Doctors Make the Worst Patients (Avengers, m)

[serotonin]

A/N: Characterization what is that?

That saying, about doctors not being good patients – totally true by the way – well, it applies to PhD-type doctors too.

Bruce has two data points that support this: the first being that he is well aware he’s coming down with a cold and the second being that he is in the lab after midnight. The procedure he’s in the middle of isn’t particularly complicated, but it is time-sensitive, which takes priority over the unpleasant rawness of his throat making him aware of each time he swallows and the persistent fluttering sensation in his sinuses that makes it difficult to tell when he’s actually going to sneeze.

Eyes on the timer, he uses the back of his wrist to nudge his glasses higher on the bridge of his nose. Even though he’s just switched gloves, it’s a better habit to just have your fingers off-limits when gloves are being worn. The timer pings, softly, and he thumbs the off button before picking up his previously calibrated micro-pipet and flicking open the case of tips. In a smooth, practiced movement, he eases the tip on and presses down the plunger on the pipet to expel the air from the tip. He has to draw up the solution in the tube slowly or risk dislodging the DNA pellet that’s hopefully adhered to the tube’s wall, so it is, of course, right after he starts to draw up the solution in the tube that the aforementioned second symptom moves itself to highest priority.

He flares his nostrils slightly, attempting to keep the tickle at bay, as he infinitesimally lets up the pressure on the plunger. Given that both of his hands are presently occupied, there’s not much he can do. The tickle is not appeased and blooms faster to spite him, reverberating through his nasal walls. Bruce clenches his teeth together – he doesn’t particularly want to restart this experiment again. He has plenty of sample for once, but the prep work is frustratingly finicky. Just as his senses are overwhelmed, he gets the last of the liquid up in the tip and flicks the tube closed, turning his head into his shoulder and flinching hard with the effort to stifle.

“hNNNGKSH! –NNHxt!”

It feels like he might have to sneeze again, but he also can’t leave the pellet dry if he wants this purification to work. He sniffs cautiously, rubs his nose hard against the slightly rough material of his lab coat as he chucks the pipet tip into the waste beaker. He puts on a new tip and pops open the lid of another tube, sticking the tip in to get at the solution inside before remembering that he’s forgotten to change the amount on the pipet in his haste to get this done before he has to sneeze again.

He doesn’t curse, but he allows himself a frustrated sigh, lips pressed together as he clicks the pipet into the correct amount and starts again. A tactical error, Bruce realizes when an itch starts to coalesce from the nebulous tickling, probably from trying to exhale through his increasing congestion. So it’s good that he doesn’t have to be as gentle this time – he squirts this second solution into the tube with a quick push of his thumb and caps the tube before pressing it against the base of the Vortex.

The vibrations that are breaking the pellet up into the solution travel through the tube and into his fingers, as they are wont to do. What they typically don’t do is simultaneously affect the lining of his nose, which effect he chalks up to the increased sensitivity brought on by his cold. It’s too much at once and he sneezes hugely, reflexively, unable to stifle.

“A’IIISSSHHUH! ehhESSHHHUH! hih-TTTSCHHUE!”

He shoves the back of his free hand desperately against his nostrils, trying to press and rub the still tingling vibrations away because he needs to keep this tube here a few more seconds longer before it heads into the water bath. Those few seconds have him pressing a set of rapid-fire stifles against his thumb, breathing like a bellows with the effort needed to squelch them.

Bruce snatches a free breath, whirls and presses the tube into its foam holder before depositing it into the water bath. Before he even manages to get a look at the timer, the setting of which is especially important when heating, he succumbs to a pair of drawn-out, irritated sneezes.

“hh-! h’IIIISSSSCCHehhh! hah’IIIITTTSSSCHH-ehh!”

His breath hitches heavily and he desperately needs to sneeze again, as it feels like the vibrations are still reverberating through his sinuses and merrily amplifying on each bounce, but he just needs to hang on to his control long enough to set the timer… so he crushes his nostrils punishingly against his fingers, damn the rule. It takes him long, awful seconds, longer than usual what with his eyelids stubbornly trying to flutter close in anticipation, but the relief at being able to sneeze freely floods his system a split-second before the sneezes descend in force.

“IGGSH! iiCSHH!—h’IISHTT!”

It starts out with a hard, insistent set of three, all on one breath because they’re practically tripping over each other. Bruce thinks, in the recovery breath, that he definitely can’t remember the last time he’d been sneezing this hard. And then he’s off again – “EHHhxcGHHT! hh-hehdjssSCHHuhh!” The last one was especially spraying and the next one isn’t any less wet.

