Pathos - M - (NBC Hannibal)

[Garnet]

So life is busy busy right now, and there are things that I totally should not be doing! Like... writing fetish fic? But that's totally what I did.

Hannibal muse bit me out of nowhere, so here's something that isn't quite a drabble and isn't quite a complete fic. I'm not sure if I'll tack on a little more to this or just leave it freestanding. Focus is technically on Will Graham, but with a sort of twist. Also, this idea is totally stolen from Bruyere and evermissing's writings, and just run through my own iteration :q

Based mainly on the show, but there's some book canon stuff, yadda yadda. Nothing important. Go! Read! Enjoy.

-------------------------------

He can't shake this tickle. It wouldn't be so bewildering if he knew where it was coming from, but as Will picks his head up from his arm for the umpteenth time that day, he still can't quite place that little buzz. It's not quite the dry, itching persistence of an allergy, but neither does he feel as run-down and miserable as he would with the start of a cold. No moreso than usual, anyway. Sleep is ever an elusive mistress.

"Bless you," Abigail offers from her seat across from him. He doesn't think she's been getting enough rest either, but her youthful and pretty features disguise it better, even in the grey lighting of the hospital's atrium. It's overcast, and the clouds are a thin, depressing sheet occluding the sky if he looks up through the glass paneled ceiling. Maybe it's getting to him subconsciously.

"That's the fourth time you've done that," his charge adds. Even if her tone doesn't sound accusatory, his head ducks with chagrin.

"I know. Sorry. I don't think I'm sick, it just keeps happening." And strongly, his mind notes as he feels that little feather of irritation beginning to gather in the back of his nose again. It starts off gentle like this, ticklish, but tends to jag quickly out of his control until it's an actual twitch in his his sinuses, prompting a hasty and grimacing tuck of his face into an elbow.

"--hrrshh!" He's never given much thought to qualifying a sneeze stimulus, before, but this feels almost insurmountable. He needs a second and a third to make a dent in it, and a fourth, hitching, "--HRRISSH-ue!" before his eyes water with blessed relief. It's embarrassing, but necessary. He wonders if he's inhaled some dog hair or something. It's never bothered him before, but...

"Bless you," Abigail offers again, and is giving him a funny look. Will can't blame her, he'd probably look sideways at himself too, were he in her position.

"-'scuse me," he sighs, and sniffs back the damp little curdle of congestion. His sinuses don't feel sore and aching, tight like they do if his nose has been running freely all along, but the sneezing has still been consistent enough that he's getting a little stuffy by default. Strange. "Sorry, I uh... what were you saying?"

"Um..." Abigail stalls with a sip from the coffee he'd brought her from the hospital cafeteria -- decaf, regular sugar, extra cream. Her tiny look of surprised approval at remembering her tastes was more rewarding than he wants to admit. Still and all, hospital coffee. His own has been growing cold beside him, black and bitter.

"It wasn't important, I kind of... don't want to talk about myself," she hedges apologetically.

Will can get behind that feeling, but he knots his fingers together, uncertain where else to turn this conversation.

"They showed another body on the news," Abigail segues for him, earning a surprised blink. "It was like the one from a few days ago."

"They let you watch that?" Will answers guardedly. Abigail shrugs.

"No. I overheard the password from one of the nurses, I unlock it when they're not paying attention," she admits candidly, unashamedly. Will feels like he should scold her, but he's a bit impressed. And his nose is prickling again, to his great frustration. He doesn't expect her to take him seriously with his breath catching and eyes fluttering ugh don't think about it.

"Did you work that case?"

"Abigail..."

"I just want to know if it was the copycat again," she insists, feigning innocence with those great, blue, wounded eyes of hers. "Like the one that mimicked my father..."

She's manipulating him, he knows she is and she knows that he knows it. So this time, Will is actually momentarily grateful for the sudden, irrepressible urge to bury himself in one arm. "HRRISCH!" His tongue curls in his mouth, sinuses stinging. "Hhssh-SSHEUH!"

Blessedly, the muffled force of that one seems to take care of it, and he sits back with a sigh of satisfaction.

