Unexpected Challenges of the Zombie Apocalypse (Glee/Walking Dead Crossover featuring Faberry)-- COMPLETE! 4/26/14

[wannablessedbe]

Hi guys! Here're the first part of my first-ever zombie fic. I wasn't sure how well this idea would actually translate to paper, but I have to say I am pleased with how this is unfolding! Basically by "crossover," I mean I am using the cast of Glee but putting them in the Walking Dead universe. I'll explain in the next part how they ended up with baby Beth, and introduce a few more characters, but for now you shouldn't need any more info than that. I'm setting this in their senior year of high school; and Quinn never had her car accident (cuz there's no texting in the zombie apocalypse!). Enjoy

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Unexpected Challenges of the Zombie Apocalypse

A Glee/Walking Dead crossover for SFF

Part 1

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It was still dark when Quinn woke up to the sound of Rachel's coughing. Blinking sleepily, the blonde girl sat up and rubbed her girlfriend's back, while the former glee diva pulled her pillow over her face to muffle the raspy sound. She didn't want to wake Beth, after all—and despite Quinn's constant reassurances over the last few days, Rachel was terrified by the idea that she might bring down a herd of walkers on their camp in the dead of night with the noise of her coughing and snuffling.

“D'you want some hot water, baby?” Quinn murmured after a minute, when her girlfriend paused for a wheezy breath.

“Yes,” Rachel whispered miserably, then doubled over with another cough, followed by a stuffy sniffle. She wiped her nose against the heel of her palm. “I'm sorry...”

“Shh, stop it. It's not your fault, Rach,” the blonde girl hummed quietly, slipping out of bed and kissing the top of her girlfriend's head before tiptoeing around baby Beth, fast asleep in her collapsable camping crib.

“I know it's not my fault, but it's still my...my problem...” Rachel trailed after her girlfriend to the front of the RV where the little kitchenette was, muffling her raspy, allergic coughs into a clean bandana.

“It's our problem,” Quinn said firmly, plugging in the little electric kettle and pouring a cup of water in to heat up. “And we're gonna find your allergy meds on tomorrow's run, and then it won't be anyone's problem.” She smiled reassuringly and sifted her fingers through her girlfriend's dark hair. Rachel smiled back weakly, then hastily cupped the rumpled bandana back to her face.

“Hhh'txchh!! *Snfl*...” Rachel's puffy eyes scrunched up tight as she muffled an itchy sneeze, rubbing her runny nose methodically through the soft cotton fabric.

“Bless you, starfish,” Quinn cooed, rubbing Rachel's back again while she coughed. They'd gone through this the last three nights in a row; it seemed to be worst in the middle of the night, even though she didn't sneeze as much as she did during the day. She just kept waking up coughing; a dry, raspy, rattling cough that the former glee star just couldn't seem to shake from midnight till daybreak. And all Quinn could do to help was give her a cup of hot water to sip. Not even tea—they hadn't scavenged any of that so far. Just hot fucking water. It did help a little, but she'd still wake up coughing again an hour later, or two hours later, or maybe three if they were lucky.

What Rachel really needed were her spring allergy meds. Quinn had always known her girlfriend suffered a little every allergy season; but it was really only noticeable for the first week or two of May, and even then, it wasn't anything terrible. A few sniffles, a few irrepressible sneezes in the afternoons, and a lot of whining and fretful apologies during glee practice. God, glee practice. Just the idea of that now seemed like a past life, another planet—though in reality it had only been about four months since the world as they knew it had ended.

But back then, in that other lifetime, Rachel had all the allergy medications she needed to turn the volume down on her suffering, basically to zero. Once she'd been taking them for a week or two, and the meds had a chance to build up in her system, she was fine. Really fine. Forget-you-even-have-allergies fine. She'd sneeze three or four times in a day, and that would be it. Maybe six or seven times on a high pollen count day. Quinn had never actually seen what Rachel's allergies were like without any medication at all, but she imagined it would just be like those first days of May: a few sniffles and a few more sneezes, like the beginning of a mild cold.

Five days into the first hayfever season of the zombie apocalypse, Quinn now realized how horribly, foolishly wrong she had been. It wasn't like Rachel had a little cold at all. It wasn't even like a bad cold. It was more like she was perpetually inhaling a face-full of thick dust. Her eyes teared, her vision blurred, she sniffled all day, rubbing and wiping her nose constantly in a procession of scavenged hankies; and she sneezed at least half a dozen times every hour, more in the afternoons. She was constantly distracted.

