Homestuck: No Homo, DaveJohn M/M

[squealofapproval]

This is in a AU. I've decided to stop writing Sherlock because of the directions my OTP has taken, so to continue my relationship with my best friend in another form. Hehe, long story.

I mean, this is Homestuck, so a language warning and maybe some sensuality later on. And mess.

Disclaimers over with, let's dive in.

~

No Homo, M/M

John set his cup of tea down on the table, blinking away the sleep from last night. It *had* been a long night. Rose came out of the closet, Karkat got mad at him and threw a cup at him, and worst of all Dave became sick. All a normal night for his best friend roommates. Yipee! (that was sarcasm) Karkat texted him.

"Come up here. Dave's not doing too well."

At moment's notice, John was up the stairs. Dave lay weak in bed. He had the flu. John really needed him. It turns out the girl he wanted was a lesbian. He needed someone to talk to, someone he could trust. And Karkat didn't have time due to a date with Terezi.

"John?" Dave cocked his head to face his best friend, but even a small move made him break out into coughs. His voice was hoarse and scratchy. John hated to see him hurt like this.

"Dave!" John sat on the bed. To hell with germs.

"I want to talk about Rose," he croaked.

"Me too," John looked down at his feet.

"I'm glad she's allowing herself to be open about this, but I was gonna check on how you were doing."

"You care?"

"John, *fuck*, I'm your best friend," Dave coughed into his fist. "I have to care."

"I thought we had something. I thought she loved me. I guess I'm not good enough-"

"Ha'itsshew!" Dave let loose a sneeze that made spray rocket out into the air. John cringed.

"Bless you," John said. He could feel a twinge of arousal and crossed his legs. Dave couldn't know his secret. His sneezes were so effiminant in nature, contrary to his deep voice. It was pleasingly different. He had felt like this before, times when Dave was having an allergy attack or sick, but it never was really *wet* like this. It was a strange, unwarranted non-heterosexual thing to get off to this, and it wasn't what John wanted, but yet it came anyway.

Dave held up a finger, cupping his hand over his nose as he rocked with more wet, snotty sneezes. "Tsshhiewhh!"

"Bless you."

"Hah'aahh'SHI!"

"Bless you."

"Hurr'AHsshii!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Dave. Bless you."

Dave let out a weak laugh. "I hate sneezing."

"Me too," John said. "And you know what my sneezes are like."

Dave laughed. "Tissue please?"

John obliged. "Anyway, about Rose if you're done sneezing..."

"I'm ready to listen."

"I mean, did you even see this coming?"

"Hitsshiew!! Sorry. I promise it's just this one."

John laughed.

"I can tell you I kinda did. I should have noticed the way she looked at Kanaya. Shit, those two..."

"I know!" John laid down on the bed facing Dave. "I wonder if they'll have sex before Karkat with Terezi."

"Probably."

"I mean, Karkat's bisexual, but-"

"Yeah."

"Virgin."

"Yeah."

"Are you cold?"

"Kinda. I mean, yeah. Could you get Dirk's blanket from the closet?"

John threw him the blanket.

Rose was up and dressed. "I'm meeting Kan- Dave, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sis, it's just the flu."

"People have *died* from that."

"That was before cleanliness, Rose."

"You have John here, but don't get naughty, okay?"

The two nervously laughed until she was gone.

John said, "That would be awkward, right?"

Dave didn't say anything.

"Right? No homo, right? Dave?"

~

TBCCCCC! *nyan nyan nyan*

Edited January 31, 2014 by Super Awko the nerd

[4000tacobells]

Oh man, this is great! Sweet awkward John, ehehe. I'd love to see more Homestuck from you <3

[LeapYearKisses]

Awww, poor Dave. I hate it when my OTPs are separated by orientation issues. XD This is a good start. Can't wait to see where it goes!

[squealofapproval]

If John's such a bottom, how come he's not a homosexual?

~

"Dave?" John began to worry. What was going on?

"Um," Dave croaked, attempting to change the subject. "Uh." He couldn't think of anything, so he said, "No homo."