Fortunately, the interruption seems sufficiently distracting for Abigail as well. She's watching him narrowly again, even as she offers another neat, "Bless."

"Thanks, sorry."

"Are you allergic to something?" Her gaze pans sideways suggestively at the various potted plants the atrium boasts, kept flourishing even in the cooler, darkening months.

"I don't think so," Will admits, much as he would like to take that convenient opportunity for a lie. His fingertips massage gently at his sinuses. "It's been like this since I got up."

His nasal passages just feel too hypersensitive, easily triggered. He caught a whiff of a nurse's perfume earlier and nearly sneezed himself double, and the usual dust and dander from brushing the dogs last night had sent him into uncharacteristic fits until he'd stumbled into a long, hot shower. If not for the slight damper of congestion, in fact, he has the vague notion that everything would smell that much sharper, more complex, more irritating.

He's pretty sure he's not pregnant, so God, he hopes this isn't another weird brain thing. His throat bobs with an uncomfortable, unhappy swallow.

"Did you have an appointment with Ha-- ... Dr. Lecter earlier?" Abigail wonders aloud suddenly, seemingly apropos of nothing. Will blinks back at her in guarded surprise.

"Uh... last night, yes," he answers cautiously, already massaging the chiseled shape of his tender nostrils between a thumb and forefinger. "Why?"

That's a little strange. Did she make a lucky guess, or has he been exhibiting some strange, embarrassing tell suggestive of having his brain slowly teased apart?

Ugh, wait, is he doing the speech pattern thing? Please, please don't let him be doing the speech pattern thing, because he might actually go put his head under a pillow for a week if he's been carrying the stilted shadow of an Eastern European accent all morning.

"Nothing, you're just... mm..." Abigail makes a little nondescript gesture, and steals another quick swallow of coffee in the pause, as if suddenly self-conscious in her own way. "Borrowing his sneeze."

Will stares back at her.

"...I'm what?"

Abigail sets the coffee aside and shrugs, the suggestion of a smile creeping in around the corners of her mouth, but he can't tell if it's nervous or earnest. "You just don't sound like yourself. Everyone sounds a little different when they sneeze, it's almost like a verbal fingerprint or something... you've never noticed?"

Will sits back to digest this information. Now that she's pointed it out, he can't... quite argue to disprove it. He's actually not sure whether to be perturbed or relieved at himself for never noticing. It's the kind of thing he picks up on, whether he wants to or not. Maybe that's one of the tiny bits of social minutiae his brain has blessedly, wonderfully chosen to downplay.

Until now, of course.

"I... can't say that I have," he admits after a lengthy, embarrassed pause. Naturally, he can feel something tic-ing softly in the back of his nose again, working itself up into another impossible stimulus. He scrunches his features briefly and scrubs a hand over his face, poking beneath his glasses to massage the corners of his eyes. Not now. Maybe it will turn into something more familiar, like a headache. "What...what do I normally sound like?"

Abigail thinks for a moment, the perfect pink tip of her tongue poised against her upper lip. "More glottal, explosive maybe? And you don't usually have that little pitch on the--..."

Will doesn't intend to interrupt her. It sounds as if she's describing the bouquet of a wine, but he's bent over his lap before he can help it, jogging with a vigorous double-tap.

"--hrissh! ... hehrssh-ue!"

"... right, like that," Abigail finishes, amused. "That's not you."

Will is suddenly, weirdly dismayed by this revelation, and feels betrayed by his brain in all kinds of new and exciting ways. Has it been borrowing sneezes all along, or is that something new, reserved for his closest connections? Has anyone else noticed this?

"Ugh," he mutters, rubbing his face.

Abigail smiles sympathetically. "Was he...?" She gestures to her own face loosely.

"He had a cold, I think," Will agrees, thinking back to the evening previous. Hannibal hadn't brought it up, and so in turn Will hadn't mentioned it, having no idea how to approach the subject. He'd just been pretending not to notice his psychiatrist's care to keep his distance, the croaky voice or the hasty, polite turn into an elbow when had to sneeze.