But nighttime was the worst of all. Lying down flat, Quinn knew, was what caused the post-nasal drip that irritated her girlfriend's throat, and made her wake up coughing again and again during the night. At least she never wheezed, never had any problems actually breathing; but that was small comfort when stacked up against how handicapped the dark-haired girl suddenly was in their constant fight for survival. She couldn't be alone on guard duty; couldn't go on runs anymore. She'd gone from being one of their best assets out in the field—small, agile, quick on her feet—to being a liability. And that, Quinn knew, was what was driving her sweet girl batshit crazy right now.

“Hghh'hshht!! Hhehshhxh!!! ...*Snfl*...” Rachel buried her ferocious sneezes in the rumpled hanky, squishing her pollen-dusted pink nostrils into the fabric. A stray tear ran down her cheek and glinted in the reflected moonlight through the RV window.

“Bless you, bless you,” Quinn murmured, pouring the steaming water into a mug and blowing lightly on the surface before handing it over to her girlfriend, who was coughing into the hanky now. “Here you go, poor little starfish.”

“Thadks,” Rachel sighed, blinking slightly puffy eyes as she took the mug and slowly sipped the hot water. Then she huffed in a soft, shallow breath, and sneezed an uncovered “Hhehiiiishuh!!” into her cup. “Ughhh,” she sighed again, and took another sip of hot water.

“Bless you, baby,” the blonde girl cooed quietly, stroking a sleep-mussed lock of dark hair back from her girlfriend's face. “Here, let's see if this helps a little...” Quinn pulled one of baby Beth's washcloths down from the cabinet above their heads, and poured out a little more of their precious water to wet it. Then she gently wiped her girlfriend's face, hoping to clean away any lingering pollen that was sticking around to make her poor girl so wickedly miserable. Rachel sighed and closed her eyes, submitting willingly to Quinn in a way she never did—and never would—to anyone else. They sat together in comfortable silence for a minute, while Quinn wiped the damp cloth over Rachel's eyelids, her forehead, her cheeks, her throat...and finally, her itchy pink nose, ending with a gentle upwards swipe against her leaky nostrils. “There, now. Does that feel a little better?” The blonde girl murmured, even as she watched her girlfriend push the mug of hot water aside and snatch up her crumpled hanky again.

“Uhh'chhiuh!! ...'Tchhiihsh!!! ...'Chshhxh!! ...*Snfl*...uhhh, sorry,” the dark-haired girl groaned miserably, massaging her allergic nose lightly up and down inside the hanky before closing her eyes for a deep, congested blow. At least the hot water seemed to be calming her throat a bit; she wasn't coughing as much now as she had been a few minutes ago.

“Stop apologizing,” Quinn sighed, rubbing Rachel's back while she blew her nose again. “I should be apologizing to you. I was on that pharmacy run last month, and it didn't even occur to me to get your allergy meds. I'm a complete idiot.”

“Quinn, it's not your fault. I didn't think to ask you, either. I wasn't...**cough!!**...wasn't thinking. I didn't know it was gonna be like this.” Rachel sighed sleepily, wiped her nose again, and gulped down the rest of her hot water.

“None of us did, honey,” Quinn said gently, slipping her hand over her girlfriend's knee. They sat in silence for another minute, absorbing the impact of Quinn's last statement; and they both knew she wasn't just talking about Rachel's spring sniffles. Then the blonde girl yawned, and without having to talk, they both shuffled quietly back to the little bedroom cubicle at the back of the RV, tiptoeing back over the sleeping baby in her crib and crawling into their soft bed.

“I'll try not to wake you up next time,” Rachel yawned, rubbing her pink nose drowsily on Quinn's shoulder as they curled up beneath the blankets.

“S'okay, Rach,” the blonde girl sighed, wrapping her arm over her girlfriend's back in her preferred position. “S'just one more night...tomorrow we're getting your meds. Promise.”

Edited April 26, 2014 by wannablessedbe

[BootyBurgers]

Love it! I was totally not expecting Rachel to be the one with allergies! Can I just say, I was pleasantly surprised! Please keep this going. I love it!

[delovelys]

This is soooo sweet! You make it so easy to picture them in that universe and I can't wait to read more of Quinn taking care of Rachel. Continue, please!

[4000tacobells]

I'm loving this, so cute! I actually have spent a lot of time imagining what it would be like to be sick or have allergies during the zombie apocalypse.

[ilovesneezing]

I love this idea!

[sugarrush]

I'm really into this I love that you're sharing the crossover idea with us. It's great to have faberry but in a totally different environment!

[Hygge]

This is so EPIC!!! I love it. I want more immediately haha. I can't wait to see how this story continues more more!