“ehh’TTSCHHuue! tSSSCHTT! hh…h-!” It feels like it’s stuck, which seems ridiculous given his still intense need to sneeze. He sniffles thickly, tracing a finger over the edge of one flaring nostril, feeling a bit of dampness even through the latex. Not quite – the sneeze feels unfurled, spread through every nook and cranny, just biding its time. Dragging his finger up and across the bridge of his nose rewards him with a slight twitch under his fingertip, finally unsticking the sneeze.

“hhhHAIIHT’SSCHHH!” The sneeze sluices out of him, followed by a flurry of smaller tscht! sneezes. One breath. Two. His nose still feels a bit sensitive, like he could sneeze again, but the urge has abated.

Bruce unfurls a little, peeking up from his elbow, to the sight of a white handkerchief.

“God bless you,” Steve says sincerely, extending the cloth another inch.

Bruce ducks his head in thanks, not trusting his voice to be understandable just now. He peels off his gloves before taking the proffered square and twists his torso away from Steve for a couple of careful blows.

Before he can make any move to return the handkerchief or tell Steve that he’ll wash and return it, Steve says frankly, “You sound awful. You should keep it, I have at least a dozen more.”

“I’m just… coming down with something,” Bruce defends himself, with a wary but firm rub of his septum.

“It sounds like you’re past coming down,” Steve counters reasonably, and with a wry twist of his lips, adds, “More like thoroughly caught by.” He glances around the lab. “As in, should be asleep in bed, not working in the middle of the night.”

Bruce starts to answer, but thinks the better of it at the sudden upwelling irritation in his sinuses, pressing his nose into the handkerchief for a muffled “hhghtMMPSH! eihNGHKKSCH!” and rubbing his nose thoroughly before lowering the dampened cloth. “Science waits for no man,” he quips dryly.

“Can you even, I don’t know, do science with all that distraction?” Steve asks, sounding merely curious. Sneaky.

Bruce closes his eyes, briefly pressing his thumb to the top of his nose between his eyebrows. “This procedure is time sensitive.” His head is starting to ache and the level ‘I’m watching out for my team’s welfare whether they like it or not’ look Steve is giving him (which he recognizes from how often it’s addressed to Tony) is not helping. “But this is the last step before I freeze it.”

“Doctors make the worst patients,” Steve mutters under his breath. “So you can head to bed and I’ll stick around here to move your tube.” He smiles firmly.

Bruce considers arguing. But his stuffy sniffle triggers a full-bodied double that he barely manages to stifle, thus ensuring failure.

“igh’TCHHHhh! hehNNZGHTuhh!”

“Bless you.” Steve is still smiling, serenity tinged with just a little ‘cat got the canary.’

“Okay,” Bruce starts, sniffling, “just take it from the water when the timer goes off… uh, about ten more minutes. And then the freezer over there,” he points to the left, “has a purple rack on th..hh…the top shelf. Just… hah!- sorry, going to—huhHHtsh! haht’sscht! Sorry. Just put it in there.” The tube is, of course, already labeled, so that’s no problem.

“Got it,” Steve assures him. “And bless you again. If I run into trouble, I’ll ask Jarvis.”

“I am quite capable of assisting Captain Rogers,” JARVIS chimes in. “I have been keeping track of your laboratory records.”

Bruce holds up his hands in surrender, smiling slightly. He is clearly outgunned here, and while he does love his work, he’s not that much of a workaholic. “Okay, I’m going. But-”

“I’ll come check on you tomorrow,” Steve overrides Bruce’s reflexive ‘don’t worry about me.’ “Get some sleep and if you need anything, let me know.”

Bruce nods and heads for the door. He can feel another set of sneezes brewing and he would prefer to not have company. Someone fussing is new and not quite comfortable. He knows the walls are thick, but he still waits until after the first turn to prop himself against the wall and let go.

“haht’sSCHh! ah’EHHSCH! …esschoo!-ehCHOO! hihh-h’ESSGCHT! ehh…heh-! eh’IHHCSHuhnn! IHHTSCHHH-uhhh…”

He buries his nose in the last dry spot on the handkerchief, blows thoroughly, and then yields to one perk of being a patient.

“Jarvis, could you start some tea brewing in my quarters?”

[Dusty15]

Awww this is lovely! I like the line "“Bless you.” Steve is still smiling, serenity tinged with just a little ‘cat got the canary.’"

Great characterizations and DELICIOUS sneeze descriptions!

