The Knight and the Baroness

[Pilgrim]

Ever since the death of the Baroness’ husband, she had become more and more withdrawn from the society of Ostranberg. Her husband was always the social one, dragging her to parties with the other nobles, and though she was no less noble than her husband she was considerably less charismatic. While he had been a jovial and witty fellow much adored by the other nobles, she was shy, bookish, and (in the opinion of herself and most of their company) quite unattractive. Her figure was rather small and plain, her peach-colored skin was liberally sprinkled with freckles on both her arms and face. She never had the patience to style her clay-brown hair into anything fancier than long twin braids. Her small, mousey facial features were drawn into stark contrast with her truly enormous and wide-nostriled nose which protruded obtrusively out into a soft point. This facial detriment was made all the more unappealing by the fact that it was almost always running in grotesque streams, sniffling in a most unladlylike and unattractive fashion, or, most commonly of all, sneezing unpleasant “Henng’shiiews,” while also displaying an unhealthy pink or light red color. The Baroness had both an impressively frail immune system and a variety of allergies to common irritants, and as a result her obtrusive nose was a constant source of torment for her.

She knew her peers had frequently questioned what the Baron could’ve ever seen in her, and the gossip was much less conservative now that he had passed on. Nonetheless, Baroness Aldridge couldn’t bare spending her entire life reading dusty old books in her mansion’s library, and so once a week she spent the afternoon reading dusty old books at a café down the street. She sat at a table outside in the shade, an elaborately lacey pink handkerchief always in hand to stem the tide of her allergies. Occasionally, a particularly sudden or violent “HYNNGK’SHIEEEW” would shake her such that she’d drop the handkerchief to the ground, and it is after just such a sneeze that the Baroness met the smiling man.

“Pardon me miss, it seems you dropped this?” He said, in a rough yet pleasant voice.

The Baroness looked up at the man, and immediately blushed. He was tall and handsome, with slicked-back black hair and wearing well-tailored black leather, but this was not what had temporarily embarrassed the young Baroness. There was a look in the man’s eyes that she had never known from any man except for from her husband, and then only in the throes of heated late-night passion. It was a look of carnal, hungry lust, a passionate gaze that she immediately wished she could return with a response other than “Heengk’Eshhiieeew! Heehnkshieew Ahhh-Haahnsheew!”

“Bless you,” the man said, reacting with none of the disgust she had become accustomed to when she couldn’t hold back her allergies in polite company. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, I’d fide. Exkuse be…” She took back her handkerchief and tried to blow her nose as daintily as she could, and blushing a bright crimson when it came out as honkingly loud as usual. “Ah, pardon me, it’s my allergies. The flowers make me sneeze something awful.”

“Oh my, that is quite unfortunate,” the man said, his smile readjusting into one of care instead of desire. “No one should be made to suffer from such beautiful things.”

The way he met her eyes when he said “beautiful” made her quiver. “Oh…it’s not always so bad…Heeh-Shiignk!” She stifled another sneeze on the back of her hand, somewhat more explosively than she’d hoped for. “Ah, I must introduce myself. I am the Baroness Vanessa Aldridge. Pleased to meet you, mister…?”

“Sir, actually. Sir Crocodile. And the pleasure is mine.”

The Baroness noticed the pendant on his lapel for the first time and recognized the shield shape that denoted knighthood, though she did not recognize the design, which looked like a sun rising above a floral pattern. “What an, interesting knight’s mark! And an interesting name to go with it,” she observed, sniffling as discretely as she could manage.

“So I have gathered during my time here. In my homeland it is a quite common naming convention.”

“I s-see, Hehhh…Hiih-Hiihn’Ngshiiew Heh-Sheeew! Hnhhh-Enntchiiiew! Ehm, pardon me. What brings you to Ostranberg, if I may ask?”

“Nothing in particular. I merely became bored with my surroundings and have been seeking a more exciting life.”

“Well, if that’s the case,” The Baroness began, trying to hold off another sneeze as spoke, “Perhaps you would, hnnnh, permit me to show you ah-around, seeing as h-How you’re new here. I’m not sure how exciting it can be, <sniff> but the town does have some hhihhhi-Hnnngh’Schnngk! <sniff> romantic qualities…”

The man’s smile broadened. “I would enjoy that very much, Baroness Aldridge. Very much indeed.”