[wannablessedbe]

thx you guys!!! I'm so glad you're into this scenario, it was definitely a stretch for me (but in a good way--I am growing as a writer by incorporating zombies, lol). enjoy part 2!

--WBB

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Unexpected Challenges of the Zombie Apocalypse

Part 2

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“Hht'iiishtx!! *Snfl*...” Rachel sneezed woozily into her rumpled bandana as she climbed down the steps from the RV into the morning sun, stumbling slightly as her shoulders pitched forward and grabbing the camper door to steady herself. Usually, she was the first one up in camp every morning...but the last few days, she'd been oversleeping, and Quinn didn't have the heart to wake her after she'd been up coughing half the night. Two-year-old Beth laughed and clapped her hands when she saw Rachel, ignoring the cereal Quinn was trying to feed her.

“Good morning, Sniffles McGee,” Kurt said affectionately, scooting down the bench of the picnic table to make room for her. For the past two months, they'd been camped at a KOA campground outside Columbus, where they had all the free electricity and gas they needed for the camper and cars without the constriction and possible entrapment of being inside a house. They'd tried that for a while, but...it hadn't ended well. They'd lost almost half their group. All that was left of the New Directions now were Quinn and Rachel, Kurt, Britt and Santana, Puck, and Mike. Along with Kurt's dad and Mr. Schue, they were, as far as they knew, the only living survivors of Lima Ohio.

“Ugh, if you say so,” Rachel grumbled, plunking down on the bench with her itchy nose still pinched in the crumpled hanky, rubbing lightly up and down as her eyes narrowed and teared. “Hh...hhuh...uhh'tchsh!! Hhhxtshh!! Aahiiishew!!! *Snfl*...” The poor girl tried so hard to muffle her sneezes in the hanky, always intent on avoiding unnecessary noise that might draw walkers to their camp...but after two intense, stifled allergic sneezes, the third just tumbled out desperately. Her pink nose was so full of morning pollen, she simply couldn't help it.

“Bless you,” said Kurt and Quinn on either side of her; while little Beth just howled with laughter and clapped her hands.

“Rae-Rae silly,” the two-year-old giggled, her impish expression a mirror image of Quinn when she smiled, right down to the arch in her eyebrows.

“Bethy, come on. That's not nice. What do we say when someone sneezes?” The older blonde prompted, stern but gentle as she raised her own eyebrow at her daughter's chortling.

“Bwessu!” The toddler crowed, delighted to know the answer. “Bwessu Rae-Rae!”

“Thandk you, Bethy,” Rachel sighed, blowing her nose and finally shoving the rumpled hanky into her pocket, leaving her hands free to pour herself a bowl of cereal like everyone else. “But Quinn, you really don't have to keep bothering to teach her that. I mean, what's the point? If she thinks it's funny, let her laugh. Someone in this world should still be able to...*snfl*...to laugh like that.”

“That's not the point,” Quinn shook her head, spooning another bite of cereal into the toddler's mouth. “Our daughter is going to grow up with manners, no matter what state the rest of the world might be in.”

“Yeah, okay Q,” Santana snorted, rolling her eyes. “Good luck with that. Next you can teach her to say excuse me to the walkers before she runs away from them.”

“I think being polite to humans will do,” Quinn replied drolly, glancing from her toddler, to her girlfriend, who was now just pushing her spoon around her cereal bowl. “Eat your breakfast, Rach.”

“I w-will...” Rachel nodded slowly, dropping her spoon to cup both hands over her face as her eyes welled up again. “Hheh'ehtshiiew!!! *Snfl*...ehh'chhhxt!!” She pinched her ticklish nose tight between her fingers, effectively stifling the second sneeze, but at the expense of forcing the air pressure back into her ears and sinuses, making her head pound dizzily.

“Bwessu Rae-Rae!” Little Beth chirped happily, thrilled that no one had to remind her what to say.

“Good girl, Bethy,” Quinn praised her eager toddler, tickling the little girl's round tummy until she squealed again with delight. Rachel sighed and wiped her nose again. Puck threw a hunk of moldy bread across the table and hit Mike in the ear when his head was turned to talk to Brittany.

“All right, everybody quit horsing around and eat,” Burt Hummel growled at them from the head of the table; but he had a wry grin on his face, too. It was nice to have something normal, even if it was just breakfast, a few jokes, a little bit of laughter. Not every morning was like this. “We're leaving for town in twenty, okay, so—”

Before Burt could finish his thought, they all heard the rattling of tin cans that signaled a perimeter infraction. Beth immediately started to cry, familiar by now with the terror and chaos that came after the sound of rattling cans. They all jumped up from the picnic table at once, reaching for weapons at their belts; Quinn whipped Beth from her booster seat and attempted vainly to shush her, while Burt, Puck, Santana and Mike all ran towards the rattling and snarling with guns and knives drawn defensively.

