False Alarm (SPN)

[Anilkex]

Okay, the talented Gingerdean posted this awesome prompt just begging to be filled:

Dean is cursed to where he constantly feels the urge to sneeze, but can't. He is completely miserable...he can't sleep, can hardly eat or talk because he just keeps hitching and false-alarming, but there is no relief in sight. Maybe he tries a few things to help the sneezing along, but it just makes it worse, and Sam's like 'dude, that's not gonna help, quit torturing yourself even more.'

Meanwhile, Bobby is hard at work trying to break the curse...and eventually he does, which becomes evident to the boys when Dean suddenly explodes into a massive sneeze attack.

So...I done filled it.

xxxxx

“I don’t wanna leave her anything, Sam. She sucked and was rude.”

Sam sighed. “I know, Dean, but you should leave something anyway. It’s just...don’t be rude back. She probably had a really bad day.”

Dean eyed Sam as he pulled money out of his wallet. “I tip when service is satisfying. This wasn’t anything close. The whole time we sat here, we couldn’t get a single thing we wanted when we wanted it.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, okay? I know she sucked, but maybe today’s just not her day.”

Sighing, Dean put a couple extra dollars on the table. “Fine, Captain NiceMan. I’ll leave something. But I’m not tipping the full amount.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Captain NiceMan? What the fuck is that?”

“Shaddup,” Dean grumbled, pushing his chair back and walking out to the parking lot, not even acknowledging their waitress when they passed each other.

Sam shyly smiled as she approached the table. “Thanks…” he started.

She stood at the table and stared at the money. Her lips formed a tight line as she snatched up the bills, shoved them into a pocket, and stomped off.

Sam let out a breath. Maybe Dean was right. He slid out of his chair and followed his brother to the car.

xxxxx

Sam woke with a start as the Impala hit a bump in the road. His head smacked against the window, and his knees smashed the glove box. “How long ‘til we get to Iowa?” Sam asked. He winced as he rubbed the sore spot on his head.

“Uh…few hours,” Dean replied, sniffling against his wrist.

Sam nodded and yawned, trying to stretch as best as he could given the small space. “Want me to drive?”

“Yeah...I...yeah…”

Sam glanced at his brother, who was scrubbing furiously at his nose. “You okay?”

Dean sniffed, then nodded. “Yeah, just...fuck...feel like I gotta sneeze, but it won’t….come…”

His voice was a bit breathy and Sam could see him blinking rapidly. “I hate that,” Sam laughed, turning his attention to the road signs. “Here - take the next exit.”

Dean nodded again, but didn’t answer. One hand was on the wheel, while the other was pressed under his nose. He was breathing through his mouth in hitches, but nothing happened. Sam didn’t think much of it, although the notion that Dean relinquished the wheel over a stuck sneeze was a little ridiculous.

Still, it’s not like he was cursed or clawed. He just had to sneeze. Not a big deal.

They changed seats at the next gas station, and after a quick fill-up, were back on the road. Sam had just merged back onto the highway when he heard the crinkling of a paper bag. Looking over, he saw Dean pull a box of tissues from the bag along with a car freshener in the shape of a purple flower.

“What’s all that?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dean wrinkling and unwrinkling his nose. “It’s….hehhhhh...I…hehhhhhhh…” His wrist was hovered just under his nostrils and his eyes fluttered closed. With every breath, his head tilted back slightly until he was almost facing the ceiling.

Sam’s eyes widened. This should be impressive. He gripped the wheel a little tighter in case the expected fit startled him. A car accident wasn’t on the agenda.

But nothing happened. After hearing a long sigh, he peeked and saw Dean wipe his nose, a disappointed look on his face.

“Still stuck?” he asked incredulously.

Dean nodded again, sniffed, and blew his nose. “It won’t...I can’t...ugh…” More furious nose rubbing, more sniffling as the itching made his nose run, followed by eye-wiping as tears formed in the corners from whatever was irritating his nose.

Sam shook his head. “Try that freshener. See if it helps.”

Dean shook his head, pointing at Sam. “Later...it’ll...heh...you...hehhhh...oh God...hehhhhhhhh...hiihhhh…fuck!”

Sam winced in sympathy. “Dude - don’t worry about me. You’re killing me with the constant false alarms. Just use it.”

Sniffing, Dean grunted as he ripped open the package. Immediately, a sharp floral smell got picked up by the Impala’s air vent, and filled the front seat. Immediately, Sam felt a sharp tickle in his nose. Immediately, he sneezed violently, causing the car to swerve a little.

“Whoa…” he quickly rolled down his window to get some fresh air. “Fuck, that shit’s strong!” He sneezed again, managing to keep the car in her lane and running straight. Sam snatched a few tissues from the box and blew his nose with one hand.

It took a few seconds to realize that he was the only one sneezing. Glancing over, he watched Dean practically shove the damn freshener up his nose. He alternated between watching the road and watching his brother’s tortured features struggle with the sneeze that apparently preferred staying inside Dean.

“...Dean?”

Dean just shook his head, pawing at his face. Each breath went higher in pitch and seemed deeper than the last, but nothing came of them. “hih...hiiiiihhhh...hiiiiihhhhhh...Sa...Sab….hiiiihhhhhhhhhhHHH….EH….goddammit…”

An itch took Sam by surprise, and he sneezed guiltily. Dean opened his own window and tossed the thing outside. “Dot work...working… *sniff* doh reasond for you to suf...suffer…*sniff*...Sab...I….hiihhh...I thingk….hiiihhhhhh...that-hiiiiiihhhhhh….it….I….”

Again, Dean seemed to reach this climax point, only to have absolutely nothing happen. Worse, he didn’t seem to rebound from the build-up. His hand dropped back into his lap, only to suddenly return to his nose, rubbing and massaging, trying to make the tickling go away.

