on scrubbing at the grey-black patch on the wall before -

"Chuh-hoo! ChOO! HEH-TCHOO! IHSCHOO! HAAH...HAH..HAHSCHOOO!"

"Charles!"

Erik caught him as he tumbled from the ladder with a final shuddering sneeze,

"Charles? Are you...?"

"EEHHSCHOO! *sniff* You were right, love, that stuff is useless."

Erik laughed, "More importantly, are you ok?"

"Sdeezy," Charles laughed with him, "but whed ab I dot?"

"Touche." Erik kissed his forehead, "Come on, we need to dig out that European catalogue..."

Sniffling wetly, Charles grabbed him by the shirt, "Oh do, I thigk that cad wait a bit. Watchig your arse for all that tibe has put sobe terrible thoughts id by head ad dod't thigk I did't sedse your little stirrigs either."

"And this is why we're together..."

[Quite Contrary]

Lovely, lovely, lovely as usual...

[SneezeyLove]

D'aww, how cute!

[RemedyBane]

perfection

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART TWELVE.

"Nnnnnnnnrrrrrggghhhmmmrrrrhhhh...."

"Good morning, schatz." Erik smiled amusedly at his partner refusing to, or unable to, wake up.

Poor Charles looked awful by anyone else's standards. Even Erik's primary reaction was concern as he saw just how miserable Charles was looking.

"Charles?"

"Eriiiiiikkkk..." the telepath moaned hoarsely, "whad do you wadt?"

"It's time to wake up, Charles, are you al - "

"HIIIHSCHUU!!!"

"I'll take that as a no, then. Or 'do' as you call it." Erik teased, although his jovial expression was quickly replaced by worry, "Really though, what's up?"

"I dodn't do." Charles uttered huskily, "I was exbectig to wake up wid allergies bud dot like dis. Fragly I cad't tell if ids hayfever or a subber code or sobe bizarre odset of flu."

It took Erik's still partially-asleep mind to process what Charles was saying before he understood and nodded. "It's not allergies?"

"I dod't do, I dod't do." Charles whined.

Hank should have guessed something was wrong when the metal in the lab was jumping and vibrating, as if a monster was stomping menacingly towards it. He did not, however, expect said monster to be in the form of Erik flinging the door open with unnecessary force and barging in carrying a congested, sneezing Charles.

"Erik? Charles?" Hank trembled,

"Charles is congested, sneezing, tired..." Erik began, not even bothering with a greeting,

"Yes, those would be the common symptoms of allergic rhinitis, which we've established the professor suffers from routinely..."

"Idiot," Erik growled, "look it him!"

Hank, out of concern for his friend or fear of his friend's boyfriend, did as he was told and admittedly, Charles did look as if he was suffering from more than an allergy attack.

"Uuuhh-utchoo! Cha-hoo! Iiiiitchew! Huh-choo! Hah...aaaahh...hahaaahhh...HAAA-SCHOOO!!"

"Bless you, Professor."

"Sorry, Hagk." Charles muttered sheepishly, noticing Hank wiping his sleeve,

"He's fine," Erik grumbled, agitated, "just tell us us what's wrong with him!"

After running every test Hank could possibly think of under the watchful glare of Erik, Hank could find nothing particularly out of the ordinary for Charles, other than that he was having a very severe allergy attack.

"I am sorry but seeing as the anahists don't seem to work...there's not much...I can...do..." he cowered under the force of Erik's - piercing? No, stabbing was more appropriate - scowl.

"I thought so, Hagk." Charles replied thickly, blowing his nose, "Sorry for wastig your tibe, I'll cobe."

"You can barley breathe, Charles - oh, ok." Erik sauntered after him after Charles mentally projected a very tempting offer that he simply couldn't refuse.

"And that was this week's number one, you can tune in next week to see if it stays there!" The radio chirped,

"What trash." Erik mumbled, grumpy as ever,

"It's a great tune, isn't it?" the radio host asked his co-presenter,

"Of course it isn't!" Erik snapped,

"Hengk-schoooo! They cad't - huuuhschoo! - hear you, Erik." Charles laughed, he always found it adorable when Erik argued with the radio or the television.

"And now for the weather - well, this spring is sun sun sun, so soak it all up while you can because it'll be fun fun fun! But unfortunately, it won't be fun for everyone, no, hayfever sufferers had better stock up on the allergy pills and tissues because the pollen is at an all-time high. Experts warn that the pollen count may be at a record level and advise that sufferers should avoid outdoors as much as possible."

Erik turned to look at the pathetic-looking telepath sat at the table, holding a tissue to his dripping nose.

"Hiiiiihschooo!"

[RemedyBane]

aww poor Charles... and poor Hank...

[KickingUpTheDust]

Anyone got any requests on what they'd like to see from this story? I have writers' block :-(.