And now, of course, he's beginning to worry if it was rude not to say anything. Did Hannibal think him uncaring, or was he meant not to draw attention to it? He gnaws uncertainly over the idea, debating if he should shoot off an apology e-mail or text.

"I doubt I would have caught it so soon."

"Maybe it's a sympathy cold," Abigail suggests with a shrug. "Or an... empathy one, I guess."

The idea would sound completely absurd by any other standards, but when it comes to Will's mind, it seems fair game. He sits back with a groan, and presses the fingertips of both hands to his nose, feeling it tingle with warning. He wonders if this was something like the relativity he felt-- still feels to Abigail's own father, the uncomfortable sensation of sharing a an emotion, a thought, an impulse even long after the man is dead. Two lives overlapping at random intervals of space and time.

He wonders if Hannibal also needs to sneeze at this very moment, because...

"--H'RRSCH-ue!"

... he both pities and is annoyed with the man for having such an unnaturally strong response. This is just ridiculous, and he has no idea how he was able to get away with just two or three the night before, curtailed and contained so neatly. His nostrils twitch blearily, bothered, and he gives them a cursory rub, trying not to imagine the phantom sensation of a linen handkerchief attending their steady drip.

No, no, and no. This is just insane.

"Did you sleep last night?" Abigail suggests gently.

"Not more than a few minutes here and there," Will admits with a sigh.

"Maybe that will sort of... reset it," she offers with a shrug. It makes about as much sense as anything else, and he'd rather believe that than think he has to spend the next few days hitching and sneezing at a virus that isn't really there.

"I hope so. I'd better go try and catch a few hours, before my next lecture."

"You should call in a substitute," Abigail points out, but she rises with him, and places her hands in his, accepting the squeeze to her palms and fingertips. She greets Alana with polite coolness, and Hannibal with warm hugs. He's watched her do it, with complete bewilderment, and debated whose intimacy he was more envious of, Abigail's or Hannibal's. Will is also never sure whether to be offended or relieved at occupying some space closer than arm's length, but still held at a measured distance. Just for now, he takes it at face value.

"Maybe. I'll come by again, later in the week."

Once they've made their stilted goodbyes, awkward and a little bit affectionate, he signs her back in and turns in his visitor's badge. He retreats to his car, cringing miserably into a sneeze halfway through the parking lot, and can't finish off the tickle until he's hanging onto the doorframe, exhaling with relief to feel the urge abate. This is hellish.

It cements his decision, however, to summon Hannibal's number from his contacts and hover over the text entry field. He doesn't let himself think about it too long before he fires off a quick message.

11:13 AM: Hope you're feeling better. Drink tea, eat soup, etc. I'd say doctor's orders but...

He's not expecting a response. He can count on one hand... hell, on one finger the times that he's received a text from his psychiatrist rather than a phone call or e-mail. He digs around in the glove box until he finds some crumpled napkins, and blows his nose indulgently until he can't feel that weak, prickling tightness anymore. Better. He doesn't want to get overwhelmed by one of those sneezes while driving.

He jumps when his phone chirps on the passenger's seat.

11:17 AM: Thank you. I should be on the mend shortly. I'm sorry for the poor reception last night, I hope you haven't caught this.

Will blinks, mildly touched by the concern in turn. Which is absurd, he should be annoyed. But he hesitates with lips parted and nostrils fluttering for a moment, muffles a tremendous sneeze into an arm, and then thumbs out a quick reply.

11:19 AM: Gesundheit. Not...exactly. Tell you about it next week's appt. Get some rest.

Will allows a wry smile as he hits Send. He knows his shrink just well enough to predict what will both intrigue and frustrate him, and that should give him something to chew on for the next little bit. It about makes up for unintentionally passing on this not-cold. Until then, he'll be sleeping it off right along with him.

Edited December 10, 2013 by Garnet

[Dusty15]

Nghhhh yesss Will Graham sneeziness! I LOVE the idea of him mimicking even the sneezing patterns of others!