It was a few months after this meeting that a courier carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived at the Aldridge Mansion, and was met at the door by Sir Crocodile. The courier had seen the newcomer around town before, and heard the gossip about him and the Baroness Aldridge.

“Oh! So yer livin’ here, then?” The young boy said with youthful impoliteness.

“Indeed. The Baroness has been fraught with illness lately, and has seen fit to make me her legal guardian and caretaker of her estate. I’ll take those,” Sir Crocodile replied as he accepted the delivery with his customary smile. He tossed a few coins to the boy. “There. And do try not to spread rumors too exaggeratedly, the Baroness is easily embarrassed by matters concerning her health, you know.”

He slammed the door shut without waiting for a reply, and ascended the stairs to bedroom of his ward. Bringing out his key (he had, of course, had the locks on the doors reversed the first chance he got) he unlocked the door and entered. The bedroom was quite spacious, more than befitting a Baroness, and thanks to the tireless efforts of Sir Crocodile was thoroughly decorated with all manner of flowers, some cut and other planted. Vases of the brightly colored little plants were scattered everywhere, cluttering the floor, choking out the furniture and in some cases suspended from the ceiling.

As a result of the new décor, the Baroness was thrown into an almost paralytic fit of sneezing. Her normally somewhat drawn out “Hhnngk’Shiieew”s were sparse, now replaced by much more rapid-fire “Hhnshieew”s and “Ehnchieew”s that came blasting out of her nose with such speed and force she was rocked back and forth in her seat on the bed. Her lone handkerchief was soaked to the point of uselessness, despite the fact that it was washed just that morning, and her nose was swollen and cherry-red from constant rubbing and wiping. As Sir Crocodile approached her carrying the new bouquet, her swollen eyes widened as far as they could in terror.

“The new delivery has arrived, dear Baroness! Such a lovely one as well. Care for a sniff?” He shook the flowers in her direction, scattering wafts of pollen into the air.

“Hiihtschiieeew! Hngcheew Ehnshieew Ehh-Entch Hehntchh Ehtnchh Entchh-Entchh-Entch’shieew Ehhshieew Heeh-Hnn’shieew!”

She scrambled away from the new allergens instinctively, but there was nowhere she could go that wouldn’t bring her closer to another group of flowers, and so her fit only grew more desperate as she struggled to even breath in between her sneezes.

“Hihhhi-Ng’Shieeew Ahahn’Chieew Ehhnchieeew Ehhhn’Shieew Ehhh-Hehh-Hhn’Chieew Entchieew Hehhn’Shieew!”

She continued sneezing desperately as her captor exchanged a wilted group of flowers with the new bouquet. “Ah, that livens up the room quite a bit, don’t you think?”

“Hhhng’Shieew! Heehn-Hhn’Chieewww! Hhn’Shieew Hngtcheeew Hehntshiieew!” Was all she could respond with.

“Well, now that that’s taken care of, I must get back to work. I have much to do before the party at the Eltdowns’ this evening. Don’t worry, I’ll remember to bring you your dinner before I go, and of course I’ll leave a sleeping potion on the dresser.” He gestured towards the piece of furniture on the other side of the room with the highest concentration of flowers. “Good day, m’lady!” Sir Crocodile smiled sardonically and strode out of the room, off to plot yet another power-grabbing scheme...

[Blah!?]

It would seem there is more to this than meets the eye. I suspect this isn't the last time we'll see Sir Crocodile, nor is it the first...

As always, very interested to see what happens next. Don't take too long!

[count tiszula]

OOOOH dear! She should never have trusted someone with a rough yet pleasant voice. That black leather is a bit of a giveaway nowadays too.

What she really needs is a dashing young knight to rescue her from the ....er.....oh dear even more. I wonder if the baron...no, too bizarre. I await developments.

[SmokeyGhost]

Great story. Very interested to see where you're going with this.

[Asímí]

I love the story, and Im very excited to see where it continues.

[sneezydreams]

Excellent story, very interesting concept. I can't wait to see what you do with it. please continue.