Stuck at Home (Dirk/Jake one-shot, Homestuck)

[SpamKey]

So I decided to write a Homestuck one-shot, because why not? Plus, I love Dirk/Jake fluff. Not so into it when it's canon, but I love fan stuff so much!

Anyway, I won't include most of my fetish-y kinks (still feels awkward...) but I will make it fluffy enough to hit'cha right in the feels! So, no real description of sneezes... Sorry! Also, this can be viewed as either post-Sburb or no-Sburb AU. I don't really mind, because honestly, does it matter?

TRIGGER WARNING: Strong language because Strider

---

Dirk sneezed.

That was what made him irritable that afternoon, when he should have been extatic (though hiding it enough to still be appropriately Strider) because he had finally convinced the obliviously adorable Jake English to go on a date with him. The date that he had planned, initiated, and prepared for. The date he had carefully calculated every step of, just so Jake would be his at last. The date that Jake had accepted flusterdly, but happily. The date that was supposed to be the best day of Dirk's life, barring subsequent dates that hopefully got more... Intimate.

But no. Karma, Murphy's Law, shitty luck, SOMETHING had decided that today was the day--one of very few--that Dirk was going to catch a cold. Today. The one day that Dirk absolutely had to stay healthy on. The. One. Single. Fucking. Day.

He sneezed again, then coughed deeply. He had denied the growing sickness in his lungs and nose up until this very moment, half an hour before Jake was supposed to come over. By this point, denying his worsening illness would have passed coolkid resilience, completely overtaken determination, and sped right into the realm of downright stupidity. Dirk sighed, cursing to himself. Another sneeze, another cough, another noseblow, and he finally conceded defeat, and picked up his cell.

TT: You there English?

GT: oh, hello, bro! i was just getting all ready for our date tonight!

GT: I'm not late, am i? By golly, im late arent i?

TT: No, man, it's cool. You're not late.

GT: phew! *wipes sweat off brow with kerchief* i was bloody concerned there!

GT: i am looking forward to tonight ever so much!

TT: Yeah... About that...

TT: Sorry, dude. I'm going to have to cancel.

GT: oh my

GT: may I ask why?

TT: Nothing you've done, I promise. In fact, it's more my fault than anyone's.

GT: whys that, old chap?

TT: I was just an idiot and got myself sick somehow. I'm up here coughing and sneezing my ever-loving ass off. Trust me; not date material.

GT: oh golly!

GT: i am bloody sorry to hear that, old chum!

GT: do you require anything?

TT: Just a small cold. Nothing rest won't fix.

GT: well... if your sure...

TT: I really am sorry about the date, Jake. Maybe we can reschedule?

GT: of course, old chap! im free most days, just pick one that works for you!

TT: Great. And again... Sorry.

GT: dont be! your sick, its not your fault, bro.

GT: i just wish there was something i could do...

GT: Dirk? are you still there?

TT: I'm going to sleep now.

TT: See you later

Dirk closed his phone before seeing Jake's reply. He had ended a bit tersely, but to be honest he was feeling like absolute shit. He felt groggy and out of it... Definitely uncool. His fever had probably gotten worse, too. Not to mention he was still coughing and sneezing as if it was his body's natural way of breathing.

He reached for his water glass on the table next to the couch, but found it empty. Dirk cursed. His throat was scratchy and sore from the previous coughing fit, and he was thirsty, but just thinking about getting up made him dizzy. Still, he decided to man up and do it anyway. He braced himself against the couch cushions and stood up. He immediately regretted the action. A wave of dizziness washed over him, and he stumbled. Dirk grit his teeth, got his bearings, and made his way to the kitchenette of his apartment.

Each step was a battle, since his legs felt like lead. His head was pounding, his nose was stuffed up, and his breath rattled, but damned if Dirk Strider was going to let a puny little virus get in the way of his water. He was going. To. Get. That. Glass.

He succeeded, after what felt like twenty minutes. He filled the glass at the tap, and gulped it down. This was a mistake.

Dirk started spluttering, coughing and hacking so much he could barely breath. At the same instant, his fever caught up to him, and his lead legs turned to jelly. He collapsed against the counter, still coughing, unable to get enough breath. His vision started blurring, and he fell to the ground. He couldn't be sure in his frantic, fevered state, but he thought he heard his door slamming open, footsteps, and a frantic voice.

---

Dirk moaned as he woke up. He still felt shitty; his nose was clogged and tickly, his lungs were rattly, and his head pounded with each heartbeat. He did, however, feel less dizzy, so that was a plus.