This little bit I found particularly delicious in description:

"-'scuse me," he sighs, and sniffs back the damp little curdle of congestion.

[VoOs]

Hannibal fic by Garnet is what dreams are made of, really. *happy sigh*

You write Will so incredibly well.

[Bruyere]

Oh. My. Goddddddddddd. I am coming back to this with coherence (possibly) and proper feedback (definitely) later as I also have Things I Should Definitely Be Doing Instead of posting on here but I just wanted to say I squeaked with delight when I saw this and it was so great and i am thrilled that you ran with it! <3

[MusicaDiabolos]

DEAR LORD. That was extremely enjoyable.

[Kildre]

Oh... Oh my god, this is perfect. Everything about this is perfect. I would write some actual feedback but I think my brain is fried. @_@ I'll just be over here being dead, don't mind me.

[Garnet]

Whoop, just realized I'd never type out replies to comments. Thank you guys so much!

Dusty15 - Thank you! I know some aspects of his empathy may be taking and running with it a smidge too far, but if it makes for entertaining fetish scenarios, then I am all the hell for it 8)

VoOs - Oh YOU. I never seem to quite get tired of the Hannibal fandom, so I will probably have a steady supply for a while, anyway. Thank you! Will is entertaining to write -- so vulnerable, yet so snarky.

Bruyere - Akjdhhfhghg GOOD! I AM GLAD YOU APPROVE. Now that finals are done with (again, whose dumb idea was it to go back to school?) I should have more free time to write more dumb crap 8D

MusicaDiabolos - Ahhh I am so glad you enjoyed, thank you for reading! Also, hnngh your icon. I'ma hella amused that there's a Will flowercrown sandwich going on in the comments here. I need to go find the one of Winston wearing one.

Kildre - Thank you! IIRC you found the forum through evermissing's fic? I am so weirdly proud that Hannibal fandom lured you in <3

[Bruyere]

Yeah I've also gone back to Uni and on the one hand, yay and on the other hand so. much. reading. I could cry.

He can't shake this tickle. It wouldn't be so bewildering if he knew where it was coming from, but as Will picks his head up from his arm for the umpteenth time that day, he still can't quite place that little buzz. It's not quite the dry, itching persistence of an allergy, but neither does he feel as run-down and miserable as he would with the start of a cold.

I love this whole section and descriptions of the feelings of different sneezes is one of my favourite things.

I like how Abigail in this meshes with Abigail in your other fics and the little hints (one of us!) totally work here as it makes sense for her to notice Will's sneeze and Will's description of her description of Will's sneeze(!): It sounds as if she's describing the bouquet of a wine, is wonderful and I like how the wine ties it back to Hannibal as well.

Will is suddenly, weirdly dismayed by this revelation, and feels betrayed by his brain in all kinds of new and exciting ways. Has it been borrowing sneezes all along, or is that something new, reserved for his closest connections? Has anyone else noticed this?

Oh Will.

His nostrils twitch blearily, bothered, and he gives them a cursory rub, trying not to imagine the phantom sensation of a linen handkerchief attending their steady drip.

This is just too good. I feel bad for Will but I do love his brain sometimes. <3

and he'd rather believe that than think he has to spend the next few days hitching and sneezing at a virus that isn't really there.

Dying right now.

Lastly, Will knowing how to push Hannibal's buttons in that last text message =

[AngelEyes]

Empathy cold! Brilliant! It's just so....Will. And I love the end the little passive aggressive tilt to Hannibal. I can totally picture that and picture how much it would irk the good dr. LOL

[evermissing]

Haha, so, while I was typing this up, as a precaution against laptop malfunction I saved it as a TextEdit file called "Live-blogging my reaction to Garnet's 'Pathos.'" Which is a pretty accurate description of what you're gonna get in this post.

First off: sorry for the delay in responding to this. For a while I was being an internet hermit, and then since I came back to the forums here, I kind of... have been putting off reading this story, because I knew that once I read all of it, I wouldn't have it to look forward to anymore. Sad but true.

I'm not sure if I'll tack on a little more to this or just leave it freestanding.

