Firefly Fanfic (Sorry about the name)

[Lace Butterfly]

(Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Wheaton)

Sorry about the story line guys, but if you've ever tried to write a firefly fanfic you know how hard it is because of the fact that it got cancelled way too soon. Stupid fox.

When Jayne woke up on Serenity that morning, he was excited, he couldn't wait to land for their next job. It was his favourite kind, going in guns blazing, grabbing the booty and flying away. Except that they were due to land a half a day and Jayne was coming down with a nasty case of the flu. As he walked into the kitchen area he caught sight of his reflection in something shiny, he couldn't help but grimace at what he saw. He looked terrible, he was pale, there was bags under his eyes and his nose and cheeks were slightly flushed.

“Hey Jayne.” Kaylee had just walked in with a smile on her face. Of course Jayne wasn't exactly in a socializing mood that particular morning so he just ignored her and sat down at the common table, pouring himself a drink. As he drank the cool liquid he winced as it stung his sore throat. As he continued to drink, more of the crew started spilling in for breakfast. Mal walked in and started piling food on a small plate,

“Jayne you want some?” He asked as he noticed Jayne hadn't even gotten himself any food yet.

“Nah.” Jayne replied shortly.

“You not eating? You must be comin' down with somethin'.” Mal joked. This comment spiked a sense of fear into Jayne, he didn't want anyone he wasn't feeling well, big bad Jayne down with a sniffle. Yeah right! They'd never let him live it down.

“Ain't hungry.” Was all he could make himself reply with.

“Your loss.” Mal replied and proceeded to eat his breakfast with the others. Simon was only a seat away from Jayne and the last thing he wanted was for that no good, nosy doctor to ask if he was okay, he chanced a glance at Simon but thankfully was looking only looking in the direction of Kaylee. It didn't much matter though 'cause he could feel himself about to sneeze. He sniffled and scrubbed at his nose to head it off, but to no avail, he drew a deep shaky breath and sneezed into his sleeve.

“Huuhh..Acchhhooo!” He sniffled a bit and looked up, all eyes were on him.

“Bless you Jayne.” Inara said politely, handing him a tissue. Jayne took it from her roughly.

“Thanks.” he said grouchily and slightly congested. He was glad to have the tissue now as he scrunched up his face and sneezed again, this time more loudly. This time no-one batted an eye because Mal was about to talk.

“Alright guys we'll be landing in just under six hours, so Kaylee I need you to make sure everything’s' good 'fore we land, 'cause we gotta take off fast once we got what we came for.” Mal ordered, Kaylee gave a quick nod. “Zoe, be ready. I need ya to have my back when we start.”

“Always sir.” She replied.

“And Jayne.” Mal said finally with a smile on his face. Jayne looked up tiredly. “You stay here.”

“What? Why am I stayin' here?” Jayne was offended, to be left out of the job meant he didn't get a cut.

“'Cause I don't wanna catch the flu or whatever you got, get some rest.” Mal said bluntly.

“What are ya talkin' about? I ain't sick, and I ain’t never caught no gorram flu in my life.” As if his body knew he was lying, his nose began to twitch and he sneezed yet again. “Huuhh..uhhh..Ah..Acchhhooo!”Jayne sniffled miserably and coughed.

“Really?” Mal asked, his eyebrows raised. Kaylee and Zoe were giggling now. “Look Jayne,” Mal signaled Jayne to follow him into the hallway so they could talk more privately, of course that didn't stop the rest of the crew from listening in through the wall. “I know what you're thinking, you don't help, you don't get a cut, but your health is more important. Don't worry you'll get a cut. I promise.”

“Mal, I'm fine, I ain't sick, I ain't never been sick neither. I don't get sick.” Jayne protested.

“Well if you ain't sick then why'd ya look like death warmed over huh?” Mal had never seen Jayne sick before but he was sure of it now.

“S'probably just allergies.” Jayne sniffed.

“Allergies? In space Jayne?” Mal knew he was lying but he couldn't be bothered to fight just now, so he only sighed and gave Jayne another option. “'Kay fine, you see the doc and he says it's just allergies, then you can come.” Mal said as he walked away, leaving Jayne annoyed and still feeling more than a little miserable.

Jayne reluctantly turned around to talk to Simon to see everyone staring. Wash came down from the cockpit and saw everyone staring at Jayne.

“What's goin' on guys?' He asked.

“Nothin'.” Jayne said angrily.

“Nothin' 'cept, Jayne's gone and got himself a little sniffle dear, don't get too close.” Zoe replied, completely ignoring Jayne and still giggling. Wash turned to face Jayne.

“For the last time, I don't got no gorram flu.” No sooner had he said it his nose began to twitch and doubled over with a powerful sneeze barely covering it with his arm. “HuhhhhAcchhhhooo!”