[Anonymouse]

I cannot praise you enough for writing a Bruce fic. We definitely need more of him around here.

Those two (okay, one and a halfish) first paragraphs about him fighting the sneeze... *happy sigh* I love the franticness of it, it's such a time sensitive project, perfect time to have a sneezing fit. Just put the tube down and blow your nose, buddy.

The vibrations that are breaking the pellet up into the solution travel through the tube and into his fingers, as they are wont to do. What they typically don’t do is simultaneously affect the lining of his nose, which effect he chalks up to the increased sensitivity brought on by his cold. It’s too much at once and he sneezes hugely, reflexively, unable to stifle.

I love how the vibrations still manage to reach his nose. And those nice, open, unrestrained sneezes are lovely.

Those few seconds have him pressing a set of rapid-fire stifles against his thumb, breathing like a bellows with the effort needed to squelch them.

*giggles madly at the helpless desperation*

His breath hitches heavily and he desperately needs to sneeze again, as it feels like the vibrations are still reverberating through his sinuses and merrily amplifying on each bounce, but he just needs to hang on to his control long enough to set the timer… so he crushes his nostrils punishingly against his fingers, damn the rule. It takes him long, awful seconds, longer than usual what with his eyelids stubbornly trying to flutter close in anticipation, but the relief at being able to sneeze freely floods his system a split-second before the sneezes descend in force.

This whole paragraph, pretty much =

He sniffles thickly, tracing a finger over the edge of one flaring nostril, feeling a bit of dampness even through the latex. Not quite – the sneeze feels unfurled, spread through every nook and cranny, just biding its time. Dragging his finger up and across the bridge of his nose rewards him with a slight twitch under his fingertip, finally unsticking the sneeze.

uhhh ummm... I need to take a break.

Oh God Steve how long have you been there, that's embarrassing.

“I’m just… coming down with something,” Bruce defends himself, with a wary but firm rub of his septum.

“It sounds like you’re past coming down,” Steve counters reasonably, and with a wry twist of his lips, adds, “More like thoroughly caught by.”

eeehee Steve u qt pie And I loved that bit about "the look" he gave Bruce that he also gives Tony

Aaahh what a lovely way to start the day.

[uniquelyme]

This is wonderful!! I love Bruce Banner and you write him so well!! Thank you so much!! I'm soo happy to see another Avengers fic!

[fufufufu]

OH MY HOLY GODS THIS IS WONDERFUL

I adore Bruce Banner, I adore watching Bruce Banner do science.... watching Bruce try to fight off such itchy, uncontrollable sneezes whilst doing science is like, I just died and went to fetish heaven. SUCH a wonderful story and I loved Team Mom Steve showing up at the end to chase him out of the laboratory. Ahhhhh I just loved everything about this.

[MusicaDiabolos]

I love this story! Incredibly sexy, Bruce is my favourite

[Bruyere]

The vibrations that are breaking the pellet up into the solution travel through the tube and into his fingers, as they are wont to do. What they typically don’t do is simultaneously affect the lining of his nose, which effect he chalks up to the increased sensitivity brought on by his cold. It’s too much at once and he sneezes hugely, reflexively, unable to stifle.

“A’IIISSSHHUH! ehhESSHHHUH! hih-TTTSCHHUE!”

Loved this bit. Great sneezes too.

Yay for Steve showing up at the end and Bruce using Jarvis to make tea for himself.

[serotonin]

Thank you for the lovely feedback everyone! I'm so happy you enjoyed And that Avenger fic still has a good following, because I seem to be stuck there... oh well~

[Naraya]

Yey we need more Avenger stuff!!

[blackrose]

there is no such thing as enough avenger fics!

[Naraya]

Couldn't have put it better myself, Blackrose! Who's for an onslaught of Avenger fics? Make yourselves known.

[CHOCOLATE <3]

This is wonderful

[AngelEyes]

Gods this is beautiful. I love Bruce. And desperate uncontrollable sneezy Bruce is Amazing! And your spellings are delicious!!!

[beatlelover22]

Oh my GOSH I could go on and on about this story!! There's a severe lack of Avengers stories in the forum (or at least I think so!) so I love seeing new ones! Thanks for writing, omg Steve is such a sweetheart ahaha poor Bruce!

[Vintagedarling]

I LOVE how you've captured the more mousey side of Bruce Banner that tries not to be a bother to anyone around him. BRILLIANT!!!

[IcyFlame]

Oh. My. Flipping. Jesusskateboardingoffacliffgoing580andturningintoaPterodactyl Christ. That was amazing.