On a mission to get sick: my logs

[Hygge]

In other news, the fiancée is ill and I definitely purposely exposed myself to as many germs as possible, in as many ways as I could think to do, but I'm mostly feeling like whatever I've picked up - from her or from my other friends who are sneezing and coughing barely covered all the time - is absolutely sub-clinical. I'm barely sniffly and I can't imagine I'll have this longer than 2 or 3 days. Ain't that always how it goes?

That's definitely always how it goes lol :/ hey maybe you'll magically get lucky and it'll get worse. It could happen good luck with it all the same.

I'm always SO paranoid that bf is gonna be sick one day when he comes home from work. I imagine his voice all raspy the first time I hear it every day and I'm like...don't do this to me lol. But once he says something else I realize he's fine. I just don't want to have to be around him if he ever gets sick. Suddenly super turn off like family members. Even worse I think. Blah.

[CHOCOLATE <3]

So, I didn't get sick yet. But I've been running on much less sleep than usual, and stressed with school. I think maybe it'll hit once the semester is over, since that's how it usually goes for college students. There are like, three waves of illnesses. The first in the beginning of the semester when everyone moves in and is living with each other, the second when the weather changes, and the third when the semester is over

[SneezyLeo]

That's definitely always how it goes lol :/ hey maybe you'll magically get lucky and it'll get worse. It could happen good luck with it all the same.

I'm always SO paranoid that bf is gonna be sick one day when he comes home from work. I imagine his voice all raspy the first time I hear it every day and I'm like...don't do this to me lol. But once he says something else I realize he's fine. I just don't want to have to be around him if he ever gets sick. Suddenly super turn off like family members. Even worse I think. Blah.

Thanks! Here's hoping...

It's interesting that you feel that way about your bf. I get it -- I often feel that way about my fiancee too? It's hard to explain. Sometimes the fetish overrides the disgust, because colds are just so HOT for me, but other times it's definitely like "ugh, she's family." I'm glad I'm not alone because I feel like so often people talk on here about how they absolutely love when their SO falls ill or suffers from an allergy attack and I'm like, "well, I put up with it because it's part of being human and living with someone and loving them, etc, etc, but I definitely would prefer it didn't happen so often..."

[Hygge]

Yeah, well the bf relationship is complicated lol. I think he's a nice dude, but I don't want to stay with him xP but yeah anyone I'm around that often I think their sneeze would start to bug me xP I think I'll always be able to pick something out that i dislike. And I think i'll be able to deal with it, hopefully its not as annoying as it is now with current bf haha.

Man my throat was sore for like 5 minutes when I woke up and I was like please! But nothing.

Edited November 21, 2014 by Boba

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Man my throat was sore for like 5 minutes when I woke up and I was like please! But nothing.

That's the worst! It's like, STOP TEASING ME BODY

My throat has been sore all of yesterday and still hurts this morning

[AnteatersOnParade]

Ooh, I hope it turns into a cold!

My mom would pump my sister and I full of antibiotics when we were babies and my sister turned out really sickly and I turned out with an immune system of steel. Probably just the roll of the dice.

[Hygge]

Did yours turn into anything choco?

I'm still experiencing nothing lol. But last night I had the biggest tease of a dream. So I was at like a fair with a childhood friend of mine, but we were our same ages as now. She wanted to hide in this fair / theme park so we could have it all to ourselves when it closed... But I had to babysit this cute little baby. So when we were looking for places to hide, we found these pretty waterfall that you could see through a small opening. There was a super attractive dude that crawled out of it and we talked for a while and like exchanged numbers lol. In the dream, I could just feel that he was going to sneeze... But then my friend started running like impossibly fast, cus it was time to hide as it was closing. I couldn't even keep up and it I was like, whatever, I'll just go back to the hotel where I was babysitting.

So I get back and I go to my family's room in the hotel (I think we were like on vacation with childhood friends family) and my mom is sleeping on the couch and I get my things to go babysit, and she's like "wait! I need some cold medicine, please get some for me" and I'm like.....get me sick... Lol not like I said anything, but I give her the medicine and head out. I was babysitting with this other friend of mine, she's like almost 30, someone who was sort of my mentor in the past. So I get there and she set out beds for us and the baby is already asleep and we just like chatted for a bit before going to bed. Then when we woke up, we're like in a after school care kind of place that she is running lol. So this one girl I went to high school with, someone who was always really annoying, is like on the phone. She's talking to her dad and her voice is super congested and she's like "but I have a fever and I can't breathe and I'm coughing all the time, you have to get me these Pokemon cards!!" Like trying to convince her dad to buy the pack of Pokemon cards in her hand lol. So I walk over to the Pokemon card section of the building haha, and pick up all of the packs and touch my face and all, even put a few up to my nose. Dream me figured she had handled them all before choosing the one she had in her hand.