Quinn ran back towards the camper with Beth wailing in her arms, Rachel close at her heels; as they flung the door open and raced inside, locking it behind them, they heard the sounds of Kurt, Brittany and Mr. Schue climbing on the roof, where they could act as lookouts and assist the group on the ground as distance-snipers if it came down to it.

“Shh, don't cry little monkey,” Quinn hummed, bouncing her wailing baby lightly up and down on her hip while Rachel picked up Beth's two favorite toys—a matching pair of Bert and Ernie puppets—and made them do a little dance. She didn't know any actual Sesame Street songs, but sometimes she made the puppets sing “If You Were Gay” from Avenue Q, and Beth seemed to like that just as well. The former glee star kept her voice quiet, soothing the crying child with the familiar song and dance of her favorite puppets, pausing only occasionally to sniffle and rub her nose on her arm.

After a couple of minutes, Beth stopped crying; Quinn and Rachel just looked at each other anxiously, more terrified at not knowing what was going on than anything else. They couldn't hear any sounds now except the slight shifting of feet on the camper roof above their heads, and the chirping of birds and insects. Rachel sniffled, and squished her nose roughly against her sleeve to stifle a hitching sneeze to a soft “Kshhhx!” That, at least, made Beth giggle; though not loudly. The toddler seemed to understand the need to keep quiet during a walker attack on some deep, instinctual level.

“Bwessu,” the little girl said quietly, her tears already forgotten.

“Thandk you, Bethy,” Rachel smiled weakly, while Quinn wiped the tear tracks from the baby's face and kissed the top of her head.

“Who's our brave girl?” The blonde cooed softly, looking anxiously at Rachel over the baby's head. “Rach? Do you think it's over? Do you think they're okay?”

“I d-dunno...*snfl*...” Rachel blew her nose softly, scared and furious with herself for being so distracted by her stupid allergies in the middle of a walker attack. She should be the one on the roof with the sniper; she was the best shot in the group after Burt and Puck. It had come as a surprise to everyone (except Quinn, who knew all her girlfriend's secrets) that the little brunette had in fact taken shooting lessons as a kid; her dads had encouraged her to get comfortable handling guns safely from a young age, wanting her to always be able to defend herself out there in the big bad world. If only they knew how right they'd been to insist.

A stomp on the roof of the camper brought the dark-haired girl back from her momentary wistful memories of her dads; Kurt's voice called down to them, “They're coming back, we can see them! I think they're all okay!”

“Oh, thank God,” Quinn sighed, rubbing the baby's back in heady relief.

“Otay,” Beth repeated, reaching up and patting Quinn's cheek with her chubby little hand. “All otay, Mama.”

“That's right, Bethy. It's all okay,” Quinn murmured, pulling Rachel tight against her with her free hand, so the baby was held tight between their bodies. They stayed that way for a few minutes; then the sound of approaching voices and footsteps stirred them from their momentary reverie, and they hastily flung open the camper door and piled out into the sunlight.

“Hhuhaashiew!!! *Snfl*...” Rachel sneezed as soon as the fresh spring air hit her face, pink nose buried snugly in the soft cotton hanky. “Hhuh...hhh...uhh'chhxt!! Iiiishht!! ...*Snf!*” Her eyes squeezed helplessly shut in submission to her itchy nose, which dribbled into the hanky as it blasted out a fresh cloud of irritating pollen.

“Bwessu!” Beth chirped behind her, as Quinn rushed down the camper stairs on Rachel's heels, eager to see their friends intact. “Rae-Rae have a big sniffle, Mama.”

“I know, baby girl. Rae-Rae's gonna feel lots better as soon as we get her allergy medicine, isn't she?” The blonde girl hummed, reaching out her free hand to lightly rub her girlfriend's back as the rest of their group came back into view, blood-spattered but apparently unharmed.

“Quinn, don't be crazy. We can't...*snfl!*...we cand't still go on a run today,” Rachel sighed, closing her eyes for a much-needed nose-blow in the damp hanky. Beth found this hilarious too, and ran to Rachel as soon as Quinn set her on her feet, laughing hysterically and wrapping her little body around the starlet's leg.

“Of course we can,” Quinn frowned, brushing zombie guts off her shirt after hugging Puck and Santana. “We have to, Rach.”