“Bless you.” Wash said, he was barely able to contain his laughter that threatened to bubble out of him. Jayne sniffled and grumbled, he turned to Simon.

“Doc, I am not missin' out on this job 'cause y'all think I'm sick, need ya to examine me and tell Mal I'm fine.” Simon sighed, he knew that Jayne was sick as a dog but he thought maybe if he could convince him that he was in fact sick, he might go back to his bunk and maybe not infect the entire crew. Jayne followed Simon back to the Medi-bay and sat on the bed.

“Well, you have a mild case of the flu, but don't over do it 'cause you don't wanna get any worse.” Simon said with finality after the examination was over.

“No way doc, I ain't been sick a day in my life, I can't be sick.” Jayne whined, his words getting more fuzzy around the edges by the minute.

“Well you're sick now.” Simon said as he removed his gloves. Jayne sneezed freely and wiped his nose on his sleeve. Simon winced a little at his lack of personal hygiene. How Jayne had never been sick before was a wonder to him.

“Well, can't you make it go away or- or somethin'?” He said rather desperately.

“Afraid not, bed rest and fluids for you and absolutely no heist.” Jayne opened his mouth to protest but Simon was to have none of it, there was no way he was going to let the rest of the crew get sick on his watch. “Doctors orders.”

“Listen doc just 'cause you say I'm sick don't mean I have to listen to you, dong ma?” Jayne said aggressively.

“Fine then, but Mal's the captain and you have to listen to him, dong ma?” Simon was annoyed at himself for getting snippy but he just couldn't help it, he hated when people ignored their health. Just at that moment Mal came through the door.

“Well doc what's the word?” He asked too cheerfully for Jayne to be comfortable with, he knew the captain was sort of enjoying him being under the weather.

“Jayne will be fine after a few days but for now he's got the flu” Mal turned to Jayne who was snuffling into a tissue, looking tireder than before.

“Well that settles it, Jayne stay here, get better.” He mumbled a “fine” and walked out of the door to his bunk.

Mal was about to follow him when he felt his own nose twitch, he turned to sneeze into the crook of his arm. “Huh..Hiihhchhhew!” Simon looked at him with wide eyes.

“Gorramit!” He sniffled.

“Oh no.” Simon sighed. “Bed. Captain.” Simon ordered.

“No way doc, we got a job in like four hours and I got captainy things to do.”

“You made Jayne go to bed, I can't have you getting everyone sick, River's been getting worse lately and I need to be there for her.” Mal sighed, he knew it was true.

“Where is River by the way?” He asked. Simon sighed again.

“Bed, she said she wasn't feeling well, it's the medication. As Simon said this, Mal checked his watch, he had a feeling River wasn't feeling well not from her medication but from this flu that had seemed to make it around Serenity without him even noticing.

Mal made his way into the common area where Zoe and Wash were talking. The ship was on autopilot and Zoe was fixing herself a cup of tea.

“Hey Mal.” Wash smiled as he walked closer to the captain, Mal waved him away as his breath hitched and he sneezed messily.

“Huh..Hiihhchhhew!” Mal groaned as he noticed suddenly how sick he was beginning to feel.

“Bless you sir.” Zoe said sympathetically.

“Thanks Zoe, gorram flu!” He cursed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. “I think we may have to call off this heist for the moment, Jayne and I are both awful sick, I don't wanna put anyone in danger fighting like this and I have a feeling we'll all be sick by the end of the day.” Zoe's face fell.

“Are you sure sir? It's just a little bug and Wash and I aren't sick.” Zoe replied.

“Actually dear, I have been feeling a little off this morning.” Wash said apologetically. Zoe moaned, she knew that if that was true, she'd surely be next. Wash apologized and sniffled. Mal instructed Wash to see the doctor if he felt any worse and continued to make his way through the ship.

“Wash, dear, how come you didn't say anything?” Zoe asked her husband, sitting down with a hot cup of tea.

“Sorry, I just thought I was tired.” Wash sniffled he turned away from his concerned wife to sneeze. “HhhAaaShhhaaaa!”

“Alright, make sure we ain't goin' nowhere, you need to sleep.” Zoe told Wash, who was holding a finger under his nose so he wouldn't sneeze again. Zoe reached a hand up to his forehead which was sweating slightly.

“How are you feelin' dear?” Zoe thought about this for a moment, she did have a bit of a sore throat but she had just thought she'd overdone it with the moaning when she and Wash had, had sex the night before.

“I guess my throat is a little sore, we should get some rest before this thing gets any worse.” She replied. Her and Wash went to their bunk to try to sleep off the flu.