Sam’s eyes narrowed. That freshener should have set Dean off. There’s no way it made Sam sneeze and not Dean. But it didn’t. And if it didn’t…

“Dean...I don’t think this...not sneezing thing is natural.” He snuck a peek at Dean, who was giving him a No shit, genius glare...with his mouth open, his eyes tearing, and his nostrils twitching.

Kinda took the punch out of the look.

Sam sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright...let’s...let’s go to Bobby’s. I’ll call him and let him know we’re on the way.”

As Sam fumbled for his cell phone, Dean held out a hand. “Wait….I...I think...it...yeah….hih...hiihhh...hehhhhh...EHHHH---” Dean’s face froze, his hand clutching a Kleenex and his eyes squeezed shut.

Sam waited.

Breathy sigh.

Mighty sniff.

“Call Bob--heh--Bobby.”

xxxxx

By day two, Dean was a complete mess. Bobby and Sam were diligently hunting down a cure, but there just wasn’t anything about stuck sneezes in “the lore”. Dean tried to help, he really did, but he was completely useless.

He hadn’t really slept since this torture-fest started, and he’s just plain exhausted. Every time he closed his eyes, his breath hitched, and he swore that this time he’d finally sneeze...but he didn’t...which cranked the knob of patheticness he’s currently exhibiting. He couldn’t read whatever page sat in front of him, because his eyes were constantly tearing, which made his nose run like a faucet. The runny nose, in turn, had him blowing and wiping nonstop, which didn’t alleviate the tickling, but did turn his nose into a giant, red sore.

Bobby thought the sneeze needed a little motivation, so they tried everything they could think of, from spices to feathers, but nothing worked. All it did was increase the awful sensation inside Dean’s nose, which they believed couldn’t actually get worse.

But it did.

They even tried any medication they could find - allergy pills, cold pills, sinus meds.

Nothing.

The sun was thinking about setting as Dean paced the length of Bobby’s living room, the heel of one hand pressed into an eye while the other gripped a handful of tissues. He stopped trying to talk - he could barely speak without being interrupted by deep inhales and a longing for this curse to end.

Every now and then he would pause, eyes fluttering closed, a hand held up telling everyone to hold on. Mouth opened...head tilted back...chest heaving...hands hovering…

Then Bobby and Sam sigh, returning to the books and computer as Dean returned to scowling and pacing and hitching.

Sam couldn’t stand to see Dean like this. There wasn’t anything he could do to make his brother feel better, and that helplessness haunted him. He fidgeted at the laptop, anxiously chewing on a fingernail while simultaneously watching Dean and the screen. Bobby finally nudged him with his foot.

“Quit staring and focus. There’s nothin’ we can do for him but figure out a cure.”

Sam let out a breath and nodded, returning to the research.

Dean stopped pacing and sat heavily on the couch. Sam looked up as Dean leaned on his knees, massaging his temples and sniffling. The sun dipped into the horizon, casting long shadows across the room. Bobby grunted and rose to turn the lights on, no longer able to rely on the sun to help him read.

He paused near Dean, ruffling his hair. “We’ll sort this out, son. I promise.”

Sam smiled ruefully, watching Dean wave Bobby off, as he geared up for another round of not sneezing.

“Heh...whoa...this one’s…hehhhh...gah...hiiiiiihhhhhh...hehhhhh...it…hhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiihhhhhhh-ehh ….uh...EHHHHHH-ETSCHCHCHCH!”

Everyone froze. Dean was bent double, his face covered with a wad of tissues. Bobby blinked at Sam, then back at Dean. “Whoa - bless you - “

Before he could continue, Dean pitched forward again...and again...sneezing non-stop, as if all the itching and tickling from the past two days were fulfilling their promises in one swoop. They were fast, sharp, and coming out in rapid-fire succession.

“HRSCHCHHSHH--HETSCHCH--ITSCHCHSH--TSCHCHSH--ETSCHCH!”

Sam moved next to Dean on the couch, one hand on his back, the other holding out a box of tissues in case Dean needed them. Bobby leaned back against the desk, arms folded across his chest, eyes narrowed in thought.

One last “T’SHSCHCHUHH,” open and spraying the floor, seemed to cap off the massive fit. Sam handed over the tissues, a sympathetic look on his face. Dean shot him a bleary yet grateful look, snagging a few and patting them under his chapped nose.

Sam cleared his throat. “Um...bless you?”

Dean huffed and listed to the side, right against Sam’s chest. He buried his face into Sam’s clean shirt, sneezed softly, and mumbled, “Dext tibe, doh tip.”

[MoonDuck]

Aww poor Dean! I love him so much You did an amazing job with the prompt. Glad you found it

[karajn]

This was great! You wrote everything really well

[telltale]

Oh my gosh, what an amazing scenario and you brought it to life so nicely.

[Hibiscus]

I am saving this story; it's a classic. One of the best prompts filled by your worthy, five star story. The characters are incredibly accurate. Bravo, Anikex!

Edited July 5, 2014 by Day

[Bobsuperawesome]

Yes yes yes!!!! Sneezy!Dean is my fav!!!!! You are such a great writer!

[Always-a-Ginger]

You totally rock the last line in this and your other fic "...Sammy?"

Made my night.

[anna]

SUCH a good fill, poor Dean!

[Poniessneezetoo]

Brilliant, although somewhat painful trying to imagine being stuck like that for so long. Poor Dean. 'Twas awesomely written.

[dw124]

This was amaaaaaaazing. Stuck sneezes are like, the best thing ever, and this was an epic stuck sneeze. Love that the air freshener got to Sam at the beginning, too. Oh my god, I loved this so much.

[Pyrus_Fangmon]

Oh lord! Bless his sweet little heart!

Beautifuly written!