Dizzy... That reminded Dirk. Hadn't he passed out or something...? So uncool. His Bro would be ashamed. If he had actually known him. But yeah. Not Strider-like at all.

"Finally rejoined the land of the living, chum?" Dirk's eyes flew open at the sound of the tired, worried voice, followed by a weak chuckle. He turned his head, ignoring the protesting pounding, to see Jake sitting next to his bed, smiling nervously, his green eyes tired.

"What are you doing here?" Dirk asked, his voice raspy. He winced as his throat burned in protest. Seeing his wince, Jake helped him sit up, and handed him a glass of water.

"I was already on my way when you messaged me to cancel." Jake explained, his expression slightly sheepish. "So I thought I'd come to help my old pal feel better. Bloody good thing I did, too. By golly, the state you were in when I arrived... It was all I could do to keep from rushing you lickety-split to the hospital!"

Dirk struggled not to smirk at the way Jake said things, and focus on what he actually said. "That bad, huh?" Dirk muttered, turning his head a bit more until he located his shades on the table, next to the glass of water. Now that he knew where they were, he could relax a bit more. Jake probably wouldn't let him put them on, though, dammit.

"Bad? You scared half way to bloody death and back!" Jake exclaimed. "Honestly, Dirk, you should have let someone know you were poorly, if not me then Roxy or Jane--"

"I don't need people to see--me--" Dirk broke into a fit of sneezes, punctuated by the occasional hacking cough. He felt Jake rubbing his back, and when he could finally open his eyes, Jake was holding out a tissue for him. "Thanks." Dirk muttered, taking it.

"I get it." Jake said suddenly, passing off the thanks with an airy wave of the hand. "You have your whole 'coolkid' reputation to uphold, eh?"

"You caught me." Dirk said hoarsly. He tried clearing his throat, but it just made him cough some more. "I don't like people knowing I'm only human, alright? Sue me."

"My apologies." Jake muttered, glancing away. Dirk suddenly felt guilty at Jake's expression; he was the spitting image of a kicked puppy, and Dirk had done all the kicking.

"Sorry, man. I just feel like shit." Dirk said, a sneeze conveniently driving his point home. Jake looked up with his signature grin.

"No worries, old chap. I know the feeling." He said easily. "Now..." He drew out a thermos full of soup. "Made this when you were asleep. Or unconscious, rather. I do hope it's to your tastes."

"You didn't have to--"

"Oh, come on, Dirk." Jake said sternly, forcing the thermos into his hand. "Gosh, if we're going to dating, then we'd best start with the whole package, eh? In sickness and in health and all that."

Dirk froze at that, and wordlessly brought the thermos up to his lips. For once, he was thankful for Jake's seemingly impenetrable obliviousness.

"Would you care to watch a movie?" Jake asked when Dirk was finished. Dirk shrugged. "I think 'Avatar' is on tonight."

"Fan-tucking-fastic." Dirk said, but smiled to take the bite out of the words. Jake grinned and took up the remote, flipping through the channels until he found the desired film. He then surprised Dirk by climbing into bed next to him, and settling down under the covers.

"But--Jake, you'll get sick--" Dirk got out, smothering a cough and stifling a sneeze. When he turned back around, Jake was smirking at him in that confident, rogueish that you were certain he knew drove Dirk wild.

"I don't catch cold easy, Dirk." Jake assured. "But rest assured that if I do fall ill, then I will expect you to take care of me as well, by golly!"

Dirk smiled as the movie started. "As you command." He said, settling down to watch one of Jakes favorites shitty blockbusters. He fell asleep halfway through, but woke up with Jake snoring softly with his head on Dirk's shoulder. Dirk smiled. Maybe getting sick hadn't been so bad after all.

---

So, just fluffy fun! Hope you enjoyed!

[4000tacobells]

*flails happily* yessss dirkjake. Rad cute, and the characterisation is really great too! Watching Striders get their egos bruised is what gets me out of bed in the morning. Hope to see more from you, friend

[Guest]

It's always wonderful to read Dirk/Jake fluff! This is a very adorable story. I especially love how you portrayed Jake! I believe that you got the characterization down pretty well.

I have a tip for overcoming your shyness about describing symptoms: Pretend that you are going to be the only one reading this and let your imagination run wild when you are writing, thoroughly sounding out the syllables of each sneeze and envisioning how wet or stuffy it is. When it comes to coughing it's a bit difficult to convey the sound, so I try to focus on how forceful it is instead of how it sounds, and use words relative to what it is like in my head. Some of my favorite words to use when describing coughs are "raucous" and "bark-like". The advice my not be much, but I certainly hope it helps!