The Captain scrubbed his nose as he made his way to Inara's shuttle. He had to make sure she was okay, he'd brought tea for her just in case. As he got there Inara didn't want to let him in, as she spoke he could hear the stuffiness in her voice.

“Aw come on Inara, I'm sick too.” He prompted. She finally gave in and granted him entry. She was sitting on her bed covering her face in a tissue.

“Ugh! Gorramit Jayne.” She huffed. She took the tissue away from her face revealing her puffy eyes and red nose, even so Mal still thought she was beautiful.

“I got you some tea.” Mal offered handing over the mug to Inara.

“Thank you Mal, you didn't have to, you look worse than I do.” She sniffled, she covered her face from Mal as her breath hitched desperately and her eyes scrunched up. “AiiiTchh.”

“Excuse me, I wish you hadn't seen me like this.”

“Bless you, and don't worry you're sneezes are actually kinda cute.” Mal offered with a smile. Inara smiled back. “Really much cuter than mine.” He joked, he was glad to be making her smile, suddenly he felt his nose tingle, he gestured to her tissue box as he tried to hold it back. “Do...you...mi..mind..if I?” He asked still pointing, she hastily handed a couple over to him so he could release a powerful wet sneeze into them. “HiiihhhCheeww!”

“Ugh, sorry.” He said through a face full of tissue as he blew his nose.

“Bless you Mal, why don't you get some rest, you really do sound terrible.” Inara suggested sympathetically.

“Yeah, I'll let you get some sleep too, feel better now.” Mal exited her shuttle, and Inara sat on her bed sniffling. She was glad she didn't have any clients lined up, for she couldn't bare anyone to see her like she was. She never let anyone see her when she had been under the weather in the past. So why did she feel comfortable letting Mal see her? She didn't want to think about it, she'd never let herself go down that road. As she snuggled into her bed trying to get warm and feel better, she could feel herself needing to sneeze. She plucked three tissues out of the box and pressed them to her face, “AiiTch..AiiTschh...AiiiiChiew!” She tiredly cursed in Chinese and snuggled further into bed.

Mal made his way to the engine room, where he was sure to find Kaylee. When he got there, he found her but not as he'd hoped, she was covered in engine grease as usual but she was also coughing.

“Feelin' sick Kaylee?” He had to ask, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Just a frog in my throat Cap'n.” She sniffled and then sighed. “Maybe a little stuffed up, guess I done gone and got what Jayne's got.” Mal nodded and sneezed loudly. “HiiihhCheww!”

“You too Cap'n?” Mal nodded again, clearing his throat and sneezing again. “Bless you Cap'n, guess the job's off if you're as awful sick as Jayne sounded this mornin'.” Kaylee said, scrubbing her nose and getting engine grease all over her face.

“Yeah guess so, Wash ain't feelin' too hot neither.” Mal explained, sounding extremely congested, trying not to wince at the sound of his own voice. “You get some sleep now Kaylee, see the doc if ya need.” He instructed. Kaylee nodded, sniffling again. Mal sniffled and gave a little cough, he felt awful but didn't want to go to sleep, getting sick and sleeping all day just wasn't his style. he decided he'd check in on Shepard, as he approached Shepard's bunk he heard a deep cough, he knew what he would find once he got there.

“Oh hi Mal, guess I got a bug.” He said miserably, snuffling into a handkerchief.

“Yeah, you me and every other person on this boat. Job's on hold for now I'm gonna check on Jayne, get some rest.” Mal's voice was hoarse, but he couldn't make himself want to rest, he was just still bummed no-one was well enough for the job.

“Will do, you should too Captain, you look pretty sick yourself.” Mal smiled weakly and walked down the hallway to Jayne's bunk.

He heard Jayne before he saw him, sniffling, sneezing and swearing his head off for being sick in the first place.

“Jayne, how you feelin'?” Mal asked stuffily. Jayne coughed dryly and groaned.

“Gorram ruttin' awful, my head's all stuffy, my throat feels like it's on fire, my whole body hurts and I-I..uh..” He was cut off by a messy desperate sneeze. “Huh..huhhh...huhhhh....Aaahhhcchhhooo!”

“I can't stop sneezin' neither!” He cursed hoarsely in Chinese.

“You ain't ever been sick before for real have you?” Mal chuckled hoarsely, which turned into a little cough.

“Never. It ruttin' sucks, how'd ya put up with it?” Jayne sniffled, blowing his nose on a towel.

“You're asking the wrong man, only been sick couple times, more used to getting' beat.” Mal plucked a tissue from his pocket from Inara's room and blew his nose again.

“Mmm...me too.” Jayne yawned, he was beginning to feel sleepy. “Say you done caught yourself my cold didn't ya?” Jayne asked slightly amused, noticing Mal's dry cough and sniffles.

“Yeah everyone's got it. Kaylee, Wash, Inara, everyone. So job's off for now anyways.”