Well, you know me, I am ALWAYS up for continuation if the spirit moves you.

Sooo, I read the first paragraph last night, as a kind of incentive--"Get through the workday and you can actually read the entire story"--and it's been circling around in my head all day. uuuugh I love your prose; I love "for the umpteenth time that day," and Will's cataloguing of his different kinds of sneezes, and just. Just all of it.

Aaand then Abigail appeared in the second paragraph and I was dooooomed. I love your Abigail-as-preternaturally-perceptive-observer trope, I really do. You write her so well. I could read your Hannibal & Will & Abigail fics FOREVER.

"I know. Sorry. I don't think I'm sick, it just keeps happening."

OH WILL. That bewildered helplessness. It gets me every time.

this feels almost insurmountable. He needs a second and a third to make a dent in it, and a fourth

hnnngnghfsdjhkfk

the damp little curdle of congestion

Love love love this phrasing.

Her tiny look of surprised approval at remembering her tastes was more rewarding than he wants to admit.

<3 <3 He's so desperate for approval / acceptance, even from a traumatized teenager. Yessss.

He doesn't expect her to take him seriously with his breath catching and eyes fluttering ugh don't think about it.

I say again: hnnngnghfsdjhkfk

"I just want to know if it was the copycat again," she insists, feigning innocence with those great, blue, wounded eyes of hers. "Like the one that mimicked my father…"

I'm cheating and coming back to this paragraph after reading further on in the story, but this is so good. Even before Will recognizes it, Abigail senses that there's some copycattery (WHATEVER, THAT IS SO A WORD) or mimicry happening here, too.

She's manipulating him, he knows she is and she knows that he knows it. So this time, Will is actually momentarily grateful for the sudden, irrepressible urge to bury himself in one arm. "HRRISCH!" His tongue curls in his mouth, sinuses stinging. "Hhssh-SSHEUH!"

Ugh, this whole paragraph, I just want it to live with me and be my love.

Blessedly, the muffled force of that one seems to take care of it, and he sits back with a sigh of satisfaction.

addsfkf;klghjgdghjkf

…I know that keyboard-smashing is not actually useful commentary, but in the absence of real human words, I hope that you'll read it as something along the lines of "Sorry, in one fell swoop you have shorted out the coherent, articulate part of my brain, and all that's left is my visceral 'hhhnng;dgklgdfklgfdkl' response"?

His nasal passages just feel too hypersensitive, easily triggered. He caught a whiff of a nurse's perfume earlier and nearly sneezed himself double, and the usual dust and dander from brushing the dogs last night had sent him into uncharacteristic fits until he'd stumbled into a long, hot shower.

Similarly: dfjdfgjksdfjldsajklfsjjil

he has the vague notion that everything would smell that much sharper, more complex, more irritating.

\o/ I figured that this was where this story was heading, but still sooo satisfying to get it confirmed.

God, he hopes this isn't another weird brain thing.

OHHHHH WILLLL

"Did you have an appointment with Ha-- ... Dr. Lecter earlier?" Abigail wonders aloud suddenly, seemingly apropos of nothing.

Okay um so yeah. This is the best setup ever for this conceit--how it becomes an illustration of Abigail's perspicacity as well as Will's… secretiveness, or even possessiveness, about his encounters with Hannibal.

errr. Apparently I went over the quoted-text limit of the forum, so this will have to be comment post 1/2....

[evermissing]

Ugh, wait, is he doing the speech pattern thing? Please, please don't let him be doing the speech pattern thing, because he might actually go put his head under a pillow for a week if he's been carrying the stilted shadow of an Eastern European accent all morning.

omg omg omg. Again: OHHHHH WILLLL. This is just. It's never made clear in the books if he's aware of his predilection for verbal mimicry--it's Jack who recognizes in Red Dragon, yeah?--but I like to think he's obsessively self-conscious enough that he is, and is probably intensely embarrassed about it. HI GARNET THANKS YOU HAVE JUST PINPOINTED ONE OF MY BULLETPROOF WILL GRAHAM KINKS.