So then after care or whatever was over. My friend that was running it is like "my throat is so sore, do you have any cough drops?" And I'm like heck yes and dig them out of my purse. We hug goodbye and I head back to my house, the one I grew up in. Then the hot guy from the fair was there. And I had to get something out of the car so he came with me. And as soon as I looked into the light, I sneezed twice haha. He blessed me and grabbed the items in the car for me and said I shouldn't carry them in case I'm getting sick. And I'm like I never get sick. No way I'm sick. Later, we go back outside to hang out and the same thing happens, I sneeze twice again, and he's like trying to get me to sit down and rest lol. And I was like starting to believe him that I was sick. In the kind of way that I'm sure would've made it turn out that I was full on super super sick if only the dream went on longer but I woke up lol.

I just wanted to remember that haha, I can't share it with anyone else so here seems like a good place xD

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Nope, nothing. Blah

That sounds like a wonderful dream haha

[AnteatersOnParade]

I seriously stuffed my bf's used tissues in my nose a few weeks ago when he had a tiny head cold. Nothing. We had lots of make-out time and sexy time too. Nothing. I feel your frustration!!!

[Hygge]

I seriously stuffed my bf's used tissues in my nose a few weeks ago when he had a tiny head cold. Nothing. We had lots of make-out time and sexy time too. Nothing. I feel your frustration!!!

Right?! It's so aggravating. Finish doing some the feels shameful, like making out like you're so into it and trying not to feel guilty about main reason being the cold... And stealing gross tissues and rubbing them all over my eyes and nose. UGH. How does it fail?? Haha

Wellll I might get hired at the coolest outdoorsy sporty shop ever. Like snowboarding and mountain biking and boating and stuff. I'm all about that life, I so want to work there lol. I'm just hoping that being working again instead of just home most of the day would raise my chances.

[pompito01]

I just caught some kind of death cold, i wish i could give it to you xP

[goju4ryu]

You are almost at a year from starting this. You do need to catch a yearly cold!

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Just took my temperature because I was curious and it said 100.2 XD I feel fine though. Maybe a little hot, but that's about it

[Hygge]

Just took my temperature because I was curious and it said 100.2 XD I feel fine though. Maybe a little hot, but that's about it

Cross your fingers! Girls get higher temps during ovulation tho lol. Idk if you already knew that but I'm just saying.... So hopefully you can rule that out xD

Ugh. Bf pissed me off today. He was just being a jerk and then was ignoring me and I was like.... Whatever. Just went to my room for the night lol. Aaaaand now like an hour ago he gets up and threw up in the bathroom and stuff. And there's this little part of me that's like I should be sympathetic. But I'm just so.... Not into him. And mad. And it's my karma for being angry that he becomes needy, something always happens like that when I'm pissed at him... I just want to be not living with him, so I don't have to be conflicted about being sympathetic or not wanting to talk to him at all.

I'm so glad I got out of Texas. I'm grateful to him for helping me. He just doesn't have any self control and I don't want to marry someone like that. I need to stop wasting our time.

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Cross your fingers! Girls get higher temps during ovulation tho lol. Idk if you already knew that but I'm just saying.... So hopefully you can rule that out xD

Hahaha. I think it was because my room was hot, but anyways, I took a shower and washed my hair then went right to bed. I feel fine this morning, ugh hahaha

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Ugh. Bf pissed me off today. He was just being a jerk and then was ignoring me and I was like.... Whatever. Just went to my room for the night lol. Aaaaand now like an hour ago he gets up and threw up in the bathroom and stuff. And there's this little part of me that's like I should be sympathetic. But I'm just so.... Not into him. And mad. And it's my karma for being angry that he becomes needy, something always happens like that when I'm pissed at him... I just want to be not living with him, so I don't have to be conflicted about being sympathetic or not wanting to talk to him at all.

I'm so glad I got out of Texas. I'm grateful to him for helping me. He just doesn't have any self control and I don't want to marry someone like that. I need to stop wasting our time.

Oh man :/ I'm sorry

[AnteatersOnParade]

How's he doing? He sick?

[Hygge]

How's he doing? He sick?

Nope he's fine now. I think it was just thanksgiving food, there was this really gross fruit salad kind of thing that I barely ate and gave to him lol I kind of suspect it.