“Noah. How many were there?” The dark-haired girl asked, ignoring her girlfriend's frown for the moment.

“Just two,” Puck shrugged, wiping off his favorite hunting knife before sticking it back in his belt. “We didn't even have to waste a bullet.”

“And you're sure there weren't any more following after?” Rachel persisted, pushing her nose up against the heel of her hand with a stuffy sniffle. “It could be the beginning of a...another h-herd...uhh'tchiiuh!! Aah...*snfl*...” She rubbed her itchy, runny nose through the hanky with both hands, sniffling and hitching, pushing her pink nostrils up roughly against the soft fabric. “Aah'iiisht!! Iiishhew!! Iiishiew!! Aah'chheww!!! *Snfl*...” Rachel sneezed desperately, bobbing forward absently with every blast of pollen and snot into the damp hanky.

“Bless you,” everyone said at once, their voices subdued but sympathetic. Puck clapped her gently on the shoulder.

“I'mb...*snfl*...I'mb s-sorry...hhuh'chhh!!” She rubbed her nose as she sneezed, and ended with a blow, desperate to rid herself of the perpetual tickling and sneezing, if only for a few minutes.

“Don't be sorry, Rachel,” Mr. Schue shook his head, clapping her on the shoulder as Puck had done, with a sad, half-smile on his face. He had a scruffy beard now, as did most of the boys, except for Mike and Kurt. “It's not your fault, and we are going on a run today. Getting your allergy meds is going to help all of us, as much as it'll help you. We need you back in top form. And there's plenty of other stuff on the list, too—we're almost out of disinfectant and bandages, and we still only have a few bottles of aspirin. There's more we need to be prepared for than walkers, you know.”

“I...*snf*...I doe,” Rachel sighed, giving her nose another stuffy blow, and shoving the damp hanky back in her pocket. “I just...really don't want anybody getting killed out on a run because of me.” Beth tugged on Rachel's leg, and the dark-haired girl reached down and picked the toddler up without even thinking about it, swinging her onto one hip and kissing the top of her head.

“Bethy run!” The little girl squealed, smiling around at all of them proudly. “Bethy run fast, Rae-Rae. Nobody catch me!”

“You're the fastest, Bethy,” Rachel agreed, finally breaking into a weary grin as she looked down at the child she had come to think of as her own. When the world had ended, when the outbreak first began, all Quinn could think of was getting to Beth; and Rachel hadn't even blinked before following. Hadn't she been one of Beth's birth parents too, in her own way? Hadn't she been the one to sing baby Beth to sleep at night when she was still in Quinn's belly, the first one to feel her kick, the first one to see her in the delivery room after the doctor?

And because Quinn had chosen open adoption, Beth had always stayed in their lives, with regular visits between Lima and Columbus. Beth had always called Quinn Mama, something her two gay dads had never seemed to mind; and though she may not call Rachel Mommy, the toddler responded to them both the same, had always known Quinn and Rachel as her “other” set of parents. She ran to Rachel just as often as Quinn when she was scared, cried for her just as much if she woke up at night. Puck had missed the boat by never making any effort to be in Beth's life before the world ended; but he was doing his best to make up for it now, and both Quinn and Rachel knew in their gut that he would die to protect his daughter if it came down to it. That made it easy to forgive the rest.

“All right, fine, let's do fifteen minute clean up, okay?” Kurt's dad returned last, dripping zombie guts with an ax slung over his shoulder, but smiling. Burt, as it turned out, was a great guy to have around in a zombie apocalypse. “Then we're gone.” Everyone nodded, and headed towards the campground shower house.

“I can keep watch...I dond't need a shower. Hhehshhx!! *Snf.*” Rachel cupped her crumpled hanky to her nose with one hand, still holding Beth on her hip. “Uhh'iiishew!!! *Snfl.*”

“Bwessu, Rae-Rae.” Beth wrapped one of her little arms around Rachel's neck, and kissed her noisily on the cheek.

“Yeah, why don't you hold that thought 'till we come back with your pills, huh shortcake? I'd feel safer with Junior Q on the door right now than you,” Santana teased, chuckling wryly. Rachel rolled her eyes.

“Shut up and go wash the zombie guts off, dork,” the little starlet smirked.

[Hygge]

Have I mentioned that I'm loving this? love the realistic challenges that Rachel's allergies bring to the apocalypse, and love the balance of action / suspense with light-hearted conversation. So goooood I want like a whole book of this haha

[beatlelover22]

“Don't be sorry, Rachel,” Mr. Schue shook his head, clapping her on the shoulder as Puck had done, with a sad, half-smile on his face. He had a scruffy beard now, as did most of the boys, except for Mike and Kurt. “It's not your fault, and we are going on a run today. Getting your allergy meds is going to help all of us, as much as it'll help you. We need you back in top form. And there's plenty of other stuff on the list, too—we're almost out of disinfectant and bandages, and we still only have a few bottles of aspirin. There's more we need to be prepared for than walkers, you know.”