[SneezeyLove]

Well, I particularly enjoy the parts where they're both sneezing. You touched on their allergy to Hank's fur earlier, so maybe you could elaborate a little... Or another attempt at solving the mold problem... (And Charles making Erik unable to sneeze is just plain hot evil awesome )

[24Me]

I absolutely adore this story! It is just so good!

As as for requests, maybe something with Erik inducing Charles' allergies? Like venturing outside in the record high pollen count for a hike or something? Just more miserable, sneezy Charles would be awesome! You are such a talented author, so anything you write is great!

And I am so sorry about your boyfriend. It's horrible being hurt by someone you trust, and I am sending many hugs your way!

[Shark-hunter]

I really love this !! I hope you keep going ... well I would like a sneezy!Erik (he's my fav) mmm maybe he could catch a summer cold or a new allergy (cat allergy for example, maybe he would love cats but he can't be near of them because he is an allergy mess and then he says he is fine )and Charles taking care of him, that would be awesome

[KickingUpTheDust]

aaaahh thank you muchly everyone! I'm gonna get right to it!

PART THIRTEEN.

"We cad't cadcel it dow, Erik, we've beed lookig forward to this for weeks ad so have the kids." Charles snuffled, thickly, "Besides, I thought you'd love this."

"I love your sneezing, Charles, you know I do." told him firmly, "But I don't like seeing you suffer. You heard the - "

"EEHH-TCHIEW!"

" - bless you, radio, and - "

"HUH-chuhOO!"

" - bless you again, see, this is what I'm talking - "

"HIEH-schOOO!"

" - about. Bless you."

Charles sniffled liquidly and blew his nose, he knew Erik was right. He was going to feel miserable. But...he had promised they could all go camping and now...he couldn't just cancel the whole thing because he was feeling stuffed up. Everyone had worked hard, they all deserved a break...

"Alright, alright!" Erik sighed, "Enough of the pity party! We'll go, but for God's sake you're not driving in that state, you'll kill us all!"

It was a long drive and, frankly, one that Erik struggled with. With Charles sneezing becoming rapidly more frequent and wet, concentration was a challenge and a half and, despite what Charles said, nobody 'nearly died'.

Erik could certainly see why Charles had suggested this place. It was quiet, pretty. And it reminded him a lot of a faerie grotto he had seen in a picture book back in Germany as a child. Trickling brook, bouncing off wet-shiny rocks, galloping along in shades of blue and purple. The songs of insects and birds resonating through the green, green trees that danced to the rhythm of the breeze and donating their ever-fresh scent into the air with fragments of their own pollen, along with the contributions of the grass and the wildflowers it sailed through the air like frolicking faeries.

He had always thought that peace was never an option but now he -

"HEEENGH-SCHOOOO!"

- never mind. He was right.

Charles wanted to enjoy the scenery, he did. And he would be able to if he were able to stop sneezing for just a minute. And he couldn't. His nose was like a machine gun, gasping for breath for about two minute intervals before starting up again.

"Charles?" Raven put her arm around her brother, "Erik? Hank? Is there anything?"

"There is," Hank responded, fumbling with his own luggage, "I did devise a shot for this, just in case. It's an antihistamine with a high concentration of - "

"For Heaven's sake just stick it in him." Erik snapped,

"Right, yeah, just hold out your arm. I haven't gotten it quite right but..."

"Just do it!"

A few hours later Charles was sat in front of the campfire eyeing up his melted marshmallows, which were rapidly running down his stick. He sniffled thickly before looking slyly over at Erik and licking the sugary goo off suggestively.

"Charles?" Sean prompted,

"He didn't find our stuff, did he?" Alex mumbled, concerned and Raven shook her head. But how else would Charles be...stoned?

"Well, I did say I hadn't gotten the drug...quite...right..." Hank trailed off, fidgeting.

"Hengk-schoo!"

"Well, at least he's sneezing less." Raven shrugged.

Erik...Charles sounded in Erik's head, sounding fuzzy and slurred, ...which one of us should go on top later?

Erik choked on his marshmallow, What?

Much to the surprise of everyone else, Charles laughed out loud in a very unCharles-like manner and clapped Erik on the knee, You're so cute when you're embarrassed! I was just thinking, I wouldn't mind because I'm still all sneezy and I know you like feeling my sneezes but my body is all funny and slow right now, look.

The rest of the group simply saw Charles making slow-motion movements with his hands and carried on roasting their marshmallows.

"CHOO! ISHEW! Gah..." Charles rubbed his nose, a luminous red in the dim firelight, shining like the pebbles in the stream, "You're so hadsobe." he sighed, flopping onto Erik, "I love you so buch. Look here, everyode." he gestured to Erik, "This is by boyfred and he's so beautiful I'b lucky to have hib. HIIIH-SCHOO! He eved - huhsCHOOO! - puts up with by - HAAAHSCHOO! - awful sdeezig."