My friend's boyfriend was sick. We've been playing random volleyball with a group of like a dozen people. So there was a decent amount of coughing and stuff around and I was like... Ahem pass me the ball haha nah I'm terrible. But it's been fun. I failed at sleeping so much ah. On Friday I slept from 9 AM to 11 AM, then hung out with friends all day. Then I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 4 in the morning and was like soooo energized lol. Took an hour long nap at like noon, then went to bed at midnight again and woke up at 6 AM. Aaaand then fell asleep at like 3 PM and took rhe longest nap ever and now it's 5 AM and I can't sleep haha. I was so close to getting back on a decent sleep schedule xP booo. I was sooo exhausted the whole time and we were always out doing stuff and my friend would come over and be sniffly and I would wonder if she was sick from Her bf but she just has allergies like all the time soooo prolly not. And my throat was like reacting to the dust or something where we were playing volleyball, so it was kind of itchy and sore and I was like, any chance it'll happen? But no. So far I'm totally still fine.

Booo. So still waiting.

[Hygge]

I'm paranoid. Bf's voice is like mildly scratchy and nasaly today and I just have that hunch. And it makes me so anxious and like kind of pissed haha. I cant stand him sick. Ugh. Why. Maybe I'm wrong. I hope im wrong. But it just feels likely. He sneezed like twice when he came home. Hate it hate it. And all I can do is wait and see if the feeling I have is right.

Seriously, If he's sick, I can't even stand being around him haha. It just gets under my skin. So. Much. So I would probably go all nocturnal and sleep when he gets home from work and wake up when he leaves for work. As much as I want to get sick, I caaaant just force myself to be around him when he's showing symptoms. No way. If I happen to get sick, awesome.

Best friends boyfriend was still sick when they came over and he was using my bf's computer. They were the playing slenderman, which If you're unfamiliar is like a jumpscare game haha. So I decided to go ahead and play after best friends boyfriend just in case he was still contagious, even though he'd been sick for like a week. And I wanted to like guard my bf from getting sick just because him being sick is so unpleasant for me ugh. And it's bf's birthday today and the nagging that he maybe might possibly be sick makes it so hard to spend time with him xP but I'm sucking it up. Until I know for sure.

Eep.

[AnteatersOnParade]

That's so weird that you don't like being around your bf when he's sick. I'm like, the total opposite. We're like a couple on a honeymoon when my hunny's sick.

[Hygge]

That's so weird that you don't like being around your bf when he's sick. I'm like, the total opposite. We're like a couple on a honeymoon when my hunny's sick.

I think I would be into it if I were into the person. I think my bf is a good friend but many things about his personality turn me off, especially when he's sick. It's like...infuriating. I wish it weren't, I wish it were at least tolerable as if be were a stranger or casual friend.

Today he seemed mostly fine until tonight. Then he started sneezing and sniffling and coughing a tiny bit and I HATE IT so much. Me ranting about it probably sounds petty and selfish and bitchy but I don't care. I hate it. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I have to rant.

I can't even think of something to compare this feeling to, just like utterly repulsed. I want to tell him to just shut up haha. I don't want to see him, hear him, or be anywhere near him. The thing is, at points his personality and attitude can annoy the crap out of me, especially when he's sick. He expects everyone to comment on it, and I'd they don't he'll just be louder and more dramatic. He doesn't whine, but he gets angry if people don't just totally baby him. Dare I actually tell him to stop, then he'll get mad every time I don't gratify him when he's less dramatic.

I could tell he was sick even before he was really showing symptoms because when he gets sick he just smells different. I think it's probably something that's true for everyone but I wouldn't notice if I weren't used to his normal smell. It's not exactly a bad smell, kind of like an unpleasant deodorant or something. I can't stand it. I hate it so much. It makes me want to puke. Because I know exactly what it means. I can't go anywhere in the car with him or walk nearby him without noticing it, and it absolutely makes my stomach turn.

I just want to go on vacation somewhere or something, and be away until he's totally better so I don't have to be around this. I know it's probably annoying for me to complain so much about someone else suffering but it's the worst feeling for me in the world. It's so much worse than being mad or anxious or depressed or anything. I keep trying to think of any other time I've felt this same feeling and I can't come up with something to compare it to, not even family being sick gets under my skin like this.

Helllpppp ugh. Any ideas how I can manage to get over it and not be so torn up? Still after he went to bed, I touched his mouse and keyboard, even licked the mouse and stuck it under my nose. Rubbed my eyes and stuck my fingers up my nose ugh. I was casually like "does my coffee taste weird' earlier and shared it with him.

Now I'm just going to try to be nocturnal. I'm just going to try to sleep all day and stay up at night so I don't have to be around him. That's the best I can come up with.