"Borrowing his sneeze."

Will stares back at her.

"...I'm what?"

No joke, I seriously just made a noise, out loud, that might best be textually rendered as "shhhhpssshhssssh."

He's actually not sure whether to be perturbed or relieved at himself for never noticing. It's the kind of thing he picks up on, whether he wants to or not. Maybe that's one of the tiny bits of social minutiae his brain has blessedly, wonderfully chosen to downplay.

Okay, but no, how are you this good? I can imagine this passage in Red Dragon the novel, no problem. (I mean, okay, it would have to be third-person instead of first; and it would have to be a bit less explicit, because where Will Graham is concerned, Thomas Harris seems inclined toward the Hemingway school of emotional expression. But you know what I mean, hopefully. This could slot right into Red Dragon if the Will of the novel were the same as the Will of the TV series.)

Naturally, he can feel something tic-ing softly in the back of his nose again, working itself up into another impossible stimulus. He scrunches his features briefly and scrubs a hand over his face, poking beneath his glasses to massage the corners of his eyes. Not now. Maybe it will turn into something more familiar, like a headache.

fbdjfdgjhkfdghjkfgjhkfghjklfdghjkdgrf

"More glottal, explosive maybe? And you don't usually have that little pitch on the--…"

Another interlude of readerly cheating--I read ahead to Bruyere's reply, and I agree 100% with this: "the little hints (one of us!) totally work here as it makes sense for her to notice Will's sneeze and Will's description of her description of Will's sneeze(!)"

It sounds as if she's describing the bouquet of a wine

Heee. Of course Hannibal has been rubbing off on both of them, just in different ways. Such a smart detail.

Has it been borrowing sneezes all along, or is that something new, reserved for his closest connections? Has anyone else noticed this?

No, sorry, I have now lost access to all higher-level analytical skills. (I hope you understand this as the compliment that it is.)

And then Abigail discreetly asking if Hannibal was sneezing, and Will's panicky and stupefied reaction to any vulnerability in Hannibal. And then his retrospective, neurotic anxiety that he somehow flubbed the interpersonal element.

ALSO, I TOTALLY want to read Will's toe-curlingly awkward apology/text. I mean what would he even say there?

[Note that this was all live-blogging, and at the end of the fic you actually fulfilled this narrative need of mine. A+++++]

Two lives overlapping at random intervals of space and time.

He wonders if Hannibal also needs to sneeze at this very moment, because...

"--H'RRSCH-ue!"

okay but no how do you even doooo that, I just--

His nostrils twitch blearily, bothered, and he gives them a cursory rub, trying not to imagine the phantom sensation of a linen handkerchief attending their steady drip.

No, no, and no. This is just insane.

--basically I am just going to IMPLODE with gratification here.

He's watched her do it, with complete bewilderment, and debated whose intimacy he was more envious of, Abigail's or Hannibal's. Will is also never sure whether to be offended or relieved at occupying some space closer than arm's length, but still held at a measured distance.

OH WILL. His bafflement about--and yet also his urgent need for--human contact, and the way he sabotages his own advances because being too close is threatening to his sense of self.

cringing miserably into a sneeze halfway through the parking lot, and can't finish off the tickle until he's hanging onto the doorframe, exhaling with relief to feel the urge abate. This is hellish.

Aaaaand again: tdjkgrjkefjladsjsdjhkasdjkhdf

he hesitates with lips parted and nostrils fluttering for a moment, muffles a tremendous sneeze into an arm

also did I mention hnnnnnnnngh

Not. . . exactly. Tell you about it next week's appt.

Well, if you're ever inclined to expand this story, I think this is a very good launching point.

In summation: fffffffffffff have I mentioned lately how much I like your writing? Especially for this fandom? 'cause, yeah, well, I do. A lot. Also, not to be COMPLETELY CREEPY, but I read this upthread comment of yours--"I never seem to quite get tired of the Hannibal fandom, so I will probably have a steady supply for a while"--and it made my week.