"Charles, I think it's time we got you to bed..." Erik began moving the stoned telepath's body into an upright position,

"He doesdt eved bide it whed I sdeeze od hib cos he's so lovely - "

"Charles!" Erik growled, "Come on, you need to sleep this off."

"I dod't thigk we'll be doig ady sleepig...!" Charles merrily called over his shoulder with another sneeze as Erik lifted him up and carried him off to their tent.

[GeldingWest]

Oh good lord, Charles. You're high as a kite. Go to bed. Jeez I'm sitting on a bus trying not to laugh but failing. This is lovely.

[ID2006]

This was hilarious... and amazing.

[AngelEyes]

Too funny!

[Shark-hunter]

OMG! please continue!

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FOURTEEN.

As soon as Erik woke, he wondered why it was so quiet...and why he was so late.

Normally an early riser, Erik glanced at his watch and wondered why he has arisen at ten and not seven like usual. And then he tried to get up and felt the wince in his hips.

Aaaahh, he smiled to himself, that's why.

"Heeeh-SCHOOO!" Charles sneezed as Erik edged himself outside into the morning sun.

"What was this about trying not to expose yourself?"

"Well, good bordig to you, too, by dear." Charles grinned, sniffling thickly. "I trust you slebt well?"

"Oh, yes." Erik grinned back. Smiles like that, Charles thought, should be illegal.

"Where are the kids?" Erik asked the telepath, reaching for a shirt,

"Od a hike." Charles replied, stuffily, tissue covering his nose, "I put Hagk id charge of the route. Which daturally beads Raved will take charge, they'll all get distracted, argue ad get lost."

"So..." Erik said slowly, watching Charles' already red nose tickle, "we have a few hours to ourselves?"

"Erik..." Charles smirked, "I'd have thought you'd be worn out after last night."

"Never." the metal-manipulator growled and as Charles' head reared back for another sneeze, Erik abandoned his shirt and strided over, kissing the professor on the lips, redder than his nose, if at all possible.

Charles, while not all-round protesting to this, pulled away from this and released a round of sneezes over Erik's shoulder before resuming their wild kissing and running his hands up and down his partner's bare chest.

"Erik," Charles panted, "I'b godda..."

"Niesen?" Erik gasped, "Ja. Gut, Charles, lass es raus...es ist so gut..."

Charles didn't understand, but he did obey as fresh sneezes came out, hard and fast.

"Your clothes will be full of pollen," Erik breathed, tugging as his pants, "we should take them off. Maybe get you cleaned up so your allergies don't get worse."

"Or your libido, for that batter." Charles laughed, so sexily as he came up to nibble Erik's neck. "Maybe you were right about getting cleaned up."

Erik moaned reproachfully as Charles stumbled away from him, walking backwards with what was most definitely a 'come-hither' look and allowed himself to dunk in the perfectly blue stream, shocking at the cold but motioning for Erik to join him.

Well, who was Erik to say no?

[Shark-hunter]

This is awesome please continue ... maybe a sneezy!Erik?

[KickingUpTheDust]

PART FIFTEEN.

"EEEEHHH-SCHOOOO!!"

The rest of the group groaned when they realised it wasn't Charles sneezing.

The metal in the tent twisted and pinged away and the X-men had to fight their way out of their newly-collapsed accomodation.

"What the hell...?"

"Oh no..."

Erik and Charles emerged from their own tent, Erik trying (and failing, apparently) to clear his throat and Charles rubbing his partner's shoulder sympathetically.

What is it, darling? Charles questioned him, blowing his own nose.

I think I've come down with something. Erik replied.

A summer cold? Charles suggested, sympathetically, Awful timing.

I know.

"It must have been brought out yesterday," Charles commented, heating tea on the campfire,

"Yesterday?" Raven prompted,

"When Erik and I..." Charles trailed off, "...fell in the brook. Yes. We fell in the brook."

"Huuuuh-CHOOOO!"

The kettle decided it no longer wanted to make tea and flung itself off the fire a few feet away.

"Huh-chOOO!"

"Oh God! Charles! Eeeewww!" Raven clutched her head, "Uuuurrrggghhh, no!"

Shit...did I?

Yep.

"Nnnnooooo!" Alex cried, "you deserve to be sick after that!"

"HHEHSCHOOOOO!" Erik sneezed and the twisted remainders of the tent poles went whizzing off into the trees.

"HEH-schOO!"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief upon realising Charles' sneeze had produced no un/pleasant side effects.

[Shark-hunter]

OMG!!! allergic!charles and sick!erik are the best!! thank you, my friend... I love it, please keep posting.

[SneezeyLove]

The kettle decided it no longer wanted to make tea and flung itself off the fire a few feet away.

Hahaha, this line is the best! I completely agree with Shark-hunter!