“I...*snf*...I doe,” Rachel sighed, giving her nose another stuffy blow, and shoving the damp hanky back in her pocket.

This is fantastic! I don't even watch Glee but I do watch The Walking Dead. This is just awesome, I love the characters you chose to include too Nice job!

[BootyBurgers]

How did I just now see this!? Sorry I didn't reply sooner! Love love love this! I'd live to see another part!

[wannablessedbe]

hey gang! sorry for the radio silence the last few weeks, I've been traveling and haven't had any writing time. but I have not forgotten about this story! here's the final installment...hope you'll enjoy

cheers,

--WBB

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Unexpected Challenges of the Zombie Apocalypse

Chap 3 (final)

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“They should have been back by now,” Rachel frowned anxiously, feeding Beth another spoonful of canned peaches from their precious stores. “What if something happened? Kurt, we have to go after them...”

“Take a breath, Rach,” Kurt sighed placatingly, putting his hand on his best friend's back and rubbing gently, feeling the rapid pounding of her pulse. “We've been here before. They always come back.”

“Not everyone always comes back, though,” Rachel whispered, her dark eyes glassy and far away as she remembered the last time they'd lost people. Sam, Tina, Blaine...even the indomitable Sue Sylvester. They hadn't come back.

“No. Not everyone always comes back,” Kurt agreed quietly, making a funny face at Beth in hopes of distracting her from the serious tone the conversation had suddenly taken. “But if that's true, then there's nothing we can do about it now...and we can't leave Q-U-I-N-N and B-E-T-H alone, can we? What if we didn't come back?” He looked at her knowingly, and she sighed in worry and defeat, her shoulders slumping with the weight of the world. For all they knew, Beth was the last living toddler on earth...her safety was everything. They'd made a pact, all of them, when the madness first began, that Quinn and Rachel would never, ever, ever go on a run at the same time for any reason. Their first job now was to protect their daughter, keep her safe, and try to raise her with some semblance of normalcy and safety. If the little girl wasn't the last child in the world, then she was, at least, one of the only ones left who still had two living parents. That wasn't something any of them wanted to gamble with.

And Rachel agreed, she was so grateful to her friends for keeping their little family safe; but at the same time, it was infuriating when she felt like there was something that needed doing, and no one else left to do it. She didn't want to be treated as some delicate flower that needed protecting. She was good with guns, she was fast, she had stamina; she was good in a crisis. And most of the time, the group took advantage of that quite enough for her to feel useful. But lately...

“I just...*snfl*...just w-wanna protect everyone we h-have l-left...aah'tchhiu!! Hhhachoo!! *Snfl*...” Rachel turned her head and sneezed twice into her elbow, wiping her nose on the inside of her sleeve as she sniffled wetly.

“Bwessu Rae-rae!” Beth chirped cheerfully, thrilled that no one had to remind her what to say.

“Thadks, baby,” the dark-haired girl sighed, pulling a crumpled hanky from her pocket and rubbing her nose in the soft fabric, then scrunching up her face for a stuffy-headed blow. “Ugh, I cand't stand feeling so...*snfl*...so damb useless, Kurt!” She pinched her pink nose lightly through the fabric a few times, squeezing and releasing in a vain attempt to dislodge the ever-present itch that was growing stronger again, teasing and blossoming deep in the back of her runny nose. She really, really needed this run to be a success...she needed those damn allergy medications to protect her family.

“Hhh...hhuh...hhet'chOOoo!!! Aah-aachiiew!! *Snfl*...Hhhtxshh!!” Kurt rubbed Rachel's back sympathetically as she pitched forward and sneezed once, twice, three times into the damp hanky cupped in her hands. Her sniffly nose was so helplessly, desperately itchy that she even forgot to stifle the loud, breathless sneezes as she usually did until two had already escaped.

“Bless you, hon,” Kurt said gently, patting her back as she blew her nose again. “Poor thing, I know you're miserable right now. But we just have to have faith in our people, okay? Yes, they're late, but that happens all the time. They're coming back. And when they do, you can finally get your pills and your sprays and inhalers, and you'll be back to your old, bossy self in no time.” He gave her a little wink, and she grinned weakly back. Even though she'd just finished blowing her nose, a fresh trickle of thin, watery allergic snot was already sliding from one pink nostril, and she pressed the damp hanky against the bottom of her nose, sniffling softly.