“Gee, I'm awful sorry Mal, the one time I get sick and I go and get everyone sick.” He sounded as miserable as he looked and it wasn't like Jayne to apologize, Mal figured he must have some kind of fever.

“Don't sweat it, think we all musta picked it up on that last moon we visited. I'm no doctor but I think it takes more than a few hours for everyone to catch the same thing so bad.” Jayne smiled as he lay on his bunk, within a few seconds he was asleep.

Mal left Jayne's bunk and went to the kitchen where he was surprised to find Simon and River.

“Hey doc, what ya doin' here?” Mal asked, sitting down across from them. Simon didn't answer instead he cupped a handkerchief to his nose and sneezed into it forcefully. “HehhhhKshhoo!”

“Sorry, excuse me.” Simon apologized through sniffles. “River got hungry.” Over sitting on the counter was River with a bowl of soup next to her.

“Hey River, how ya feeling?” Mal asked the red nosed girl with her head between her knees.

“Can't talk, going to sneeze in 5.3 seconds.” She responded, sure enough in just over five seconds, River sneezed. “Aaaaasshhhh!” It was unbelievably loud for a girl her size.

“Bless you bao-bei.” Simon called out lightly.

“So, everyone's down with this bug, it's down right miserable 'round here.” Mal complained. Simon nodded in agreement before sneezing into his handkerchief again.

“Did anyone else come to see you doc?” Mal asked, trying to pass the time, he didn't know what it was but whenever he got sick he could never sleep.

“Yeah just about everyone, except Inara....is she?” Simon glanced at River as she struggled with a stuck sneeze.

“She's sick.” Mal replied flatly.

As time passed Simon and River went to their bunks, but still Mal couldn't sleep, eventually the crew began to get hungry and stepped out from their bunks to the kitchen. Wash and Zoe were first, coming in for food and water. Zoe looked positively exhausted, with a red nose and a raspy voice as she blessed her husband as he continuously sneezed, making a sound like a loud yell every time. Next was Kaylee, joined by Inara.

“Cap'n, you look somethin' awful, ain't ya slept yet?” Kaylee with a concerned voice. Mal just shook his head to exhausted to speak. It was true he hadn't left his seat since he got there, and now as people came through trying to build up there strength, Mal just sat in his chair feeling like the living dead with a fever and a runny nose. Inara and Kaylee sat across from him and Wash and Zoe sat down too with cups of tea in their hands. Shepard and Jayne came through the hallway, Shepard was looking a little better but Jayne remained the same, only with a red apple in hand, looking too miserable to even eat it. They sat down and began talking with the others as Simon came through the hallway with River. Mal noticed it all but he didn't have the strength for a conversation right now.

“Hi Simon, you got it too huh? Didn't think doctors were s'posed to get sick.” Kaylee commented with a light cough.

“Huh, yeah, well sometimes it's unavoidable.” He chuckled stuffily. Simon turned to Mal with a worried expression. “Captain, are you alright?” That was the last thing Mal heard before everything went dark and he vaguely felt a thump as he fell to the floor.

“Cap'n!” Kaylee cried as she rushed over to him. “He's burnin' up.”

“Help me get him to the Medi-bay.” Simon commanded, Jayne picked him up and sat him on the bed.

“He gonna be alright doc?” Jayne asked worriedly.

“He'll be fine, I just gotta get his fever down.” Simon replied.

Mal woke up nearly two days later, with Kaylee, Zoe, Wash, Shepard, Inara, Jayne and even River standing by his side.

“Ugh, what happened?” he asked, as he tried to sit up but found he was still too weak.

“You passed out from fever Captain, why didn't you try to get some rest?” Simon scolded.

“Sorry doc.” Was all he could reply with. He looked up at his crew. “Y'all are lookin' better.”

“Yeah we are, Inara and Jayne are still a little sick and I've just about lost my voice from telling everyone that you're going to be fine but otherwise Serenity is well on her way to having a healthy crew again.” Simon grinned. Mal chuckled, he sat up and pitched forward with a desperate sneeze. “HiihhhhChheeww!” He sniffled and looked up at his crew again.

“Bless you Mal.” Smiled Inara, looking a hell of a lot better than before. Mal smiled.

“Okay we all need to let him get some more rest.” Simon said as he just about pushed the crew out of the Medi-bay. Mal laid back and before he knew it he was asleep again.

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

Oh, I liked this! I love how you made everyone's sneezes sound: very much like I would think for their characters. And I liked the overall characterizations, too. Great job!

[SpookyScarySkeleton]

Perfect c: more pls?

[Anonymouse]

I'm going to comment more extensively on this once I'm on my laptop (using kindle right now hate typing on this thing) but yay Firefly! <3