[AnteatersOnParade]

Pardon me for being presumptuous, but it seems to me that it's really easy to tell how you're really feel through your perceived notion that he might be ill. Like, you enjoy getting cared for by friends and even the sympathetic acknowledgement you get from strangers, when you're sick. Therefore, you don't mind getting sick from them. Family is kind of the less preferable way for you to be cared for so therefore, it's your less-preferred method of contracting illness. Now, this dude of yours. You don't like him caring for you (for whatever reason, overdoing it tho, yes?) and now that he's (possibly) sick, you of course, don't want to reciprocate. It sounds to me like if you were to toss him into one of the categories, it would seem to me that he would go in the family pile and maybe not so much the friends and kind strangers pile. Methinks that because of these assumptions, you probably know that you guys are better off as friends. Can you be roommates and besties and not boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you think it would do to you to see him with another girl? It's okay to be independent and thankful to him for that independence but also simultaneously truthful about your feelings. It's fair to the both of you. Plus, you could look at it another way; he deserves to coddle someone to pieces and have that coddly-goodness reciprocated, don't you think? He'll be happier and you'll be happier since you don't have to be the love-marshmallow he seems to naturally crave. Iono, what do you think? Am I off? I remember feeling the way that you do when I was your age (ugh, I can say that now...eesh) and that feeling was always indicative of the end of a relationship. I remember I had two friends in college who were so wrong for one another. I asked the chick why she didn't just end it, and she said that she didn't feel like going through a breakup. So, you know, just consider *why* you're doing something and maybe just ask yourself if it's worth all the trouble? Good luck lady

[CHOCOLATE <3]

Any news?

[Hygge]

Pardon me for being presumptuous, but it seems to me that it's really easy to tell how you're really feel through your perceived notion that he might be ill. Like, you enjoy getting cared for by friends and even the sympathetic acknowledgement you get from strangers, when you're sick. Therefore, you don't mind getting sick from them. Family is kind of the less preferable way for you to be cared for so therefore, it's your less-preferred method of contracting illness. Now, this dude of yours. You don't like him caring for you (for whatever reason, overdoing it tho, yes?) and now that he's (possibly) sick, you of course, don't want to reciprocate. It sounds to me like if you were to toss him into one of the categories, it would seem to me that he would go in the family pile and maybe not so much the friends and kind strangers pile. Methinks that because of these assumptions, you probably know that you guys are better off as friends. Can you be roommates and besties and not boyfriend/girlfriend? What do you think it would do to you to see him with another girl? It's okay to be independent and thankful to him for that independence but also simultaneously truthful about your feelings. It's fair to the both of you. Plus, you could look at it another way; he deserves to coddle someone to pieces and have that coddly-goodness reciprocated, don't you think? He'll be happier and you'll be happier since you don't have to be the love-marshmallow he seems to naturally crave. Iono, what do you think? Am I off? I remember feeling the way that you do when I was your age (ugh, I can say that now...eesh) and that feeling was always indicative of the end of a relationship. I remember I had two friends in college who were so wrong for one another. I asked the chick why she didn't just end it, and she said that she didn't feel like going through a breakup. So, you know, just consider *why* you're doing something and maybe just ask yourself if it's worth all the trouble? Good luck lady

Well, I think pieces of that are accurate, I definitely agree with parts.

Let's see... I don't really like being taken care of at all. I really like to take care of myself haha, I definitely do have like a guilty pleasure sort of adoration with being taken care of by someone very close to me, but I would be too embarrassed and feel self conscious about them seeing me as germy and disgusting, so I wouldn't likely accept it in reality unless I was like too sick to oppose it haha.

I especially hate strangers like noticing that I'm sick, or saying bless you to me, or giving me glares because they don't want to get sick xP I hated going to work when I was sick, much more embarrassing than being around friends or family.

It's true, I don't want onion (bf) to take care of me, but I think out of the options I'd be most comfortable with him taking care of me, because I don't care what he thinks of me. I don't care if he thinks I'm disgusting or needy.

About us being together... We're not really together. But typing bf is much shorter than like complicated guy friend lol. I try to initiate talks often about how I want to just stay friends. He's not open about anything. So when he says he thinks that's a good idea, I've come to realize that what he really means is he'll be constantly trying to regain our status. We talk about it so much... We talked about it plenty before we moved here, especially one major time where we talked about the things we didn't want to happen if we moved together. And this was the biggest one for me.

So we don't kiss, or cuddle, or anything. We watch movies from seperate chairs and play video games together and go to movies and eat food. And I've told him I think he should find a girl that actually loves him for him. If he did meet someone, I think it would be kind of awkward for me. I wouldn't want to live with any man dating another woman, no matter what that would be a weird situation. But if he and I were able to both move on and find other people and not be living together, that would be fantastic. As long as I wasn't living with him, I would be delighted if he found someone other than me.