“I really...*cough!*...really hope you're right,” Rachel sighed, keeping the hanky pressed up against her itchy pink nostrils as they leaked gently. It felt so good when she pushed her nose up inside the soft cotton hanky like that, the firm pressure relieving the itch just enough to keep the snuffles and sneezes at bay, at least for a little while. She sniffled again, and pushed harder on the pink root of her nose, the itchy place where her nostrils connected to her upper lip.

“Bethy down!” the toddler demanded, reaching her arms out for Rachel impatiently as she kicked to be released from her high chair.

“Okay big girl, I got you,” Rachel sighed, giving her tender nose one final swipe before stuffing the hanky back in her pocket and reaching out to unbuckle the toddler from her booster seat.

As the little blonde was placed on the ground, she squealed out, “Mama!” and ran across the lawn to where Quinn and Mike were returning from their foraging walk in the woods around the campground, their arms full of edible greens and berries.

“Hi baby boo,” Quinn greeted her angelic daughter, putting her bags of precious fresh foods down on the picnic table to scoop the toddler into her arms, kissing her all over her face. “Did you have a good morning with Rae-Rae and Uncle Kurt?”

“I have peaches,” the little girl said proudly, pointing to her nearly-empty bowl.

“Good girl,” Quinn praised her, kissing her chubby little cheek again. “And how about you, big boo?” She asked, raising an eyebrow as she glanced up at Rachel. The blonde girl flashed an adorably pouty-lipped, crinkle-nosed smile, her empathy for her girlfriend's pitiful suffering written all over her face.

“I'mb okay,” the dark-haired girl sighed, rubbing her slightly puffy eyes.

“You know you're a terrible liar, don't you?” Quinn smiled sardonically, cocking her head to the side as she crossed to the other end of the picnic table and drew Rachel close, Beth still balanced on one hip, and kissed her. The dark-haired girl relaxed into the kiss for a few moments; but then she made the mistake of running a hand through her girlfriend's blonde hair, shaking loose a dusting of tree pollen from her long walk in the woods collecting food. Breathing the tiny, irksome grains in with her kisses, Rachel abruptly wrenched herself from Quinn, her hitching gasp of air cooling the blonde girl's warm lips for a moment before she cupped a hand firmly over her mouth.

“Hhkxshh!! 'Chhxsht!! Iiiishht!!! *Cough*cough*...” Rachel's eyes scrunched up tight, desperately trying to contain the volume of her national-championship-lung-capacity sneezes, while Quinn groaned regretfully and took a few steps back.

“Bless you, starfish!” The blonde girl exclaimed. “I'm so sorry, I'm probably all pollen-y from my walk. Lemme go rinse off and change my clothes, okay? Kurt, will you take Bethy for a few minutes?”

Kurt had just opened his arms for the blonde baby, when her bloodcurdling shriek made him turn and look over his shoulder. There, not ten feet away, was a moaning, drooling, decomposing zombie, its arms outstretched toward them with blind, soulless hunger in its empty, filmy eyes. Part of their primitive alert system—a long string of tin cans pulled taut from tree to tree around their camp—must have gone down, otherwise they'd have had several minutes warning before a walker could get this close. But right at this exact moment, it didn't matter. All that mattered was the vile, stinking corpse bearing its teeth at their throats.

On instinct, Quinn took several hasty steps backwards, both arms locking tight around her baby; but that little bit of motion had been exactly the wrong thing to do, because between her rapid footsteps and Beth's wailing, they were drawing the walker right to them like a moth to a flame. Rachel, still coughing, whipped her knife from the back of her belt and stepped directly between the zombie and her family.

“Hey!” She snarled, pulling back her arm as she tried to aim her blade high above her head, as the walker was much taller than she was. Her nose was still running, and she was breathing too hard to sniffle now, her heart pounding loudly in her throat. Quinn took a few hasty steps to the side, giving Rachel room to strike a blow. They had done this before, so many times in the past four months, yet it had never become any less terrifying. But up until this week, Rachel had never had to fight off a zombie and a sneeze attack at the same time.

She whipped her knife up into the zombie's face, but she was too short to reach its brain; the heavy hunting blade lodged deep in the walker's nose, which didn't slow it down in the slightest. This was the most terrifying thing about the walkers; this was the thing that made it easy for all of them to know, really and truly, that these were not simply sick people who could be saved. They were not human. They were not alive. Nothing short smashing their brains even phased them.

