Bros Don't Play Grapevine (Homestuck: DaveKat, M/M, Fluff, Head Cold)

[Guest]

Title: Bros Don't Play Grapevine

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: To his horror, Karkat catches Dave's cold, a fact he wishes to keep hidden from everyone. The person the cranky adolescent wishes least to see appears and inevitably discovers that he (Karkat) has come down with the sickness he had just recovered from. Will Dave stay hushed up about Karkat's current state of being, or will he spill the truth to the one person the latter wishes merely to view him as strong?

Author's Note: This is a oneshot that is meant to be short, sweet, and to the point. I may choose to revise it somewhere down the road, but for the most part I'm fairly pleased with how this has turned out. Even though a relationship between the characters is suggested, I tried to leave it up to the reader to decide whether or not the two are merely very close friends or actual partners. Please note that to make things easier for non-Homestuck readers, I have ignored the characters' quirk. Additionally, forgive me for coming up with such a cruddy title.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured or mentioned in this work of fiction. All rights belong to Andrew Hussie.

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A series of doleful sniffles rose from a blanketed mass. “H-Huchoo! HAACHEEW!” the boy taking refuge within the cushy sanctuary sneezed. He muttered a nasally curse as he groped for a nearby box of tissues. “Gog fucking damn it. I swear I’ll get Strider back for passing his stupid fucking cold to me. Why couldn’t he have had the decency to keep well enough away from me?” he griped, the words soon drowned out by the disgusting noise of him blowing his nose. Before he could further vent his woes, Karkat was overwrought by another fit. My first day of peace and quiet in forever and I get stuck wasting it on a battle with this shit he thought with a twinge of exasperation.

“What’s all the fuss about, Karkles?” a voice sounded from somewhere nearby. The speaker was none other than the one whom Karkat least wanted to see: Dave. The impact caused by the realization was enough to render the usually noisy boy speechless…at least until he had regained his witticism.

“You know perfectly well what all the fuss is, fuckass! I caught your gogdamned cold because your slovenly-ass self doesn’t know what it means to COVER YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS” the bedraggled troll spat as fiercely as he could, ignoring the newfound pain in his throat.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Jeez, man. You’re even more of a bitch than Rose on her period, you know that, don’t you?” the blonde replied as he held his hands up as if in surrender. “And, you ever stop to think and think that the fault is your own? You aren’t exactly Mr. Clean, you know”.

“Like hell I’m gonna let you off with that lame excuse for an apology, Strider! Wait…WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” Karkat roared. Just as he was about to fire off a chain of malison, a tickle tormented his throat and he consequently began hacking, his cough raucous and bark-like.

“Jegus, you’re a mess, dude. What’s Tez gonna think when she sees you?” Dave quipped, repressing a snicker at the thought of the blind girl buoyantly badgering the enfeebled mutant-blood. “She wouldn’t let you live it down”.

“Oh, how VERY astute of you, Strider!” Karkat squealed in mock admiration, clasping his hands to his cheeks and making his mouth form a perfect ‘O’. His features formed a scowl yet again, ridges of a snarl etching themselves into the bridge of his nose. “Of course I’m a mess, moron! What else would I be? Peachy fucking keen?” he snapped hoarsely, glowering at his red-clad chum with undisguised vexation. For a moment, silence fell between the bickering pair. In that time, Karkat’s thoughts had drifted to his crush who Dave had mentioned earlier. His cheeks became a touch rosier than they already had been , and he hastened to avert his gaze, hoping that the other had not taken notice of his abashment. “Anyway, why are you even here? Aren’t you supposed to be working on some important “developments” in Can Town?” he spouted, intent on changing the subject before the Knight could continue to taunt him.

“That’s the BEST thing you could come up with? You’re so lame. I know you’re just trying to throw me off your trail. You’re thinking about Tez. I’m not stupid, dude” Dave snorted, flashing an almost impish grin. “Nah, though. The mayor’s holding down the fort. He knows what’s up” he said. He crouched beside his friend and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to himself. “Seriously, though, dude, you look like shit”.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get off me, asshole!” Karkat shrieked as he fruitlessly tried to escape Dave’s clutches.

“Stop being a baby and let me feel your gogdamned forehead, Vantas”.

“No! Fuck you! Go away!”

After squabbling and wrestling for several minutes, the blonde finally managed to keep his feisty comrade pinned long enough to touch his forehead against the latter’s. For a moment, the troll did nothing but sneer and hiss, but he fell silent as he registered his friend’s expression. “What?” he asked.

“You feel like you’re running a fever. That’s all” Dave answered, his tone more serious than usual. “I just thought you were red ‘cause you were embarrassed”.

Karkat let a sigh escape himself and said, “And you call ME a drama-queen. Strider, it’s JUST a cold. Why the hell are you so worked up about it anyway?”

“No reason” he said dismissively and shrugged his shoulders.

“You REALLY need to work on your fibbing skills” Karkat countered, unable to stifle a chuckle. “Now, if you’re done making an ass of yourself can you let me get the fuck up?”

“I should go see if Egderp has some Tylenol or something. He doesn’t need to know that it’s for you. I’ll just say that I’m still feeling kinda shitty. You know he’s a ditz. He’ll believe anything” Dave said as he rose to his feet again. Without another word, he turned and left, the tail of his cape swaying behind him.

When Dave re-entered the room, he spotted Karkat nestled within the blankets once more, too preoccupied with sneezing to notice that he was no longer alone. A number of tissues were scattered upon the floor near him, and he was honking into another.

“Ugh. Those sound really snotty, dude. You must be hella congested” Dave remarked as he shuffled toward the sneezy troll. “I brought you some Tylenol and water. Bottoms up” he said as he held a glass and pill bottle in offering to his friend.

“Th-Th-ThaanKAACHEEW!” came the other’s reply. “Gogdamn it…” he groaned, sniffling miserably as he hid his reddened, streaming nose behind a tissue.

“I feel your pain, bro. That cold was a pain in the ass to shake” the blonde cooed. He set the things he had brought on the floor and pulled his sniffling companion to himself yet again. A soft chuckle escaped him as he planted a kiss upon Karkat’s tepid forehead. “Tell you what…I’ll spend the day with you. I’ll even watch some of those shitty rom flicks you’re always obsessing about”.

“Are you sure you’re not still sick or something? The Strider I know would NEVER say something that would hurt his “rep”” the small boy jested.

“I’m just doing what any good bro would do” Dave replied knowingly.

Karkat allowed himself to lean more so against his holder’s chest, and curled himself up, purring as best as he could despite his wheezing. The steady thumping of the Knight’s heart and rhythm of his breathing were enough to lull Karkat to sleep.

“He can take his medicine later…” he muttered, his lips parted to reveal his pearly teeth as he gazed fondly down at the slumbering troll. “Sweet dreams” he whispered as he gathered the other boy closer still to himself, laid his head upon his, and followed Karkat to the dream realm.

[Guest]

Shoot. I forgot to put a warning about the language. I'm unsure of if I am able to make an edit to the post to add that blurb.

[squealofapproval]

This is really good! I don't typically ship this, but dude this is AMAZING! I love the concept

[4000tacobells]

Yes, more Homestuck! I really liked this, hella cute ♥

[LeapYearKisses]

Ahhhhhhhh I confess that DaveKat is one of my notps, but I am always happy to see more Homestucks on the forum! Welcome! I'm sorry to say I only skimmed, but you have a very enjoyable writing style!