And also:

I am so weirdly proud that Hannibal fandom lured you in <3

omfg, right? Me tooooo. We're almost as irresistibly seductive as Hannibal himself. LOOK ON OUR WORKS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR.

[Garnet]

OMG! Yaaay evermissing, I missed you! I was actually thinking about sending you a PM to make sure everything was okay in your world, but I wasn't sure if that would be... weird? So I didn't. But I thought about it.

And if it makes you feel better, I enjoy comment break-downs so much that when I see you or Bruyere or whoever has added one, I have to take little breaks at periodic intervals so I don't devour it all too fast. It's like savoring a meal you've really been looking forward to. I'm glad other people share my spazzbrain.

Content! I think you're right in that Jack noticed in in Red Dragon, but obviously I love torturing Will and making him super self-conscious about stupid things, and so this is one of them. Also now, unintentionally copying people's sneeze patterns. Because he clearly wasn't stressed enough.

Okay, but no, how are you this good? I can imagine this passage in Red Dragon the novel, no problem. (I mean, okay, it would have to be third-person instead of first; and it would have to be a bit less explicit, because where Will Graham is concerned, Thomas Harris seems inclined toward the Hemingway school of emotional expression.

Oh man, this is really flattering! I actually consider myself too long-winded and verbose, I wander into the realm of purple prose way too often. That may be why I like Harris's short, clipped writing style so much. Very Hemingway, I agree, something about the journalistic background? I wish I could pare down a scene or a description to the most important elements they way he does. It makes certain lines still stand out in my brain, even though I haven't read most of the books since high school (the waves "creaming" around Molly's feet in the opening of Red Dragon, and the flashbacks in Hannibal to Mischa's hands like little white stars. Ugh.) I like it even better when Fuller picks out some of those same lines and uses them in the show.

Okay, fangirling tangent aside, I really appreciate that <3

His bafflement about--and yet also his urgent need for--human contact, and the way he sabotages his own advances because being too close is threatening to his sense of self.

I need to find more excuses to stick Will and Hannibal and Abigail in stories together because that is one of my very favorite dynamics. That sense of jealousy coupled with relief, and the divide between being feeling protective of her and maybe sometimes also feeling like she needs to be protected from himself.

Anyway, thank you for making my night! I have a couple of other pieces floating around in my brain, I may do a follow-up to this one if I can find a way to make a lingering idea work.

I also have an utterly shameless and indulgent piece with Hannibal and Alana that will probably go on the Adult stories board, so, y'know. That's a thing.

UGH HIATUS ALMOST OVER CANNOT DEAL. Just watching the trailer almost killed me, I don't know how I'm going to handle it.

Edited January 28, 2014 by Garnet

[evermissing]

Aww. It wouldn't be weird, but I'm fine and reaaally glad to be back! I missed y'all too. Just had a couple of slammed-busy weeks and then was out of town aaand then got sick with whatever virus has been making the rounds at work. (I totally consider this karmic retribution for torturing Will so much. Tonight I spent my dinner break at work alternately trying to hack up a lung and working toward the end of yet another story.)

And if it makes you feel better, I enjoy comment break-downs so much that when I see you or Bruyere or whoever has added one, I have to take little breaks at periodic intervals so I don't devour it all too fast. It's like savoring a meal you've really been looking forward to. I'm glad other people share my spazzbrain.

Oh, god, I'm the same way about feedback. Especially the longer comments. I have to ration them out too--both so that I have something to look forward and so that I don't, as you said, devour it all at once and then implode with glee.

I love torturing Will and making him super self-conscious about stupid things, and so this is one of them. Also now, unintentionally copying people's sneeze patterns. Because he clearly wasn't stressed enough.

Yessssss. I agree with ALL OF THIS.

I think your writing is certainly more... adorned? (in a good way) than Harris's--I mean, whose isn't?--but it never seems purple to me. I actually envy how good you are at prose that's both efficient and evocative--at finding precisely the right words. Stuff like "the damp little curdle of congestion" and "carrying the stilted shadow of an Eastern European accent all morning" and "Two lives overlapping at random intervals of space and time."