Gasping and coughing now, Rachel tried to dislodge her knife from the zombie's face, stumbling backwards as it advanced on her; but as long as she held onto the blade lodged in its face, it couldn't bite her either. Beth screamed bloody murder, while Kurt tried to help by pulling hard on one of the walker's arms, trying to pull it backwards away from his best friend.

“HhatCHHEW!!” Rachel closed her eyes and sneezed in the zombie's face, her nose running freely now. Mike raced towards them from the camper, gun raised; but he wasn't nearly as good a shot as Rachel, Puck or Burt, and with the rapidity and jerkiness of the walker's steps, tangled together with Kurt and Rachel, he was terrified to take a shot in case it accidentally hit one of his friends instead of the zombie.

“Help them!” Quinn screamed hysterically at Mike, her face flushed bright red as if she were the one with the walker bearing down on her. Rachel tripped over a small rock and fell backwards, and the walker fell on top of her, its bloody, rotting teeth still held at bay only by the hilt of her knife buried in its nasal cavity. She knew her only hope was to dislodge the knife and strike again, in the brain this time; but she couldn't yank out the knife, because her eyes were closing against her will again.

“Hhuh...hhuhhh...uhhCHIIEW!!!” The poor girl sneezed in the zombie's face again, blasting its decrepit flesh with pollen and snot from her runny nose; but she kept a death grip on the hilt of her knife. I'm going to die because I can't stop fucking sneezing, the tiny diva thought furiously, sniffling a fresh breath of pollen into her itchy pink nose from the zombie's clothes, shaking above her as they struggled. It had obviously followed Quinn and Mike from the woods. Rachel gave a rattling, helpless cough, her lungs overloaded with clouds of pollen raining down on her; then suddenly, Mike was there, the barrel of his gun pressed right up to the walker's temple. The blast was so loud, all Rachel could hear for a few moments was ringing in her ears; but the sudden dead weight of the corpse on top of her told her it was over. Mike and Kurt hastily grabbed the walker by its two rotting arms and heaved it off the tiny, shaking brunette, who was still coughing and gasping desperately.

“Mommy!!” Beth sobbed at the top of her lungs, fighting to be released from Quinn's death grip. Weak with relief, Quinn put her two-year-old down, and the little girl raced across the grass as fast as her chubby little legs would carry her, wailing as she flung herself at Rachel, still sitting dazedly on the ground and coughing into her sleeve. “Mommy, Mommy!”

“It's okay, Bethy,” Kurt panted, as Rachel, still too winded to talk, pulled the toddler close and hugged her tight. “Mommy's okay. Everybody's okay.”

“Mamaaaa,” Beth sobbed, holding out one arm to Quinn in desperation, wanting both her parents' reassurance in that moment of terror. The blonde girl didn't have to be asked twice, stumbling shakily across the short distance and half-sitting, half-falling to the ground beside her two favorite girls in the world, and wrapping her arms around both of them.

“We got you, baby bug, it's okay,” Quinn cooed, her voice shaking with adrenalin.

“Hhh'tchxsh!! Hheh'tchhew!!! *Snfl,*” Rachel sneezed dazedly against Quinn's pollen-dusted shirt, her pink nose pressed right up to her girlfriend's shoulder; but Quinn couldn't have cared less.

“B-b-bwessu Mommy,” Beth sniffled, her tears slowing as she looked up and patted Rachel sweetly on the cheek.

“Uhhh...*snfl!*...thadk you, baby bug,” Rachel sighed, her voice as shaky as Quinn's as she pulled one arm out of their tight embrace to rub vigorously against her runny nose. They all looked at each other and smiled weakly, the terror of the near miss beginning to slowly fade as they all caught their breath. Rachel coughed and sneezed a few more times into her elbow. That was when the black minivan pulled back into the clearing, kicking up a cloud of dust from the dirt road as their compatriots returned from their pharmacy run.

“Jesus H. Christ, what happened?” Burt Hummel demanded, as Brittany, Santana, Puck and Mr. Schue all piled out of the van with stunned expressions of horror on their faces. This was the first time since they set up the perimeter alerts that a walker had gotten this far into their camp.

“Beth...*snfl*...Beth called me Mommy,” Rachel said dazedly, a half-smile slowly curling the corner of her lips. That was when Quinn leaned in and kissed her, runny nose and all.

THE END

Edited April 26, 2014 by wannablessedbe

[BootyBurgers]

Awesome ending! I seriously loved this! I love Rachel with allergies too! The way you write faberry is totally EPIC!

[Hygge]

Finally found this again such an epic and adorable ending. Aww <3