"Would you like anything to eat?"

"My stomach is upset, so just ginger ale please." Dave turned on his side in the bed, pulling the covers up to his ears. He silently let tears slip out as John left. He had blown it. John wasn't interested. It's not fair. What he hadn't realized is that he was crying right up until John walked back in.

"Dave?! Are you *crying*?"

"Dno. I just sneezed really hard and it hurt my eyes and they watered."

"It must have been a big sneeze."

"Yeah. Really big," Dave sniffled, wiping away the rest of the tears.

"Dave. I know you're lying. What's wrong?" He handed the ginger ale to him.

"Heh'nnch!" Dave stifled, holding the drink at waist level. "N'tsshoo! Nothing. No homo. No homo. No homo." He said, looking down and feigning interest in his toes.

"Dave?" John pulled himself onto the bed and looked into Dave's eyes. They had genuine hurt on them.

"Cool kids aren't gay. I get it. I get it. Ah'nntchoo!"

"Dave, I- Dave. I had no idea you liked me."

"Don't be so selfish. It isn't you."

"Who is it then? Is it... Tavros?"

"No."

"Gamzee?"

"No."

"Karkat?"

"Hell fucking no."

"Then who is it?"

"Okay, fine, I lied. It's you."

"Me? Dave!" John fidgeted. It was a lot to take in.

"Ah'tschiieh!" Dave sneezed into the back of his wrist. "Is that so wrong?"

"Bless you. Of course it isn't. Gaah, so many people coming out of the closet."

"Sorry," Dave said shyly. He felt not like himself. He felt sick, and not just sneezy, messed up. He felt weird.

"I'll do this for you. I'll kiss you, and see if I like it. If I don't, then we can friendzone each other. If I do, you're my boyfriend, Dave Strider."

"But I'm sick! And that's a big if."

"It's worth it Dave. Let me try."

[squealofapproval]

Last installment y'all.

Dave grabbed John by the collar of his shirt and pulled him close so he could feel his breath on his cheeks. John licked his lips, leaning in and pressing his lips to Dave's. He could feel Dave press his tongue against his, and not wanting it to stop he pushed Dave against the sheets, not even minding he was a guy. Not minding he was sick. Not minding *anything*. Just kissing, and *loving* it. It seemed to go on forever until Dave took a deep breath, forcing them to break free with a smooching sound. Dave's chest expanded against John's and John held his breath, anticipating what was coming next.

"Heh'ettsschii! Etssh! Etssh! Heh'sstchiew!" Dave pressed his head into John's shoulders and let loose 4 wet, squeaky sneezes. John watched in awe and knew Dave probably knew what was going on down there.

John just leaned to the side and made this, "hntchuhh!" Sound. It was soft and quiet and Dave was surprised. But his surprise was replaced with concern.

"Did I get you sick?"

"Tchhuh! Tickly. *sniffle*"

"Bless you. John, I-"

John started to shiver. At least Dave *thought* that was what he was doing. His shivers then became gasps and then laughs. He rolled over on the bed and started to laugh. "Sucker! You *do* care!"

"Well of course I do! John, what a mean thing to do!"

"Weren't my fake sneezes good?"

"They sound like your real ones."

"Rose taught me. That must be how she gets attention from Kanaya."

"Did you like the kiss?"

"Did I like the kiss?" John pretended to think. "I'll have to think about it."

"But Joohn!"

"Kidding! I loved the kiss!"

"So, does that mean?"

"Yes!"

As they leaned in for another kiss, Dave whispered, "No homo."

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe <3

So cute so cute.

why must it end? :L

[LeapYearKisses]

Aw, that was cute!

[Akahana]

FDIYUFDVUFD<USLDO< T*YFGRUGSFYGYID>FI>:DYD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

[42686]

oh goodness <3 so messy, loved it

[Illiana]

Awwww~!! Totally cute ~! And nicely messy, yes >u>

[Secret Sneezer]

holy crap, this is amazing!