Re: Harris lines-- agreed. I first read Red Dragon a fairly long time ago, and saw all of the films (including Manhunter! which people seem to either love or hate), but I didn't read the rest of the novels until... around three years ago now. And parts of all of them still stick in my head. Especially Red Dragon. Like the whole passage that gets adapted in the pilot of the show as Hannibal talking about Will's "trouble with taste" and then:

His learned values of decency and propriety tagged along, shocked at his associations, appalled at his dreams; sorry that in the bone arena of his skull there were no forts for what he loved. His associations came at the speed of light. His value judgments were at the pace of a responsive reading. They could never keep up and direct his thinking. He viewed his own mentality as grotesque but useful, like a chair made of antlers.

I mean, oh my GOD that's good. Or SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER Jack after Bella dies in Silence of the Lambs: "His empty hands hanging palms forward at his sides, he stood at the window looking to the empty east. He did not look for dawn; east was only the way the window faced."

Or the entire forward to Red Dragon about the circumstances of its writing. The feral dogs singing in the dark; "I was enjoying my usual immunity while working, my invisibility to Graham and Chilton and the staff, but I was not comfortable in the presence of Dr. Lecter, not sure at all that the doctor could not see me"; "You must understand that when you are writing a novel you are not making anything up. It's all there and you just have to find it." I think I fell in love with the show the first time we saw Will's house and his dogs, because it was so clear that the writers had read that forward and taken it to heart.

Or "Perception's a tool that's pointed on both ends"--my actual favorite line from any of the books, so I was RIDICULOUSLY THRILLED to hear it in the very first episode. Or the part after SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER Molly Graham decides to take Willy to Oregon while Will's still knee-deep in the Tooth Fairy case, and Will's just DESOLATE, and "He could see the print of his forehead, nose, mouth, and chin on the window as the lightning flashed behind it; a face with drops crawling through it down the glass. Eyeless. A face full of rain." I WANT TO HAVE WRITTEN THAT.

...and you were apologizing for going off on a tangent. Sorry! I just don't know that many Hannibal-the-show fanatics who are also at all conversant with the original novels, so sometimes I get overzealous.

Things that make me really happy:

I need to find more excuses to stick Will and Hannibal and Abigail in stories together

I may do a follow-up to this one if I can find a way to make a lingering idea work.

I also have an utterly shameless and indulgent piece with Hannibal and Alana that will probably go on the Adult stories board

askkldfklfsdkljkgjlr.

(I don't think I actually have access to the Adult board yet, because I'm such a n00b, but hnnnng shameless Hannibal & Alana [Hannibal/Alana?] yes pls.)

Just watching the trailer almost killed me, I don't know how I'm going to handle it.

Oh god, I can't even watch the trailer. I saw one promo pic and it destrooooyed me and I'm terrified of spoilers and also of ALL THE FEELINGS, so I think I'm gonna go into the second season knowing basically nothing. This will either be really great or really traumatizing.

[MusicaDiabolos]

Oh god, I can't even watch the trailer. I saw one promo pic and it destrooooyed me and I'm terrified of spoilers and also of ALL THE FEELINGS, so I think I'm gonna go into the second season knowing basically nothing. This will either be really great or really traumatizing.

I AM RIGHT WITH YOU THERE. I watched the trailer and it kind of destroyed me, so I am blocking all spoilers. I like surprises, both good and bad

[Garnet]

(I don't think I actually have access to the Adult board yet, because I'm such a n00b, but hnnnng shameless Hannibal & Alana [Hannibal/Alana?] yes pls.)

I thiiink since you're a posting graduate, you can? I may be wrong. If so, I'll post it off-site and shoot you a PM with the link, when I get around to finishing it.

[Bruyere]

(I don't think I actually have access to the Adult board yet, because I'm such a n00b, but hnnnng shameless Hannibal & Alana [Hannibal/Alana?] yes pls.)

I thiiink since you're a posting graduate, you can? I may be wrong. If so, I'll post it off-site and shoot you a PM with the link, when I get around to finishing it.

I think you just have to PM an admin and ask them to grant you access.