I think I just hate taking care of him. It doesn't really have to do with how comfortable I feel being taken care of by the person, but more how I feel about taking care of them. Stranger level I would be fine with offering them a tissue or a cough drop or something, family I would bring them medicine or tea, friend I would be willing to make all their food, spend time being comfy with them and helping them feel better... Onion I wouldn't do any of it. Not get him a tissue or anything. I would just be uncomfortable and repulsed by everything. Thinking about taking care of him or like wiping his nose or something ugh.... If makes me feel so disgusted, it's extremely hard to type, makes me feel like throwing up bleh. It's like family but soooo much worse.

Tonight we both couldn't sleep. I went out to clean the dishes and he came out and was fine at first. Then he gets all sniffly again and sneezed and his voice started sounding kind of raspy. I freaking hate it haha. It's like, part of me is definitely jealous. I would rather him never ever get sick and me get sick all the time. Part of it is just being so repulsed. SO repulsed. Part of it is how needy he is on normal days, he's very childish and intentionally annoying because he thinks it's funny... He gets mad at me over very petty things...

One major thing he gets pissed about is if I don't praise him for every little thing. If he does the dishes, if he resists honking and yelling at a car that cuts him off, if he remembers to spray the cleaner in the shower... If I don't point out what a lovely thing he's done, he gets so mad at me. Today when we were getting ready for bed, I told him thanks for whatever tiny things you accomplished today and he got really mad haha. I know I shouldn't tease him like that I guess, it's feeding the beast, but we've talked about how I don't think he needs praise every time he does something normal people do constantly. And he says that I'm right, but later that day he still goes from either pouting about it to chewing me out about how he deserves more recognition. Like, I'll remind him to throw away his trash. And the next day if he does it without being reminded, and I'm not even around to notice, he brings up how I'm a jerk for not noticing and praising him.

That's another thing we talked about before moving together, another thing I should have realized was total bs... I don't mind him most of the time. But everything about him starts to make me feel like I'm decaying haha. Like he's chipping off pieces of me like I'm a tooth until the inside is open and burns and stings and is just super unpleasant. The way he laughs, the way he's like a broken record that says the same thing all the time, the way when I make a sarcastic reference about a song or something, he doesn't just obnoxiously hum one bar, he hums the whole friggin thing lol, the way he talks when he first wakes up, the way he overreacts at every tiny cramp he gets and swears he's broken a bone for 20 seconds until it completely vanishes, the way he tries to draw attention to himself, the way he makes things up and accepts them as science... Haha a lot of these things could be totally endearing, and someone out there would love them. But all of it just gets under my skin, and I just ignore it and act like it doesn't bother me.

I hate most that he isn't open. he would never talk to anyone if they didn't start the conversation. He doesn't have much of a personality at all. And I want to talk about or lives, the things we love and want and hate... I want to know everything about the person I love. And I've told him, even if he were the absolute perfect guy, everything I wanted in a guy, except for not being open, then I wouldn't ever want to be with him. That's the biggest requirement for me. I will never settle with someone who isn't open. But he just isn't. He doesn't seem to even know what it means or how to be open. And when I'm open he doesn't remember what I say :/ because that kind of stuff doesn't matter to him.

So anyway haha... Really I'm not always so extremely repulsed. But right now I am SO much lol. And I know him being sick will get worse before it gets better, so ugh. I'll just try to ignore it. I'll try to avoid him. That's the best I can do without imploding.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Boba

[Hygge]

confirmed he's sick. Ugh. I'm not going to talk about his symptoms or write obs of them. Don't want to focus on it

What I will focus on what I do to try to catch it, as much as I hate being around him when he's sick. He's working for a few hours today so as soon as he left I ran my nose over the doorknobs and even licked them haha. I stuffed my face in his pillow. Touched his things and my face and all that jazz. We shared food the first day I suspected he was getting sick. I feel like I noticed it before he did. But I just have some stupid warning intuition. Stupid hunches. I wish I wasn't right.

But my sleep schedules all weird. I haven't been to bed yet and it's almost 9 AM. So at least I won't have to spend all day with him... I wish it was the weekend so I could hang out with friends instead of with him haha. But I'm slightly getting over it. I know im going to have to get used to it for the next week or so... I just hope it goes quickly. PLEASE.

So let's see if this is another story about how my immune system defies all science and reasoning.

A question tho.. in your experience, what makes a cold better or worse? Like things I could make as food so he can get better faster and, if I'm lucky enough to get sick, things that would make me stay sicker longer.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Boba